


Midnight Girls

by Junebug24



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Alternate Universe - Magic, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Female Character, Comfort/Angst, Cussing, Eventual Happy Ending, F/F, F/M, Female Friendship, Female Marauders (Harry Potter), Feminist Themes, First War with Voldemort, Fix-It of Sorts, Friends to Lovers, Gay Male Character, Genderbending, Genderbent Marauders, Harry Potter - Freeform, LGBTQ Character of Color, LGBTQ Female Character, LGBTQ Female Character of Color, LGBTQ Themes, Lesbian Character, M/M, Male-Female Friendship, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Not Canon Compliant, Original Character(s), Queer Themes, Quidditch, Romance, Second War with Voldemort, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, jily, mlm dorlene, wlw wolfstar, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-13 19:21:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 39
Words: 112,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29283690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Junebug24/pseuds/Junebug24
Summary: What if the Marauders were girls?A queer, non-canon compliant AU that takes place from their fifth year and spans three decades. This will be a long one, so strap yourself in.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 325
Kudos: 243
Collections: Harry Potter Fic, Marauders Era





	1. Fifth Year: Reunited

**Author's Note:**

> I do not support J.K. Rowling or her homophobic, transphobic, misogynistic, racist views. This is a safe space for all.
> 
> You can find me on TikTok (@academicdisaster).

**1 September 1971**

It was Remi’s favourite kind of day, that Wednesday. The clouds were light and grey, and it had rained overnight, so the air was fresh and new. She tugged a blue sweater over her head and ran her eyes over her small suitcase. Somewhere down the hallway, a woman yelped and Hope appeared in the doorway.

‘Honestly, couldn’t your father have found a less stubborn owl? I just spent twenty minutes trying to get that bloody thing in its cage.’ Remi smiled but her eyes were still wide and her throat dry as she looked at her mum. Hope sighed and wrapped her arms around her daughter, kissing the top of your head. ‘You’ll be fine, Rem. You’re going to love it.’

‘I’ll miss you.’

‘I’ll miss you too, _fy mach i_.’ Hope’s gentle Welsh lilt trickled over Remi like warm water and she tried to breathe. ‘I’ll write to you every day.’ Remi laughed.

‘Once a week is fine, mum.’

‘Hmm.’ Hope kissed her head again and Lyall’s shadow appeared over them.

‘Come on, my girls.’ He grabbed Remi’s suitcase and jerked his head towards the door. ‘Everything else is in the car.’ As Remi walked out the door, she tried to remember what Dumbledore had said to her all those weeks ago. Something about friends and normalcy and ‘Hogwarts will be safe for you.’ Remi didn’t believe him. If she wasn’t at home, how could she possibly be safe? The farthest she’d ever gone from home before was to her grandmother’s house in Cardiff, only two hours away.

Remi fell asleep ten minutes into the trip and woke up to mayhem. There was an ambulance overtaking their car, a red bus that Remi had seen in picture books but never in person, and so many people. Lyall looked in the rearview mirror and gave her a grin.

‘Welcome to London, kiddo.’

‘Wow.’

‘Don’t worry, Hogwarts is much quieter.’ Lyall and Hope exchanged looks and Remi tried not to notice.

King’s Cross was overwhelming - the smell of smoke and pollution, people pressing against each other and running everywhere like crazy, and no one seemed to look much at Remi, which she quite liked. It was 10.52am, according to Remi's watch, when the three of them came to a stop outside a solid brick wall, separating platforms 9 and 10. Remi’s breath hitched and she buried her face in her mother’s sweater, soft and smelling like home - cardamom and lavender. Lyall knelt down and turned her towards him, pushing back her sandy hair.

‘Listen to me, _cariad_ , you are going to be fine. Hogwarts is a very special place. Listen to Dumbledore and your head of house. Study hard. Make some friends.’ He paused. ‘Just...be cautious. Trust and loyalty are things that should only come with time and patience.’ Remi nodded, and he ruffled the top of her hair. Hope smoothed it back down almost instantly, her wide blue eyes glassy.

‘We should go.’ They got up, Remi straightening her sweater. Lyall held her hand as they ran at the brick, and although Remi’s heart was going at a million miles an hour, she couldn’t help but smile when she saw it - the Hogwarts Express was exactly as her dad had described. She heard a sharp intake of breath as Hope materialised beside them, and they rushed down the platform. Hope and Lyall hastily hugged her - none of them had ever been good at goodbyes - and Lyall pushed a few galleons into her palm.

‘Just in case.’ She smiled and turned to face the carriage entry, where some older girls with shiny badges pinned to robes were chatting. Breathing in - _be brave, be brave, be brave_ \- Remi got on the train and waved to her parents one last time before going in. She didn’t want to draw it out like some other kids were doing - leaning out of windows and waving - so she decided to focus on finding a reasonably quiet place to sit. She finally found one towards the back of the train, where a green eyed boy and a girl with greasy dark hair were sitting, chatting softly. She slid in.

‘May I?’ Her voice came out higher than expected.

‘Of course!’ The boy stuck out his hand. ‘Levi Evans.’

‘Remi Lupin.’ She shook it gently. ‘Pleased to meet you.’ She looked at the girl expectantly, but she was just met with a scowl.

‘What’s on your face?’ Remi blushed and touched the faint scar that ran across her cheek and nose. She didn’t think it was that noticeable anymore.

‘Um, hiking accident.’ The girl scoffed and the boy looked at her, eyes wide.

‘Come on,’ he mumbled to the girl and then smiled at Remi. ‘This is Serena Snape.’ Remi just nodded and sat down, unsure of what to say next. She got out her book and had only gotten through a couple of pages when two more faces appeared at the door - a dark skinned girl with wild, wavy hair and round glasses, and another girl with long black hair and bright grey eyes. They slid open the carriage.

‘Heya.’ The girl with glasses smiled at them and the pale one wordlessly followed. ‘Jane, Jane Potter.’

‘Remi.’

‘Levi.’

‘I’m Stella.’ The other girl slid down beside Remi, facing Jane.

‘Do you two know each other, then?’ Levi beamed, clearly eager for conversation. Jane smiled back. ‘Nah, just met traipsing up and down the corridor. I don’t actually know anyone, except for my friend Petra.’

‘Lucky.’ Stella snorted. ‘I’m related to half the school. Perks of being a Black.’ Remi had no idea what she was talking about, but Jane raised her eyebrows.

‘You probably shouldn’t be seen with me, then. I’m going to be in Gryffindor.’ Stella laughed.

‘Maybe I should be too. That’d annoy them.’ A small scoff came from the end of the seats.

‘Sorry, do you have a problem?’ Jane turned to where Serena was sitting, arms tightly crossed and lips thin.

‘No, not at all. I was warned that you’d have to have a head the size of Jupiter to _want_ to be in Gryffindor.’

‘My dad was in Gryffindor.’ Jane narrowed her eyes.

‘Figures.’

‘No guesses where you’ll be then, huh?’ Stella had rounded on Serena too, mimicking her crossed arms and upturned nose.

‘Be careful, Black. Don’t want your family to hear that you’re already disappointing them. From what I’ve heard, they don’t like traitors.’

‘From what I’ve heard, shampooing occasionally can be helpful,’ Jane quipped, and Stella laughed. Remi bit back a smile as Serena got up and walked out of the carriage. The boy followed her, giving them an exasperated look as he left.

‘So, it's Remi, huh?’ Jane turned back to them, a smug smile on the corners of her lips.

‘Yeah.’ Remi smiled. ‘It’s nice to meet you both.’

**1 September 1975**

That first time on the Hogwarts Express came back to Remi in a rush as she kissed her father goodbye four years later, with far less emotion than she had at eleven.

‘See you at Christmas.’ Remi adjusted her headband and tugged her collar to sit symmetrically around her sweater before being swamped by a set of arms.

‘Rem!’ Jane grinned at Remi as she wrapped herself tightly around her neck. Lyall smiled at her as she turned to face him.

‘Mr Lupin, a pleasure.’

‘Hello, Jane.’ Lyall smiled brightly at her. ‘Good break?’

‘Yeah, spent it on the pitch.’ Jane mock flexed her long, muscly arms and Remi groaned. Lyall laughed.

‘Just do me a favour and get drafted by the Cannons after school, okay, Miss Potter?’

‘The Harpies could do with a good Chaser, though.’

‘Don’t you dare.’ Lyall chuckled as he kissed the girls goodbye. Jane linked her arm through Remi’s and they hopped onto the train.

‘I’ve missed you, Moony.’

‘I’ve missed you, Prongs.’ Remi sighed. Jane started chatting about Quidditch and France, and Remi smiled, letting herself imagine that she had, too, been flying around foreign countries and meeting French centaurs.

‘Even ruder than English ones.’ Jane whispered conspiratorially, and Remi snorted. ‘Come on, the girls should be down here.’ Remi’s heart started beating faster as Jane counted down the carriages, coming to a stop outside one down the very end. Stella Black looked at Remi and Jane and her face lit up.

‘Marauders!’ She dramatically swung her arms around them both and a giggle came from behind her.

‘Thank god you’re here. She’s already bored.’ Petra Pettigrew sighed as she stood up and gave Remi a kiss and a hug, and the same to Jane. Stella was still practically bouncing, her arms around Remi and Jane’s necks.

‘Back together, fifth year, what could possibly go wrong?’

‘Just stay away from Erumpent horns this year, hey Padfoot?’ Jane laughed as Stella swatted at her.

Remi granted herself five seconds of looking while they bickered. Stella was pale - to be expected. Her long, dark hair was pushed back by aviators, and she was wearing a worn leather jacket, a David Bowie shirt, high waisted blue jeans and Converses. She didn’t wear much makeup - her skin was unfairly clear - but her eyebrows were brushed into place and her lips looked soft, like she’d just put balm on. Remi carefully looked at her arms as she took off her jacket, spotting a couple of bruises on her upper biceps, but nothing too bad. Not like last year. She focussed her attention back on the conversation.

‘--and then Prongs forced me to go surfing with her.’ Petra looked meaningfully at Jane.

‘I did not force you.’ Jane smirked. ‘I merely suggested that there may have been boys involved.’

‘Were there?’ Stella pulled out a stick of gum.

‘Nah, of course not.’ Petra threw an empty Chocolate Frogs case at her. ‘Ahhhh, okay, okay, I’m sorry!’

‘You’re so lucky you two can hang out over summer.’ Stella tried to pout in exaggeration, but there was an awkward silence as everyone tried not imagine what Stella’s summers were like.

‘Jane’s lucky. I’m exhausted.’ Remi laughed at Petra, who smiled with gratitude. ‘What about you, Moony? How was your summer?’

‘Fine.’ Remi shrugged and smiled. ‘Mostly spent with chickens and my grandmother. Sorry I couldn’t make it to see you guys, my parents - well, something about you having me ten out of twelve months of the year.’ The girls grinned and Remi caught Stella’s eye, who gently kicked her shin.

‘Don’t worry about it, it’s not like I got to see them much either.’

‘You know you can--’ Jane didn’t get to finish her sentence as the carriage door was pushed open, and a flop of auburn hair poked around. Jane sat up straight and ran her hands through her shoulder length hair, flipping her side part.

‘Hey, Evans. Heard of knocking? We were actually talking about periods.’ Jane’s eye contact was ruthless and Levi blushed. ‘We know that you men don’t have the strongest stomachs, and the parts where we discuss the amount of blood each of us produces can be a bit of a shock--’ Jane was cut off as Stella collapsed into hysterics and Levi looked at them with the same, exasperated expression he had used on them for four years.

‘I’m here for Remi, actually.’

‘What? Why?’ Jane looked between him and Remi, and Remi’s stomach sank. She knew she couldn’t hide it for much longer.

‘Um.’ Remi looked at her three best friends and sighed. ‘I’m a prefect.’

‘WHAT!’ Stella sat up straight and laughed, grinning at her. Petra started giggling.

‘Fucking Dumbledore.’ Jane snorted. ‘Trying to keep us in line.’

‘I forgot I had to go sit in the carriage.’ Remi sighed and looked at Levi. ‘Okay, Evans, I’m coming.’ Remi stood up to grab her pin - Dumbledore had sent her a steel one, thank god - and her robes. Stella wolf whistled as she left, while Petra started whooping and Jane catcalled.

‘Prefect Lupin! I’d do detention with you!’ Remi blushed and shot them death glares as she walked down the carriage, heads popping out of compartments at the noise. Levi looked at her with pity.

‘I’m going to kill McGonagall.’ Remi mumbled.

‘Rem, you’re going to be fine.’ He put a friendly arm around her and pulled her into a side hug.

‘How was your break, anyway?’

‘Good.’ Remi smiled at him. ‘Yours?’

‘Good.’ His brow creased a little. ‘My brother’s still being a jerk though.’

‘I’d say asshole, or dickhead, would be a more appropriate descriptor for him.’

‘You’ve been hanging around Potter for too long,’ Levi laughed.

‘Yeah, she’s a good influence.’

‘If you say so.’ Unmistakable judginess peppered his light hearted tone.

‘I do.’ Remi felt a flash of irritation. ‘At least she doesn’t judge people based on their blood status.’ Levi sighed.

‘Serena’s not really like that - I mean, she’s friends with me, after all. She’s just fallen in with a bad crowd. And Potter and Black constantly picking on her doesn’t help.’

‘She gives as good as she gets, Levi, and you know it.’ Remi gave him a pointed look and they walked in silence. They’d had this argument too many times before. When they reached the prefect’s carriage, a familiar greasy mop of hair turned to face them. Remi tried not to groan.

‘Lupin.’

‘Snape.’ Sitting next to her was Patrick Parkinson, who gave her an equally disgusted look. Luckily, Larissa Bones and Max Zhang from Hufflepuff were there, as well as Oliver Patel and Lola Prewett from Ravenclaw - and they all smiled at Remi as she sat down.

‘Lupin! Knew you’d get the badge.’ Max smiled at her.

‘How was your summer, Max?’

‘Great!’ His already huge smile broadened. Goddamn Hufflepuffs, so cheery. ‘We went to visit my aunt in Beijing, there’s some incredible research going on there in dragon pox cures--’

‘Save it for another time, rice-muncher.’ Patrick’s tone was flat and Max’s cheeks darkened. Snape sniggered and without even thinking, Remi whipped around to face them.

‘What did you just say?’

‘You heard me.’

‘I heard _I’m a massive bigot who has a tiny dick_ , which is quite a bold statement, so just wanted to check.’ Everyone laughed except the Slytherins. Serena shot a nasty look at Levi as he laughed.

‘Shut up, half-blood,’ Patrick sneered at Remi.

‘Oooh, that’s creative Parkinson. Tell me, how many times have you practiced that in front of the mirror?’

‘Okay, that’s enough.’ Levi cleared his throat. ‘Let’s focus on duties, shall we?’

...

When they were walking back to their carriages, Levi was silent.

‘Out with it, Evans.’

‘Ugh.’ Levi looked at her, chewing his lip. ‘You know me too well.’

‘Unfortunately. You got something to say?’

‘It’s just...I wish I had said something, too.’

‘Why didn’t you?’

‘I don’t like conflict.’

‘Standing up for someone is worth a little conflict. That's something we could all learn from Jane Potter.’

‘I know you're right but…’ Levi trailed off.

‘No buts. I was in the right. There, solved.’

‘You’re such a Gryffindor.’

‘So are you.’

‘Hmm.’

‘I’ll see you later.’ Remi opened the doors to the Marauder’s compartment, where Petra was badly losing to Jane in a game of Exploding Snap. Stella was watching them, sipping out a hip flask.

‘Prefect’s back!’ Stella yelled and raised her flask to Remi, who laughed and sat down. ‘Want some?’

‘I have to usher in the first years, so no thanks. I can’t believe you’re already breaking a school rule and we’re not even there yet.’

‘Live and let live, Moony.’ Stella winked at her and Remi was sure that if she hadn’t already been sitting, her knees would have buckled.

‘So, Marauders.’ Jane looked at them as Petra put away the cards. ‘Saturday?’

‘Oooh, yes.’ Stella turned to smile at Remi.

‘I still can’t believe you guys managed this.’

‘Ye of little faith, Moony.’ Jane grinned and took the hip flask from Stella. ‘Although the Mandrake leaf under the tongue for an entire month was really something else.’

‘Don’t remind me.’ Petra yawned. ‘I can’t believe I went through all of that to become a bloody rat.’

‘It makes you useful in many unexpected ways, Wormtail,’ Stella snatched her flask from Jane who was draining it, ‘besides, at least you’re a female rat.’

‘Oi.’ Jane grinned. ‘I think it’s pretty impressive that I can be a stag. You know, defying gender roles and such.’

‘Yeah, yeah, you would make Gloria Steinem so proud.’ Stella drank the last of her flask and looked at Remi. ‘I can’t believe we only got one night of fun before summer.’

‘I know. I woke up without having a new scar anywhere. That’s really something.’ Remi leaned back, trying not to get too emotional. She had cried when they told her - and Remi very rarely cried. Up to that point, a part of her had always believed that her friends tolerated her condition, as mostly everyone else close to her did. That first night, waking up without a new broken bone, feeling almost happy, flashes of running through the forest chasing a stag and a dog and a rat...it was painful, to go through the next two transformations knowing how much better it was with her friends there.

‘In other, slightly shit news, three guesses who made Prefect for Slytherin.’ A collective groan erupted from the girls.

‘Fucking hell.’ Jane slumped on Stella’s shoulder. ‘She’s going to give me detentions if I so much as breathe the wrong way.’

‘Yeah, so can we please agree to stay out of her way this year?’ Remi looked at them seriously. ‘I mean, I did just shut down Parkinson for being a racist ass to Zhang--’

‘Not my sweet baby Zhang!’ Stella looked furious.

‘--but it’s fine for me, I’m also a Prefect so she can’t be too horrible. You two need to rein it in this year, ok?’

‘Fine,’ grumbled Jane, ‘but I will hate it.’ Stella huffed in agreement, still seething.

‘And you know Prongs, Evans may actually change his mind about you if you back off.’

‘For your information, I do not need to change to get a man’s approval.’ Jane grinned. ‘He’ll change to get mine.’ Remi rolled her eyes. None of them took Jane’s long time crush very seriously, but sometimes Remi caught her staring a bit too long, or being a bit too funny or loud or clever, and her heart ached a little. She also knew what it was like to be hopelessly in love and not feel able to talk about it.

The rest of the night, thankfully, passed without too much hassle. Dumbledore gave one of his usual unusual speeches - _‘You would think he’s the tipsy one,’ Stella commented as she spilled her pumpkin juice over herself, Jane shaking with laughter_ \- and the first years, although remarkably tiny, seemed too overwhelmed to give Remi any trouble as she led them towards Gryffindor Tower.

‘ _Trastevere_.’ Remi looked around to make sure the first years had all heard.

‘You know, I have always dreamt of going to Rome…’ The Fat Lady sighed as they all trailed in.

Remi recapped the ground rules and areas of the Common Room, Levi taking over when discussing how to navigate the castle. They eventually let them trail off towards the dormitories, wide eyed and whispering to each other.

‘Remember when we were that tiny?’ Levi nudged her.

‘We were never that tiny.’ Remi smiled and walked towards her own dormitory. Jane and Stella tackled her onto Petra’s bed, where they were cuddling and listening to Joni Mitchell. Petra snuggled into Remi’s side, Jane on her other side, and Stella beside Jane.

‘I love her.’ Jane was smiling sleepily.

‘Who?’ said Petra.

‘Joni, duh.’

‘We all love Joni.’ Remi stroked Jane’s hair and closed her eyes.

‘Not like I do. I’d smoke any of you in Joni trivia.’

‘Sure, Prongs.’

‘I would!’

‘You big sap.’

‘Liking traditionally feminine and emotional things is part of embracing your womanhood, Moony, and getting rid of patriarchal bullshit that tells you it’s not okay to like--’ Jane’s voice muffled as a pillow swung across her face. Stella leant up on one elbow, laughing.

‘Thanks Padfoot.’ Remi grinned at Stella and her stomach did a little flip as she smiled back, her grey eyes crinkled and sparkly.

‘Not a problem.’

‘You two are the worst!’ Jane flung the pillow back at Stella and flipped onto her knees, bouncing the bed. ‘The Marauders are defined by our refusal to accept society's bullshit!’

‘Hear, hear.’

‘Which leads me to our first prank of the year.’

‘Oooh. I’m listening.’ Stella turned onto her stomach.

‘So, Moony.’

‘Yes?’

‘Mr Parkinson made a racially motivated comment involving rice, did he not?’

‘Correct.’

‘Well.’ Jane grinned. ‘I have a contact in the kitchens, who, I have already been informed, has quite a lot of rice to spare…’


	2. Fifth Year: Shit Families and Great Parties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stella is pulled aside by her sister and Remi is reminded of the past as a full moon approaches. Plus, there's an epic back to school party.

Fifth year really was no joke. Petra showed up late to lunch, panic-babbling as she sat down.

‘Fifteen inches on the uses of unicorn hair in potion making, due on Monday, Slughorn is a right git...and Astronomy, bloody hell, Professor Sinistra hinted all the good research books to prepare for the next assignment are loaned out from the library already...and don’t even get me started on Care of Magical Creatures, Moony, I really need your help with that one…’

‘Wormtail.’ Jane pushed a plate of sandwiches across to her. ‘Please shut up.’

‘Okay.’ Petra grabbed a sandwich and started nibbling. Remi and Stella exchanged amused glances.

‘Honestly though, Care of Magical Creatures was rough.’ It wasn’t, but Remi tried to sound convincing as she patted Petra on the shoulder. ‘We can go through it tonight if you want.’

‘Really? Thanks, Rem.’

‘Of course.’

‘Excuse me? You can’t study your first day back.’ Jane looked supremely offended.

‘In case you’ve forgotten, this year is OWLs.’

‘In case you’ve forgotten, we are Marauders. And we need to pay back Parkinson.’

‘Okay, Prongs, fair enough.’ Stella sipped her pumpkin juice and scooped her dark hair around her left shoulder. She’d gotten a cartilage piercing over the summer. Remi stared, trying to rearrange her thoughts back into something vaguely coherent. ‘What’s the go?’

‘Well, my contact--’

‘--a house elf who used to work for your aunt--’ Stella added.

‘--my contact has provided me with a bulk bag of rice.’

‘And what are we going to do with a fuck off bag of rice?’

‘Charming phrasing, Padfoot. We are going to make rice rain.’ Jane looked beyond pleased with herself.

‘Say what now?’ Remi raised her eyebrows.

‘You heard me. A cloud of rice that follows Parkinson around and rains tiny, scratchy, annoying little grains on him.’

‘We can’t do that, babe, he’ll know it was me.’

‘Thought you may say that, Moony. But here’s the genius: he can’t dob us in.’

‘He can’t?’

‘How will he explain that he knows it’s you?’ It hit Remi and Stella at the same time.

‘Wait, what?’ Petra looked lost.

‘He can’t pin it on me without admitting what he said. I’ve got to admit, Prongs, that’s a bit clever.’

‘Exactly.’ Jane looked triumphant. ‘And the other Prefects will know, but who’s going to say anything? If anything, it makes it even better.’

‘You are the love and light of my life.’ Stella grabbed Jane and gave her a loud, wet kiss on her cheek.

‘Eughhhh.’ Jane grinned as she wiped her cheek, Stella still with one arm around her neck. ‘Little less slobber there next time, Padfoot.’

‘Woof.’ Stella went to say something else, then abruptly stopped. Her lips pressed together, she straightened her back, and her eyes narrowed a bit. Jane called this particular transformation of hers the _Black Family Special_ ; the uncanny ability of a Black to become as intimidating as possible in less than a second.

‘Can I speak to my sister, please?’ A tight voice came from behind Remi and she sighed as she turned to face Regina.

‘Regina. Always good to see you.’ Jane tried to smile. Regina ignored her.

‘Stella, now?’

‘Okay.’ Stella’s face was still shut down, her eyes stormy. ‘See you guys later.’ As she walked off, Remi leant across to Jane.

‘What was that about?’ Jane bit her lip.

‘This summer was bad.’

‘How bad?’

‘She...Walburga and Orion told Stella that she had to choose, basically.’

‘Between what?’

‘Voldemort or the inheritance.’

‘You’re kidding.’

‘They’re getting really serious, too. Apparently they were having these huge, weird dinner parties every night.’ Jane paused, as if unsure how to continue. ‘Greyback was there too, sometimes.’ Remi’s veins went cold and she dropped her sandwich. Petra put her hand on her arm.

‘Sorry Moony.’

‘It’s ok.’ Remi’s words were raspy. She grabbed her pumpkin juice and guzzled it down, trying to look normal. ‘I knew...I knew he ran in those circles. Why didn’t Stella say anything?’

‘Didn’t want to upset you. She was going to take you aside tonight but I wanted to give you a heads up.’ Remi nodded and breathed, her vision becoming a little clearer. ‘We should get to class.’

‘You sure you’re alright, Rem?’

‘Yeah. Let’s go?’ Remi gave Jane and Petra each a tight smile, and they grabbed their bags. Stella stormed up to them as they waited outside the Transfiguration classroom, early enough that no one else was there yet. Her ears were practically blowing steam.

‘Alright, Padfoot?’ Jane tried to smile but Stella didn’t even notice.

‘That fucking little shit.’

‘What did she do?’

‘She took me aside for a fucking family chat. Needed to remind me of what being a Black means and my loyalty to the...fuck, what the fuck does she know about loyalty anyway? She didn’t mind when our father made my nose bleed because I told him she was too young to become a Death Eater, because she didn’t have the spine to tell him herself.’ She went very quiet as the girls looked at her. ‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t just drop shit like that.’

‘No, Padfoot, come here.’ Jane gave her a hug and Remi and Petra joined. When they pulled back, Stella’s eyes were glistening and she sniffed, sinking down onto the floor.

‘I hate them. They’re stealing her.’

‘I know mate.’ Jane put an arm around her and Remi crouched down, holding out a tissue transfigured from a spare bit of parchment. Stella smiled glumly at her as she took it.

‘Thanks Moony.’

‘No problem.’

‘Fuck, here come the Ravenclaws.’ Stella blew her nose and wiped her eyes, standing up. ‘Moony, say something funny.’

‘I once saw Gilderoy Lockhart wearing hot rollers.’ Jane let out a little yelp and Petra grinned. Stella giggled.

‘That’s my girl. You always know what to say.’

…

That night, Remi was lying awake trying not to think of werewolves or her History essay or cartilage piercings when soft footsteps approached her bed.

‘Moony?’

‘Padfoot?’

‘Cuddle?’ Stella’s head poked around the curtains.

‘Yeah.’ Remi held out her arms and Stella collapsed in, snuggling close. She smelled like coffee and citrus. Remi grabbed her wand and muttered _muffliato_ , not wanting to wake the two roommates with regular sleeping patterns.

‘Sorry I didn’t tell you about Greyback myself.’ Stella’s voice cracked. Remi sighed.

‘It’s okay. Didn’t come up.’

‘I made sure it didn’t.’

‘We’ve been here a day, babe.’

‘Yeah, I know, but…’ Stella rolled back a little so she could look at Remi. Her hair was tied up in a loose bun and her eyelashes were long and dark and Remi’s heart was so full that she thought it might explode. ‘I just don’t want you to think I’d ever lie to you.’

‘Padfoot. Of course not.’

‘Jane only knew because the Potters made me go and see them, over the summer.’

‘Stella, it’s fine.’

‘Okay.’ Remi sighed and leant back. She still remembered the first time they’d slept in each other’s beds, back in first year, right after the Christmas break. Stella was crying because she thought she was the only one awake. That was the first time Remi had seen the bruises. ‘Rem? Do you think I’ll end up like them?’

‘No.’

‘How can you be so sure?’

‘I just am.’ _Because you’re brave and fierce and loyal and clever and everything they’re not, and I’m so in love with you that it hurts_. ‘You’re nothing like them, Padfoot.’

‘Okay.’ Stella smiled up at her, her eyes soft and drooping. ‘God, I’m so glad we can have insomnia together.’ Remi laughed and looked at the ceiling. _You have no idea, Stella Black_.

…

Friday was just as busy as Thursday, but especially taxing on Remi as she felt the full moon beginning to form, her muscles and bones quietly preparing for the following night. When she got back from dinner, the Gryffindor common room was buzzing, Jane entertaining a group of first and second years with Quidditch stories. Stella was playing some sort of card game in the corner with, to Remi’s delight, the boys - Marco Macdonald, Marlon McKinnon and Dorian Meadowes. She’d only briefly gotten to say hi to them in between classes and her prefect rounds. They grinned at her as she made her way over.

‘Prefect Lupin!’ Marco jumped up to hug her.

‘Macdonald.’ Remi grinned and leant down, giving Dorian and Marlon cheek kisses. ‘Gentlemen.’

‘You gotta help us Rem, Black’s taking all our galleons.’

‘It’s not my fault all of you have bloody obvious tells.’ Stella winked at Remi.

‘Sorry, but I learnt long ago to never place any kind of bets with Padfoot.’

‘That’s smart.’ Levi appeared beside her, holding a butterbeer.

‘Hey Evans. Call off your mates so they don’t go into ruin?’ Remi was only half joking.

‘Why does everyone assume I can control them?’ Levi laughed.

‘Because you’re the good ickle Prefect.’ Marlon grabbed Levi’s butterbeer and took a swig.

‘Hey! Get your own.’

‘Don’t you love me, Evans?’

‘Incorrigible.’ Levi smiled and ruffled his friend’s hair affectionately. Remi slid into the chair next to Dorian.

‘How are you going, Meadowes?’ The two of them had always gotten on well - both being the quieter, more thoughtful additions to their friend groups. Plus, Remi had a suspicion that they shared something else in common - not that she’d broached it with him yet.

‘Scared shitless after the first two days back, to be honest. Why does every single teacher feel the need to remind you just how difficult OWLs are? We get it.’

‘Probably for the benefit of sods like them.’ Remi smiled as Marco scooped a victorious Stella up and threatened to drop her off the Astronomy Tower, whilst Marlon had joined Jane and they were reenacting their major wins against Slytherin. Dorian snorted, sucking in a breath as Marlon mock hit an imaginary Bludger, his shirt riding up to reveal dark, taut skin. Remi pretended not to notice.

‘We’ll be fine.’ Remi switched the conversation back to school. ‘You, Evans and I should keep studying together for Arithmancy and History this year, bloody crushed it last year, didn’t we?’

‘Oh for sure!’ Dorian smiled brightly. ‘You free tomorrow evening?’

‘Um, no.’ Remi quickly avoided his eyes. ‘The girls and I have plans - what about Monday night?’

‘Perfect, I’ll ask Levi. Oh, I read a new book over the summer, I thought you’d like it - have you heard of Gabriel Garcia Marquez?’

‘No, is he new?’

‘Relatively. I’ll lend you _One Hundred Years of Solitude_ , it’s incredible. My cousins in Colombia sent me an English version.’

‘That would be great, I’ll find something for you too. Brought about half my parents’ library back with me - not that we’ll have time for it this year.’ Remi sighed dramatically and thought of the piles of Arithmancy homework on her bed.

‘Oi, Lupin, Meadowes, stop being fucking _nerds_ and help Potter and I. Who wants to be the Bludger?’

‘You can hit this in your dreams, McKinnon.’ Remi blew him a kiss and Stella barked out a laugh, Dorian descending into giggles beside her. Jane ran over and flopped on the couch, grinning. Her red and gold tie had somehow ended up around her head, and her cheeks were flushed.

‘Lupin, Meadowes, my friends, my pals, my confidantes, please--’

‘No way, Potter.’ Remi poked her friend’s ribs and went to find a butterbeer. Petra was half-hidden in a corner with Gavin McLaggen, their snogging just as loud and wet as fourth year. Remi rolled her eyes as Stella sidled up beside her.

‘How come Wormtail gets more action than us?’

‘That’s mean!’

‘Not what I meant!’ Stella laughed. ‘She’s gorgeous, just so bloody awkward, how was she the first to get a boyfriend?’

‘Honestly, no clue.’ Remi pushed down the squeezing feeling in her chest and took a gulp of her butterbeer. ‘Probably that we’re too busy masterminding genius plans to find snogs.’

‘I’ll drink to that.’ They clinked their drinks together as Jane bounced over to them.

‘So, we have our furry little problem to attend to tomorrow night, but how about a Sunday night meeting for Operation Bigot?’

‘Sounds good. As long as I don’t have to leave bed.’

‘That’s a deal, Moony.’ Jane chugged a glass of water in about three seconds and Remi saw Levi glancing furtively over at her. Jane noticed too. ‘When do you think Evans will give in? I think he almost tolerates me.’

‘Not long now, I reckon.’ Remi grinned. ‘One or two more years, tops.’ Stella laughed.

‘For fuck’s sake Prongs, you’ve got the best ass in Gryffindor and about a million boys falling over themselves to talk to you. Why the hang up on goody two shoes?’

‘No hang up, Padfoot.’ Jane’s grin didn’t dim. ‘I am a feminist icon, and I consider it my mission to romance as many unsuspecting boys as possible. They can’t have all the fun.’

‘Only you could call yourself an icon and consider it a genuine argument. And need I remind you, you haven’t romanced anyone except Evans, if you could call aggressively trying to convert him to the feminist cause romancing.’

‘Okay then, Black. Challenge accepted.’

‘What?!’

‘Be right back.’ Jane winked at them, and flounced off.

‘Where is she going?’ Stella looked at Remi in exasperation.

‘Probably to do something stupid.’

‘Where’s Wormtail?’

‘Eating McLaggen’s face.’

‘Ugh.’ Stella shivered and pulled out her hip flask and a pack of cigarettes. ‘Let’s do something a bit more fun, hey?’ Remi grinned and grabbed a fag, placing it between her lips and motioning towards the stairwell window. Alcohol and cigarettes probably weren’t the best way to cope with approaching full moons, but Remi figured she more than earned her vices. They sat cross legged on the windowsill, facing each other, and Stella leant forward with her wand.

‘ _Incendio_.’ She lit Remi’s, then her own, and they each took long drags between gulps from the flask.

‘God, Padfoot, that shit is disgusting. Where on earth did you get it?’

‘Nicked it from Filch’s office.’

‘Of course.’

‘Don’t know whose it was, but I suspect they mixed Firewhiskey with muggle vodka.’

‘That would explain why it tastes like death.’ Remi gagged and Stella smiled at her. She’d changed out of her robes and into her jeans and t-shirt get up, and her hair was wild around her face. She puffed out slow rings of smoke into Remi’s face, and there was a moment of quiet as their eyes locked. Just as quickly, it was interrupted by a high pitched voice.

‘Remi? Stella?’ Petra appeared on the stairwell.

‘What’s up, lover girl?’ Stella grinned lazily at her.

‘Ha ha. You’re going to want to see this.’ Remi and Stella hurriedly put out their cigarettes and joined Petra at the bottom of the stairs, where they had a full view of the Common Room. In the centre stood Jane with her record player that she'd levitated out of their room, and she shot them a grin before putting it on. A familiar tune rang out and everyone started yelling.

_She packed my bags last night pre-flight_

_Zero hour 9:00 a.m._

_And I'm gonna be high_

_As a kite by then_

Jane was standing on a table, wand pointed up above her head and faintly glowing.

_And I think it's gonna be a long, long time_

_'Til touchdown brings me 'round again to find_

_I'm not the man they think I am at home_

_Oh, no, no, no_

_I'm a rocket man_

_Rocket man, burning out his fuse up here alone_

‘What in Godric’s name is she doing?’ Remi laughed, as Stella screamed out the lyrics.

‘She said something about Padfoot saying she wasn’t romancing enough boys,’ Petra grinned.

‘Oh lord.’ It hit the second chorus and Jane dove into the arms of a nearby seventh year, who was exceptionally tall and handsome, and he spun her around as the music picked up. A couple of his friends joined in, and they propped her up on their shoulders. Jane was glowing, her glasses falling down her face as she giggled, and her long athletic frame flailing as the boys stumbled around. Remi looked around for Levi, who was being jostled by Marco, Dorian and Marlon to start singing, his face turning red as Jane locked eyes with him on an _oh, no, no, no_ , before she was whisked away by the seventh years and tossed into an armchair. Everyone was still singing as the guy who’d originally caught her off the table sat down, practically on top of her, and started speaking closely to her ear. Jane laughed at something and he pushed her hair back, his body leaning in towards hers. Remi sighed - she had to give it Jane Potter. Girl was a force to be reckoned with.

…

The Marauders woke up the next morning in collective pain. Remi blinked crusty eyes open and tried to recall the events of last night: she remembered something about Marco pulling out a bottle of Firewhiskey, someone’s hair getting singed during a smoke break, and the invisibility cloak being pulled out.

‘Moonyyyyyy, are you awake?’ A croaky voice came from across the room. ‘Help me pleaseeeeee.’ Remi stood up, managing not to puke, and walked across to where Jane was strewn across the bed, clothes from the night before still on, and her glasses halfway around her head. ‘Don’t laugh at me!’

‘I’m sorry!’ Remi wheezed a bit. ‘You absolute mess, what happened last night?’ Jane groaned and slammed her face into her pillow.

‘Ghmgsdiohjifd.’

‘Say what now?’

‘Stole a Golden Snitch.’ Jane pulled out a small gold object from under her pillow, face still in her pillow. ‘Snuck into the Quidditch storage cupboard.’ Remi snorted and heard grumbles from the other beds as Stella and Petra got up.

‘Did you just say you stole something?’ Stella walked over to Jane’s bed, where the Snitch was happily buzzing above Jane’s head. Jane gestured helplessly to it. ‘At what point of being drunk did you decide it would be fun to steal a Snitch?’ Remi threw her head in her arms, trying to stop the room spinning.

‘Well.’ Jane smirked and pointed at Stella. ‘That’s your fault, Padfoot. After your suggestion that I do not romance enough--’ Stella scoffed ‘--Liam Johnson suggested we go somewhere private, so we went to the Quidditch storage cupboard, and he was, uh, getting a bit handsy, so I used stealing the Snitch as a distraction.’

‘Bloody heartbreaker.’ Stella grinned and crossed her arms. ‘Love your work, Prongs.’

‘Thank you, thank you.’

‘Can we please, for the love of god, go and eat our weight in bacon?’ Petra collapsed next to Jane.

‘Yes please. I just need to change into something that doesn’t smell like regret.’ Jane sniffed her top and made a face.

After a hearty breakfast and lots of pumpkin juice, they were all feeling a bit more alive. Jane pulled out her broom and went to the Quidditch pitch with Stella, while Remi and Petra got a start on homework. Remi tried to ignore the pull in her bones as the clock ticked towards night time. When it hit five, she sighed a bit too loudly.

‘Don’t fret, Moony, we’ll see you soon, okay?’ Jane squeezed her fingers and Remi nodded. She focussed on her breathing and headed towards the Hospital Wing. When she opened the door, she was met with a hug.

‘Miss Lupin! So pleased to have you back.’ Poppy Pomfrey smiled at her and Remi instantly relaxed.

‘Was the summer ok?’

‘Yeah, fine.’

‘No new injuries?’

‘Nothing outrageous, no.’

‘Hmm.’ Madam Pomfrey looked sceptical. ‘And I suppose you wouldn’t tell me if they were?’

‘Well.’ Remi grinned. ‘Probably not, no.’ Madam Pomfrey made a familiar noise of exasperation and they started preparing.

‘Blankets...water...chocolate…’ she mumbled as Remi sat on one of the beds and stretched out her neck and shoulders. A familiar tingle was spreading throughout her stomach and arms, which meant they had less than an hour left. Madam Pomfrey walked her to the Shack, chatting about her summer holiday and new baby niece. Remi was grateful to not have to speak. As soon as the matron left, the invisibility cloak was off, and Stella, Petra and Jane emerged from the corner of the room.

‘Right, Moony?’

‘Right, Prongs.’

‘Let’s do it, girls.’


	3. Fifth Year: Pranks and Plots

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A prank, a fight, and a much-needed conversation.

Remi woke at about eleven in the hospital wing the next morning, memories of the night before coming back to her in snapshots. _Running, free, friends, pack, pack, pack_. She smiled and closed her eyes, wiggling her toes, fingers, stretching her limbs, and although she was sore, she couldn’t feel any serious cuts or injuries. Madam Pomfrey bustled over as she heard her moving.

‘Morning, dear. Not a bad night at all for you, you should be fine to leave after eating something.’ Madam Pomfrey smiled and went back to organising her supply cupboard, waving in Jane and Stella, who were waiting by the entrance. Petra always spent her Sundays with Gavin.

‘How are you feeling, Moony?’

‘Honestly, better than you felt yesterday morning.’

‘Oi.’ Jane grinned and shoved her shoulder.

‘No handling my patients, Miss Potter!’

‘Sincerest apologies.’ Jane gave Madam Pomfrey her most winning grin, and Stella collapsed into a chair beside them.

‘Excellent first weekend back, I must say.’

‘Not too boring, Black?’ Jane grinned.

‘Not at all. Though, now we are in our _OWLs year_ \--’ mimicking Professor McGonagall’s high Scottish accent, much to Jane and Remi’s amusement ‘--I expect it won’t be too regular.’

‘We don’t need other people’s parties, Padfoot, we are the party.’

‘True.’

‘Have you two eaten yet?’ Jane and Stella shook their heads. ‘Okay, I’ll get Pomfrey to order up your breakfast with mine.’

They sat and ate while Jane and Stella recounted the night to Remi in hushed tones, occasionally switching to talking about made-up muggle boyfriends whenever Madam Pomfrey got too close.

‘I swear to god, I saw a unicorn, but this fucking _dog_ here got overexcited and scared it off...anyway, so Stuart is writing to me every day, I just don’t know whether I can be bothered when we’re so far apart...and then Wormtail climbed up a nearby tree and we almost bloody forgot her, you know how little patience the stag has.’ Jane smiled and leant back.

‘Just when she’s a stag?’ Remi raised her eyebrows.

‘Piss off.’

‘Yeah, yeah. I'm good to go now, we should start homework because--’ Jane and Stella both groaned ‘--I know for a fact we have the same Potions essay due tomorrow and I also know you’ve done jack shit on it so far.’ Stella grunted and lit a cigarette. Jane elbowed her.

‘Padfoot, you cannot start smoking in the Hospital Wing.’ 

‘But Pomfrey’s not even here!’ Stella grinned and blew smoke rings, settling into her chair. ‘Plus, the old girl loves me.’

‘She will not love you if you badly influence her favourite patient.’

‘Her favourite patient got me onto these fuckers, if you must know.’ She shot a look at Remi, who laughed.

‘It’s not my fault you have an addictive personality and no regard for your own wellbeing.’

‘Bloody git,’ Stella mumbled, but she was smiling. ‘I had four hours sleep for you, I’ll have you know.’

‘I’ve seen you go over three days on nothing but pumpkin pasties and adrenaline.’ 

‘God, that was fun.’ She handed Remi the cigarette, who took a long drag, feeling tension leave her body as the nicotine hit. She hurriedly put it out as the doors opened.

‘ _Deletrius_.’ Jane vanished the smoke as Madam Pomfrey came towards them.

‘She’s all yours, ladies. Miss Lupin, the usual rules, don’t get into trouble for at least two days please.’

‘Haven’t you heard Madam, she’s a _prefect_ now,’ Stella grinned.

‘Smart choice if you ask me, she can keep an eye on you two.’

‘I am very hurt by that, Poppy.’

‘Hmm.’ Madam Pomfrey smiled wryly and waved them goodbye.

...

On Monday morning, Jane got up early, took the invisibility cloak, and levitated the rice to the bathroom closest to the Great Hall. As they sat down for breakfast, Remi spotted Patrick Parkinson with his usual gaggle of Slytherins. She got that wonderful, bubbly shot of adrenaline she always had before a prank; she still vividly remembered it from when they completed their first, levitating and moving Slughorn’s dinner plate back and forth, so that he kept getting up and moving across the teacher’s table. McGonagall had caught them, of course - she nearly always did - but she had offered Remi a biscuit during that particular detention. Remi suspected she wasn’t the biggest fan of the Potions professor.

A few minutes into eating their toast, Jane noisily coughed.

‘Not enough butter.’ Signal. They all grinned and pulled out their wands under the table. Remi pictured all the grains of rice inside the torn hessian bag. 

‘ _Locomotor._ ’ A few seconds later, a rice storm flew towards Parkinson, swirling around his head and the entire hall erupted with laughter. Jane’s initial plan of making it rain rice devolved into more of a rice tornado. Stella muttered an anti- _finite_ incantation, so that Slughorn became very confused and annoyed when he tried to stop it, and rushed off to get Dumbledore. Remi had to fight very hard to keep focus, particularly when she looked over to the Hufflepuff table, where Max Zhang was slumped over his breakfast in hysterics. He looked up and they made eye contact; she gave him a wink and he beamed. When she turned back to the Slytherins, Snape was looking at her, her hooked nose screwed up and her mouth dangerously thin. Remi was hit with a sudden moment of recklessness and blew her a kiss. Stella saw and laughed harder.

The fun was over too soon, as Dumbledore calmly entered and ceased the rice tornado with a wordless wave of his wand. Patrick’s face was red and splotchy, and he looked at Remi with a look of pure loathing.

‘Mr Parkinson, I assume you did not attack yourself with...let’s see...basmati?’

‘No, sir.’ Patrick said through gritted teeth.

‘And you don’t know who did?’ A beat of silence.

‘No, sir.’ Dumbledore nodded, his blue eyes twinkling as he surveyed the room, his glance staying on the Marauders for an extra beat.

‘Very well. _Evanesco_.’ The rice disappeared and Dumbledore cheerily left the hall, whistling a tune that sounded suspiciously like _Rocket Man._ Jane smirked at them and they all left the Hall, giggling.

‘Fucking genius, my beloved Prongs.’ Stella sighed, swinging her arms around Jane and Remi. 

‘You don’t think he will tell, right?’ Petra looked slightly concerned.

‘Hell no.’ Stella grinned. ‘No proof, apart from his own fuck up.’

‘Relax, Wormtail.’ Remi nudged her and smiled. ‘It was bloody perfect. Just enjoy it.’

They were almost at the Potions classroom when someone stepped out in front of them.

‘You’re arrogant slags, do you know that?’ Serena’s scowl was menacing.

‘Woah there Snape, just when I was thinking about inviting you to our next sleepover.’ Jane’s voice was how it always was with Serena; smooth and confident and completely infuriating.

‘You think you’re so above the rules, Potter? Two of us can play at that game.’ Jane made a noncommittal noise, casually flipped out her wand and raised an eyebrow.

‘Ready when you are.’ Jane fixed her gaze on Serena, who already had her wand in hand. ‘Maybe a good fight will make you rethink whether being a racist prick is funny.’

‘You’re a fucking loser, Potter. Your bullshit girl power and civil rights won’t matter in the end.’

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

‘It means that you’ve got what’s coming to you.’ She looked back to Remi. ‘Better hide your secrets well, Lupin.’ Remi tried to not let her face betray anything, willing Jane to do the same, but it was Stella who lost her cool and pointed her wand at Snape.

‘ _Furnunculus_!’ A great eruption of pimples began to grow and burst over Serena’s face. She screamed and ran down the corridor.

‘Fuck, Stella, let’s _go_.’ Remi desperately tugged on her friend’s robes, pulling her in the opposite direction, and Petra and Jane followed. Once they’d gotten around the corner, Remi turned on Stella. ‘What the hell, Padfoot? I told you to not do anything stupid to Snape this year!’

‘Oh please, she had it coming - what the hell is she talking about, your secrets? I wasn’t going to let her get away with that!’

‘But don’t you see, she could have been saying that to get a rise out of us and not known anything. Now, she absolutely knows that it’s a weak point.’ Remi groaned. ‘Today’s prank was awesome. It was funny, it was harmless. But shit like that--’ she jerked her finger in the direction they’d come from ‘--shit like that is what will make them come after us.’

‘So what?’ Stella was practically yelling. ‘Let them come at us! With their bloody purity shit and baby bigot attitudes - I don’t care, we can take them.’

‘Not if you have everything to lose!’ It came out choked and with more emotion than Remi intended. She tried to breathe. ‘We’re late. Let’s go.’

…

Remi didn’t speak to Stella for the rest of the day. It was anger, for sure, but also a feeling of utter humiliation, like her deepest fears had just been pulled and exposed. Serena must have figured out the countercurse, because she was clear-skinned at lunch, but she eyed the Marauders with a poisonous glare for her entire meal. Remi barely touched her food, and left without a word to Arithmancy, where Max Zhang cornered her outside the classroom for a hug. She let her joy at their success that morning come back.

‘I really appreciated that, Lupin.’

‘I’m positive that I don’t know what you mean.’

‘Sure.’ He gave her shoulder a squeeze and they headed into the classroom, Remi taking her usual seat next to Levi. He gave her a wry look.

‘Remi Lupin, what a surp- _rice_ to see you here.’ Remi snorted and shoved him.

‘That was terrible.’

‘Not my finest work, I must admit.’

‘You enjoyed the show then?’

‘I was put in Gryffindor for a reason, hey?’ They grinned at each other and Remi left with him and Dorian after class, stopping by the Great Hall to pick up a dinner of sandwiches and pumpkin juice, which they covertly ate in the corners of the library.

‘I still say we could have had a hot meal.’ Dorian sighed. ‘OWLs can’t be taking all the joy out of life this early in term.’

‘You figure out a way we can get twenty inches of parchment written before tomorrow on the magical properties of the number seven _without_ skipping dinner, and I’ll take your virginity tonight Meadowes.’ Levi snorted and Dorian threw a limp lettuce leaf at her.

They got it done, somehow; but Remi was exhausted by the time she got back to the dorms, and starving. She pulled out a couple of emergency pumpkin pasties from her bedside table and Dorian’s battered copy of _One Hundred Years of Solitude_ , sinking into her mattress and sighing. Not long enough had passed before familiar footsteps approached her bed.

‘Moony?’

‘Padfoot.’

‘Can we please talk?’

‘Okay.’ Stella opened the curtains and sat down, and despite the fact she was wearing just an oversized button down and bike shorts and her hair was perfectly messy and her eyes were like a lost puppy’s and her fingers were warm and comforting as they reached for Remi’s, Remi tried her best to look serious and grave. It did not work. ‘Please forgive me?’

‘Yeah, fine.’ Remi sighed and flopped back onto the bed, Stella grinning and leaping beside her.

‘Sorry, Moony.’

‘Don’t do it again.’

‘I won’t.’

‘Okay.’ 

…

The rest of the week passed in a blur, with late nights of Prefect rounds and piles of homework. On Friday, Remi remembered with a stab of guilt that she still hadn’t written to her parents yet, and wrote them a vague update that Sidney did not look thrilled to transport.

‘This is literally your only job.’ She looked at the tawny owl with narrowed eyes. He huffed. ‘If you’d prefer, I can get a school owl to do it?’ This seemed to offend him sufficiently for Remi to be able to tie the message to his leg and send him off with the promise of mice upon his return. 

In the Common Room, Jane was playing with her stolen Snitch and muttering to herself, an annual dive into insanity that indicated Quidditch tryouts were approaching; Petra was lip locked with Gavin; and Stella was arguing with Marco and Marlon about the rules of wizard poker ( _for the last time, it’s not my fault if you didn’t vanish-proof your cards McKinnon, stop whinging_ ). Dorian was watching from the couch and Remi decided to slump down next to him.

‘Lupin.’

‘Meadowes.’

‘How are you?’

‘Peachy.’

‘Very good.’ His gaze flickered slightly to where Marlon was laughing with Stella. ‘Remi?’

‘Yeah?’

‘Would you actually take my virginity?’ Remi nearly choked on her water.

‘What? Where’s this coming from?’ Dorian’s gaze met the floor, his cheeks red.

‘No, it’s not…’ he sighed and put his face in his hands. ‘I need to get over something. Someone. I don’t know.’ Remi sighed and summoned Godric’s spirit to carry her through what she was about to do next.

‘Sleeping with someone else won’t help you get over them.’ She paused, and said, more quietly, ‘especially if they’re not exactly your type.’ Dorian’s head jerked and he looked at her, his eyes wide. ‘Come on, babe, we’re going for a walk.’

Remi got up and walked towards the portrait hole, Dorian following her, and when they got outside she looped her arm through his. 

‘The astronomy tower would be lovely on a clear night like this.’ They walked in silence for a bit.

‘Remi?’

‘Yeah?’

‘How did you know?’

‘Oh love.’ She smiled sadly at Dorian. ‘It’s not obvious, don’t worry. Just...intuition.’

‘Okay.’ He breathed heavily and she held his arm a bit tighter as they took the last winding staircase and emerged into the clear night, the wind cool and fresh. Remi sat down at the steel barricade, swung her legs over the side of the tower, and pulled out her cigarettes.

‘Want one?’

‘Please.’ Dorian’s hands were shaking, so Remi lit his for him, and they both took a few deep drags before Dorian spoke.

‘I haven’t told anyone yet.’

‘That’s okay. I won’t tell anyone.’

‘Cool.’ Dorian looked down towards the grounds, the forest and lake dark and beautiful in the moonlight, and Remi let him think. ‘It would be fine, I could handle it, if it weren’t for him.’

‘Yeah, look.’ Remi sighed and leant back. ‘I’m afraid I’m as woefully inept as you on that one.’ Dorian looked at her.

‘You too?’

‘Me too.’ She took a last puff and flicked the remains over the barricade. ‘Although I suppose, in general, I don’t really bat for any specific team. It’s just only ever been her, for me.’

‘Does it get easier?’

‘Not really.’

‘Bugger.’

‘Yep. Every day, I just wish...that it will all go away. Why can’t I _evanesco_ feelings?’ Dorian laughed and leant into her shoulder, and Remi responded with her cheek against the top of his head. 

‘Thanks for this, Rem. I was sure I was going mad.’

‘Nah. You’re just a poof.’ 

‘A raging homosexual.’

‘A massive cocksucker.’ Dorian snorted and they both started giggling.

‘God, I’m so glad you did not agree to sleep with me. I really did not want to do that.’

‘You’re welcome, kid.’ Remi patted his head.

‘I went to a gay bar, over the summer.’ It came out in a rush, like he’d been dying to tell someone and hadn’t been able to.

‘Oh lord. What was it like?’

‘Weird. Everyone was so old. Got a pity handjob off the bouncer and left before eleven.’ Remi clapped a hand over her mouth, shaking with laughter.

‘Jesus, Meadowes, are you also hiding filthy humour in there? Why didn’t I know this?’ Dorian grinned.

‘I’m full of surprises, Lupin. So, the girl’s Black, right?’ Remi groaned in acknowledgement and he laughed. ‘Why did I know you’d go for the bad girl type?’

‘She’s my best friend!’

‘Such a cliche.’

‘Oh I bloody know. It would be easier to ignore her if she weren’t also completely charming, impossible to deal with when bored, and resistant to any type of rule.’

‘Jesus, babe. You’ve got it bad.’

‘Against my better judgement, yes.’ She stood up and offered a hand. ‘We should get back. But thank you. I didn’t realise how much I needed this.’

‘Me too, Lupin.’


	4. Fifth Year: Bye Bye, Bigots

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remi is fed up with society's bullshit, and comes up with a glorious idea at Halloween. CW for racism and mention of sexual harassment.

Fortunately, Snape had backed off a fair bit since the incident. She still shot the Marauders venomous glares whenever she could, but her intensity lessened, and Remi felt like she could relax a bit again. She began to develop a familiar routine between classes and late night studying and prefect rounds, and she enjoyed the exhaustion that enveloped her as she slid into bed each night. It made thinking harder, and therefore her insomnia better.

Jane was waking Stella up with relentless enthusiasm each morning to practice ahead of Quidditch tryouts. They’d show up for breakfast flushed and starving, and Stella would shoot meaningful looks at Remi as Jane explained their strategy.

‘So obviously we’ll both be back on the team, but I want to do better than that this year. And I think we’re underestimating the power of having a Chaser and a Beater that know each other, that can work in alliance, because it’s all about putting the points away right? To win this year, we can’t just scrape by, I want to really crush it…’

‘Yeah, for sure Prongs, totally.’ Remi sipped her pumpkin juice and ignored Stella trying not to laugh as Jane misread her fake enthusiasm.

‘I knew you’d come around to Quidditch, Moony! But here’s the kicker--’ she leant in conspiratorially and Remi struggled to keep a straight face ‘--the Chaser-Beater duo between two girls will totally throw the others off their game, particularly Ravenclaw, they’re such a boys club, they always underestimate how powerful Stella is and we won’t even have to verbally communicate, I can read her every move - so while they’re left guessing, I’m already two steps ahead, which is really vital as bloody Avery is an annoyingly good Keeper…’

‘Too right you are Prongs,’ Stella interjected and set her toast down. ‘But we actually need to tell them about the Halloween party.’

‘Ooh!’ Petra, whose eyes had been starting to glaze over, came back to reality and sat up straight. ‘Who told you?’ 

‘Liam Johnson told me - don’t _snicker_ , Padfoot, it’s unbecoming - that the seventh years have planned it.’ Jane grinned. ‘And since Padfoot here will turn the big one-six just a few days later, it has to be absolutely grand.’

‘It does,’ Remi agreed, ‘and therefore, as we are sadly out of alcoholic substances, I think we need to turn to our old pal to manage some procurement. What do you say, Prongs?’

…

The Map had been mostly neglected since their return to school, as their only prank so far had been pretty straightforward. Remi felt a thrill as Jane pulled it out that night, along with her invisibility cloak. The two of them had a quick scan over it as they approached the humpback statue who guarded their favourite passage.

‘Oh, Gunhilda, how we’ve missed you.’ Jane slid off the cloak and looked affectionately at the witch.

‘She’s a true feminist icon. Enabling underage witches to partake in illicit activities for centuries. What a service.’ 

‘Agreed.’ Jane looked back to the statue. ‘ _Dissendium_.’ 

The girls chatted about Quidditch and OWLs and family on the way to Hogsmeade, and Remi let herself enjoy it. She and Jane hadn’t actually gotten any quality time since coming back, and Remi forgot how easy it was between the two of them. When Stella was around, she was the only thing Remi could focus on, and Jane was so energetic and perpetually happy that it was easy to forget to check in on her.

When they got to Honeydukes, the Cloak went back on, and they quietly snuck through the shop and across the village to the Hog’s Head. Despite the overall dinginess of the lesser-frequented pub, Remi quite liked it - her mum would say it had character. The barkeeper grunted as they entered, and was already pulling out a bottle of Firewhiskey as Jane and Remi approached. 

‘You know the way to my heart, Abe. We’ll also need some chocolate liqueur, spiced mead and...let’s go for some red currant rum.’ Jane pressed too many Galleons into Aberforth’s hand, smiled brightly at a group of goblins, and whistled as they left.

‘For fuck’s sake Potter, must you stand out _so_ much?’

‘Confidence, Lupin, is essential to keeping Aberforth on my side.’ Remi elbowed her and Jane laughed as they slid the cloak back on and went back through the passage.

‘So, Moony.’

‘So, Prongs.’

‘Care to tell me why we didn’t see you all summer?’ Remi’s breath hitched and she looked at her friend, who was regarding her with raised eyebrows.

‘You won’t accept that my parents just didn’t let me come? Or let you come?’

‘Surprisingly, nope, as I know for a fact that Lyall and Hope love me, and they also love the fact that you have friends.’

‘Ugh.’

‘Come on.’

‘Well.’ Remi sighed. ‘My mum...she’s not been well. Nothing awful--’ she quickly added as Jane looked alarmed ‘--but she’s a muggle, so it’s harder to fix.’

‘What is it?’

‘I’m not entirely sure, to be honest. My parents don’t want me to be distracted, but I don’t think they realise that not telling me much is so much worse. They keep assuring me it’s nothing serious, though, so I’m just trusting them.’

‘I’m sorry, Rem, that’s shit.’ Jane moved the bag of alcohol onto her other shoulder and took Remi’s arm. Remi shrugged.

‘It’s fine, I just can’t think about it too much.’

‘Was that why it was just Lyall dropping you off this year?’

‘Yeah. Ma’s okay but she just doesn’t look...completely okay. I don’t know.’ They walked on in silence for a bit.

‘You know you can always talk to me, Moony? I don’t want you to have to deal with this all yourself.’

‘I’m fine, Prongs, really.’

‘It’d be okay if you weren’t.’ Jane tugged her in a little closer.

‘Please don’t tell the girls, okay? I can’t deal with it right now.’

‘Of course. Want to hear more about tryouts?’

‘Sure,’ Remi laughed.

…

The irony of Remi doing prefect rounds the next night was not lost on her, as she and Levi wandered around the castle in an attempt to prevent the very sort of behaviour she had partaken in the night before. They sent a few stray third year Hufflepuffs on their way, gave detention to a Ravenclaw who had tried to smuggle out restricted section library books for a Potions assignment, and were finishing up when Remi heard some muffled voices on the third floor. 

‘Can you hear that?’ She looked at Levi, wrinkling her brow. He nodded and they headed down a small corridor, turned a corner and saw a familiar group of Slytherins huddled around each other, whispering quietly.

‘Sorry to break this up, gang, but it’s past curfew.’ Snape, Mulciber, Avery and little Barty Crouch all looked up in surprise, and Remi was met with a familiar sneer.

‘Apologies, Lupin, I was just taking them back to the Tower - as I am also a prefect, in case you’ve forgotten.’

‘Glad to hear it, Serena,’ Remi said smoothly, ‘I’ll wait for you to go.’

‘We are quite capable of escorting ourselves back.’

‘Come on, Ree.’ Levi looked at Snape pleadingly. ‘Don’t be difficult.’

‘You got a problem now, Evans?’ Avery cracked his knuckles and eyed Levi up and down.

‘Just doing my job, mate.’

‘Not your mate, _mudblood_.’ Levi froze and Remi looked at Serena, whose eyes were fixed stubbornly to the ground.

‘That’s ten points off Slytherin, Avery.’ Remi tried to keep her tone even. ‘Snape, I’m serious, get them out of here.’ Serena scowled but headed back towards the main staircase, and they followed her. Remi turned to Levi, who was pointedly avoiding eye contact.

‘Let’s head back, then?’ His tone was too light and he walked away very quickly, Remi jogging a bit to keep up with him.

‘Evans, please slow down. I haven’t run since Prewett somehow transfigured that candle into a fire breathing mouse in second year.’ Evans slowed down, gave Remi a strained smile, but stayed silent. ‘Levi, you know that was completely out of order?’

‘Avery is a dick, we all know that.’

‘No, I meant Serena.’ He slowed - they were just outside Gryffindor tower. Remi lowered her voice. ‘You deserve friends who will stick up for you, no matter what.’

‘She’s not...it’s not her fault.’

‘Come on Evans. You know the type of shit her crowd pulls. Dark magic and hexes and poor Emily Prewett was sent to hospital last year. Plus, they’re not exactly shy about their ideas on blood purity. Why are you still standing up for her?’

‘Leave it, okay, Lupin?’

‘I just can’t understand--’

‘Fine.’ Levi’s face was dark. ‘You don’t have to. Just go and hang around with Potter and Black and steal booze from seventh years or whatever else it is you do.’ Remi felt like she’d been slapped, and took a step back. 

‘Fine.’ Her tone was icy. ‘I’ll go and have fun with my friends, like a normal fifteen year old, and you can hang around people who treat you like shit, and excuse their bigotry in the name of loyalty. I won’t back you up next time.’ And then she turned on her heel and walked towards the portrait.

‘ _Orchidaceae_.’ The Fat Lady swung open and Remi stalked past her, ignoring Levi calling her name from outside. She stormed into the Common Room and up the stairs to the dormitory, ignoring Petra and Stella who called to her from the corner couches.

‘Is she okay?’ Petra’s voice echoed.

‘Let me.’

Remi collapsed onto her bed as the door opened again and Stella came in.

‘Need a chat, Moony?’

‘Need a fag.’

‘Done.’ Stella nodded and grabbed a pack from her desk, and motioned Remi to the windowsill. They sat in silence, Stella blowing her smoke circles and regarding Remi with her soft grey eyes. Remi smiled softly and let the silence float comfortably between them. Stella’s ability to not talk was one of the best things about her. After a few minutes, the door cracked open again and Petra came in, her face apprehensive.

‘You okay?’ She looked at Remi with big eyes and Remi felt a rush of affection for her.

‘’Course. Sorry I didn't say hi before. Want a smoke, Wormtail?’ 

‘Um.’ Petra looked at the cigarette and gulped a little. ‘Gavin says he doesn’t like the smell…’

‘What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him. Come on, live a little.’ Petra giggled and took the already-lit one from Remi’s fingers, slid into a nearby armchair, and inhaled far too much on her first breath. She coughed violently and Remi laughed.

‘To be expected, Pet.’ Stella patted her knee. ‘Less enthusiasm next time. Control your breath.’ Petra took another drag, doing considerably better than her first go. ‘Excellent.’ Petra looked somewhere between terrified and delighted.

‘Um, Moony.’

‘Yeah, Wormtail?’

‘What happened?’ Remi considered telling them, for a moment, but she really couldn’t be bothered.

‘Just ran into a couple of Ravenclaws with a superiority complex. No biggie.’ Petra smiled but Stella levelled a gaze at her, clearly unconvinced. Remi looked away and inhaled a lungful of smoke from a fresh cigarette, and Petra did the same. ‘We’ll make a punk out of you yet, Pettigrew.’

‘Oh god.’ Petra scoffed but looked happy.

…

As the seventh years had promised, the Halloween party was utterly epic.

The Gryffindor common room was packed with other fifth, sixth and seventh year students - plenty of Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs, and even a few Slytherins. The music was loud, blasting Queen across the room, and there were already couples dry humping in the corner armchairs, Petra and Gavin amongst them. Stella and Jane were still getting ready, and Remi felt surprisingly okay in her skirt and boots and a nice blouse. She spotted Eliza Hornby, a Slytherin fifth year she had always gotten on well with, hanging around the drinks table.

‘Hornby!’

‘Ah, Lupin!’ Eliza smiled and gave her a cheek kiss. ‘You may be a bunch of wankers, but boy, you Lions know how to throw a good party.’ Remi laughed.

‘Too right, Snake.’ Ravenclaw prefect Lola Prewett and Gillian Bala - also a Slytherin that Remi quite liked - appeared with drinks in their hands. ‘Prewett, Bala. You down for some friendly competition?’

Fifteen minutes later, they’d cleared a table and Remi was teaching them how to play beer pong. Gillian, who was Slytherin’s star Chaser, turned out to be very good at it and Remi was already feeling her head go woozy when Stella and Jane appeared. Remi landed a shot in Eliza’s cup and whooped as Jane tackled her around the waist and lifted her off the floor. Stella had her hip flask out, offering it around the table.

‘Ah, Potter! You ready for the match?’ Gillian grinned at Jane, who scoffed.

‘I was bloody born ready, Bala.’ The two of them started arguing about the recent match between the Harpies and Puddlemere, and Eliza and Lola rolled their eyes. 

‘Guess that’s the game over, then.’ Eliza grabbed Stella’s hip flask and took a shot. ‘So, Lupin, Prewett here had some interesting theories about that bizarre rice storm that hit our beloved prefect the other day…’ Lola shoved her.

‘I told you not to tell her!’ 

‘Nah, it’s all good.’ Eliza smiled at Remi. ‘I hate that dickhead.’

‘To be fair, he is horrific.' Remi rolled her eyes. 'Why did none of the nice Slytherins get prefect?’

‘Don’t ask me,’ Eliza grumbled. ‘Slughorn has his favourites, I suppose. You know they’ve started calling themselves Death Eaters? Parkinson and Mulciber and Avery, their crowd.’

‘That’s fucking creepy.’ Stella frowned and poured some rum into a cup. ‘Do you know why?’

‘Apparently it’s what Voldemort has started calling his followers.’ 

‘They’re like a cult.’ Lola shivered. ‘So nasty, and not just about blood status.’ She glanced furtively to where Gillian was still in animated conversation with Jane. ‘Mulciber called Gill a savage the other day.’ Remi’s jaw dropped open.

‘What the fuck?’

‘I know. She was distraught.’ Eliza shook her head and Stella looked furious. ‘But then the rice tornado hit Parkinson and Lola told us about the comment he made on the train and it started making a bit more sense, I think Voldemort has a thing about keeping Europe on top of the wizarding world.’

‘Sounds about right.’ Stella sighed. ‘I’m sorry you guys have to be around that.’

‘All good, Black. There's some solid people in our house and we have each other’s backs, we’ll be okay. It’s created a pretty clear divide in the Common Room, though.’

‘It’s not just Slytherin, though.’ Lola shook her head. ‘I’ve definitely heard some unsavoury things in Ravenclaw.’

‘Gryffindor, too.’ Remi shrugged. ‘Someone told Jane last year that she smelled, and when she was confused, they told her to cut down on the curry.’ At the mention of this, Stella nearly growled, potentially forgetting she was still in human and not dog form.

‘Fuckers,’ she muttered darkly. An idea hit Remi.

‘Hey, so you guys liked the prank we pulled on Parkinson, yeah?’ Lola and Eliza nodded. ‘What if we did more of a coordinated effort?’

‘What, like a club?’

‘Exactly like a club.’ Eliza and Lola exchanged looks.

‘I’d be in.’ Eliza grinned. ‘I want to make hell rain on anyone who insults my Gill.’

‘Me too.’ Lola eyed Remi. ‘Being a prefect has got to come with some sort of advantage, right, Lupin?’

‘Exactly.’ 

‘Ooh!’ Stella swallowed her mouthful of rum. ‘We could make it girls only, and invite some others? Jane would love that, it’d be like a feminist utopia.’

They chatted for about half an hour more. Eliza was a surprisingly knowledgeable on the muggle civil rights movement, and Lola apparently had been trying to nail a group of older boys who had a competition going to see who could prank the most girls, with the aim of seeing up their skirts. At that, Remi wrinkled her nose.

‘God, that’s gross.’

‘I know.’

‘Let’s take them down.’ Stella was quite drunk by this point. ‘Fuck the patriarchy!’ The other girls whooped and raised their drinks.

‘Fuck the patriarchy!’

…

‘We’re starting a feminist club?’ Jane was delighted.

‘Yep.’ Stella stabbed her bacon aggressively. ‘An anti-racist, anti-blood purity, feminist club. Girls only.’

‘Good idea. When are we going to meet?’

‘Well, Eliza is going to round up the Slytherins and Lola’s doing the same with Ravenclaws. We need a Hufflepuff contact though.’

‘I’ll ask Larissa Bones,’ Remi said. ‘She’s made a couple of comments about the ministry’s stance on half-breeds and her sister just overturned laws on magical immigration restrictions in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement.’

‘Ah, Amelia.’ Jane smiled. ‘I would have died to be her friend while she was here. Such a badass.’ Petra murmured in agreement, looking both overwhelmed and excited about their plans.

Remi got to speak to Larissa in Care of Magical Creatures, who was very enthusiastic about the idea and promised to rally as many Hufflepuff girls as she could. In Arithmancy, Levi tried to talk to her, but she pointedly ignored him. His words still rang in her ears, and although she knew Jane and Stella weren’t perfect, she couldn’t stand any more hypocritical digs at them from a Snape defender. She opted to study with Dorian instead, who seemed to have undergone a personality transplant since their talk on the astronomy tower.

‘So there’s really no one for you besides McKinnon, then?’

‘Anyone for you besides Black?’

‘Touche.’

‘There’s probably no one else like us to date, anyway.’

‘Oh Dor,’ Remi snorted, ‘I forget how closed off the wizarding world can be. You know that something like 1 in 10 people are like us?’

‘You’re shitting me.’

‘I’m not. Read some muggle magazines, or go to King’s Cross on a Saturday night. I’m totally correct.’ Dorian eyed her sceptically. 

‘How do you know so much?’

‘I don’t really.’

‘But you still know more than me.’

‘I read.’ Remi poked her tongue out at him and he swatted her. ‘Plus, the muggle feminist movement is really cool, us queers are being heard a bit more, particularly after Stonewall. I like to keep up to date on things happening in both worlds.’

‘Can you lend me some stuff to read?’

‘Sure.’ She smiled at him and they kept working, and Remi was struck with a sudden notion that she’d never had before - that maybe, just maybe, she could make a difference in the world.

  
  



	5. Fifth Year: Wotcher, Slags?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A very thoughtful present, a rough Quidditch match and an excellent first meeting.

Despite Stella’s own disinterest in her birthday, being friends with Jane Potter means that everything that can be celebrated, must be celebrated. And so, that’s how the Marauders ended up in Marco, Marlon, Dorian and Levi’s dorm on a Monday night, playing wizard poker and letting Stella take all their money.

‘God, if I knew turning sixteen would mean becoming a rich woman--’

‘--you’re  _ already _ rich you knob--’

‘--watch your tongue, Mr McKinnon!’

Remi elbowed Dorian, perhaps not subtly enough, as he turned red and coughed into his butterbeer.

‘Alright, Meadowes?’ Marlon grinned at his friend, and Remi felt for Dorian. Marlon was God-level attractive, with his smooth dark skin and big white smile and muscles, and he was casually wearing a shirt that unbuttoned to his navel. Personally, Remi thought it screamed queer, though she doubted Dorian would take it as sufficient evidence.

‘For fuck’s sake, not again.’ Marco groaned and threw in his cards. He poked Stella’s ribs and she punched his shoulder, Petra watching them with raised eyebrows.

‘Not my fault you all suck.’ Stella triumphantly collected her coins. She caught Remi's eye and winked, and oh god, it sent goosebumps everywhere over Remi's body. Dorian gave her a look and she elbowed him again.

‘How about we play something else?’ Levi started collecting the cards and looked hopefully at Remi, but she averted her gaze. She was being civil for everyone else’s sake, but she still didn’t want to make nice with him.

‘I’m having a smoke break.’ She got up and went to the window, throwing it open, and Dorian followed. He cast a quick  _ muffliato  _ around them and Remi grinned as she lit up.

‘How in the hell do you cope with McKinnon looking like  _ that _ every goddamn day?’

‘Oh my god.’ Dorian threw his head in his hands. ‘Don’t remind me. It’s torturous. Even if he was gay, he still wouldn’t go for me.’ Remi punched his shoulder, hard.

‘None of that, please.’

‘It’s true!’

‘You’re hot, in like a--’ Remi considered him ‘--nerdy, librarian fantasy kind of way.’ Dorian snorted.

‘Yeah, we’re pretty similar in that sense.’ Remi laughed and adjusted her headband.

‘How unfortunate that we can’t just be straight and date each other.’

‘If I was in any way attracted to women, you’d be it for me Lupin.’

‘How kind of you. If I weren’t singularly obsessed with one woman, ditto.’ Dorian cracked up and Remi looked over to where the objects of their affection were heatedly arguing over whether Truth or Dare or Exploding Snap would be better for a Monday night (Stella, of course, was in favour of Truth or Dare). Remi and Dorian stared, for a beat, then looked at each other with identical expressions.

‘Let’s get back, then?’ Dorian had one hand in his sandy hair and looked like he was in physical pain.

‘Yeah.’ Remi groaned and hopped off the windowsill. ‘Oi, lads, what’s going on now?’

‘The boys are too chicken for Truth or Dare,’ Jane smirked.

‘It’s a Monday night and none of us are drunk, Potter.’ Marco sipped his butterbeer.

‘See what I mean? Chicken.’ 

‘Alright, alright.’ Levi chuckled and Jane looked at him, running her hand through her hair so her side part flipped. ‘It’s probably time to call it, anyway.’

‘Ugh. No fun.’ Jane winked at Levi and he went red and coughed. ‘Okay, night, boys.’ The Marauders headed back to their dorm, and Petra fell in step with Remi.

‘Moony, you have to show me how to play poker.’

‘Wouldn’t Padfoot be the better one to ask?’

‘Doesn’t want to “give away her secrets”.’ 

‘Of course. Okay, Wormtail, we’ll play together next time.’

‘Great.’ Petra beamed at her and Remi felt a sudden softness for her lovable, awkward friend, who was so often overshadowed by the massive personalities that came with their friendship group. Up ahead, Jane and Stella were loudly arguing about whether Flitwick or Grubbly-Plank would win in a fight, and Remi sighed.

‘’Course, Pet. Any time.’

Later that night, when Jane and Petra were sound asleep, Remi hopped into Stella’s bed with a  _ silencio _ .

‘Moony!’ Stella was holding the Marauder’s Map and her wand, lazily flicking through it. ‘Come keep your fellow insomniac company.’ Remi smiled and slid in next to her, looking at the map, where Jason Runcorn and Anya Patel appeared to be in very close quarters in the second floor broom cupboard.

‘Ooh, rule breakers.’

‘I know. The arrogance.’ Stella did a spot on Snape impression and Remi snorted.

‘Speaking of arrogant rule-breakers…’

‘You wouldn’t be talking about me?’ Stella looked at her in mock horror.

‘Of course not.’ Remi rolled her eyes. ‘I got you a birthday present.’ Stella’s face instantly softened.

‘Moony, you didn’t have to.’

‘It’s not much.’ Remi slid a small pouch into her hand. Stella opened it and a smooth, plain stone fell out. Remi spoke quickly. ‘There’s a spell on it, I asked Flitwick for help, so that whenever something good happens, you can hold it and it will take on the feeling you have in that moment, and then when you’re feeling down, you can hold it and it will remind you of the way you felt in happier times.’ Pause. ‘Do you like it?’

‘Moony.’ Stella’s voice was hoarse and Remi saw with a shock that there were tears in her eyes. ‘It’s incredible.’ Stella sniffed and Remi wrapped her arms around her, taking in her coffee and citrus smell, the softness of her hair, the way she just slightly shook when she was emotional. ‘I can’t believe you did that for me.’

‘Of course.’  _ I would do anything for you _ . ‘Of course, Padfoot.’

…

  
  


Remi always looked forward to the first Quidditch match of the season, much as she hated to admit it. Despite her vehement opposition to participating in any sort of team sport, the way the castle seemed to buzz with life, and Jane and Stella ribbing their teammates at breakfast, and the crowds of students pouring down the hill to the pitch - that was what she loved about Hogwarts. The feeling of being absolutely alive.

Jane was hyped from the get go, high fiving everyone along the breakfast table and smirking across the room at Gillian, who mouthed ' _b_ __ring_ it’ _ . Stella started a Lions chant as the Slytherins left.

_ Hey there, snakes beware _

_ Lions are here and our teeth are bared _

_ Hey there, snakes beware _

_ Lions are here and our teeth are bared _

The entirety of Gryffindor joined in, earning them a nasty look from the Slytherin team as they left. Xanthe Smith, the Gryffindor Seeker, and Farrah Santos, the other Beater, came to sing with Stella, and the boys - Morgan Carruthers, Austin Featherstone, Edwin Ivanov - had their arms around each other with Jane in the middle, jumping up and down and bumping chests.

‘Ahem.’ Professor McGonagall appeared and put on her stern voice. ‘I would like to remind  _ all  _ Gryffindors that we value good sportsmanship and fair play - please release me, Mr Featherstone, I am speaking here - and we will have a good, civil match today.’ The Gryffindors whooped in mock agreement, and McGonagall rolled her eyes, before pulling Jane aside in earshot of Remi.

‘You’re going to beat them, Potter?’

‘We’re going to crush them, Professor.’

‘Excellent.’ McGonagall raised her voice again. 'Remember that it's about having fun, everyone.’ She gave Jane a knowing look and headed off.

‘Come on, Wormtail, let’s get good seats.’ Remi got up and she and Petra started walking out of the Great Hall, and were swiftly intercepted by Larissa and Lola. 

‘Hey, girls. You’re supporting Gryffindor today?’

‘Of course.’ Lola grinned. ‘Don’t tell Gillian or Eliza.’

‘Your secret’s safe with me.’

‘So, we thought Tuesday night could be a good time to meet up? We’ve talked to everyone and it seems like the most convenient time.’ 

‘Sounds good.’

‘Any ideas on where we should meet?’ Larissa asked.

‘Hmm.’ Remi smiled and looked at Petra, who smiled back. ‘Let’s meet on the seventh floor. Near the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy.’

‘Huh?’ Lola looked confused. ‘There’s nothing up there.’

‘Oh, I’m sure an opportunity will present itself.’ Petra laughed as Remi walked off, leaving a confused Larissa and Lola behind them. ‘Bye, girls! Go Lions!’

…

The match was rough from start to finish. Slytherin’s tactic seemed to be playing as many fouls as they could while claiming accidents, although Gillian and the Seeker - Derek Wakefield, a third year who looked scarily small next to the older players - played well, often shooting their teammates dirty looks as they hit relentless Bludgers at the Gryffindor Chasers.

‘And that was a close call for Jane Potter, Gryffindor’s star Chaser! Potter passes to Carruthers, who passes to Featherstone, and Stella Black masterfully blocks a Bludger, that girl is hiding a deceptive amount of muscle--’

‘--focus, please, Mr Zhang--’

‘Sorry, Professor. Featherstone passes back to Potter, who approaches the goal - and score for Gryffindor! They lead Slytherin eighty to twenty.’

Avery and Mulciber looked positively venomous, and Remi saw them give a meaningful nod to Rosier and Nott, the Beaters. Max’s voice boomed over the pitch as the ball went back into play.

‘And Slytherin is in possession of the Quaffle - Avery passes to Mulciber, who passes to Goyle, Potter intercepts his pass back to Avery and has a clear field towards the Slytherin goal - OH!’

A precisely aimed Bludger hit Jane in her side and she dropped the Quaffle, clutching her stomach, and Madam Hooch zoomed towards her, catching her drooping shoulders and lowering her to ground level.

‘We need to get her to the Hospital Wing!’ Hooch called up to the teacher’s stand, where Madam Pomfrey was running down towards the pitch. Stella was already there, holding Jane’s hand as she twitched and groaned. Remi tugged Petra’s arm and headed straight for the Hospital Wing, where they waited until Jane was levitated in on a stretcher.

‘Is she okay? What happened? Where did it get her?’ Remi ran after Madam Pomfrey and Petra followed. Pomfrey held up a finger and quickly set Jane down on a bed, where she was still shaking and groaning. Remi grabbed her hand.

‘Hey, Prongs, we’re here mate.’ Remi looked back at Petra, who was gaping and white as Madam Pomfrey cut a slit through Jane’s shirt, revealing blossoming red and purple marks down her side.

‘Broken ribs, I think, Potter.’ Pomfrey tutted. ‘Despicable play. We’ll have you better in no time.’ She held a small goblet to Jane’s lips and poured, ignoring noises of revulsion coming from the injured player. Remi and Petra watched until Jane seemed to calm down, and Madam Pomfrey turned to them.

‘Skele-Gro. It’ll take an hour or two to repair her ribs but she will be fine.’ Petra let a sigh of relief and Remi smiled weakly.

Stella came running in an hour later.

‘Is she okay?’

‘Yeah, Padfoot, fine.’ Stella was still holding her broom, her cheeks red and flushed, and she looked slightly insane with her windblown hair and dilated pupils. ‘Broken ribs, but Madam Pomfrey says she should be okay soon.’ Stella nodded and looked at Jane’s sleeping frame.

‘We fucking destroyed them, by the way.’ Stella exhaled and collapsed into a chair.

‘Oh thank  _ god _ .’ Petra high fived her. ‘Bloody cheaters.’

‘Madam Hooch was furious. Gave Gryffindor penalties whenever she could after that.’ Stella grinned and ruffled Jane’s hair. ‘No one messes with our girl.’

Soon after, the rest of the Gryffindor team came in, much to Madam Pomfrey’s dismay, and Jane stirred awake.

‘Did we beat them?’ 

‘Crushed them.’ Morgan, the team’s captain, patted her leg. ‘Huge thanks to you. Seven fucking goals, Potter, you bloody legend.’ The rest of the time whooped and Jane smiled. 

‘You better heal quick, I’ve heard there are some celebrations happening later,’ Farrah said quietly, so Madam Pomfrey couldn’t hear. 

‘Give me a bit, almost there.’ Jane laughed and leant back into the sheets in relief.

Madam Pomfrey kept her three more hours, just to be sure, but by the second hour Jane was sitting up and laughing. Remi stayed with her, working through Charms homework, Stella joined them after she’d showered and changed, and Petra went after Jane's colour come back to find Gavin. When Madam Pomfrey reluctantly let her go, they walked back into an exceptionally rowdy Common Room.

‘POTTER, WOMAN OF THE HOUR!’ Morgan and Austin grabbed her immediately and dragged her into the room’s centre.

‘Oi, careful! She’s just mended three ribs!’ Remi’s protests were swiftly ignored as the Gryffindors surrounded her, patting her back and handing her butterbeers. Jane looked back at Stella and Remi, shrugged, and started singing as the Bay City Rollers started playing from Edwin’s record player.

The celebrations went on for an hour, until Stella and Remi managed to drag Jane upstairs, where she was asleep the moment her head hit the pillow. 

‘Must be nice, to sleep somewhat normally.’ Stella looked affectionately at Jane’s sleeping outline.

‘Sounds boring.’ Remi poked out her tongue. ‘Oh! I forgot to tell you before. You don’t have Quidditch practice on Tuesdays, right?’

…

The Marauders arrived early to the Room of Requirement. Upon opening, the Room was surrounded with floor to ceiling bookshelves, and seemingly endless options - Maya Angelou, Toni Morrison, and Virginia Woolf standing out to Remi from the muggle section, and the magic section was filled with biographies and works from famous witches - Bridget Wenlock and Alberta Toothill, Bathilda Bagshot and Helga Hufflepuff. In the centre of a room was a round table, with quills, parchment and ink ready.

‘It’s perfect.’ Jane was practically jumping.

‘Who knew the Room was actually a closet feminist?’ Stella reached for a book and the room sent it soaring gracefully into her hand. They all grinned.

Eliza and Gillian arrived first, with a few younger Slytherin girls in tow. Gillian went straight over to Jane to check on her ribs - ‘ _ You may have gotten injured, Potter, but that doesn’t mean I’ll go easy on you next time’ _ \- and then Lola and three of her Ravenclaw friends showed. The Hufflepuffs were last, and Larissa had brought six girls, plus someone who was loitering around the door.

‘Bones, please get them all in, we don’t want to be caught.’ Jane’s voice reverberated from the corner of the room, where she and Lola were checking out poetry collections. Everyone turned as a nervous-looking boy entered. Jane looked at Larissa.

‘Didn’t we say girls only?’ The boy bit his lip and muttered something to Larissa, who firmly shoved him forward.

‘Everyone, this is Talia. _She_ wanted to join the club too.’ The room went quiet and Talia averted her eyes, breathing heavily. Remi’s heart ached, and Jane spoke almost immediately.

‘I’m so sorry, Talia. All girls are welcome here.’ Talia nodded and smiled, still avoiding eye contact, until Stella wandered over.

‘Butterbeer?’ The ice broke as Talia accepted and Stella started chatting to her, motioning to the wall of books behind them. Remi breathed a sigh of relief and went over to Larissa.

‘That’s one of the bravest things I’ve ever seen.’

‘Took a lot of convincing.’ Larissa bit her lip. ‘But she needs some support. I figured that here was somewhere she might feel comfortable being herself.’

‘I hope so.’ Stella pulled Talia over to them.

‘Talia described our rice tornado as, and I quote, “so stupid that it was genius”.’

‘How accurate.’ Remi poked her tongue out. ‘It was fun though.’ Talia smiled and sipped her butterbeer.  _ All girls are welcome here _ , Remi thought.  _ We need to make this good _ .

‘Okay, okay, let’s start the meeting.’ Jane’s voice cut through the room and Remi turned to see a blackboard apparated next to her. ‘So, you all know why we’re here. We know there’s a war, and there’s some bullshit going on around blood purity, but that’s not the only problem at Hogwarts. My fellow girls of colour can attest to the relentless racism, I’m sure--’

‘Hear hear!’ Gillian raised her butterbeer.

‘--and we all know about the blatant misogyny that our teachers don’t seem to mind giving a free pass in the halls.’ The girls murmured in agreement. ‘We need to demand better, for ourselves and for others. I don’t know what form we will take yet, but it’s a democracy, and we all get a say. Whether it’s pranks or rebellion or a goddamn manifesto, I want us all to play an equal part. So, what do you want to achieve?’

They went around the table, each girl giving a different answer -  _ I want to bring down the boys who catcall girls in the hallways, I want to be a proud black witch, I want to learn more about what I can do to support others _ \- until it got to Talia. Her lip quivered.

‘Um, I guess...I would like to be myself. Someday.’ Everyone nodded and Larissa gave her arm a squeeze. ‘But I’m not ready, so can...can you all please promise to not tell anyone?’ Jane surveyed the room.

‘I think we should agree to a general rule of what happens in here, stays in here. No mention of the club to others unless you’re trying to recruit them, and nothing personal about any of our members. Or you'll be kicked out.’ Everyone murmured in assent, and Talia looked relieved.

‘Which brings me to our last agenda item - every club needs a name. Any ideas for ours?’ The room was quiet, and Jane smiled. ‘No stupid ideas, I promise.’

‘Nothing can be stupider than Slug Club,’ said Lola, and everyone laughed. Remi straightened up.

‘Prewett, you’re a genius.’

‘I am?’ Lola looked confused.

‘Jane, what was it the delightful Serena Snape called us the other day?’

‘Snape has called us many things, Lupin.’ 

‘I think the particular incident I’m referring to involved the phrase  _ arrogant slags _ .’

‘Charming.’ Eliza’s mouth quirked.

‘And I think us troublemakers and wicked women have an excellent history of reclaiming terms used to demean us, correct?’ Jane’s face lit up.

‘Lupin, you beautiful wench.’ The room fell quiet as Jane scratched chalk across the board. ‘Ladies, welcome to Slag Club.’


	6. Fifth Year: Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas with the Potters takes a turn. CW for child abuse.

The week before Christmas break, Remi got an unexpected letter.

_ My cariad, _

_ Your grandmother has booked your mother and I a trip to France as a surprise Christmas gift. While we’re very excited to be going, there are only two tickets. I hope you forgive us - it’s been such a long time since we’ve gone away. But then again, I’m sure your OWLs year is flying past as fast for you as it did for me, and you’ll see us very soon. _

_ I’ve talked to Fleamont and he’s more than happy to take you over Christmas if you would like to go. Let me know. _

_ Lots of love, _

_ Da _

‘Looks like we’ll be singing carols together this year, Prongs.’ Remi grinned at Jane.

‘For real?’ Remi nodded and pass her the letter.

‘Oh damn, that looks awesome. Pity you can’t see them though.’

‘Eh, two months in Wales was long enough.’ Remi kept her tone light, but tried to push down the mixture of guilt and disgust at her own relief. She loved her parents, but summer had been so miserable, and her parents so distant - with everything else going on, staying with the uncomplicated Potter family sounded amazing. ‘I’m so excited to have Euphemia’s ginger snaps fresh out of the oven.’

‘Oh Godric, I’m so excited.’ Jane moaned and her eyes rolled into the back of her head.

‘What’s this?’ Stella slid down next to Jane at the breakfast table. ‘You look like you’ve got someone’s face between your legs.’ Remi choked on her pumpkin juice and Jane nearly pushed Stella off the bench. 

‘Get your mind out of the gutter, Padfoot, we’re talking about my mum’s cooking.’

‘Oh, that’s fine then.’ Stella grabbed a piece of toast and gave Jane her best grin.

‘Moony’s spending Christmas with us.’

‘Seriously?’ Stella beamed. ‘So am I! Wrote to my parents this morning.’

‘You didn’t even ask me!’ Jane laughed.

‘I asked your mum.’

‘You wrote to Euphemia but didn’t tell me?’

‘I assumed that you’d want me to stay with you, jeez.’

‘I do,’ Jane shoved her a little. ‘You just need to be careful.’

‘I’ve decided I don’t care anymore,’ Stella shrugged. ‘What are they going to do, write me out of the will? That ship sailed a long time ago.’ 

…

Fleamont and Euphemia’s house was as delightful as Remi remembered - Fleamont’s traditional English interiors combined with what Jane called her Mum’s ‘Desi touches’ - incense and henna sets and a greenhouse with magical plants native to India. 

‘Wow, Euphemia, you’ve got a small forest going on in there.’ Remi looked in awe at a purple and green plant that furled open its flowers at the sound of their voices.

‘Thank you dear.’ Euphemia looked pleased. ‘After retirement, I decided I needed something to keep me busy.’

‘Yeah, and Dad was too annoying for you to deal with full time.’ Jane appeared in the doorway, grinning and munching an apple. Euphemia shook her head.

‘Where did you come from?’

‘In case you’ve forgotten, this is my house too Mum.’ Jane flashed a wide smile at her and Euphemia tutted, but placed a gentle kiss on her daughter's temple as she left for the main house.

‘Have I mentioned how much I love Euphemia?’ Remi sighed, stroking the leaf of a tall plant with star-shaped fruit hanging off it.

‘Once or twice. Not as many times as Stella.’

‘Fair point. Where is Padfoot?’ They headed back towards the house, where they spied Stella sitting on a barstool near the kitchen and chatting with Fleamont. She looked happy - happier, Remi thought, than she had looked in a while. 

‘Remi!’ Remi startled at being called her first name. Fleamont was beckoning to her.

‘Yes, Mr Potter?’

‘That’s Fleamont to you, please.’ Remi smiled and his gaze moved to her cheek, a fresh scratch running down it from her transformation a few days before. ‘Have you put something on that?’

‘Madam Pomfrey gave me something.’ Remi nervously looked at Jane. ‘It’s not a big deal, really.’

‘It doesn't look too nice, dear.’ Euphemia clucked her tongue. ‘What happened?’

‘I’m just clumsy.’ The Potters looked unconvinced, but thankfully left it. Jane gave her an apologetic look. Remi tugged down her sleeves a bit, thankful she was wearing a particularly oversized jumper. 

It wasn’t vanity, really, Remi's squeamishness about her scars. They just screamed vulnerability, and Remi didn’t like people jumping to conclusions or pitying her. She remembered one particularly bad full moon, when she was seven or eight, and the day after a muggle shopkeeper shook his head at her and asked her if she was safe at home. She’d had no idea what he meant, at the time, but Lyall got upset and carried her all the way back to their house, tears of fury clouding his face.

‘Safe at home! How could they even think...they’ll never realise. I will spend my whole life protecting you.’ He had meant to be comforting, a promise, even, but every time Remi remembered it she thought only about what a burden that must be on her parents - to have a child who will never be able to be completely independent, completely safe, completely accepted by the world around them. She’d long since vowed to be independent as early as possible. She could deal with the werewolf thing. She wasn’t sure her parents could - not forever.

Euphemia’s spiced chicken and rice was beautiful and warmed Remi from head to toe, and the girls took handfuls of fresh ginger snaps - also spiced with cardamom and clove and saffron - with their tea up to bed. The Potters had guest rooms but the girls were used to sleeping together, and Stella had insisted on sharing a queen sized mattress beside Jane’s bed. They played David Bowie and Queen and danced around the huge room, covered in Cannons posters and Gryffindor colours. It was the type of sleepover Remi never got to have as a child, and despite the mattress on the floor, the three of them fell asleep at various angles on Jane’s bed, limbs crossed and feet intertwined, and when Remi woke up, she felt well-rested in a way she hadn’t for a very long time.

It was definitely too perfect to last.

The morning of Christmas Eve, a familiar black owl woke the girls up. They’d spent the day before tobogganing and sledding down the snow-covered hills next to the Potter’s house, and Remi heard her back crack as she sat up. It took a second for her to register the owl.

‘Fuck, Padfoot, wake up!’ Stella grumbled and blinked her eyes open, and Jane propped up on her elbows.

‘Moony, please let us--oh. Opal.’ Stella’s eyes sprung open.

‘Fuck.’  Opal dropped the piece of paper she had been carrying in Stella’s lap, gave a squawk, and promptly left. 

_ Please help. - RAB _

Stella swore again, leaping out of bed and grabbing the closest clothes she could find.

‘Padfoot, wait til Mum and Dad are up, please.’ Jane ran over to her and tried to get her to sit down. Stella shook her off. ‘Mum can go with you. You can’t go back alone.’

‘It’s my little sister. No fucking way am I waiting, or dragging you into this.’

‘It’s  _ dangerous _ . They’re pissed off with you enough--’

‘--they’ve tried everything before, Prongs, and I’ve been okay every time.’ Jane looked at Remi helplessly. But Remi knew when Stella was a lost cause.

‘Prongs, don’t try and stop her.’

‘But it’s so--’

‘Padfoot, just promise us that you will leave if something happens.’

‘Okay.’ Stella grabbed her wand and jacket, and flew down the stairs, Jane and Remi close behind.

‘Stella, please, just - wait!’ Jane ran into her living room, they heard some banging, and she ran back in with two mirrors. She gave one to Stella. 

‘They’re my dad’s. I’ll keep mine on me all day.’ 

Stella held up the mirror, and Remi saw her reflection in Jane’s. Stella nodded, tucked it inside her coat, and hopped into the fireplace.

‘Twelve Grimmauld Place!’ And then she was gone.

The next six hours were ones that would haunt Remi for years after. She and Jane curled up together on the couch, the mirror propped up in front of them, dark and silent. When they explained what happened to Euphemia and Fleamont, they immediately wrote to Dumbledore and sat at the fireplace, quietly drinking tea and looking at each other every time they heard a sound. Jane’s eyes were red rimmed and damp and she leant against Remi’s shoulder while Remi tried to breathe and focus on reading one of Fleamont’s history books. By midday, the household was unbearably tense. A crack outside the front door at one o’clock made everyone jump and hold their breath, until a familiar Scottish lilt rang through the house.

‘Albus sent me.’ Euphemia quickly ushered Minerva McGonagall into the front room, where Remi and Jane gave her half hearted smiles. McGonagall nodded at them, her eyes soft, and pulled out two large chocolate bars from Honeydukes.

‘The best way to cope with stress, I’ve found.’ She gave them each a firm pat on the shoulder and went into the kitchen, where Fleamont was waiting. Remi didn’t feel hungry, until she remembered she hadn’t had any breakfast or lunch, and decided her Head of House probably knew best. The chocolate was wonderful, smooth and dark and sprinkled with notes of raspberry and licorice. Remi closed her eyes and let it melt on her tongue, trying to focus on its taste and texture and not on where Stella was. It did stop her heart racing quite so fast, and she was able to sit still a bit more. Then they kept waiting.

Twenty minutes later, Jane yelped as a glint of grey crossed the mirror.

‘Moony! Did you see that?’

‘What? No.’ Remi put down the book she hadn’t been reading and looked. Again, a familiar grey eye blinked, and Stella’s face passed by the mirror. It was blurred, but Remi thought she saw something red, and felt sick.

‘Mum, Dad!’ Euphemia and Fleamont ran in with McGonagall, and Jane gestured towards the mirror. ‘I saw her. Please, can we go?’

‘Absolutely not.’ Fleamont went into the guest area and came back with his jacket and shoes. ‘Minerva and I will go.’

‘But--’

‘No, Janey.’ Euphemia kindly but firmly held her daughter’s shoulders. ‘I am not letting you go to that place.’ McGonagall and Fleamont rushed to the kitchen, took some Floo powder, and left. Jane started sobbing into her mum’s shoulder, and Remi wrapped her arms around them both. She wanted to cry, but couldn’t bring herself to; it was like she was watching herself from above, and her head was light and she couldn’t breathe. Euphemia put a hand on her chest.

‘In and out, chicken. One, two, three, four...out, two, three, four…she’s going to be okay.’ Remi nodded and tried to follow the breath count, and found herself coming back to reality a bit more as she did. Jane had mostly stopped crying and the three of them sat, held hands and waited until there was a sharp crack outside the front door. They ran to see McGonagall and Fleamont on either side of Stella, her body slumped over and blood dribbling from her nose and lips.

‘Euphemia, we’ll need wound-cleaning potion and dittany.’ Minerva’s voice rang through the house, and Euphemia nodded and hurried off. Jane ran straight up to Stella, who shifted all her weight onto her, and Remi followed, sliding herself under one of Stella’s shoulders and wrapping an arm around her waist. She was shaking and freezing. 

‘Bring her inside, girls.’ Minerva waved them inside and they half-walked, half-carried Stella in, setting her on the couch. When they did, Remi pulled back, still holding Stella’s hand, and did her usual scan - Stella’s arms looked okay, her legs were not broken or disfigured, but the cuts and bruising on her face looked painful and swollen. Euphemia bustled back in with a tray of potions and herbs, and starting dabbing various things on Stella’s face. She cried out as the wound-cleaning potion hit her cuts, creating small wisps of smoke, and she squeezed Remi’s hand tighter. Jane’s arm was firmly around her shoulder, and she looked to her father with wide eyes.

‘What happened?’ Fleamont looked between the girls and sighed.

‘Well, the long and short of it is that you now have a sister.’

‘Always did.’ Jane pressed her lips to the top of her friend's head. 

‘So she will be staying with us now.’

‘Permanently?’

‘I’ll have to.’ Stella’s voice was strained and quiet. ‘They’ve disowned me.’

Minerva went through some paperwork with Fleamont in the kitchen, then gave the girls another block of chocolate before Disapparating. Jane and Remi stayed by Stella’s side throughout the evening, sitting in silence, and Euphemia brought them beans on toast and hot chocolates spiked with Calming Draught. Remi started to feel better, and the three of them headed upstairs for an early night, all climbing into Jane’s bed with Stella sandwiched between them.

‘I want...I need to tell you.’ The Calming Draught had settled Stella’s shivering, and her voice was still quiet, but resolute.

‘Okay, Padfoot.’ Jane stroked her hair.

‘So I got there, and there was no one there. I went into Regina’s room and couldn’t find her, so I just stayed there for a few hours. And then, I heard voices from downstairs, so I went into Reg’s cupboard, and she came in and saw me and we hugged and she said she wanted to come here. She looked okay, but just so pale.’ Stella squeezed her eyes shut. ‘She said that we didn’t have much time so we packed her a suitcase and we were about to leave when Kreacher came in, and he went straight to tell on us, of course, and my parents came and confronted us. Regina was crying and they were yelling and I was just standing there like an idiot, and then they told me I had to come home, and I said I didn’t want to, and then Mu--Walburga started hitting me, and Regina was begging her to stop, and then she turned on her and started hitting her, and Orion pulled out his wand, and - he used the same spell he did in third year.’ Remi and Jane both paled and squeezed closer to Stella. 

‘And it was so much pain, so much, and then he turned it on Regina and it was so awful. And then - she said that she’d never ask me to come, I was forcing her to leave, and...that was that. They left me there and she walked out and didn’t say a word.’ Stella let out a sob. ‘She just left me there to...and then I pulled out the mirror and then McGonagall and Fleamont were there, and Orion told Fleamont to take me and never bring me back, and now I’m here.’ Stella started crying again. ‘I don’t care about the pain, you know, I can deal with pain. It’s Reg. She - she’s lost, now. Forever.’ And then she started sobbing and screaming in a primal sort of way, and Jane and Remi wrapped around her, and Remi felt anger and protectiveness and love like never before, but also relief. 

Stella never had to go back. She was safe.


	7. Fifth Year: Things Hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stella tries to cope in not-so-healthy ways, Slag Club gets intersectional, and Remi is forced to feel her feelings.

Things were okay and not okay.

Christmas was wonderful. The Potters showered them with good food and presents and love, and Stella soaked it all in. However, Remi knew more than most the way that memories linger, the way that the smell of bergamot or a certain shade of blue can throw you back into a place you didn’t realise still lived in your head. Stella didn’t want to talk about what happened, after she had told Remi and Jane and eventually Petra. She didn’t look at Regina in the dining hall. She bantered with the boys over games of poker and argued with Jane over Quidditch strategies. But it seemed forced, to Remi at least, forced in a way she’d never associated with the cool and confident Stella Black. 

It started to get bad when Stella didn’t hand in her Charms homework. Professor Flitwick was standing on his stool, as usual, waving over bits of parchment into a neat pile. The pile had settled when he looked at Stella.

‘Miss Black, please, your homework.’ Stella shrugged and leant back in her seat, twirling her wand.

‘Haven’t done it, Professor.’ Her tone was relaxed and chirpy, and Flitwick furrowed his eyebrows.

‘That’s a detention for this evening, I’m afraid, Miss Black.’ He sounded apologetic. Remi figured Professor McGonagall must have filled him in on the Christmas break - not doing homework in an OWLs year would have been at least two weeks detention for anyone else. Stella, however, didn’t seem to appreciate the leniency, rolling her eyes and grunting. Flitwick hesitated slightly, then continued with the class. None of the Marauders said anything afterwards, but that evening, Remi got back from the library to see Stella laughing and chatting with Farrah and Edwin about Quidditch strategies in the Common Room, pumpkin juice in hand. She wandered over, confused.

‘Out so soon, Padfoot?’ Stella barked a laugh.

‘I’m not going.’

‘What?’

‘I’m not going. I did the homework during lunch and left it on Flitwick’s desk. It was just a couple of hours late.’

‘Stel, come on, you know that’s not how it works.’

‘What’s Flitwick going to do, drag me by my knees?’ Farrah and Edwin snorted but Remi gaped slightly, backed up a few steps and left. She knew Stella was in pain, but her Padfoot knew boundaries. She respected the teachers enough to show up for her detentions, despite not being at all remorseful. She liked little Professor Flitwick and didn’t make jokes about other people’s appearances because she knew it was low. She didn’t scoff at Remi. This was not her Padfoot, and Remi felt a tight ball of anger flaming in her chest yet again at the whole Black family, their demented parenting and the way it seemed to leave Stella either hollow or too much. Jane was lying on her bed when Remi got into the dorm room, staring at the fluttering, stolen Snitch.

‘Hey, Moony.’ 

‘Prongs, she’s not at detention.’

‘I know.’

‘She’s going to get in trouble.’

‘I know.’ Petra walked in.

‘Hey, did you guys see Stella? She’s not in detention.’

‘Yep.’ Jane sat up with a sigh, grabbed the Snitch, and rubbed her eyes. ‘Look, she has to make her own mistakes. We can’t push her to do anything.’

‘But Prongs--’

‘Rem, just leave it.’ Jane’s voice was unusually stern, low and serious, and Remi realised with a start that her eyes were red, as if she’d been crying.

‘Are you okay, Jane?’ Petra went over and sat beside her.

‘I’m fine.’ Jane patted her leg. ‘Just leave Padfoot, okay?’ She looked up at Remi with a tight smile, and Remi nodded.

McGonagall was waiting outside the Arithmancy classroom as Remi left the next day, and gave her a half hearted smile, gesturing towards her office. Jane and Petra were already there.

‘Biscuit, ladies?’ They each took one and McGonagall clasped her hands together, looking at them intently. 

‘Let me first begin by saying that I am sorry you had to witness what you did over Christmas. No doubt Miss Black has told you what happened.’ They all nodded. McGonagall sighed. ‘My only request to you today, then, is that you understand something very important. Sometimes, those who love us will push us away when they need us the most. Not to punish us, but to test us.’ Her gaze landed on Jane, who was staring at the floor.

‘I believe Miss Black needs to learn that those who truly love her will not leave her, even when she gives them reason to.’ McGonagall held out her biscuit tin again. ‘That’s all, ladies. Remember you all have essays due this Thursday.’

Remi tried her best to remember Minerva McGonagall’s uncharacteristically sentimental speech over the next few weeks as Stella slept through Quidditch practices, refused to do any homework, and hexed anyone who slightly annoyed her. The Marauders didn’t exactly have a reputation for being law-abiding, but Remi had always felt that they knew when to draw a line. Stella no longer seemed to believe in any kind of lines.

Remi was sitting on the Common Room couch a week after the meeting with McGonagall, trying to read through her translation assignment for Ancient Runes, when Dorian slid in next to her. 

‘Hey, Lupin.’

‘Meadowes!’ She looked up with a smile. She hadn’t seen Dorian much since the holidays, as studying and keeping Stella from getting expelled seemed to be taking up most of her free time. ‘How are you?’

‘Good, good.’ He smiled but his mouth twitched a bit, and Remi noticed his eyes didn’t meet hers. ‘Walk?’

‘Yeah, just let me grab some, er...supplies.’ He smiled weakly at her and Remi ran up to her dorm, grabbing her emergency smoke stash. They walked up to the Astronomy Tower in silence, and Dorian lit up almost immediately when they arrived.

‘What’s going on, Dor?’ 

‘Well.’ Dorian took a shaky inhale and levelled his gaze on her. ‘We kissed.’

‘WHAT!’ Remi yelped, nearly dropping her cigarette. ‘When?’

‘Just before Christmas.’

‘Oh Godric.’

‘Yep.’

‘How?’

‘Well, we were drinking - it was the night before we left to go on break - and Marco drank too much so Levi was in the bathroom with him, and so it was just the two of us, and--’ Dorian breathed ‘--I just was so tipsy and I may have told him he can’t keep wearing revealing shirts and he called me a prude and I said it wasn’t about being a prude and then he kissed me.’

‘ _He_ kissed _you_?’ 

‘Trust me, I was as shocked with you. I kind of blacked out after that.’

‘Have you kissed again?’

‘Ha.’ Dorian crossed his arms, looking at his feet. ‘No, well, he started dating Farrah Santos as soon as we got back, didn’t he?’

‘Oh.’ Remi exhaled and stepped towards him, holding out a hand. He took it. ‘Oh, love, I’m sorry.’ Dorian shrugged, but a few tears splashed onto his collar.

‘The worst part is that he’s acting like nothing happened, you know? He’s normal and funny and calls me by my last name like everyone else does. And then, I won’t respond or something, and he’ll act like I’m being weird, and it’s just so _fucked_.’ Dorian kicked a pebble across the concrete, his trainer scuffing as he did. Remi pulled him towards her and wrapped her arms around his shoulders.

‘Boys are dumb.’ Remi wasn’t exactly the best at advice - that was more Jane’s department - but it made Dorian laugh.

‘They are. Can’t believe I’m attracted to them.’

‘Shit not-choice.’ Remi burrowed her chin in his shoulder, and sighed. ‘It’ll be okay. One day, it’ll be okay.’

‘One day,’ Dorian murmured. 

…

The second Slag Club meeting was even more productive than the first, as they moved on to what Jane called “correction”.

‘So, what we want to do is mess with bigots enough that it’s annoying for them, but not so much that teachers have to waste energy figuring out who did it. The important thing is really getting the people around them to notice.’

‘Rice tornado.’ Eliza grinned.

‘Exactly, Hornby.’ 

‘That was you?’ A younger Hufflepuff called Olympia stared at Jane, wide eyed. ‘That was awesome.’

‘Not just me.’

‘See, Oly, about seventy percent of any mischief at this school is committed by those four.’ Eliza clapped a hand on her shoulder and gestured to the Marauders, who laughed.

‘I would say fifty percent is a fairer ballpark, Hornby.’ Stella popped her gum, and hooked one ankle over her knee, splaying out like boys do, and put an arm around the back of Remi’s chair. It was easy for Remi to push aside her ridiculous heart when Stella was acting like an asshole. It was harder when she was being herself, and all the things that got Remi’s heart racing - her wit, her kindness, her casual affection - came back. Plus, she was also just so bloody attractive. Remi wanted to punch herself.

‘So, who’s our first target?’ Jane sat down, surveying the table.

‘I nominate Avery.’ Lola looked at Gillian, who sighed.

‘What did he do?’ Petra swallowed. She was terrified of Avery.

‘Oh, it’s…’ Gillian sighed. ‘It’s pretty specific to the black community.’

‘That’s okay,’ Jane pushed.

‘He...tried to set my hair on fire.’ Gillian tugged on one of her locs. ‘Said it was dirty and...something else. I’d prefer not to repeat it, if that’s okay.’ Everyone nodded, and there was a beat of silence. Remi suddenly realised how un-diverse the room was - apart from Gillian, Jane, and Ravenclaw fourth year Genevieve Chang, the girls were all white. Much like Hogwarts itself, really.

‘Part of Slag Club is action based,’ Jane said. ‘Part of it needs to be educational. Gillian, you don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to, but if you have a book recommendation or--’

‘ _Alohomora_ by Ngoni Siziba,’ Gillian said immediately. The Room shook a little, and then five copies of a small book floated out to the table. Gillian grinned and picked one up, looking at it fondly.

‘Do you want to take over from here, Bala?’ Gillian nodded and organised the room into groups, directing them to a particular chapter, and set them reading. Remi was with Petra, Lola, Olympia and a couple of others. _Alohomora_ turned out to be fascinating, an autobiography scattered with poetry and prose, informative and emotional in equal parts. When they turned to discussion, the girls couldn’t speak fast enough.

‘I didn’t know Britain banned African spells.’ Larissa Bones’s eyes were wide.

‘They’re still banned, technically,’ said Gillian. ‘The statute was never repealed, but it’s not enforced anymore so no one sees the point in taking the time to gather the Wizengamot and formally repeal it. In any case, black wizards have generally accepted Latin based spells, but I want to travel to Nigeria - where my grandfather came from - and learn their magic one day.’

‘It’s interesting, that she named the book after a Latin spell.’ Remi’s own voice surprised her, and she realised she’d spoken out loud.

‘Why do you think that is, Lupin?’

‘Well, publishing potential, obviously. But also...the unlocking spell. It’s a metaphor. Unlocking the link between words and race, oppression and voice.’

This set off another discussion on the poetry and Remi smiled, enjoying the fervour and enthusiasm of the group. At the end of the meeting, Gillian was smiling and waving as everyone said goodbye to her. The Marauders were the last to leave, and Gillian clapped Jane on the shoulder.

‘Thanks, Potter.’

‘You don’t need to thank me.’

‘I’ve never gotten to talk about anything like that before.’

‘Yeah, well, they definitely skip past it in History,’ Remi scoffed. 

‘Everyone skips past it.’ Gillian shrugged.

…

The next day, Remi had prefect rounds with Lola. She was grateful, as she still hadn’t talked to Levi, and it was now a bit awkward between them. Remi wasn’t really angry at him anymore, but with Stella and OWLs and Slag Club, she felt exhausted at the idea of having any more difficult conversations. Lola, on the other hand, was incredibly easy to talk to, and she and Remi chatted at length about feminism as they walked.

‘Really, we owe so much to Stonewall.’ Lola said it easily and Remi looked at her in surprise. Although Talia was readily welcomed into Slag Club, they hadn’t really touched on anything queer yet.

‘I think so too.’

‘Yeah?’ Lola’s eyes brightened, and she pushed back her red curls.

‘Yeah.’ Remi tried to pick her words carefully. ‘I mean, I know it’s more of a muggle issue, with police, but it’s not like magical law enforcement is known for its open-mindedness. I think the legislation that was just pushed through about aurors having to record the spells they use on the job, I think it wouldn’t have happened without that ripple effect from Stonewall and...and the wizarding gay community here, pushing for change.’ Lola looked at her, smiling, and went to say something when they heard giggling. They wandered down the hallway, until they reach a door slightly ajar, and pushed it open. Remi felt her chest drop.

Stella was pushed up against a wall, and Marco Macdonald had one arm resting casually over her, the other hand underneath her shirt and gripping her waist. Stella had a cigarette between her fingers, and nausea hit Remi - smoking with Stella had always felt so intimate to her, and seeing the familiar wisps of smoke billow between them as Stella looked at someone else, as someone else touched her, was physically painful, constricting her chest and stomach. She vaguely heard Lola snort from beside her.

‘Oi, troublemakers, back to your Tower please.’ Stella and Marco looked up in surprise, and Marco grinned sheepishly.

‘Sorry, prefects.’ He grabbed Stella’s hand, who was still looking at Remi, her expression inscrutable. Then the smell of the smoke, the citrus and coffee of Stella, hit Remi as they passed, and it was all she could do to not cry. She avoided Stella’s eyes and tried to breathe the room back into focus, tried to think about anything but what had just happened, until she felt Lola’s hand on her shoulder.

‘Lupin?’

‘Mmm?’ Remi looked up, hoping her face looked something like unbothered.

‘You alright?’

‘Yeah, sorry, er,’ Remi searched for an excuse, ‘I don’t like cigarettes, they make me feel ill.’

‘Oh, fair. _Deletrius_.’ The remaining smoke disappeared and they left the classroom. Remi pulled her prefect face back on and tried to pick up the conversation with Lola for their remaining half hour, but her brain was just ticking. _Smoke, hands, Stella, red lips, bare skin, Marco, wall, hands, lips, skin, lips, wall, skin, lips._

It was only when Remi got into bed that night, and everyone was asleep and she'd cast a _silencio_ around herself, that she buried her face into a pillow and finally screamed.


	8. Fifth Year: Loyalty

Dorian was the one who came and got her, the next evening, wordlessly pulling her out of the Common Room and towards their now-usual spot. The night sky was overcast and dark on the Astronomy Tower, and Remi felt it morbidly fitting. Dorian offered her a smoke and she hesitated before accepting, her body’s need for nicotine this close to the full moon overriding any feelings she had about who Stella had been smoking with.

‘So, both of us are fucked now.’ Dorian looked at her with gentle eyes and she nodded.

‘How long have you known?’

‘Not long, I promise. Marco...he only said something a couple of days ago.’ 

‘Okay.’ Remi nodded and looked down, the constricting feeling in her torso coming back.

‘It doesn’t sound all that deep.’ 

‘It wouldn’t be, not with her how she is right now.’

‘I’ve noticed that. Did something happen? She’s a bit...over the top at the moment.’ Remi hesitated, then nodded.

‘But that’s all I’ll say, it’s not my story to tell.’ Dorian gave her a nod of understanding. A few minutes of comfortable silence passed between them, then Dorian spoke again.

'I'm really sorry, Rem.'

'It's fine. Bound to happen sooner or later. Let's talk about something else.'

‘Okay. Do your parents know? About you?’

‘Oh Godric.’ Remi snorted. ‘No. They’d be okay with it, I guess, I just haven’t had a reason to tell them. Yours?’

‘Yeah, my mum knows.’ Dorian laughed. ‘She knew before I did, I think. It’s just the two of us, so we’re pretty close.’

‘That must be nice.’

‘It is. You should visit Jane this summer, we live nearby, I’ve told Mum about you.’ Remi looked alarmed. ‘Not like, who _you_ are, but that I have a friend who knows about me. Who I can talk to.’

‘Aw, Meadowes.’

‘I know, I know. Right soppy git, I am.’

‘You are, but I won’t tell anyone.’

‘Too right you won’t. Don’t want anything messing with my bad boy image.’ Remi snorted laughter at that, and Dorian grinned, his apple cheeks pink and golden curls falling over his eyes. No one had ever looked less like a bad boy.

‘Yeah, yeah, sure Meadowes. Hey?’

‘Yeah?’

‘You are a soppy git.’

‘Thanks.’

‘But so am I. I’m really glad we’re friends.’

…

Every member of Slag Club, as it turned out, had been plotting various ways to enact revenge on Gillian’s behalf. But it was Talia, in the end, who came up with their first planned prank.

It started at breakfast on a Tuesday morning. Remi saw Gillian and Eliza chatting at the Slytherin table, Gillian’s hair out in an afro. 

Avery elbowed Mulciber and they both started snorting at something.

‘Hey, Bala,’ Avery leaned across the table, towards Gillian. ‘Nice hair. Does your carpet match? How would anyone find their way in?’ Gillian just looked at him coolly, and then turned to the Marauders, and winked. A few moments later, a yell erupted from Avery. He held up one of his hands in horror as a creeping blue colour spread up it. His nose started to grow, long and hooked, and his skin drooped. He looked like one of the Swedish trolls they’d learnt about in Defence Against the Dark Arts, Remi thought. Nice attention to detail. He quickly got up and ran out of the hall. Mulciber looked at Gillian, face narrowing.

‘Did you see me do anything, Mulciber?’ She held up her pumpkin juice cup, both hands circled around it, relaxed. ‘Someone must have been listening. Or watching. Do you have anything you would like to say to me now?’ This seemed to sufficiently spook Mulciber and he looked around quickly, then left. Gillian grinned as Eliza dramatically waved at his retreating figure.

The Marauders turned back to each other, laughing. It was the simplicity of it that had won them over. It made sense, of course, to anyone who knew about Talia - that she would have figured out some sort of way to change her appearance, temporarily at least. And there were some highly accomplished transfiguration students in Slag Club. It just took a little practice and some stealth.

Stella grinned and put her wand away, and across the hall, Talia did the same. She passed them on her way out, winking.

By the end of the day, there were at least ten people in the Hospital Wing with inexplicable changes to their appearance. Slag Club members passed notes between each other, exchanging names. Jamie O’Callahan was a seventh year who liked to catcall nervous thirteen year olds, and lost all of his hair between Potions and Transfiguration. Phillip Smelder, a sixth year who kept a list of girls based on their body count, found his hands changing to claws at lunchtime. Verity Crabbe, a seventh year blood purist who harassed muggle borns, started sprouting mushrooms across her face as she entered the library.

No one could figure it out - there were no common links between the students affected, there were no witnesses, and every spell seemed to fade overnight (except Avery’s, whose nose stayed hilariously huge for a week). After a while, it died down, though sometimes a particularly nasty insult would result in hair transforming to seaweed.

After the prank, Slag Club meetings grew more regular and the girls more close. In the months that followed, Remi let herself be swept away in the camaraderie of the Slags, their shared stories and ideas at meetings. She volunteered for extra prefect duties, she studied late, she went and smoked with Dorian on the Astronomy Tower a couple of times a week. She would see Stella and Marco together, in the Common Room or in empty corridors, and her heart would twist and she’d go somewhere private to cry, and then she’d get up again and move on. She didn’t think Stella noticed that much, although she wasn’t coming to Remi for late night chats and cuddles anymore, and they kept their conversation topics to light banter and complaining about OWLs. But that was okay. Made it easier, really. So, Remi was doing fine. She was coping.

...

It was approaching summer, and the sky was sunny and clear. They had just come out of their Defence Against the Dark Arts theoretical OWL - privately, Remi was shocked at how easy it was - and the Marauders decided to go and sit by the lake. Remi pulled out a book, Jane pulled out her Snitch, Petra watched Jane, and Stella sat back on her hands. Dorian, Marco, Marlon and Levi sat close by. Marco came over, leant down and murmured something to Stella, and she shook her head and waved him off.

‘Boys are so clingy,’ she sighed.

‘You’re so mean to that boy. Throw him a bone.’ Jane laughed and reached out, grabbing the Snitch just before it got away from her.

‘He gets enough of my attention.’ Remi silently agreed, her eyes still fixed to her book.

‘Gavin would break up with me if I treated him the way you treat Marco,’ Petra snorted.

‘Meh. Marco’s a different breed. Oi, Moony, put down your book, I’m bored.’ Remi sighed and turned to face Stella. ‘All you’ve done for the past few months is study.’

‘And done prefect rounds, and Slag Club, and gotten your ungrateful ass out of more than a few detentions.’ Remi elbowed her and Stella grinned.

‘I am _extremely_ grateful, thank you Moony.’ She flew out an arm and stole the Snitch from where it was hovering underneath Jane’s nose. Jane batted her away, smiling, then abruptly freezing as two shadows appeared over them. Stella leapt to her feet as Serena and Regina approached them, and the rest of the Marauders followed.

‘Don’t let us bother you.’ Serena stood slightly in front of Regina, who avoided looking at her sister. It was amazing, Remi thought, how similar Stella and Regina looked, and how different. Regina’s face was smooth and porcelain whereas Stella’s was marked by laugh creases and light freckles. Regina’s shoulder length hair was smoothly tied back, and Stella’s was layered and long. They both had generous busts and hips, but while Stella buttoned her shirt low and jutted her hips out when she stood, turning any head within a five mile radius, Regina hid behind her billowing robes and hunched shoulders, like she was trying to disappear. 

‘What do you want, Snape?’ Jane’s voice was tight.

‘Just wanted to say hi.’ Snape looked over her long nose and through her greasy bangs, smirking when her gaze landed on Remi. ‘I haven’t caught up with you in a while.’

‘Shame.’ Jane placed a hand on Stella’s bicep. ‘I think we better skip it for now. Come on, Stel.’ They turned, and then Serena spoke again.

‘Remember how I told you to keep your secrets safe, Lupin? It’s a shame you left them in the moonlight. Very easy to find, there.’ Remi’s stomach dropped as they swung back to face Snape. Stella was shaking, but kept her voice quiet and menacing as she stepped towards her.

‘You have no idea what you’re talking about, Snape, but let me give you some advice.’ Stella leant in close. ‘If you do anything - I mean, anything - that could possibly hurt her, I will end you, do you understand? I will make sure of it.’ 

‘How are you going to do that, Black? Grow mushrooms on my face? Turn my hair to seaweed? Old tricks, by this point.’

‘You don’t want to know what I would do, you--’

‘Okay.’ Jane stepped in, lightly pushing them apart. ‘That’s enough.’ Snape turned to her.

‘I’d be very careful, Potter, you don’t want to bother a prefect.’

‘Oh, fuck off.’ Jane hissed. ‘No one gives a damn, Snape.’

‘You’d like to think, wouldn’t you?’ Snape’s voice got louder and the boys looked over. ‘You have no idea how much of a damn some people give, Potter, but one day you will get what you deserve.’ Threatening Jane seemed to push Stella over the edge, and she whipped out her wand, instantly pulling Snape upside down by her ankle, where she hovered midair, screaming. Levi rushed over.

‘Woah there, girls, break it up. Play nice.’ Stella looked at him furiously, but it was Jane’s voice that rang out.

‘Play nice, Evans? You think this is a bloody catfight? Do you have any idea what’s happened? Do you know your pal just threatened your fellow prefect?’ Levi turned to Remi, who looked away. 

‘It’s...it doesn’t matter,’ he spluttered out. ‘Why can’t you just solve things without hexing each other? It’s four against two, hardly a fair fight, just let her go.’ Stella let Snape fall and turned to Levi, eyebrows raised as if to say _there you go_. Levi stepped towards Serena, hand stretched out.

‘You okay, Ree--’

‘I don’t need your help, mudblood.’ Serena’s voice was cool and cutting as she stood up, her eyes glinting with fury, and Levi looked like he’d been slapped.

‘Fine. You can just piss off then.’ 

‘Evans, are you--’ Jane was cut off.

‘Just leave me the fuck alone, Potter.’ Levi turned and left, Regina dragged Serena off, and Jane turned to them, tears of anger welling.

‘What. The. Fuck.’ She sat back down, and put her head in her hands. Petra dropped to put an arm around her, and Remi grabbed Stella’s shoulder, her gaze on her sister’s retreating figure. 

‘Padfoot.’ Stella turned to face her, face blazing and eyes wild. ‘Padfoot, are you okay?’

‘No.’ Stella stormed off, Marco hurriedly following, and Remi sighed, letting them go. Jane and Petra were quietly talking, and Jane seemed a bit quieter. Remi knelt down, checked they were okay, and then went over to the lake’s edge, where a red headed figure was facing the water.

‘Hey, Levi.’ Remi kept her voice gentle, and Levi turned to face her, tears in his eyes. Remi was a bit taken aback. ‘Hey, mate, it’s okay.’ Levi shook his head.

‘It’s not okay. You were right.’ Levi shuddered and pressed his palm to his forehead. ‘I thought...I thought she cared about me. We’ve known each other forever, you know, and her parents aren’t great. I just kept thinking that if I kept being her friend, she’d stay good, you know? But, fuck, Lupin, she doesn’t give a _shit_.’

‘Yeah.’ Remi patted his shoulder. ‘She doesn’t, Levi. She’s not a good person. And I’m sorry, mate, I’m sorry we haven’t talked for months, I’m sorry I got so angry, but that’s because this _matters_ \- Voldemort, and his cronies, and blood purity debates, this all matters. There are decent people in Slytherin too, and Serena could have gone another way. She hasn’t. Accept it, and move on, and defend the people who actually need you.’

‘Black and Potter don’t need me--’

‘Not them,’ she interrupted. ‘Try Sarah Bayswater, a first year Hufflepuff I found sobbing in the bathrooms last week because Mulciber said her muggle parents were going to die. Try Gillian Bala, who has put up with digs at her hair and skin for five years by the people she shares a dorm with. Try the seventh years graduating this year and going immediately into hiding, putting off their lives and careers to protect their families.’ Remi breathed, and she saw resolve build behind Levi’s eyes. ‘I’ll be the first to admit, Evans, sometimes Jane and Stella’s heads get bigger than their scrawny necks can handle. But they stand up for the people who need them. They care about making a difference in the world, and I know you do too. That’s something worth having loyalty for.’

Levi breathed, looked across the lake, and then back at Remi. He nodded, and folded her into a hug.

‘So, we’re friends again?’ His voice was shaky but she heard a smile.

‘Yeah, okay.’ Remi pulled back and punched his shoulder. ‘Sorry your childhood best friend turned out to be a massive bigot.’

‘Sorry I told you to put up with her being a massive bigot.’

‘Seems fair.’ Remi smiled at him and they walked back to where Jane, Petra and Dorian were chatting quietly. Jane looked a little better, but apprehensive as Levi approached. 

‘Hey, Potter.’

‘Evans.’ Jane looked at him directly, almost defiantly, as if daring him to yell at her again.

‘Sorry.’

‘Say what now?’ Jane’s tone was light, but her entire face softened.

‘I’m sorry.’ Levi sighed. ‘I’ve let her get away with stuff for way too long.’ 

‘Finally caught up, hey?’

‘Finally caught up.’ He smiled, and sat down next to Dorian, his eyes still red, but Remi saw something shift, in that moment. Levi’s back was a little straighter, his face seemed a little older, and he joined in the conversation easily, not skirting around the edge of it. 

And when he caught Jane’s eye and smiled at her, Jane looked at him like he was the sun. Remi realised it was the same way she felt looking at Stella. It took her breath away. 

…

The last full moon of the school year took place two days after OWLs finished. Remi woke up as usual in the Hospital Wing to Madam Pomfrey’s quiet murmuring, but something felt wrong. She pressed a hand to her ribs, which were bruised and painful, and when she searched through her memories of last night, she came up with nothing but an overwhelming amount of fear. She jerked her head up.

‘Hello? Please?’ Madam Pomfrey’s frame appeared from behind the curtain, and she pulled it back to reveal the Headmaster. Remi must have looked terrified, because Madam Pomfrey turned to Dumbledore.

‘Five minutes, Albus, then she needs to rest.’

‘Thank you, Poppy.’ She reluctantly left and Dumbledore looked at Remi.

‘What’s going on?’ Remi managed a squeak. He sighed.

‘Last night, Miss Lupin, something most unfortunate occurred.’


	9. Summer 1976

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remi tries to recover from the events of the full moon and the Marauders have an outing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW for underage drinking.

It was mid-July, warm and peaceful. Remi quietly padded out to the kitchen, popping the kettle on to boil, cutting up some fruit and bread for her parents when they woke. She grabbed a croissant and nibbled as she settled on the couch with her tea and a book, a Virginia Woolf she hadn’t read before. She was still there when her parents got up two hours later.

‘Morning, _cariad_.’ Lyall bent down and kissed the top of her head. Hope followed, smiling at her daughter.

‘You slept well, sweetheart?’

‘Yeah.’ Remi tried to not look too closely at her mum. Despite her parents’ constant assurance that Hope looked sicker than she really was, Remi didn’t quite believe it. Hope was practically skeletal; her skin was transparent, her veins blue, her eyes circled in purple. Her voice was quieter, too, and she hadn’t left the house since Remi had come back. 

‘What are you going to do today, love?’ Hope settled next to her and smiled at Lyall as he handed her a mug of tea. 

‘Probably just hang out here.’ Remi held up her book. ‘I should look at my homework a bit more too, I want to do some extra reading…what?’ Lyall was looking at her, tutting.

‘ _Cariad_ , it’s summer, it’s gorgeous outside, go into town. Go for a walk. Stop thinking about school.’

‘I like school.’

‘I know.’ Lyall and Hope exchanged looks, and before they could say anything, Remi spoke.

‘And no, I’m still not going to the Potter’s.’

The thing was, Remi didn’t know how to be angry with Stella. When Dumbledore let Remi leave Hogwarts early, after Madam Pomfrey had healed her ribs and collarbones and everything else the wolf had torn apart in its frenzied state, she had asked Jane to get her things for her. Jane nodded, her face sorrowful and bruised where she was hit while dragging Serena away from the Whomping Willow, and had met Remi outside Professor McGonagall’s office so she could Floo home.

‘I’m so, so sorry Moony.’ Jane’s voice cracked and she grabbed Remi’s hand, squeezing hard.

‘It’s not your fault. You saved Serena. Me as well.’

‘We should have been more careful, goading her this year.’ Jane was tearful, and Remi shrugged, trying to smile.

‘Doesn’t matter now. At least she can’t say anything, McGonagall assured me.’

‘Stella...Stella’s really torn up. You don’t have to forgive her, but…’ Remi drew her hand away from her friend, and tried to breathe. 

‘I’ll see you soon, Prongs.’

‘Okay, Moony, but before you go…’ Remi walked into McGonagall’s office and shut the door. 

Since being home, she’d refused any letters, she’d refused to talk to her parents at all about what happened, she’d refused to even think about it. She had torn through half of Lyall’s books, diving into anything that seemed about a million miles removed from her. At night, she dreamt of grey eyes and an angry tree and a scream that made the wolf hungry, hungrier than she’d ever been. How could she explain to her parents that she couldn’t talk about it, because talking about it would make her miss Stella more than she could possibly describe, and if she missed Stella then she would forgive her, and she wasn’t ready to do that yet.

She did miss Jane and Petra though; she regretted how she’d walked out on Jane, Jane who had literally saved someone’s life the night before like it was nothing, and Remi couldn’t even give her a hug goodbye. She felt guilt rising up in her, and turned back to her book.

A heavy-looking envelope showed up the next morning. OWL results. Remi had received an Outstanding in everything, and Hope cried and Lyall made them all go out for dinner that night. Remi couldn’t bring herself to feel anything.

The days ticked by. Remi spent them steadily ploughing through books, losing herself in worlds of space travel and Parisian romances and historical biographies. Hope got thinner. Remi kept reading. Letters from Jane and Petra arrived. Remi kept reading. Lyall asked Remi what subjects she’d be doing for NEWTs. Remi kept reading.

She was halfway through a nonfiction on Chinese muggle history one afternoon in early August when the fireplace suddenly went up in a green flame, and Jane and Petra emerged. Remi looked at them, tried to say something, choked, and they instantly encircled her in a hug. At the touch of their skin, a flood of emotions filled Remi that she hadn’t allowed herself to feel; guilt, shame, anger, grief, and gratitude.

‘Heya, Moony.’ Jane whispered into her ear. Petra made a sound and nestled into her chest. ‘We’ve missed you.’ Remi just nodded, and let herself fall into the hug. Lyall walked in.

‘Jane! Petra!’ He beamed openly at them. ‘You made it.’

‘You knew about this?’ Remi gave her father a bemused look.

‘Had to get you to speak to them somehow.’ Remi looked guiltily at the floor, and Petra took her hand. 

‘It’s okay, Rem. Let’s go for a walk.’

The day was sunny and clear, and Remi took her friends outside, the backyard a magnificent view of the green rolling Welsh hills and rivers that swam around the country.

‘I’m sorry I haven’t written,’ Remi croaked. She felt the sting of tears and focussed her gaze on the hills.

‘It’s okay, Moony.’ Jane’s voice was soft. ‘We’ve just been worried.’

‘We have.’ Petra’s voice was firm.

‘Please come and stay with my parents for the last two weeks?’ Jane nudged Remi. ‘Petra will be there and we’ve got muggle IDs and everything, we’re going to have so much fun.’

‘I...I need to stay here.’

‘Lyall already said he wants you to come.’

‘Asshole.’

‘Rem.’ 

‘Just.’ Remi squeezed her eyes. ‘I don’t know.’ 

‘She hasn’t slept properly, since.’ Jane’s touched her knee. ‘She’s going crazy, Moony, honestly, my mum’s cooking hasn’t even cheered her up. She’s written about a million letters but I haven’t let her send them. She fucked up, but she’s just...she’s so sorry.’ Remi nodded.

‘Let me sleep on it.’

The next day, before she could overthink it, she packed her bags and kissed her parents goodbye.

‘Enjoy it, _fy mach i_.’ Hope kissed the top of her head. ‘You’re young. Let yourself live a little bit, okay? And forgive Stella. She loves you.’ 

‘Everything your mother said,’ Lyall chuckled. ‘Go, have fun.’

The last thing Remi saw from the fireplace was her mother’s wide, tawny eyes peering out from purple circles, looking at her with enough love to fill worlds.

The green flame sizzled out, and Remi stepped into the Potters’ kitchen, the familiar scent of cardamom and vanilla immediately comforting. Euphemia was waiting, and gave Remi a hug and a kiss.

‘They’re waiting upstairs for you, love. You and Pet will be sharing the end room.’ Remi smiled and headed up the staircase, slowly, her heart racing. She opened the bedroom door.

‘Moony.’ Stella’s eyes were soft, and her hair was gathered on top of her head. She was in one of Jane’s spare tracksuits. And she looked so happy to see Remi that it felt almost painful.

‘Hey, Stel.’ Remi sighed and put down her bags, and went to sit next to her on the bed. There was a beat, and then Stella started crying.

‘Fuck, Remi, I can’t…’

‘It’s okay.’

‘No, it’s not.’

‘It’s not.’ Remi grabbed one of Stella’s hands. ‘But, I’ve had time. I just needed to process it a bit.’ Stella nodded, and wiped her eyes with a tracksuit sleeve.

‘I’m so sorry.’

‘I know.’

‘I was just so fucking angry, Remi, I’ve never felt like that before - the way she threatened you, the way she brought my sister over with her, it just, I didn’t think.’ Remi was quiet. ‘And it’s torn me up since, I promise you. Plus, Jane really gave it to me.’

‘Yeah?’ One of the corners of Remi’s mouth twitched upwards.

‘Called me an ungrateful dickhead, actually. Said that I didn’t deserve you and she wouldn’t blame you if you never spoke to me again.’ 

‘Wow.’

‘Yeah. Terrifying.’ Then Stella barked a small laugh. ‘Of course, she’s been great since, so supportive - but she hasn’t forgiven me. Says she won’t until you do.’ Remi sat with that, the weight of those words. Jane was so loyal, such a fierce friend, and she had never been properly angry at any of them before. But she was, for Remi. Remi smiled and linked her fingers with Stella's.

‘I forgive you.’ And she meant it; she couldn't hold anything against those grey eyes. ‘Snape would have probably figured it out, sooner or later.’

‘She was following you. She’d already figured it out, she just wanted to...get you.’ Stella shivered. ‘I hate her so much, it blinded me.’ Remi nodded, and pulled her in for a hug.

‘It’s done,’ she said.

…

Jane hadn’t been kidding about the fake IDs. She showed them to Remi that night, who grinned.

‘When are we going to use them, Prongs?’

‘Saturday. The boys are coming too, they’re staying at Dorian’s, his mum's away.’

‘Oh Godric.’

‘I know. It’s gonna be messy.’

‘It better be.’ 

‘What are we going to wear?’ Petra came in, nervously clutching a couple of blouses. ‘I don’t think I have anything clubbing-appropriate.’

‘You can borrow something of mine, Wormtail.’ Jane rummaged through her closet, pulling out a green mini dress and throwing it at her. ‘That’ll look sensational on you, and hmm, Moony…’

‘...how do you know I don’t already have going-out clothes?’ Jane looked at her with a deadpan expression and Remi laughed.

‘Yeah, okay, touche.’

‘Here.’ Jane threw her a halter top and high waisted jeans. ‘Let’s see what you got beneath all those sweaters.’

Remi nervously looked at her reflection in the mirror, adjusting her top and jeans. Jane had curled her normally flat, bronze hair back in bouncy waves, and outlined her eyes in gold. The halter top was blue, tying just under her ribs, and the jeans buckled around her waist, leaving an inch of skin free - thankfully, with no visible scars. The top was long sleeved but tight, and Remi was quite sure she’d never worn anything so revealing. Stella knocked on the door.

‘Come on, Moony, we’re going to be late!’ Remi inhaled, and opened the door, trying to keep her expression neutral as Stella stood there in a mini skirt and leather jacket, her hair shiny and wavy, her deep grey eyes sparkling and bright against her black eyeliner. Stella stared back at her.

‘Wow.’

‘Do I look okay?’ Remi tugged on her sleeves. ‘I don’t know if--’

‘You look gorgeous.’ Stella smiled at her, and familiar butterflies fluttered in Remi’s stomach, and she pushed them down. They held eye contact for a moment more, and then Jane called out.

They caught the train into London, where the boys were waiting for them on Charing Cross Road. Remi saw their eyes widen as the four of them approached, and secretly felt a little pleased. Jane was the first to get to them, kissing each of their cheeks, including Levi’s, who held onto her waist for a beat longer and smiled at her. Jane did look beautiful, in a white dress that set off her dark skin, and she had swapped out her glasses for contact lenses, so her eyelashes looked even longer than usual. Remi and Petra went next, and Dorian gave Remi an extra squeeze.

‘Fuck me up, Lupin, are you actually a hottie?’

‘Shut up.’ Remi blushed and he winked at her, and then she meaningfully tilted her head towards Marlon, who was wearing another of his low cut shirts with bell-bottomed jeans, and Dorian just emitted a small groan. Stella was being greeted by Marco, who tried to kiss her but she turned her head.

‘I’m wearing lipstick.’

‘You haven’t seen me in weeks!’

‘Again, I’m wearing lipstick.’ Remi felt a small jolt of victory, and suppressed a smile.

They entered the club, which was immediately the most overwhelming place Remi had ever been to. Lights flashed everywhere, people were sandwiched together, the music was loud. Stella fought her way to the bar and came back with a tray of green shots.

‘Ever heard of absinthe, my friends?’

Four shots in and Remi was pretty sure she had never felt this good. Queen blasted through the speakers, and Remi was pressed between Stella and Marlon on the dancefloor, and she didn’t know any of the songs that were playing, but it felt so good. The bass vibrated through the wooden floor, and she tilted her head up as Jane passed her another shot, letting the warmth run through her. Petra grabbed one of her hands and twirled her, and then Stella took her other hand, and Jane was laughing and spinning around them. The boys definitely were feeling the absinthe; Marco and Marlon were moving beside her, Levi was next to them, adorable and uncoordinated, and Dorian was laughing at him, grooving in time to the music.

Petra and Jane stumbled off to the bathroom, and then it was just Stella and Remi, and Stella grabbed her other hand and then they were moving together, bodies flush, arms intertwined, and Remi felt hot where Stella’s hips and chest met hers. They were laughing and then they weren’t, Stella was just looking at her, and she was looking at Stella, and everything around them seemed to go quiet. Stella ran her fingers up Remi’s arms, then across her cheek, tucking a wave behind her ear.

‘You're so beautiful,’ Remi said, softly, her voice pained. Stella gripped her arms harder, and opened her mouth, and then an arm slid in between them. Remi looked up to see Marco grinning down at Stella, who was being tugged away, and suddenly the music and lights came back and Remi remembered who she was and where she was and a wave of nausea hit her. She ran out the front entrance, around a corner to the smoking area, pulled a smoke out of her purse and fumbled over a muggle lighter.

‘Here, let me.’ Dorian’s gentle voice came from beside her, and she gratefully leant over, letting him do it. She took a long inhale and pressed her hand to her forehead.

‘Fuck, that stuff is evil.’

‘Disco?’

‘No!’ Remi laughed. ‘Absinthe.’

‘You two can’t handle it, hey?’ Marlon approached them, holding his hand out for a smoke, and Dorian lit it for him too, faintly blushing.

‘Couldn’t Farrah make it tonight?’ Remi smiled at Marlon, trying to be normal. He shrugged.

‘Wouldn’t know, we broke up last week actually.’

‘Oh, I’m sorry.’

‘Don’t be.’ He looked at Dorian. ‘Sorry Remi, can I have a moment with Meadowes?’

‘Sure.’ Remi looked at Dorian, who looked completely panicked, and then back to Marlon. ‘Have fun.’ She walked off, stumbling into the wall, putting out her cigarette, then heading back inside, where Jane and Petra were dancing to The Temptations, and she let herself be enveloped by them.

Needless to say, the hangovers the next day were evil.

They all woke at Dorian’s house, and Remi vaguely remembered something about a taxi from the night before. She was on the couch, Petra beside her on a mattress, with Jane hanging off the edge. She yawned, feeling an awful pressure build behind her eyes, and then was overtaken by a wave of nausea. She got up and unsteadily walked towards what looked like a bathroom, knelt in front of the toilet, flipped up the lid and immediately threw up.

When she got back out, Dorian was in the kitchen making coffee, and Remi grunted a greeting. He looked unfairly healthy, and grinned at her as he slid across a glass of water.

‘Morning, sunshine.’

‘I’m never drinking again.’

‘Don’t place that wager on yourself.’ Remi took a sip of the water and gagged. ‘You were so drunk, Lupin.’

‘Did I do anything stupid?’

‘Nah. You just sang David Bowie the entire way home.’

‘Sounds about right.’ Remi slumped forward, burying her head under her hands. ‘Where’s everyone else?’

‘Um, well, Marlon, Levi and I shared my bed, and,’ his eyes flickered up to Remi, ‘Stella and Marco shared my mum’s bed. Nothing happened, though, they’re both fully clothed,’ he added quickly. Remi just nodded, her head too sore to feel much at that moment. 

They spent the day sleeping, eating mountains of bacon and toast, and occasionally remembering something from the night before. Around mid afternoon, they all gathered in the lounge, sprawled out against each other on the couches.

‘Oh my god, did I give my lipstick to a stranger?’ Jane groaned suddenly.

‘Oh, yes!’ Petra started laughing. ‘He was trying to hit on you, and you threw it at him and said ‘have my autograph’ and then ran away.’ Everyone started laughing and Jane snorted, pressing her hands against her face.

‘Don’t feel bad, Prongs, I stole a shot glass.’ Stella gestured to the kitchen, where a tiny glass with green residue stood on the counter.

‘You fucking outlaw, Black,’ Marlon grinned at her.

‘She’s a menace to society.’ Remi lit up a cigarette, gently blowing smoke at Stella who groaned and punched her shoulder. 

They got back to Jane’s house just before dinner, where Euphemia eyed them.

‘How was the sleepover, girls? With...who was it again?’

‘Farrah and Xanthe,’ Jane put on her best smile.

‘Hm.’ But Euphemia smiled. ‘As long you’re fit for Diagon Alley tomorrow.’

‘Of course, Mum!’ Jane called brightly as Stella ran to the upstairs bathroom and threw up again.


	10. Sixth Year: Not-So-Fresh Starts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone's coupling off, and the war ramps up.

Remi collapsed into her bed, groaning as Stella walked over with a smirk.

‘Bet you regret that extra beer last night, huh, prefect?’ Remi just threw a sock at her and sighed as she looked around their dorm. It was so familiar and still so overwhelming to be back at Hogwarts, ushering first years and telling off Peeves and listening to Dumbledore’s rather depressing speech at the feast. She was glad she and Stella were back on good terms, even though something had shifted after that night in the club. She couldn’t remember all of it, and it was awkward to bring up, so she left it. But Stella was looking at her differently, her gaze more intense, her touch more deliberate, but just as affectionate. She couldn’t work out whether it was a good or bad change. And, in any case, Stella was still with Marco. Jane walked into their dorm.

‘Hey Lupin, don’t get too comfy.’

‘Noooo, why? Has a first year thrown up?’

‘Nah, Meadowes is looking for you.’

‘Ugh. Dickhead. Okay.’ With great effort, Remi pushed herself back up and went into the Common Room, where Dorian was waiting - with Marlon.

‘Meadowes, you better be bloody dying.’

‘Not quite.’ Dorian laughed at her deadpan expression and held up a familiar metal tin. ‘Normal spot?’ Remi raised her eyebrows and looked at Marlon, who just shrugged.

‘Okay.’ The three of them walked out, chatting about the rest of their break. Marlon had been helping his parents de-gnome their garden - _those little motherfuckers, I swear to god_ \- and Dorian, like Remi, had mostly been doing homework and stressing about choosing NEWT subjects.

‘I’ve gone with Potions, Transfiguration, Charms, Defence Against the Dark Arts, Advanced Arithmancy, Ancient Runes and Alchemy.’ Dorian bit his lip. ‘But I feel bad for dropping Herbology, I made Professor Sprout a card.’

‘I’m doing pretty much the same, but with History of Magic instead of Alchemy.’ Remi nudged him. ‘We’ll be the dynamic duo of our classes.’ He and Marlon laughed. ‘What are you doing, McKinnon?’

‘Potions, Charms, Herbology, Transfiguration and Care of Magical Creatures. Only five because I’m not a massive nerd,’ he joked. They reached the Astronomy Tower, the night air mild. Dorian and Marlon looked at each other as Remi lit her cigarette.

‘So, Rem,’ Dorian began, ‘how much of that night in London do you remember?’

‘Do you mean, do I remember being told to sod off so you two could “talk”?’ 

‘Hey! I said it in a much nicer way than that.’ Marlon grinned.

‘Hmm.’

‘Well.’ Dorian inhaled and Remi looked down to where he’d interlaced his fingers with Marlon’s. She gasped.

‘FINALLY!’ And threw her arms around them both.

‘Holy shit, Remi, play it cool.’ Dorian’s face was red when she drew back and Marlon looked pleased.

‘So you’ve been talking about me, hey, Meadowes?’

‘Oh mate. You have no idea.’ Remi inhaled a lungful of smoke. 

‘I hate you both.’

‘Really?’ Marlon smiled at him in such a sweet way, Remi almost cried.

‘So, I need the full story.’

‘Not much of a story.’ Marlon sighed. ‘I realised I was being a dick - to both Farrah and Dor - and I needed to fix it. You can’t very well lead someone on when you’re actually in love with someone else.’ At the mention of love, Remi sighed dramatically.

‘And?’

‘We talked that night...and the night after.’ Dorian smiled. ‘I wanted to tell you so bad the next day but it wasn’t completely settled yet and I thought this would be better.’

‘Fair enough, Meadowes.’ Remi stretched out her legs and grinned. ‘Which brings me to our next agenda item--’

‘--agenda item? We BROUGHT you here--’

‘--just let her do this--’

‘--McKinnon, we need to coordinate our timetables to share him.’ Both boys burst out laughing. ‘I’m serious! I will not make it through NEWTs if Dorian isn’t there with his moral support and colour coded notes because you two are busy being in love and cute.’

‘Alright, Lupin.’ Marlon held out his hand and Remi shook it with mock sincerity. ‘Deal.’

The three of them sat and talked for another half hour. Dorian and Marlon weren’t ready to be openly out yet - fair enough, considering the barrage of casual homophobia that permeated Hogwarts hallways and classrooms - but they wanted to tell Remi, as Dorian’s QBFAAG (Queer Best Friend and Advice Giver). 

‘I think I’d rather you just called me a fag or a queer, mate, do not give our friendship an acronym.’

‘It’s a _title_.’ Dorian grinned at her.

‘You’re such a dork.’ Marlon sighed and looked at his boyfriend with pure and unfettered love, and Remi almost choked.

‘Fuck, you two, this is too much.’ 

‘Long time coming,’ Marlon murmured, and pressed Dorian’s knuckles to his lips. Dorian melted into his side. 

‘Know all about that.’ Remi sighed and then froze, looking at Marlon. ‘That doesn’t leave this trio.’

‘It’s okay, Lupin, Dor said you also suffered from a case of unrequited love. Git wouldn’t tell me who though. Loyal son of a bitch.’

‘Prince amongst men,’ Remi nodded in agreement, and sighed. ‘Alright McKinnon. I know you can guess who. This way I can moan to both of you.’

‘Yes!’ Marlon punched the air. ‘Sorry, babe, but it was a bit obvious when she bloody _stroked your hair_ in the middle of the dancefloor.’ Remi groaned.

‘It’s all so blurry. We were both so drunk.’

‘I don’t know mate, the way she looked at you.’ Dorian patted her knee. ‘That was more than alcohol talking.’

‘Don’t give me hope.’

‘Maybe you need hope.’

‘I do not need hope. I need books and smokes and queers to moan to.’

‘Hmm.’ Dorian and Marlon’s faces were unconvinced.

…

The first week back passed in a whirlwind of class and prefect rounds, as the full moon loomed over Remi like a ticking timebomb. When she woke in the Hospital Wing, her first instinct was to scream and run. But she breathed, and mentally checked herself: toes, feet, legs, torso, arms, hands, fingers, neck, face. Everything felt okay. When she called out for Madam Pomfrey, three faces popped round the curtain.

‘Moony! Alive and kicking it.’ Jane grinned.

‘Last night you were really going for it.’ Stella raised a singular eyebrow.

‘It was so much fun,’ Petra said dreamily. Remi exhaled. It was okay. Jane patted her leg.

‘She was nowhere to be found, Moony.’ Jane’s voice was quiet but firm. Remi nodded and caught Stella’s eye, who looked beyond relieved. It suddenly occurred to Remi that although they had forgiven Stella, Stella may not have forgiven herself yet.

Remi got the all-clear from Madam Pomfrey that afternoon, and went straight to find Dorian to pick up Arithmancy and Ancient Runes notes.

‘Sick again, Lupin?’ He looked at her with compassion and Remi tried not to feel guilty.

‘Yeah, one of my headaches. This last week has been insane.’ He nodded in understanding, but didn’t say anything more. Remi was relieved. Dorian had trusted her with his biggest secret, and she hadn’t yet trusted him with hers. But it was so risky, and she had spent so many years in shame and secrecy, that the idea of telling someone just _because_ (rather than, say, them figuring it out, spending three years becoming Animagi, and then joining her monthly expeditions) was a completely foreign concept.

Remi had prefect rounds with Levi the next night, and her joints clicked and groaned in protest as they walked up and down the castle.

‘So, Lupin, you’ve been keeping something from me?’

‘What?!’ She practically yelped. He couldn’t know; she was always so careful, she always wore makeup over her scars, she never complained about her aches and pains. Then it maybe struck her that he’d found out about Stella, and she couldn’t decide which option was worse. She steadied her breathing and gave him what she hoped was a neutral look.

‘It’s okay, Dorian told me last night.’ _Oh._ ‘He and Marlon sat me down, and god, I’m just so happy for them.’ He breathed deeply and his eyes got a bit damp. Godric, boys were such sooks.

‘Me too.’ Remi smiled, mostly in relief. 

‘I’m sad they can’t be more open, but you know, people suck.’

‘They really do,’ she laughed. ‘I’m so glad they told you, you deserve to know. Does Marco know?’

‘Yeah, he was really happy for them too, of course. So at least they can be out in our dorm, they don’t have to worry.’

‘That’s great.’

‘Yeah - did you hear something?’ A familiar laugh rang out and Remi’s heart sank. _Not again_. Sure enough, they found Marco and Stella behind a statue, tongues down each other’s throats.

‘For fuck’s sake, Macdonald, you know we have a free dorm room at the moment?’ Levi shoved his friend.

‘Where’s the fun in that?’ Marco shot them his best grin and Remi willed herself to not slap him. Stella had the decency to at least look a little embarrassed. Marco noticed and poked her. ‘Prude.’

‘Macdonald, we will have to start docking points if we catch you two again.’ The severity in Remi’s tone was a bit over the top, but she didn’t care. She was sick of this. ‘If you really have to, go to a bathroom or somewhere we won’t have to see you. Get back to the Tower.’ Marco raised his eyebrows, as if to say _calm down_ , but Stella tugged him away. Levi looked at Remi quizzically and she shrugged.

Stella crawled into Remi’s bed that night, for the first time since December. 

‘Are you mad at me, Moony?’ Of course that would be Stella’s first concern, Remi thought with an inward sigh.

‘No, Padfoot.’

‘Okay.’ Stella flipped onto her side, grey eyes searching Remi’s face. ‘Sorry about before.’

‘It’s fine.’ Remi avoided her gaze. ‘You’re young and in love. I overreacted.’

‘Not in love.’ Stella shuddered at the phrase. ‘But point taken.’

‘Okay.’ Remi sighed and met her eyes. ‘Thanks.’

It may have been better were Stella in love, Remi thought. Then maybe she could let her go. But it was clear Stella wasn’t super attached to her boyfriend, and it made everything a million times harder on Remi’s tired heart. She closed her eyes, thinking about Dorian and Marlon’s words on the Astronomy Tower. _The way she looked at you_ , Dorian had said. _More than alcohol talking...you need hope_. But then she saw Stella and Marco again, intertwined, skin touching, and the horrible thought came to her that perhaps they had done more than that, and she cursed herself. 

‘You okay, Moony?’

‘Yep.’ Remi gave her a tight smile. ‘Of course.’

The next morning, a quiet hush fell at breakfast the next morning as the Daily Prophets were delivered. Sprawled across the front page was a young family, a smiling man and woman holding two babies, and the headline was ‘ _MUGGLE MURDERS ACCOMPANIED BY DARK MARK_ ’. Remi’s throat went very tight as she looked at the couple, their babies, the way that they smiled easily for the camera, and she felt something strange hit her; a fact that she had known for a while, but perhaps hadn’t realised. This was war. Proper war. And she wanted to fight it. She looked at the Marauders and saw a similar look cross their faces, and then Eliza and Gillian walked over from the Slytherin table.

‘Slag Club?’ Gillian said by way of greeting. They all nodded. ‘What’s everyone doing Thursday?’

It was really nice, having all the Slags back together, and Remi didn’t realise how much she’d missed it. They talked about their summers for about half an hour until Jane started the meeting.

‘Hey Slags. So...big summer. Things aren’t looking good.’ Everyone murmured in agreement, and Remi looked across the table to see Lola brush away a couple of tears. No one else seemed to notice, and Jane kept talking. ‘We all saw the Prophet this morning. We all know we joined this Club to fight injustice. I would like to propose that we start every meeting with a moment of silence for the murders being committed every day by Voldemort.’ The table responded with a unanimous aye, and after sixty seconds, Gillian spoke.

‘How about we start this year on a joyful note, hey? I think we should talk about something we read or heard over the break that we think is revolutionary.’ Lola nodded at her.

‘Good idea, Bala.’

When the meeting was over, and they’d all talked about the anti-Death Eater riots in Diagon Alley and Maya Angelou’s poetry and ABBA ( _definitely revolutionary, haven't you heard Waterloo?_ ), Remi hung back and caught Lola before she left.

‘Got a moment, Prewett?’ Lola nodded, confused, and Remi gestured to Jane to go on without her. Soon, they were the only two left in the room. Remi looked at her.

‘Are you okay?’ Lola burst into tears, and Remi pulled her in for a hug. ‘Lola, what’s going on?’ Lola kept crying for a few minutes, her tears eventually slowing, and then she pulled back from Remi to blow her nose on a tissue that had appeared next to them.

‘Um. Sorry.’

‘Don’t apologise.’

‘It’s...my cousins died over the summer.’

‘Fuck.’

‘Yeah. They were...they were surrounded and killed by five Death Eaters. They,’ a sob escaped Lola, ‘Gid and Fab fought them, they were amazing, but not good enough.’ Lola blew her nose again and kept speaking, her voice shaky. ‘We were really close, they were my idols growing up. I’m just in shock, I suppose.’

‘That’s understandable.’

‘Their sister, my cousin Molly, she has two kids and another on the way, and she hasn’t been able to get out of bed in weeks. My entire family is just taking it really hard.’ Remi put a supportive hand over Lola’s and Lola gently took it.

‘I’m so sorry, Lola.’

‘Thanks, Remi.’ Lola looked at her through her red curls. ‘Thanks for checking in on me.’

‘That’s alright.’

‘I just - I just want to fight now.’ Lola sighed and rested her chin in her hand. ‘They were both in the Order.’

‘The Order?’

‘Order of the Phoenix, Dumbledore’s organisation. They’re fighting Voldemort where the Ministry isn’t.’

‘Wow.’

‘Yeah. I’m going to join when I graduate. Honour Gid and Fab's memories.’

‘Maybe we could both join? Get them to create a Slag division.’ Lola laughed.

‘You serious, Lupin?’

‘Yeah, actually.’ Remi bit her lip. ‘I don’t know, it may be my only option.’ She regretted it as soon as she said it. Lola looked at her, confused.

‘Of course it won’t be. You’re so smart. Top of everything.’ Remi shrugged.

‘Yeah but...I just feel a bit different to everyone else, I suppose.’ That, technically, was the truth.

‘Is it because…’ Lola trailed off. ‘I think I know why.’

‘You do?’ Remi looked at her, and tried to reason with herself again - there’s no way she could know. She didn’t see Remi enough to notice every full moon. Remi hid her scars well.

But then, Lola took a deep breath, leant forward, and met Remi’s lips with her own.

Remi was too startled to react, and Lola jerked back.

‘Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I just thought--’

‘No! Ah, Lola, no, you’re um...you’re right.’ Remi’s cheeks flushed. ‘I just - you caught me off guard. I didn’t know I was that obvious.’

‘You’re not.’ Lola sighed and raked her fingers through her curls. ‘Just, I’ve had a crush on you for a while now, and then we were talking about Stonewall and...I couldn’t not find out.’ Remi was startled. She’d spent so long pining in secret, hiding her heart away, that the idea of anyone thinking about _her_ , pining after _her_ , hadn’t ever crossed her mind. She looked at Lola, her red curls and pale skin and freckles, her lips that she now knew were _very_ soft, and her plump curves. She thought of Stella’s dark hair and grey eyes and the way she said _Rem_ when she needed something. And then she thought of Stella and Marco. And then she made a decision.

‘Well,’ Remi tentatively reached out and took her hand, ‘I was just...surprised before. I didn’t _not_ like it.’ Lola’s eyes went wide, and Remi breathed deeply, pulling Lola’s body towards hers and cupping her face, and leant in again. This time, they both responded, soft lips brushing and pressing and sucking against each other, and Lola’s arms wrapped around Remi’s waist. It was nice, Remi thought. It was nice to be wanted. She’d never felt like that before. 

They stayed there for a few more minutes, then Remi walked Lola to Ravenclaw Tower.

‘I’ll see you in Ancient Runes tomorrow?’ Lola’s face was clear and open, and when Remi nodded, she broke into a dazzling smile, looked around to make sure nobody was there, and pressed her lips to Remi’s cheek. ‘See you then.’

As Remi walked back to Gryffindor Tower, she thought about Lola admitting her crush, thought about the hope she must have felt when they talked about Stonewall, thought about the courage it would have taken to take a stab in the dark and kiss her. Remi wanted to like her back that much, she wanted to move on, she wanted to be held and kissed. And for the moment, Remi decided, wanting to give it a try would be enough. It had to be.


	11. Sixth Year: Sore Losers and Friends with (Mild) Benefits

Remi and Lola started meeting a couple of times a week, mostly in the Room of Requirement or prefect bathrooms. They talked about feminism and school and gossip, and they kissed. Remi liked it. She liked coming back to her dorm room with tender lips and a pulling sensation in her stomach, heavy with hormonal wanting. But she still dreamt of grey eyes and a black dog and arms gripping hers in the middle of a club, and would wake up gasping. 

Of course, she hadn’t told any of the Marauders, making up studying and prefect excuses instead. Petra and Stella seemed to accept that easily enough, both concerned with their own boyfriends, but Jane cornered her one afternoon in October.

‘Are you and Meadowes together?’

‘What?!’ Remi choked on her pumpkin juice, spluttering over the book she had been reading. ‘Where did you get that from?’

‘Moony. You’re sneaking back into the dorms late at night, you two have been good friends for a while, and that spot on your neck is a very peculiar place for a bruise.’ Remi flushed. 

‘Fuck, no, Jane. I am not dating Dorian.’

‘Really?’

‘Really.’

‘So who are you dating?’

‘Nobody! I’ve just been busy.’

‘I don’t believe you.’

‘Okay.’ Remi turned back to her book. Jane snatched it from her.

‘Give me my book back!’

‘Tell me who you’re dating!’

‘I’m not dating anyone!’ This was true - she and Lola hadn’t discussed anything like labels yet.

‘Bullshit!’

‘You’re impossible!’

‘So are you!’ The girls held eye contact for a moment and Jane sighed, giving in.

‘Fine, don’t tell me,’ she grumbled. ‘But you have to come to tryouts tomorrow.’ Jane had made Quidditch Captain, and while it meant they were all spared from her usual yearly nerves approaching tryouts, she had entered a new level of insane with preparing for the year ahead. Their dorm was covered in parchment and Jane had acquired a blackboard to draw up strategies on. Remi often found her sitting on her bed, mumbling to herself, Snitch buzzing next to her, and had to drag her to the library to do actual homework.

The tryouts ran in the morning, so Remi and Petra got there early with mugs of hot chocolate and settled in to watch from the sidelines, so they could hold Jane’s clipboard and pens for her. Jane ran a tight ship, barking orders and directing people around the field. She really only had two spots to fill - Austin had graduated, and Morgan was focussing on NEWTs - but Jane wanted to give everyone a fair shot. She tried out Chasers first, as she was the only returning one, and picked two fifth year boys, Finn Maruyama and Jacob Finnigan, that had narrowly missed out the year before. Stella and Farrah easily won back their spots as Beaters, and Xanthe was the best Seeker by a mile. The problem came with the Keepers. Edwin had only been on the team for a year, and he was a decent Keeper, the best the year before, but he was also nervous and forgetful, often getting to practice late and letting the opposing team get into his head. Jane ran some easy drills first, eliminating a few second and third years right away, and narrowing it down to Edwin, burly seventh year Hank Norberry, and a tall, broad shouldered fourth year girl called Alessia Marino. 

The Chasers took formation, Finn and Jacob easily passing between themselves as they approached Hank, who stopped three out of their five attempts at goal. Not bad, but not great. He was a bit too large for Keeper, his reflexes not quite quick enough. It was Edwin next, who stopped four out five goals despite obvious nerves. His movements were okay, but shaky and uncertain. Alessia was last.

She was amazing. Athletic and long, she seemed to be able to anticipate where the Quaffle was going to be before it got there; she was completely fearless on the broom, easily diving, stopping, changing direction; and she stopped all five goals with very little effort. Even Remi, who normally tolerated Quidditch for Jane and Stella’s sake, couldn’t take her eyes off her as she flew.

Alessia was the clear winner, and Jane beamed at her as she came back to the ground. 

‘Marino! Where have you been hiding that sort of talent?’

‘Practiced a lot over the summer,’ Alessia grinned, her cheeks flushing. 

‘Nah, you’re a natural. Congratulations, you’re on the team.’ Alessia squealed and ran off to her friends, who were watching from the stands, and flooded her with hugs and whoops. Jane turned to Edwin, who had a blank look.

‘Sorry, Ivanov,’ her voice was gentle. ‘I have to do what’s best for the team.’ 

‘Do you?’ His tone was bitter and Jane looked at him, shocked.

‘Ed, you know I like you, but she outperformed you today. It’s only fair.’

‘Is that it? Or it because you’re determined to overrun the team with women?’ He was practically spitting.

‘I pick the best players, Ivanov. You were not the best player today.’ Jane drew herself up to her full height, an inch or two taller than Edwin, and looked at him. ‘Don’t be a bad sport. That won’t earn you any favours here.’ He scowled at her and left, and Hank turned to Jane with a bemused expression.

‘Thanks for your time, Jane,’ he said, holding out his hand, which she shook with a smile. Then she turned back to where Remi and Petra were standing, mouths open.

‘Did he not see Alessia play?’ Remi scoffed. ‘She’s a million times better than him. She could go pro.’

‘I’ve never seen him like that before, and we were quite good friends last year.’ Jane shook her head, and turned her focus back to her team. ‘Okay, everyone, locker room please!’ 

Remi and Petra handed Jane her clipboard back, smiled at the new team, and went back to the Common Room. Less than an hour later, Jane stormed in.

‘Prongs, what’s up?’ Remi put down her book and Petra looked up from her Herbology essay.

‘He went to fucking McGonagall!’

‘Who?’

‘Edwin! He went to McGonagall and demanded I run tryouts again _with a man present_.’ Jane was shaking with fury. ‘Of course, she told him he was out of order, but Jesus! I’m the Captain! This would never happen to a boy. Fuck.’ She threw down her broom, startling some nearby first years, and sank onto the couch.

‘Prongs, he’s an idiot and he was embarrassed. You know you picked the best team,’ Remi said.

‘I know. But it’s just - the audacity.’

‘Men have nothing if not the audacity,’ said Petra. Jane laughed, then sighed.

‘I need to win this year.’ She looked at them. ‘If Gryffindor doesn’t win, I’ll never live it down. I’m the first girl Captain in about thirty years.’

Rumours spread fast at Hogwarts, and by the end of the weekend, everyone knew about what happened. It was mostly brushed aside as a temper tantrum, but a few older boys had taken to shouldering Jane in the corridors, or wolf-whistling and cackling at her. Slag Club was less than pleased.

‘Men are such fucking babies.’ Eliza leaned back in her seat and rolled her eyes, Gillian nodding. Talia patted Jane’s shoulder.

‘We’ve got your back, Potter.’

‘Thanks, love.’ She smiled at her. ‘It’s just embarrassing, you know, and Alessia is so good and it’s completely overshadowed her talent.’

‘You know what,’ Gillian said thoughtfully, ‘if she is that talented, maybe you should just put Ivanov back, we play you next week--’ She was cut off as Jane snorted and threw a balled up piece of paper at her.

...

That night, Remi and Lola lay across a couch in the Room of Requirement, which had transformed into a cozy living room for them, complete with a crackling fireplace. 

‘That’s so messed up, the thing with Ivanov.’ Lola leant her head in her hands, looking at the fire.

‘I know.’ Remi sighed. ‘Poor Jane, Quidditch is basically her life, it really got to her.’

‘Yeah, Gillian’s the same.’ Lola leant across for a kiss, and pressed her lips down Remi’s neck.

‘Remi?’

‘Mmm?’ 

‘Why do they call your Moony? Your friends?’

‘Ahh. That old chestnut.’ Lola tackled her to the floor, straddling her waist, and Remi sighed. ‘Honestly, I can’t even remember, Jane came up with them for us ages ago.’ The lie came out easily. Lola studied her face.

‘You’re a weird one, Lupin, you know that?’

‘What do you mean?’ 

‘You’re just...you’re so observant, and you’re thoughtful, and everyone likes you. But there’s also this part of you that I just can’t figure out.’

‘Maybe I’m just boring.’

‘Nah, that’s not it.’ Lola lowered her lips to Remi’s collarbone and gently bit, Remi lifting her body up in response. ‘Nope, definitely not boring.’

‘Psssh.’ Remi laughed. ‘I am. My favourite subject is Arithmancy.’

‘I’m a Ravenclaw. I find that unspeakably hot.’ Remi grinned and tugged Lola down to her, pressing their mouths together. Lola pulled up again, sighing.

‘You alright?’

‘Yeah. Remi?’

‘Yeah?’

‘Who are you in love with?’ Remi felt like she’d been punched in the gut, and groaned.

‘Am I that transparent?’ 

‘No.’ Lola smiled. ‘You just sometimes - go somewhere else when we kiss. I don’t mind,’ she added quickly, ‘I like that we’re friends and I like kissing you, so I’m fine with being a distraction. But I do know that’s what I am.’

Remi looked at her. ‘You’re not just a distraction. I want to like you so much.’ 

‘But you don’t.’

‘As a person, I do. As a kisser, even more so.’ Lola laughed. ‘But I’ve been in love with this girl for years, and I don’t see it going away. Sorry I didn’t tell you.’ Lola kissed her again, light and friendly.

‘You’re a good person, Lupin. You better tell her soon though, otherwise you’re going to lose your damn mind.’

Remi and Lola (mostly Lola) decided to move their relationship back to a strictly friends basis, and to meet up for a butterbeer during the next Hogsmeade visit. Remi was quietly relieved - it had felt too much to deal with, loving Stella and liking to kiss Lola and trying to not tell anyone. 

When Lola arrived, they easily settled into chatting about the previous Slag Club meeting. Remi had suggested they each pick a muggle book to read, as the magical community tended to exclude them from their libraries.

‘I chose _Middlemarch_ ,’ said Lola. ‘I really like muggle classics, actually, my dad collects them.’

‘I love George Eliot,’ smiled Remi, ‘you have to let me know what you think.’

‘Ah, of course you do, you huge sapphic.’ Remi grinned and swatted at her. 

‘Don’t bloody remind me.’

‘Hard not to remind you, when you’re just so good making out.’

‘This is going to be a lot harder if you keep flirting with me, Prewett.’

‘I like flirting.’ Lola leaned in. ‘But I think we're about to get interrupted.’

‘Moony!’ Stella was walking towards them and Remi tried not to groan as her friend sat down next to her, throwing her arm around the back of her chair. ‘Prewett! What are you two doing here?’ Stella was in her usual slouched position, ankle over knee, fingers touching Remi’s shoulder. Lola looked at Remi's pained expression, then back to Stella, and smiled.

‘Oh, just catching up.’ Lola’s voice was light. ‘Chatting about the last Slag Club meeting, actually. What book did you choose?’

‘ _Mrs Dalloway,_ ’ Stella grinned. ‘Moony always goes on about Virginia Woolf--' Lola raised a subtle but suggestive eyebrow at Remi, who could feel her face burst into flames '--so I figured I should get in on the fuss. Oh, Prongs and Wormtail are here too - Petra broke up with Gavin, so we’re celebrating.’

‘Really?’ Remi smiled as Petra and Jane joined them. ‘You’re single, Pet?’

‘Yep.’ Petra held up her bottle. ‘I realised he kind of sucks.’

‘Hear hear!’ Jane met her bottle with a clink, and smiled at Lola.

‘Glad another Slag is here for this historic moment, Prewett.’

‘Glad to be here. I hate McLaggen.’ Remi nearly spit out her butterbeer and Stella laughed. Lola could be surprisingly cutting.

‘You are now my new favourite person, Lola Prewett.’ Jane threw an arm around her. ‘What were you and Moony talking about before we interrupted you?’

‘Slag Club. Books.’ Remi semi-coughed out the words.

‘Ah, very nice. Still haven’t decided on mine.’ Jane drank, and Lola waved as Gillian and Eliza entered the pub. 

‘That’s my cue to go, I think.’ Lola smiled at them. ‘See you round, Lupin.’ Stella watched her leave.

‘I didn’t realise you and Prewett were friends.’ 

Remi shrugged. ‘We’re both prefects, aren’t we? And in Slag Club.’

‘I guess.’ Stella leant back and drank more butterbeer. 

‘Anyway.’ Remi turned to Petra. ‘Congratulations on leaving that idiot, Wormtail. What made you realise that he’s an idiot?’ Petra laughed.

‘I don’t know, I just realised he was really bossy. And he never seemed to like anything I wore or did.’

‘Fuck that.’ Stella smiled at their friend. ‘You’re too good for that.’ Petra flushed with pleasure, and the girls cheersed her again. 

They wandered back to Hogwarts slowly, December snow sticking to their boots and coats, laughing and bantering.

‘So, Jane, any progress on the Levi situation?’ Stella flicked her shoulder and Jane narrowed her eyes.

‘No, thanks Black.’ 

‘Jane, how long have you liked this boy?’

‘Too long,’ Remi interjected, and everyone laughed.

‘He’s only just begun to tolerate me.’ Jane smiled but her voice was hesitant. ‘So, we’ll see.’ 

‘Didn’t he fucking lose it at Ivanov when he heard about the Quidditch tryouts?’ Remi squeezed her arm.

‘Yeah, he did.’ Jane laughed a little. ‘But I think it was more the principle of the thing, rather than being about me.’

‘Bullshit, Prongs.’ Stella poked her tongue out at Jane, before a figure emerged ahead of them - tall, cloaked in black, with a neat bun.

‘Professor,’ Jane smiled, but McGonagall’s eyes were on Remi.

‘Miss Lupin, you need to come with me.’


	12. Sixth Year: Healing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the aftermath of her mother's death, Remi struggles to find her way back to reality. Strong TW for death and grief.

Hope Lupin was one of those rare people who never had to try to be good, or kind, or gentle. Goodness swam in her veins. She was a vegetarian. She always gave money to the homeless man who sat outside the pub in her village. She was the person people would call if they had an emergency and needed their kids looked after. 

Lyall Lupin fell in love with his wife because of her kindness. Lyall Lupin tried to be good and kind, but often failed. When he thought of the first time he ever saw Hope, he remembered thinking that she must have been an angel. She was talking to a small child who had lost their mother, and she picked the child up and walked over to Lyall.

‘Sorry, sir. Have you seen a woman with red hair and a green shirt on?’ Lyall hadn’t, but volunteered his help immediately, and they soon found the woman, who was frantically running from person to person in the marketplace. She thanked Hope and Lyall, and the two of them turned to each other, and Lyall said, ‘You lead, I’ll follow.’

Remi Lupin was the daughter of kindness and ferocity. Remi was justice. She didn’t bother reasoning with people who did bad things, like Hope did, but she wouldn’t brush them aside either, like Lyall did. She was fiercely independent and private and rebellious. She would never know just how proud Lyall and Hope were when they talked about her, how when she brushed off pain after a full moon or got top marks in all her classes or made school prefect, their eyes would go wide as they would look at each other and say ‘ _how did we make her?'_

...

Remi didn’t cry when she saw her dead mother in her casket. She didn’t move a muscle when her father tried to hug her. She didn’t feel anything when the people around her were crying. All she thought about was how the last thing her mother had told her to do was forgive somebody, and how sad she would be if she knew that Remi would never, ever forgive her father.

Remi knew that Hope had been sick. She didn’t know that Hope and Lyall knew that Hope was going to die weeks before she did, that the doctors told them to get her affairs in order, that they chose not to tell Remi, but she found out, when the lawyers sat her down and read her Hope’s will. Remi didn’t look at Lyall the entire time. She would never look at him again. Hope had died and Remi hadn’t been there. She’d never even said goodbye. 

Lyall tried to get Remi to stay an extra few nights before she went back to school. She wasn’t even hearing him as he spoke. She was hearing her mother’s singing, a soft Welsh lilt running over her like a river over green hills.

She Flooed back to Hogwarts with Professor McGonagall ten minutes after the wake, and then went straight back to her dorm, where Jane and Stella and Remi were waiting for her. Stella passed her a smoke, already lit, and Remi placed it between her lips and sucked. She sat at the window and let them stare at her. She smoked through every cigarette she had in two hours. When she burned the last one, Stella appeared with more.

Jane gave her a strange look when she changed into her robes the next morning.

‘You know you can stay here, Moony, the professors won’t expect to see you in class.’

‘I want to go.’ 

Jane looked at Stella, who nodded. ‘Alright, mate. Let’s go.’ 

Remi found her classes unspeakably comforting that day, the scratch of her quill on the parchment and the voices dictating information familiar and consuming. Lola sat next to her in Ancient Runes, and passed her notes from the classes she’d missed. Dorian did the same in Arithmancy. Neither of them tried to speak to her. That night, she and Stella sat on the windowsill in their dorm, sharing cigarettes until their lungs felt scorched, and then Stella wordlessly climbed into bed with her, stroking her hair until she fell asleep.

Mid November rolled into late November, and Remi was vaguely aware that she went to classes and did her homework and that Stella slept next to her every night. She just shook her head when Jane would ask if she wanted to watch Quidditch, go to Slag Club, go to the library. No. Bed was better.

From bed, she did her homework, she got her food delivered by a particularly lovely elf from the kitchens, she read and watched the days pass her by. She still felt nothing.

She was scratching out a Transfiguration essay one day when Stella appeared beside her, holding out a coat. Remi paused, and looked at her with pleading eyes. Stella shook her head and kept the coat outstretched, her resolve like concrete. 

Remi hadn’t been outside in weeks. Winter had hit; the leaves on trees were frosted and the grass crunched beneath her boots as Stella took her around the grounds, taking the quietest routes they could. Eventually, they came out near the Black Lake, Hogwarts beautiful and tall in the distance. Stella linked her arm through Remi’s.

‘Did I tell you that Dorian lip synced to _Rhiannon_ the other night?’ Stella tugged Remi to sit down. ‘In the Common Room. It was amazing. Marlon was practically drooling.’ Remi looked at her in surprise. ‘Oh yeah, they told us - Jane and Petra and I - that they’re together. It made so much fucking sense, we were all wondering why you and Dorian were so close but not together, but then they said that you’d been there for him since last year and it was really cute. Anyway, so Fleetwood Mac came on, and Dorian was like six Firewhiskeys in, and he got so into it, and he was actually good - Godric, that boy can move. And Marlon was just sitting there, obviously not able to do anything because they were in public, but he was just staring at him and oh my god, they’re so in love. Gross, right? And then Jane joined in and it went downhill quickly, it was like an instant cockblock, she tried to do a body shot off her own body and I’m pretty sure she got a blood nose. And then--’

Stella talked and talked, telling Remi every small thing that had been happening in Quidditch practice and in Hogsmeade and in the hallways, and Remi let the words wash over her.

Stella took long walks with Remi every day, talking until Remi started talking back, and kept dragging her out until one stormy Saturday morning, when Stella appeared holding her boots and a coat, Remi couldn’t take it anymore.

‘Please, Black, not today! I’ll come with you to the Common Room, I’ll do your homework, anything but go out in this weather.’ Stella grinned and threw the clothes on the floor, jumping beside Remi on the bed, and Jane and Petra joined them. 

‘Moony said she’d do whatever I want today, Marauders! Who’s feeling up to some poker?’

From that point on, Remi began to feel incrementally more like herself. She still couldn’t think about Hope, couldn’t even fathom the thought of her father, but bit by bit, she started to heal - slowly and clumsily, but it was a start.

She waited for Lola as they left Ancient Runes on a Friday afternoon, jerking her head towards an empty hallway, and Lola grinned at her, eyes teasing.

‘You’re looking a bit less like a ghost than you were, Lupin.’

‘Yeah, decided it clashed too much with my preferred aesthetic. How are you going, Prewett?’

‘Yeah, good.’ Lola shrugged. ‘Really well actually, especially considering I was obsessed with this girl and we were seeing each other but she was actually super in love with someone else and then I had to stop making out with her?’ Lola poked her tongue out as Remi affectionately shoved her, meeting her gaze and holding it.

‘I’m sorry, Lola.’ She meant it.

‘You can’t help it.’

‘Wish I could.’

‘Me too. You’re a great kisser.’ Lola stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Remi again, and inhaled. ‘I’m so sorry about your mum, sweet.’ 

Remi buried her face in familiar red curls and breathed, letting Lola hold her a little tighter before they separated. Lola smiled at her and nudged her back towards the staircases.

‘Come on Lupin, you can’t be late to Arithmancy, you massive nerd.’

That night, the Gryffindors decided to throw a spontaneous pre-Christmas party-party, supposedly a warm up for the “real deal”. It was mostly fifth, sixth and seventh years overwhelmed by work and needing an excuse to drink. Dorian held out his arms when he saw Remi and she slumped gratefully into them. 

‘It’s nice to see you, Lupin.’ Dorian smiled at her, and Marlon handed her a cup of punch.

‘It’s disgusting, but I do genuinely believe it solves all problems,’ he explained. Remi laughed and shot it back in one go, and handed the empty cup to Marlon with raised eyebrows. ‘Okay then, another one coming right up, ma’am.’ Dorian’s eyes followed his boyfriend’s ass before switching back to Remi, and she laughed.

‘So, you told the girls.’

‘Oh my god, yes. It was so funny. Jane got so worked up, telling us how she had asked you if we were dating and you looked at her with - I am quoting this - “an expression of pure disdain”.’ Remi snorted.

‘I was so taken aback, I genuinely had no idea what to do. I’m not used to lying to Jane. She’s like a puppy, you can’t say no to her.’

‘Too fucking right, Moony.’ Stella was suddenly on Remi’s right, holding a hip flask and wrapping an arm around her. Dorian smiled at them and not-so-subtly said something about needing to locate Levi and Marco. Stella turned her body towards Remi. ‘Vodka?’ 

Remi let Stella raise the flask to her lips, gently tipping it back, and squeezed her eyes shut as the burning liquid hit her tongue and throat. Stella reached out and softly wiped away a drop that had escaped down Remi’s chin. They locked eyes and a familiar sensation returned to Remi: _burning_. She hadn’t felt it since Hope died - she hadn't felt anything - but there it was, a flame still insistent and curling as Stella’s grey eyes bore into hers. Suddenly, Remi was thrown back to the summer, and recalled with sudden clarity the way Stella had gripped her arms and pushed back her hair, like Remi was the most precious thing in the world. Remi thought about the weeks passed, the way Stella had gently pushed her back into the realm of the living, letting Remi mourn and process and grieve, and somehow always knew exactly what she needed. Remi thought about _Stella_ , and she found herself so overcome by love, so suddenly, that it left her breathless.

‘Moony, are you okay?’ Stella kept eye contact, and lifted one hand to her cheek. ‘Is this too much? We can go back upstairs if you need.’ Remi croaked out a ‘no’, and ducked her head into Stella’s shoulder. Stella wrapped both arms around her, tight and comforting.

‘Thank you.’ Remi barely managed to get the words out. She wanted to add _for everything_ but Stella seemed to understand, squeezing her tighter.

‘I’ll always be here, Rem.’ 

The moment stopped as suddenly as it had begun, as a roar came from the corner of the Common Room, and Remi looked over to see Marlon hoisting Jane over his shoulder while Dorian and Petra laughed behind them. 

‘McKinnon! Put me down!’

‘No! We are going to settle this right here, right now!’

‘Oi, McKinnon, didn’t you say you were going to bring me another drink?’ Remi raised her eyebrows.

‘Oh yeah, sorry Lupin.’ Still holding Jane over one shoulder, he picked up a clean cup, ladled in some punch and handed it to her. Levi and Marco walked into the Common Room and stopped dead at the sight of Jane feebly fighting against Marlon’s grip.

‘What have you done now, Potter?’ Marco snorted.

‘She said she has better hair than me!’ Everyone started laughing and Marlon set Jane down, who was grinning. She swept her hand through her dark hair, dramatically flipping her side part. She did have great hair, short and layered and messy, and Levi blushed as she turned to face him and Marco, her smile wide and dazzling.

‘Come on, gents, settle this for us. Who has the better hair?’

‘Well, to be fair, we are comparing chalk and cheese here,’ Levi said, looking between Jane and Marlon’s short afro. This prompted another round of loud arguing and Stella looked at Remi, her expression set, as if to say _yep, these really are our friends_.

…

Professor McGonagall called Remi into her office the next week, a few days after the full moon. Remi was still stiff, a fresh cut across her shoulder restricting her movement. McGonagall offered her a biscuit and she sat down, apprehensive.

‘So, Miss Lupin, there are a two things I wish to discuss with you today. Firstly, how are you finding classes at the moment?’

‘Yeah, good.’

‘Good.’ The professor looked at her with a wry look. ‘I suspect, like myself, you find both comfort and escapism in work.’ Remi laughed weakly and nodded. ‘I believe when we discussed career paths last year, you weren’t clear on your direction?’

‘Yes, but…’ Remi exhaled. ‘Look, we both know I don’t have a lot of options.’

‘Maybe. Maybe not. Miss Lupin, have you considered academia?’ Remi was surprised.

‘Not really, I haven’t really considered muggle options.’

‘I think you should.’ McGonagall pushed a book towards her. ‘This is by my dear friend Gretchen Lovelace. She is an exceptional witch and she studied political science at Oxford University, before returning to the wizarding world and campaigning the Ministry.’ Remi picked up the book - _Balance the Scales: Hierarchy and Oligarchy in Britain’s Ministry of Magic_. 

‘Thank you.’

‘You’re very welcome. Miss Lupin, you are a very talented witch, but I have often found workplaces such as the Ministry squeeze the life out of talented people. It did for me.’

‘You worked for the Ministry?’

‘For a short while, a very long time ago, yes. Let’s just say I much prefer teaching.’ McGonagall’s face was compassionate and serious, a reassuring mix that Remi had always liked about her teacher. ‘You have an exceptional memory, Miss Lupin, you spend most of your time in the library, and I understand that you prefer to work alone. A career path doesn’t have to be defined by someone else. I would be happy to write you some references to assist you in continuing your studies after school.’ 

‘That’s...really generous, Professor, thank you.’

‘It’s my job, Miss Lupin, to recognise potential. And that brings me to our second item - I, and some of your other teachers, feel it would be good for you to have someone to talk to.’

‘I have my friends.’

‘Not a friend. A professional.’

Remi crossed her arms, tightly. ‘I’m doing fine, honestly.’

‘You’re doing very well indeed, considering the circumstances. However, I believe everyone could benefit from occasionally speaking to someone who specialises in listening.’

‘I’d really rather not.’

McGonagall smiled. ‘Much like myself, Miss Lupin, you prefer to distract yourself rather than sit and mope about your issues.’ Remi nodded. ‘Admirable, but dangerous. I would like you to come back here after your classes finish tomorrow. If you feel, after one session, it will not benefit you, I will not make you return.’ It wasn’t a question. Remi sighed and mumbled an _okay_ , and McGonagall stood up.

‘You may go, Miss Lupin. Enjoy the book. I suspect that there are some others you may wish to share it with, once you are feeling up to it.’ Remi looked at her in surprise; Slag Club members were sworn to secrecy. The professor’s face gave nothing away, however, and she simply smiled as Remi left.


	13. Sixth Year: Tis the Damn Season

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Therapy, friend time, and a little bit of honesty.

‘Hi Remi, my name’s Violet.’ A plump, middle-aged woman reached out to shake Remi’s hand. ‘How are you?’ Remi shrugged and looked at the brooch on Violet’s cardigan, a ginger cat that occasionally stretched and moved around. They were in Professor McGonagall’s office, and Remi suddenly had a ginger snap craving.

‘So, Remi, before we start, I want you to be clear on a few things. Whatever you say in here, stays in here. I can only say something to Minerva if I believe you are in danger. Secondly, I have been given your student file, so I am already aware of your lycanthropy, and it is subject to strict confidentiality. And lastly, I am here as someone you can talk to - perhaps without the judgment you would normally feel discussing personal things. Do you have any questions?’ 

Remi shook her head.

‘Okay. I would like you to start off by telling me about yourself.’

‘Like, about my condition? Or my mum?’ Remi twiddled her thumbs, not quite sure which one would be worse.

‘How about we start a bit more basic. Where did you grow up?’

‘Oh.’ Remi felt relieved. ‘Wales.’

‘And where did you go to school?’

‘I was homeschooled.’

‘I see. By your parents?’

‘My mum, mostly.’

‘Did you have many friends when you were young?’

‘No.’

‘What do you like to do?’

‘Er...read. Be with my friends, I guess. I like to study. I’m pretty boring.’

‘Not at all.’ Violet smiled at her. ‘Very normal things for a sixteen year old to like. Yes, even study,’ she added, seeing Remi’s face. ‘I loved school, personally. So no siblings?’

‘No.’

‘Who are your friends here?’

‘Um, my closest friends are my dorm mates. Jane, Petra, Stella. And I’m close with my friends Levi and Dorian, and--’ she briefly thought of Lola and decided to not go down that wormhole ‘--I’m on good terms with a few people, I suppose.’

‘That’s great. Sounds like you have a good support system here.’

‘I do.’

‘Do your friends know about your lycanthropy?’

‘Um, just my dorm mates.’

‘And they’re good about it?’ _My friends who spent three years becoming literal animals for me? Yes._

‘Yeah, they’re good.’

‘Sounds like those girls mean a lot to you.’

‘Of course.’

‘Do you mind telling me more about them?’

‘Er, okay. Jane is sort of the ringleader, I suppose. Less so as we’ve gotten older, but she still kind of holds us together. Petra is quieter, I guess, and she’s really sweet, and she has shit taste in guys.’ Remi saw Violet give a small smirk at that. ‘And Stella...Stella’s complicated.’

‘How so?’

‘She has a rough family. They disowned her last Christmas.’

‘That’s awful.’

‘Yeah. Jane’s parents take care of her now.’

‘Are you and Stella close?’

‘Yeah, I guess.’

‘Tell me about her.’

Remi tried to ignore the red flush she could feel spreading up her chest and neck. ‘She’s the rebel, I guess. She does stupid things sometimes and doesn’t think until later on. But she’s really kind, and supportive, and she loves us - Jane and Petra and I - more than anything.’

‘She sounds great.’

‘Yeah.’ Remi looked at her hands. ‘They all are.’

‘Hmm.’ Violet wrote down a couple of notes. ‘Are you dating anyone?’

‘Not really.’

‘Not really?’

‘I was...sort of seeing this person, for a couple of months, but it didn’t work out.’

‘Why?’

‘I just,’ Remi exhaled. ‘My heart wasn’t in it.’ Violet cocked an eyebrow. ‘I’m in love with someone else.’

‘Ah, I see. So perhaps this person was a way to forget someone.’

‘That makes me sound like a bitch.’

‘Not at all, Remi. Again, it’s very normal. Sounds like it must have been hard for you.’

‘I guess. I did really like this person, but it just wasn’t,’ Remi avoided Violet’s gaze, ‘it wasn’t anything like what I feel about this other person.’

‘How long have you been in love with them?’

‘Since first year.’

‘Wow. That’s a long time.’

‘You’re telling me.’

‘Why haven’t you told them?’

‘Uh, I’m too scared, I guess.’ 

‘Are you friends?’

‘Yeah.’

‘It can be hard, risking a friendship like that.’

‘Yeah.’ Remi nodded, and sighed, pushing her palms against her eye sockets.

‘What’s coming up for you, Remi?’

‘It’s just,’ Remi weakly laughed, ‘my mum just died and I’m here telling you about my love life. It feels stupid.’

‘Would you prefer to talk about your mum?’

‘No.’

‘Then we don’t have to.’

‘Isn’t that why McGonagall made me do this, though?’

‘Yes and no.’ Violet put her forearms on the desk, slightly leaning forward. ‘I’m here so you have someone to talk to. This isn’t class, Remi, I’m not going to pass or fail you. Also, love isn’t trivial, it can painful and traumatic, as I’m sure you’re well aware.’

Remi nodded and exhaled shakily. ‘It’s so painful.’

‘I know.’ Violet laughed. ‘I worked with my husband for nine years before we finally got together.’

‘Wow.’

‘Yeah. I had this huge crush this entire time, and I’d work late every night so I could say goodbye as he left. My boss thought I just really loved my job.’ Remi laughed.

‘How did you finally get together?’

‘He asked me out to dinner. Turns out, it was that easy.’

‘What if it’s not that easy? What if...what if there are other reasons we can’t be together, or shouldn’t be together?’

‘Let’s see...is this person related to you?’

‘No.’

‘Are they abusive?’

‘No.’

‘Are they imaginary?’

‘Ha. No.’

‘Well, Remi, I can’t think of another good reason to deny yourself at least a chance at love.’ 

Remi left the session feeling oddly okay. She didn’t know whether it was life-changing, but she liked Violet, at least, and McGonagall had pointedly said as she left, ‘Miss Lupin will see you after Christmas break, Vi.’ Bloody scheming git, but Remi felt a sense of relief that she’d said it. It meant Remi didn’t have to ask.

…

Remi hadn’t even had to ask Jane whether she could spend Christmas with the Potters. Jane had just looked up from a letter she was writing to her parents, asked Remi what her drink request was for Christmas lunch, and then kept writing.

Euphemia and Fleamont were in horrendous, festive sweaters when Jane, Remi and Stella arrived at Platform 9 ¾, and wrapped them in extra tight hugs. Euphemia patted Remi on the cheek, her eyes warm and motherly.

‘Thank you for letting me crash your Christmas again, Mrs Potter.’

‘It’s Euphemia,’ the woman said sternly, ‘and we’re so glad you came, Remi.’

It had snowed overnight on the first morning Remi woke up in Jane’s bedroom, Stella curled on the mattress beside her. Jane was already up and Remi could hear her laughing with her parents downstairs. She walked to the tall, curved glass doors that opened onto a small balcony from Jane’s room, stepping onto the cold brick in her flannel pyjamas and bare feet. The cold was refreshing rather than biting, and she took in the gorgeous morning. The Potters only lived an hour out of London, but they had forests and paddocks stretching in every direction around their home, and the air was so clean. The sun was shades of pink and yellow across the snow, and for the first time in a while, Remi felt something close to calm, a voice that said _it won’t always hurt this much._ It was hope. Hope. She blinked at the irony and went back inside, putting on woollen socks and smiling at the stirring Stella.

‘Wshftyoejtme.’

‘Come again?’

‘What’s the timeeeeee.’ Stella yawned and Remi tossed her a watch. 

‘About ten.’

‘I love holidays.’ She froze and sniffed the air. ‘Is Euphemia making... _pancakes_?’ She jumped up and sprinted down the stairs.

Euphemia had really outdone herself, with fluffy buttermilk pancakes and berry coulis, bacon, eggs, fresh orange juice, hot chocolate, and coffee. Stella actually moaned in pleasure as she bit into the pancakes.

‘I love you, Mimi.’

‘You love my cooking,’ laughed Euphemia, but Remi heard her whisper _love you_ to Stella as she refilled her coffee cup.

Jane insisted on going for a walk - _we are playing Ravenclaw the week after we get back to school, Stella, I won’t have my star Beater out of shape_ \- and the girls laced up their boots. The forests behind Jane’s house were almost dreamlike, laced with frozen streams and tiny woodland creatures. They wandered in silence for a bit, and then Jane spoke.

‘Ivanov apologised to me.’

‘Really?’ Remi was surprised.

‘Yeah. Said he was embarrassed at his behaviour and that Alessia is an amazing Keeper, which is true, but then I asked him to speak to the guys that are still catcalling me in the corridors, and he got all squirmy and left.’

‘Sounds about right.’ Stella shook her head. ‘We should bring it up at Slag Club, when we get back. Figure out some sort of revenge plan.’

‘Yeah,’ Jane smiled. ‘Haven’t done one of those in a while. I almost miss detention.’

‘Almost.’ Remi poked her tongue. ‘We’ve neglected smashing the patriarchy recently.’

‘I mean, I got disowned and your mum carked it, so it’s been a bit of a downer.’ Stella grinned at them both, and Jane’s jaw fell open.

‘Stella! You can’t just--’ Jane was broken off by the sound of Remi laughing. She was laughing so hard, her ribs hurt, and she doubled over trying to catch her breath. And then Jane and Stella started laughing too, and then they all descended in hysteria, clinging to each other to stay upright. Remi would think she was about to stop, and then she caught a glimpse of the drool dribbling from Jane’s mouth, or Stella lookingat her with an idiotic, sheepish grin, and then she’d start again. Stella tackled her to the ground, Jane piling on top of them, and Remi sighed as her giggles waned.

‘Fuck, Moony.’ Jane wiped her eyes. ‘Sorry about your dead mum.’

‘Thanks, you assholes.’ Remi grinned as they pulled her up and they started back towards Jane’s house, Stella throwing handfuls of dirty snow at Jane, who responded by body slamming her into a nearby tree, and Stella shrieked. The same sensation from that morning filled Remi as she walked slightly behind them, laughing. Hope was wonderful and terrifying all at once.

Petra and her parents came to see them on Christmas Eve, and Fleamont surprised them with theatre tickets.

‘ _Much Ado About Nothing_ ,’ he grinned, passing one to each of them. ‘Muggle theatre is true magic.’ 

They Flooed to the Leaky Cauldron, and then walked twenty minutes to the Globe. Petra’s parents chatted animatedly with the Potters, and the girls walked arm in arm behind them, soaking in the carol singers and festive decorations lighting up the Thames. Petra was telling them about her sister’s new boyfriend.

‘She’s with his family this Christmas, and Godric, they’re so awful. We saw them yesterday to swap presents and they gave Mum a book on being a good hostess.’

‘You’re fucking kidding.’ Stella barked a laugh.

‘Wish I was.’ Petra laughed and kept chatting, and Remi let herself enjoy the way Stella was clutching her arm as they walked, and she imagined slipping her hand towards hers and intertwining their fingers. The image sent her heart swooping and she sighed loudly.

‘You okay, Moony?’ Stella looked at her quizzically, dark hair flying around her face, eyes sparkling against her flushed skin, blush sitting perfectly along her high cheekbones.

‘Ye-yes,’ Remi stammered, and they thankfully came to a stop outside an old fashioned, circular building. It was dark as they filed in, and Remi slapped her palm against her forehead. _You absolute sucker_. 

The play was better, so much better, than Remi had expected. The actors were incredible, the stage design simple, and it was so funny that she snorted at several points. But it was Beatrice that really got her; funny, bold, brash and imperfect. She whistled as the actors bowed, and Fleamont smiled at her as they left.

‘You enjoyed it, Rem?’

‘Yeah.’ Remi smiled. ‘I loved it.’

‘Thought you might. You do always seem to have your head stuck in a book.’

‘McGonagall actually suggested I pursue it after Hogwarts.’

‘Really? Minnie’s usually right about things like that.’

‘Yeah.’ Remi looked out across the Thames. ‘Maybe after the war.’

‘Hmm.’ Fleamont frowned. ‘God, I sometimes forget you’ll inherit this mess.’ He sighed and clapped her on the shoulder. ‘Ah, Remi. Go to university. There will be a life after this.’

Christmas was delightful; the Potters got them all stupidly large boxes of Honeydukes chocolate and red and gold handknit beanies, and also something personal for each girl. Jane got a new broomstick, and she squealed and bowled her parents over with hugs. 

‘Win that bloody cup, okay, Janey?’ Fleamont winked at his daughter and she saluted.

Stella received a pendant dangling from a gold chain, inscribed with symbols Remi didn’t recognise.

‘ _Meree betee_ ,’ Euphemia said, looking at Stella. ‘My daughter, in Hindi. My mother’s tongue.’ Stella burst into tears and ran into Euphemia’s arms, who also started crying, and Fleamont was looking suspiciously bright eyed. Stella took a few minutes to calm down, and Remi almost forgot to open hers. Jane passed it to her, and she tore open the packaging to reveal a thick notebook, bound in leather and twine. Etched into the bottom right hand corner of the cover was _R.J. Lupin_ , and as she picked it up, saw a gold fountain pen resting beneath it.

‘One of my favourite tools. Much more efficient than a quill,’ Fleamont said.

‘Thank you,’ Remi managed to croak out. She hadn’t gotten them anything except a card; her dad had been sending her letters and money that she was returning without opening. Euphemia seemed to read her thoughts, shaking her head.

‘We wanted to, love. Just put it to good use.’ Remi nodded and they swiftly moved on the conversation to lunch preparations. She was grateful; another minute more of kindness and she may have exploded.

The next few days passed in a blur of snow and roast meals and long walks, and Petra came to stay the last few days with them, as her parents were going to see her sister and Petra had proclaimed that she’d rather die than see Olivia’s boyfriend and his family again.

They were sitting on Jane’s bed the night before heading back to Hogwarts, drinking hot chocolate and playing Exploding Snap. The conversation soon turned to Levi.

‘When are you going to tell him that you want to marry him and have his babies?’ Stella poked her tongue out at Jane as she slapped down a card.

‘Fuck off,’ Jane grumbled as she got a match and the cards flew up. ‘I’m fine, I’m chill about it. How’s Marco?’

‘Dunno.’ Stella collected a card from behind her. ‘Told him I wanted to focus on you guys during the break.’

‘That poor man,’ Petra laughed.

‘Says the girl who broke McLaggen’s heart.’

‘Ha, ha. He’s fine. Heard he found comfort with Valeria Reynolds.’

‘Ew.’

‘Yeah. I’m happy being single.’

‘What about you, Moony?’ Jane looked at Remi.

‘What about me?’

‘How’s your mystery lover?’

‘I do not have a mystery lover.’ Remi rolled her eyes. ‘We’ve already been through this.’

‘C’mon, Moony, you must like somebody.’ Stella looked at her, but her expression was less jovial than Jane’s. It was almost hesitant.

‘I like vodka.’ Remi skirted the question and put down a card.

‘You can tell us, you know, Rem.’ Petra’s voice was sweet. ‘You never talk about your crushes. There must be a boy you’ve snogged.’

The deck exploded as Stella slapped her hand down, and the cards flew up, floating gently back down. Remi looked up at them, and felt the world still, everything turn to slow motion, and she looked at her friends, who were regarding her with almost worried expressions. Remi saw herself from the outside, how she must seem to them - so private and moody and mourning her mother’s death with cigarettes and history essays. She thought about the war and Lola’s dead cousins and the way that life could be taken so quickly. She thought about Violet telling her she deserved a shot at love. She wanted to take a step towards it.

‘Um, I haven’t snogged a boy.’ Remi stared at the cards on the bed, breathing heavily. ‘But I have snogged someone.’ She looked up at her friends and then Jane’s arms were around her, pulling into her chest, and Petra’s hand was on her arm. 

‘Thanks for telling us, Moony.’ Jane let her go.

‘Doesn’t make a difference to us.’ Petra beamed.

Remi looked at Stella, who smiled and leant forward to hug her. When she pulled back, her expression was complicated. Loving, and reassuring, but there was confusion too, and something else Remi couldn’t quite place.

‘Of course it doesn’t make a difference,’ Stella breathed. There were a few moments of silence, and then Jane elbowed Remi.

‘Okay, Moony, who was the lucky girl? I KNEW you had someone!’ 

Remi laughed and covered her face, blushing. ‘Okay, so it was very casual, and we ended it ages ago, but we’re still friends so you guys can’t tell anyone.’

‘Of course, of course.’ Jane bounced the bed. ‘Come on! You know all of our sordid details.’

‘Not that I want to,’ Remi reminded her. Jane groaned and shoved her. ‘Okay, okay. Um...Lola Prewett.’ Jane squealed and Petra gasped, and Stella seemed to have recovered her usual cool composure, grinning lazily at Remi with a cocked eyebrow, and the three of them exploded with chatter at once.

‘Prewett, hey?’

‘Don’t blame you, she’s hot.’

‘She always smells good.’

‘I’d definitely shag her.’

‘Why the hell did you stop?’

‘I like her hair.’ 

Remi was still blushing as she brushed her teeth and walked back into Jane’s room, where she felt a little cold jolt as she saw her friends curled up together. She was struck with the sudden notion that they may not want her pressed up against them anymore.

She stood awkwardly for a beat too long, and Jane noticed, springing up and pulling her back in between her and Petra.

‘You may be a bloody queer, Moony, but you’re still a Marauder. You don’t get out of cuddles.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was written while I played Evermore on repeat. Remi would absolutely be a Taylor stan.


	14. Sixth Year: Chaotic Good

Nothing and everything changed after Christmas. The Marauders went on as usual and didn’t bring up Remi’s sexuality except to give her a suggestive eyebrow if Lola was mentioned, which was actually nice. It was nice to be included in their familiar ribbing in a way she hadn’t been before. And other things had become a bit easier, after that day in the forest with Stella and Jane. The pain of her mother's loss had blunted. It was there, would always be there, but it was bearable now. It felt okay to live her life a bit again, the way she did before Hope died, and it didn’t feel like a betrayal of her memory. It was what she would have wanted.

Slag Club met the week they came back, and everyone greeted Remi as she entered, pleased to have her back. She was chatting with Talia when a familiar voice came from behind her.

‘Decided to join us again, Lupin?’ 

Remi laughed and turned to face Lola, who gave her a brief, tight hug.

‘How were your holidays, Prewett?’

‘Yeah, good. I spent it with Molly and her husband and kids - they’re seriously the cutest family ever. How were yours?’

‘Really, really good.’ Remi looked around them to make sure everyone else was out of earshot. ‘I, uh, sort of came out to my friends.’

‘Oh fuck Lupin, that’s amazing. I’m proud of you.’

‘Cheers, Prewett.’

‘I told my friends in November.’

‘I didn’t know that!’

‘Well, you were kind of going through a rough time, so I didn’t have the chance.’

‘Look, completely fair.’ Remi rand a hand through her hair and exhaled. ‘Did you tell them about us?’

‘Er...yeah. Just to Gillian and Eliza. They wouldn’t stop hounding me.’ Lola’s expression was worried. ‘I swore them to secrecy though, I hope you don’t mind.’

‘Not at all. I told my friends, too.’ Lola nodded in relief.

‘It was a bit anticlimactic, hey?’

‘Oh my god, yes,’ laughed Remi. ‘I don't know, they were so good about it, it was so fine.’

‘Same!’ Lola laughed and leant in closer to her. ‘How did Black react?’

‘Normally.’

‘Hmm.’

‘Lola.’

‘Remi. You are not fooling me.’

Remi groaned. ‘Dorian guessed too. How?’

‘It’s just - it’s obvious to anyone that you’re close, but it’s more than that. You kind of look at her like she’s the sun. And she...look, Remi, I’m not about to give you false hope, but she looks at you like that too.’ Remi sighed and looked at her fingers.

‘She has a boyfriend.’

‘Yes. And she’s about as interested in him as Snape is in shampoo.’ Remi snorted with laughter and Lola grinned, leaning in closer. ‘Just don’t discount it, okay Lupin? If I can’t keep snogging you because of her, you better make it worth it.’

‘Bloody flirt.’ She gently shoved Lola, and then caught Jane’s eye, who was standing about five metres away with Petra, both whispering and looking at them. Lola turned and laughed, waving. ‘You Gryffindors have the collective subtlety of a sledgehammer.’

‘Yep.’ Remi looked for Stella. She couldn’t see her. ‘Speak later, okay?’

‘Okay.’ Lola squeezed her arm and went to find Gillian and Eliza. Remi went over to Jane and Petra. ‘You both are lunatics.’

‘You two look good together.’

‘We’re just friends, Wormtail, thank you. Where’s Padfoot?’ 

‘Went for a smoke.’

‘Okay.’ Remi left the Room, and caught a familiar scent from a classroom a bit further down the hall. Stella was sitting on a desk when she got in, arms tightly crossed over her chest, puffing smoke rings. She looked up with surprise as Remi entered.

‘Alright, Padfoot?’

‘Alright.’ Stella held out a cigarette and Remi took it, sitting on the desk opposite her so they faced each other. 

‘Not like you to avoid a crowd.’

‘Just needed a moment, I guess.’ Remi felt a twinge of guilt as she thought about how Stella had lived in her pocket for two months, just so Remi wouldn’t have to be alone, and she couldn’t remember the last time she had asked Stella how she was.

‘You know you can always talk to me, right?’

‘Yeah.’ Stella looked out the window. 

‘I know I’ve been a shit friend for a while now. You know, with, as you put it, my mum carking it.’ Stella barked a laugh and turned to look at Remi, her grey eyes almost blue in the dim light.

‘You haven’t been a shit friend, Moony.’

‘Kind of.’

‘No.’ Stella shook her head and hopped off the desk, holding her hand out. ‘You haven’t. You’re always good. Come on, let’s get back inside before Prongs kills us.’

The Slags were in outrage over Ivanov’s refusal to call off Jane's harassment.

‘I thought you Lions were supposed to brave?’ Olympia shook her head.

‘Apparently not.’ Jane sighed. ‘Boys don’t seem to be able to stand up to each other the way that girls can.’

‘Too right,’ Gillian looked at Jane. ‘We haven’t dished payback in a while, have we, Potter?’

‘That’s the Slytherin I know and love.’

Gillian grinned. ‘We need to just really annoy them. All of them - the boys who catcall and the boys who are spineless jerks and the boys who are just fucking bigots. Like, we need to do something that’s just really fucking funny, and to hell with consequences.’ Jane dramatically sighed and pointed at Gillian.

‘That’s exactly the type of attitude I’m looking for, Bala.’

The girls talked a while longer but no one had any ideas that were quite right, and then Remi raised her hand.

‘Moony! Take the floor.’ Jane bowed out.

‘Um, well, I have a book to add to our collective reading list--’

‘--of _course_ you do--’

‘--hush, Potter.’ She pulled out the Gretchen Lovelace book that Professor McGonagall had given her. ‘I think everyone should read this. It’s by a witch who uses muggle political theory, and it’s basically about how shit and corrupt the Ministry is. It’s a manifesto of sorts, a call to action to change the way we approach justice and equality.’

‘Ooh.’ Eliza reached over and grabbed it. ‘Nice one, Lupin.’

‘Thanks.’ Remi smiled and sat down. ‘You can take it first, Hornby.’

‘Cool.’

‘Okay, if that’s all?’ Jane looked around the table, and they walked back towards Gryffindor Tower.

‘Where did you find that book, Moony?’ Jane looked at her. ‘Hardly seems like the type of thing that the library would have.’

‘McGonagall gave it to me.’

‘No shit.’ Stella tucked her hands in her robe pockets. ‘Why?’

‘I think she knows about us.’ The girls all looked at her in alarm, and she laughed. ‘But she’s cool with it, I’m pretty sure she’s actually approving. I think a lot of the teachers don’t like the Ministry and how they’re handling this war.’

‘That’s true,’ Petra said. ‘My dad said that his boss absolutely despises Dumbledore, apparently he and Fudge are constantly arguing.’

‘Oh, that reminds me,’ Remi remembered her conversation with Lola, the night they’d kissed. ‘Dumbledore has a secret organisation.’

‘What?’

‘They’re fighting Voldemort and his cronies without Ministry supervision.’

‘Ooh.’ Jane’s eyes glinted. ‘Tell us more.’

By the time they reached their dorm, Jane had declared she was going straight to join them once they graduated, and Stella nodded.

‘It’d be so dangerous.’ Petra’s brows were knit.

‘Life is dangerous, Pet,’ said Jane. ‘We have to be on the right side of history.’

…

Violet looked exactly as Remi remembered, only her brooch today was a steaming teapot. 

‘Hi, Remi.’

‘Hi.’

‘Did you have a good break?’

‘Yeah. It was actually really good.’

‘I’m so glad to hear that.’

‘But…’

‘Yes?’

‘I’m a terrible person.’

‘What makes you say that?’

Remi couldn’t look at her. ‘The Potters. I've always preferred staying with them.’

‘They sound like they’re a second family to you.’

‘At the moment, they’re my only family.’ Violet nodded, frowned slightly and made a couple of notes.

‘So I gather you haven’t yet spoken to your father.’

‘No.’

‘He must have hurt you a lot.’

‘He stole her from me.’ The words tumbled out before Remi could stop them.

‘How do you mean?’

‘I didn’t get to say goodbye to my mum. They knew she had limited time, and I didn’t get to say goodbye.’

‘Why do you think they did that?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘Remi, do you think that maybe you are angry at your mother?’

‘She’s dead.’

‘Yes.’

Remi looked at the floor. ‘You can’t be angry at a dead person.’

‘I beg to differ.’ Violet looked at her with soft compassion. ‘You can be very angry at the dead, actually. And sometimes, purely because they are that - dead, gone. A lot of people I see feel abandoned by their lost ones.’

‘I’m not angry at her.’ Remi felt heat building in her belly and a sudden wave of dizziness. She gripped the sides of her chair and tried to stay upright.

‘Okay.’

‘I’m angry at my father.’

‘That’s understandable.’

‘He’s always been like that, you know? Just, so goddamn stubborn, and so selfish and focussed on what he wants.’

‘Can you give me an example?’

Remi laughed hollowly. ‘Well, he’s the reason I’m a werewolf.’

Violet blinked. ‘Do you mind going into more detail?’

‘I guess, although it’s pretty straightforward. My dad’s an expert in magical creatures. He worked for the Ministry, and they brought a werewolf in for questioning. Dad knew he was a werewolf but this guy convinced everyone else that he wasn’t, Dad lost his temper, and once they let the werewolf go, he took revenge.’

‘On you?’

‘Yeah.’

‘How old were you?’

‘Four. Nearly five.’

‘What did your father say to make them so angry?’

‘I believe his exact words were _soulless, evil, deserving nothing but death.’_ Remi choked out a laugh. ‘And then he was stuck with me. The irony, huh?’

Violet put down her notepad and considered Remi carefully.

‘You know that he was incorrect, Remi? Those words are untrue?’

‘He always said he regretted it.’

‘I’m sure. But his words must have stuck with you.’

‘I only found out exactly what he said a couple of years ago. I found a newspaper article about that trial.’

‘So he didn’t tell you himself?’

‘No.’ Remi looked at her. ‘He has a habit of withholding information, my father.’

Violet switched the conversation back to school and friends and gentler topics, but Remi left feeling prickly and irritable, and desperate for a smoke. She grabbed them from her bedside table and headed to the Astronomy Tower, taking the stairs two at a time, focussing on the ache it produced her calves and thighs as moved.

She ducked into the prefect’s bathroom on the way, practically yelling the password and storming in. She rounded a corner without looking and heard a yelp.

Lola and Larissa had sprung apart, but their hair was ruffled, lips red and faces flushed. Larissa looked at Lola, panicked.

‘Fuck, sorry.’ Remi took a quick step back. ‘Um, I’ll go somewhere else.’ She turned and quickly walked, trying to breathe. She heard footsteps following her.

‘Remi!’ Lola grabbed her arm. Remi pulled away, looking at Lola with what she hoped was a calm expression.

‘Prewett, relax, it’s fine.’

‘It’s just happened. It’s very new.’ Lola’s eyes were large and pleading, and Remi didn’t have the energy.

‘I’m happy for you.’

‘I know it might be weird--’

‘It’s not.’ Remi smiled tightly. ‘Go on, go back to poor Larissa, she looks like she might have a heart attack.’

The Astronomy Tower was a welcome blast of cold, fresh air, and Remi hurriedly lit a fag, trying to steady her breathing. It was all too much. It wasn’t that she was hurt or even jealous of Lola and Larissa - not that she had any right to be. It was pettier than that.

_Now no one likes you. No one wants you._

Remi scowled and inhaled as much smoke as she could. Lola was her friend, she had to be happy for her, but seeing the only person she’d ever kissed with someone else reminded her how alone she was. Cut off from any hope of finding someone who liked her, just because her heart was too stubborn to move on. Images flashed in her mind, each sending a mixture of pain and longing through her. Grey eyes blinking open in the morning light. Fingers touching her chin to wipe away vodka. A laugh she heard in her dreams. Tight jeans and lipstick and leather jackets. Four small girls, trying not to giggle through detention.

Remi remembered that like it was yesterday.

It was the end of first year. She’d just turned twelve. Jane had convinced them to try and find a Niffler she’d sworn she had seen in the hallways, but Slughorn caught them and made them polish his picture frames as punishment. Remi was next to Stella, and Stella had elbowed her and pointed to a much younger Slughorn surrounded by students.

‘Look, he had hair once.’ It was such an obvious, dumb thing to say, but for some reason, at the time, it had made Remi laugh so much she thought she was going to pee. Stella had grinned at her, thrilled at her own wit, and Remi was struck with a feeling she wouldn’t define until their third year. But she felt it all the same, deep and strong. She just remembered blinking at Stella’s impish grin, and feeling her heart beat faster, and thinking, _please never leave me._

The memory struck her with pain, and suddenly, Remi was sobbing.

It felt like a volcano erupting. Tears poured, thick and fast, wetting her robes, splashing onto the concrete, and it was so much. The years of agony, silent pining and hopeless love, crushed her along with images of Hope’s gaunt face and wide, loving eyes the last time she’d seen her, and Lyall’s quiet defeat at the lawyer’s table when Remi realised how deeply he had betrayed her. It was anger and guilt and love and loyalty and betrayal and trust and grief and every single emotion, pushing on her, threatening to bury her under their weight. It was the pain of watching Stella kiss Marco for the first time, it was the emptiness of her room when Greyback left her cold and gasping on her bedroom floor, it was the loneliness of waking up in the Shrieking Shack for the first time, crying for her mother and realising she wasn’t there. It was everything.

Remi stayed there for a long time, breathing and smoking and letting her tears flow until they ran out. She eventually got up to go back to the dorm, exhausted and her face swollen and sore, but she felt a bit lighter. The world made a bit more sense. When she crashed into bed that night, sleep took her easily.

...

February rolled around too quickly, and Remi fell back into some sort of productive routine. Study was piling up and she, Levi and Dorian spent all of their nights in the library; Marlon, Marco and Petra often joining them; Stella and Jane coming sporadically between Quidditch practice, which Jane had now increased to five times a week. 

‘This is Gryffindor’s year, I can feel it in my bones.’ Jane had just arrived at their study session, dragging a very sweaty and grumbling Stella behind her, who collapsed onto a chair and banged her head against her arms.

‘I’m dead, Jane. You’ve actually killed me.’

‘Nonsense.’ Jane grinned at her. ‘It’s good for you.’

‘Ughhhhhh.’ 

Levi laughed. ‘You’re running a tight regime there, Potter.’

‘I’m taking that as a compliment, Evans.’ Levi smiled and Remi saw a faint pink blossom in his cheeks as he looked at Jane.

‘Get a room, you two.’ Dorian looked up from where he and Marco were comparing Transfiguration notes. ‘This time is for focussing.’ Jane threw one of her gloves at him and Levi coughed, returned to his Potions essay, and Remi nudged him under the table, passing him a note. He opened it and choked.

**Jane looks hot after a workout, hey Evans?**

He started coughing again, trying to hide the bit of parchment from Jane, who was staring at him with a bemused expression.

‘Jesus, Evans. Pull it together.’ Remi slapped his back and he gave her an evil look. Across the table, Stella gave her a knowing look and winked, the signature Stella Black wink that sent goosebumps down her spine. Remi resolved to exercise her chaotic side more often.


	15. Sixth Year: Burn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Jane and Remi's birthday, and there will be drinking games, Queen, and a whole lotta love.

‘Have you thought much about our chat a couple of sessions ago?’ Violet’s brooch today was an owl.

‘Which one? There’ve been a few.’

‘The one about your love life.’

‘Ah.’

‘Yes.’

‘Well,’ Remi hoped Violet was serious about that confidentiality thing, ‘I actually did sort of take a step, I guess. I told my friends - my dorm mates - that I like girls.’ Violet didn’t even blink.

‘That’s very brave of you, Remi.’

‘Thanks.’ Remi blushed a little.

‘So, this person you like is a girl?’

‘Yes.’

‘I’m assuming it’s someone we’ve spoken about.’

‘Yeah.’

‘Is it Stella?’

‘Godric, WHY is it so obvious to everyone? You’ve never even met her!’ Remi slumped over and groaned, and Violet laughed.

‘It’s my job to pick up on things like this, Remi. But also, it makes sense to me from what you’ve described - like you, she had a difficult childhood, and you both understand loss. And you also couldn’t meet my eyes when you talked about her.’ Violet smiled gently. ‘So other people have picked up on the connection between you two?’

‘Less connection, more stupid crush.’

‘Remi, I hardly think that's true.’ Remi sighed.

‘Two people have picked up on it. One of them was a girl, the one I was sort of seeing. She didn’t know it was Stella at first but she figured it out. The other is my friend Dorian. He’s gay. Oh, and his boyfriend knows too.’

‘I see. Are you still friends with the girl you were seeing?’

‘Lola. Yeah. She’s actually been really good about...everything. And I’ve kind of been a bitch to her.’

‘I doubt that.’

‘We stopped seeing each other because I was in love with someone else. Then she found out it was my best friend. Then she finally moved on and I freaked out.’

‘What happened?’

‘I saw her and someone else, just after our last session. I was so pent up, I just couldn’t deal with it.’

‘How did it make you feel to see her with someone else?’

Remi paused. ‘Lonely.’

‘That’s very--’

‘--normal, I know.’ Remi rolled her eyes and Violet chuckled.

‘I stand by what I said a few weeks ago. You deserve to give love a chance. Even if it seems impossible and terrifying right now.’

‘I cried, you know. That night.’ Remi swallowed. ‘After our session and seeing Lola. It was the first time I cried since my mum died. I didn’t even cry at her funeral.’

‘I imagine you were in shock at her funeral.’

‘Probably. I couldn’t feel anything for weeks.’

‘Remi, it’s a good thing you cried.’

‘It was awful.’

‘I’m sure it was. But it’s a sign of healing.’

‘Hm.’

‘Speaking of which, I wanted to ask you about something.’

‘Okay.’

‘Minerva told me you have a flair for the written word.’

‘Er, not really.’

‘I’ve known Minnie for twenty years, Remi, and she has never once exaggerated.’ A blush crept up Remi’s neck. ‘I would like you to try writing something, just for yourself, every day. It could be a quote you’ve heard, or a story, or a journal entry. But I think it could be very helpful for you.’

‘I’ll try, I guess.’

The universe was pushing her to write, Remi supposed, as she pulled out the untouched journal the Potters had given her for Christmas. She took Fleamont’s beautiful gold pen, the weight heavy and reassuring between her fingers, and opened the journal. Blank page. And...nothing. Her mind was silent. She shut the book in annoyance, then opened it, then shut it. After about ten minutes, just to tell Violet she had done it, she wrote something.

**I don’t want to write anything.**

Then she shut the journal and went to sleep.

The next night, it was more of the same. Open, shut, open, shut. Beneath her previous entry, she wrote:

**My name is Remi and I still don’t want to write anything**.

This went on until the birthday party.

...

Remi hadn’t wanted a birthday party, but Jane coaxed her into a joint celebration as they were born so close together. She couldn’t say no to her, particularly not with the Quidditch final looming over her friend like a dark cloud. Remi figured a celebration would be good for Jane’s nervous energy, so she agreed to let Petra do her makeup, and that’s how she found herself holding a cinnamon cider - one of Madam Rosmerta’s new creations that Stella had procured for them - and trying not to flinch as Petra poked and prodded her face with various products.

‘I promise you’ll like it, Moony.’ Petra’s tongue poked slightly out of the side of her mouth in concentration.

‘What the hell is that?’ Remi looked at the bizarre contraption Petra was holding.

‘Eyelash curler.’

‘What? Why?’

‘Makes your eyelashes longer.’

‘Do I have to?’

‘Just hold still.’ Petra took her face in one hand and closed the curlers over her eye before she could protest any more. Jane walked in from the bathroom and smirked at them.

‘Don’t you want to be pretty, Moony?’

‘She’s already pretty.’ Stella’s voice echoed from the bathroom and Remi tried very hard to not go red. Petra attacked her eyes with something glittery, and Jane started to remove the rollers she’d put in Remi’s hair an hour earlier.

‘I feel like I’m getting ready to meet a celebrity or something.’

‘You’re getting ready to go to the best party of your life, spread your wings and fly.’

Remi didn’t get to say anything back because Stella had appeared in the bathroom doorway. She was in a tight black dress, holding a cigarette in one hand, hair bouncing effortlessly down her back. Her eyes were outlined in black and she had red lipstick on. Stella was always beautiful, but tonight she looked almost dangerous. Small fires lit up in every part of Remi’s body.

Jane let out a low whistle. ‘Shit, Padfoot, you’re going to give someone a heart attack tonight.’

‘That’s the plan.’ She walked over and sat in front of Remi, helping Jane finger comb her curls. Her eyes fixed on Remi’s. ‘I don’t think I’ll be the only one, though.’ Remi swore she could feel her heart keel over and die.

She got dressed in the bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror. It was a pleasant shock. Her hair was soft and bouncy, her amber eyes brighter against the soft shimmer of her eyeshadow. She’d borrowed - or rather, been forced to wear - one of Jane’s mini skirts, and she had sheer tights on to cover her scars. A tight, long sleeved top covered her arms but exposed her collarbone, and made her look...different. Curvier. Older. She hesitantly left the bathroom and Jane - already in a mini dress and boots that showed off her long, muscular legs - wolf whistled. 

‘Admit it, Moony, we did good.’

‘You guys may - MAY - have done good.’ Petra beamed, raring to go in her bell bottoms and crop top. 

‘Come on! Your party awaits you.’

Remi didn’t realise that Jane had invited approximately half their year level. The Common Room was overflowing. A table in the middle was piled with various bottles of alcohol and snacks.

‘The boys really went to town,’ Stella whooped and dived for a bottle of Firewhiskey. ‘My love,’ she said, cradling it to her cheek. Dorian and Marlon descended on them, Levi trailing behind.

‘Fuck, you bloody stunner.’ Dorian grinned at Remi, and held out two shot glasses. They linked arms and drank.

‘Yes, that’s what I’m talking about!’ Jane laughed and stilled a little as she made eye contact with Levi. He was in a button up shirt and jeans, his red hair pushed to the side, and he was staring at Jane with soft eyes. He leant forward to hug her, whispered something in her ear, and she looked at him with wide eyes. Stella beamed at the boys and motioned everyone to her.

‘I think, my friends, we need to start tonight off with a bang. Who’s up for Never Have I Ever?’

They all gathered near the stairs, and Stella spelled out the rules.

‘Every time you put five fingers down, you take a shot. We are looking for speed here, people. And target the birthday girls. I’ll start. Um...never have I ever punched someone in the balls.’ Jane grinned as she popped a finger down, and so did Marco, gathering a quizzical look from the group.

‘No time for explanations!’ Stella impatiently gestured to Jane. ‘You next, Prongs.’

‘Never have I ever stolen something from Dumbledore’s office.’ There was a collective gasp as Remi put a finger down, blushing.

‘Fuck, Lupin, if you don’t expand on that later--’

 _‘Shush,_ Macdonald. Petra.’ And so the game continued, Jane and Remi taking far more shots than anyone else. It must have only gone on for ten minutes, but Remi was already feeling light headed when arms circled her from behind.

‘Happy birthday, Lupin.’ Lola was looking gorgeous in a white jumpsuit and glitter across her cheekbones. She beamed at Jane. ‘Happy birthday, Jane.’

‘Thanks. Wanna play?’ 

‘Sure.’ Lola held up a bottle of green liqueur. ‘I come bearing gifts.’ Marco whooped and high fived her. Stella smiled and pointed at Lola.

‘Okay, you have a go then, Prewett. Never Have I Ever.’

‘Excellent.’ Lola thought for a moment. ‘Never have I ever been in detention.’ There was a collective groan as everyone around the table put down a finger, except Levi and Lola. 

‘Bloody goody two shoes.’ Jane looked darkly at Levi, who just smiled and shrugged. 

‘Never have I ever had all my underwear stolen.’ Dorian grinned at Marco, who groaned.

‘Never have I ever been kissed.’ Marlon poked his tongue out as everyone at the table put a finger down. Marco looked pointedly at him. 

‘Never have I ever kissed someone at this table.’ Remi froze and, in her tipsy state, did the first thing that popped into her head, which was to look at Lola, who looked back. The boys went quiet, and Marco laughed.

‘Oh damn. You two?’ There was an awkward beat of silence.

‘Wouldn’t you like to know, Macdonald.’ Lola responded with enough lightness to make everyone laugh, and Remi felt her veins unfreeze. Jane said something about how they should go dance, pulling Petra along with her, the boys following, and Lola gestured towards where Larissa was chatting with some other Hufflepuffs. Then it was just Remi and Stella at the table.

‘Sorry about that.’ Stella sighed and stepped towards her. ‘He’s an idiot.’

‘He’s fine, he didn’t mean any harm.’ Remi smiled at her and was about to suggest they join the others when Stella spoke again.

‘No, he is. We broke up earlier today, so I can say it.’

‘Oh.’ Remi looked at her feet. ‘Um, sorry.’

‘Don’t be.’ Stella waved her hand. ‘He’s a good guy, just not the right person for me. We were always more friends than anything.’

‘I recall some nights in empty classrooms that suggest otherwise.’

‘Nah, that was just fun.’ Stella stepped closer to her again, that odd look on her beautiful face, the one Remi was never entirely sure how to interpret. ‘I never...felt much, you know?’

‘Okay.’ Remi breathed deeply.

‘Did you feel much? With Lola?’

Remi looked to where Lola was laughing into Larissa’s shoulder, and felt happy for them.

‘I felt things, but just not enough. Nowhere near enough.'

‘What do you--’ Stella was cut off by a bouncy Jane, who yelled something as she pushed more drinks into their hands, and then the moment was gone. Stella laughed as Jane pulled them towards the centre of the room, and there were some whoops as Dorian and Marlon shouted ‘here come the birthday girls!’ and then Queen was playing and the Marauders all grinned at each other, forming a circle. This was Jane’s song.

_Can anybody_

_Find me_

_Somebody to_

_Love?_

An entire room full of teenage voices yelled out the lyrics, and Jane’s smile was wide as the Marauders spun her around. Levi was standing about two metres away from them, staring.

_I have spent all my years in believing you_

_But I just can't get no relief, Lord!_

_Somebody ooh somebody_

_Can anybody find me somebody to love?_

Petra released Jane from a twirl as the guitars came in, and the tempo picked up, the bass thrumming through Remi’s veins. Jane closed her eyes and threw her head back as the song went quiet, then steadily built.

_Find me somebody to love_

_Find me somebody to love_

_Find me somebody to love_

_Find me somebody to love_

Jane started spinning, and then Levi stepped towards her, catching her hand. She looked up with a start when she realised it wasn’t one of the girls, and he breathed deeply, wrapping her hair around his fingers and gently leaning in.

They were kissing.

Everyone else was still dancing, drunk and oblivious, but Jane and Levi were slow and deliberate, and when they finally broke apart, their faces were close. Levi whispered something, his eyes fixed on hers. Jane covered her face and shook her head, clearly overwhelmed, and he hugged her tight, then pulled her upstairs towards the boys’ dormitories. As they left, she turned to look at the Marauders, and smiled with a pure joy that made Remi want to cry.

Dorian, Marlon and Marco appeared behind them, wolf-whistling, and Stella turned around to slap them.

‘Let them have their moment!’

‘Nope.’ Marco cheerily grinned and waved. He did not look like a boy who had just had his heart broken, Remi noted to herself.

‘God, this has been so long coming,’ Petra breathed, and Remi nodded. She ushered the boys back into the party, and Stella threatened them with castration if they so much as thought about following Levi and Jane upstairs. They were soon distracted; Marco by a pretty blonde girl who Remi vaguely recognised, and Marlon and Dorian by each other. Remi smirked as she saw Dorian pull Marlon into the portrait hole by his collar.

The night became blurry after that, music and more drinks and dancing, and soon the other Houses were leaving to get back before curfew and everyone was trailing to bed. Remi fell asleep between Stella and Petra, and woke with one hand in Stella’s hair and the other on top of her fingertips, curled protectively around them. She blinked her eyes open and tried to disentangle herself, but Stella woke, and they smiled hazily at each other.

‘Good birthday, Moony?’

‘Good birthday, Padfoot.’

‘Good.’ 

Once they’d showered and brushed their teeth, they woke Petra and jumped on Jane’s bed.

‘Prongs! Prongs! Proooo-oooongs!’ Stella shook Jane and Jane scoffed sleepily.

‘You’re a maniac.’

‘You have to tell us everything.’

‘Give me two minutes.’ Jane smiled and stretched out, walking towards the bathroom and then coming back fresh faced and glowing.

‘So.’

‘So.’ The girls all leaned forward, and Stella waggled her eyebrows.

‘I, um, Levi asked me to be his girlfriend.’ Stella screamed and bowled her over with hugs, Remi and Petra piling on top. 

‘Fucking knew you’d win him over in the end, Prongs.’ 

Jane snorted. ‘It took long enough.’

They headed to the Great Hall, desperate for bacon and eggs, and they were barely there five minutes when Dorian wandered in with a very perky-looking Levi. He sat straight down next to Jane, who turned and whispered something to him that made him laugh. He leant in and kissed her cheek, ignoring Dorian and the girls who sighed collectively and dramatically at the sight.

‘Move along, everyone,’ he laughed. ‘I still think you’re all idiots.’

‘Even me?’ Jane cocked an eyebrow at him.

‘Especially you.’ He leant in, close and conspiratorial. ‘Don’t tell anyone, but I do kind of like it.’

When Remi got back to her room, she headed straight for her side table and pulled out the journal. She couldn’t explain it, only that she needed to get this moment down before it left her.

**I was once told I looked at you like you were the sun. I didn’t understand what that meant until I saw it on someone else.**

She paused, thought, and continued.

**When you burn, you burn brighter than anyone I know. Sometimes I imagine what that would feel like, to be that powerful. Then I wish I could save you. I wish I could make sure you never burn too brightly, burn too fast. But instead, I watch, and I hope, and I imagine a world where - someday - you’ll lend me some of your flame.**

It was cheesy, and messy, and Remi wasn’t even sure if she liked it. But it was hers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can confirm that I would die to have Levi Evans look at me the way he looks at Jane Potter.


	16. Sixth Year: Payback is a Bitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The year draws to a close with a surprise announcement, the Quidditch finals, and a well timed revenge plan.

In the weeks that followed, Remi discovered how a relationship could change two people for the better.

Jane was calmer. Still energetic, still furiously obsessed with the upcoming match, still loud and funny, but she took moments between the storm. When she spent too long studying plays and strategy in the Common Room, and the Marauders had long since given up trying to reason with her, Levi could bring her back to reality with a gentle forehead kiss. Remi watched as Jane would close her eyes, melt into his touch, and let him convince her to get a cup of tea or sneak into his dorm for a five minute snog break. 

Levi was just _more._ He had always been confident in certain places - in the classroom or as a prefect - but now that confidence extended to other places, too. He participated more in their friendship group, joining in the Marauders’ banter that he usually smiled at from a distance. He would watch Jane’s Quidditch practice and whoop from the sidelines. He had a surprisingly filthy mouth when he let his guard down, making a comment about Marlon and Dorian that got the group kicked out from the library for laughing too much. He smiled more, and his smile now reached his eyes.

‘I always knew they’d get together.’ Stella and Remi were studying on the Common Room couch, watching Levi listen intently to one of Jane’s Quidditch rants. ‘But I always kind of dreaded it.’

‘Why’s that?’ Remi looked at her.

‘I always thought it would mean losing her,’ shrugged Stella. ‘Like, she’d get into a relationship and then give me less attention and I’d lose her.’ 

Remi laughed. ‘Of course.’

‘But it’s not like that.’

‘No, it’s not.’

‘I mean, I _am_ getting less attention,’ Stella sighed and Remi poked her, ‘but it just all feels right, you know?’

‘Maybe that’s what happens, when people are in good relationships.’

‘Yeah. I guess I don’t know much about those.’ Stella’s brows knitted together, and not for the first time, Remi wanted to reach out and smooth them. Dorian and Marlon appeared with their homework, settling next to them.

‘Alright, ladies?’ Marlon smiled at them.

‘Alright, McKinnon. Currently regretting my decision to take seven subjects.’ 

‘I feel that,’ grumbled Dorian from the end of the couch, where he was looking at his Alchemy papers with defeat.

‘That’s what you get for being nerds. Four subjects, bitches.’ Stella opened a box of Every-Flavour Beans and popped a few into her mouth.

‘Hmph.’ Remi reached out her hand for sugar.

‘What are you guys doing over the summer?’ Marlon’s face screwed up as he tentatively chewed a black jellybean. ‘Ugh. Soot flavour.’

‘Um, I don’t know.’ Remi looked at Stella. ‘We’ll probably just be staying with the Potters.’

‘Oh. I’ve been meaning to talk to you all about that.’ Stella looked around. ‘Where’s Petra? Prongs, Evans, get your lovesick asses over here.’ Stella ran up to their dorm, coming back with a frazzled looking Petra.

‘Padfoot, I was _just_ about to get into bed.’

‘This will be worth it. Where’s Macdonald?’

‘Dunno.’ Marlon shrugged.

‘Probably with his new girlfriend. That’s fine, you guys can tell him later.’ Marlon and Dorian looked at each other in amusement at the casual way Stella mentioned Christina. ‘Okay, okay, I have news. I’m rich.’

‘We always knew that.’ Jane yelped as Stella punched her.

‘Prongs, my mother will leave her inheritance to Kreacher before she leaves it to me.’ Stella coughed a little. ‘My Uncle Alphard, he died a couple of months ago. I never knew him well, but apparently he heard about the whole saga from Andromeda, because he’s left me his entire inheritance.’

‘Wow.’ Petra smiled at her, and Jane laughed.

‘That’s great, Padfoot, but why are you _announcing_ it to us? Reminding us we’re all poor by comparison?’

‘Obviously, I am now your superior. Also, I’ve decided that between having money and you guys, I’m never going to be bored again. I want to take everyone to Berlin this summer, and if anyone refuses or tries to pay me back, I will hex them into oblivion.’ Everyone’s mouths dropped open, and then Marlon whooped, scooping Stella up.

‘Fucking YES, Black!’ 

‘I’ve never been overseas.’ Dorian grinned widely and gave Stella a hug as Marlon set her back down. Levi and Jane were smiling at each other, and Remi thought with an ache how wonderful that would be - to be in love and adventuring with someone else’s hand in your own.

‘Thanks, Padfoot.’ Petra was practically bursting with excitement.

‘Yeah, yeah,’ Stella looked pleased at everyone’s reactions. ‘Just do me a favour and write to your parents now, okay? We need to plan it so it suits everyone.’ She caught Remi’s eye and sat beside her.

‘You okay, Moony?’

‘Yeah! Of course, Padfoot, it’s so exciting.’

‘You don’t look excited.’

‘I am.’

‘But?’

‘But...I don’t know.’

‘You’ve always been shit at accepting things. Advice, compliments, gifts…’ Stella poked her tongue out as Remi shoved her. ‘Just be happy, okay? I’m doing this so I can go to a new city and have fun but not be alone. Not for any of you assholes. You’re just a necessary expense.’ Remi laughed.

‘Can’t argue with that logic. How long will we be going for?’

‘At least a couple of weeks, I hope.’ Stella’s eyes sparkled. ‘Obviously the party scene is _amazing_ and I would like to get quite drunk, but there’s also a lot to see, and the magic community there is really cool, and you’ll probably want to do all the muggle shit like museums and galleries, so we need a bit of time.’ She’d never seen Stella so happy. Her smile was wide and dimpled, her voice fast as she talked about accommodation and travel options, and Remi felt drowned by love.

She would burn cities, move mountains, conquer empires, if it made Stella Black that happy.

…

‘A trip to Berlin is very exciting.’ Violet smiled at the nervous Remi. ‘What’s bothering you?’

‘It’s, um, my condition.’

‘Aha.’

‘We’re going with the boys, and I feel like they’ll figure it out if they’re in such close proximity.’

‘What if they do?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘What if they do figure it out?’

‘I don’t want them to.’

‘Why?’

‘Because it’s fucked up! I’m a dark creature.’

‘Do you think they’ll see it like that?’

‘Maybe. I don’t know. I’d prefer to not take the risk.’

‘I understand your fear, Remi. Lycanthropy is highly stigmatised. There are certainly people who would regard you differently if they knew.’

‘Most people, I think.’

‘What about your friends? Jane, Stella, Petra? How did they react?’

‘Well, they figured it out. It’s not like I told them.’

‘And have they ever treated you differently?’

‘Sometimes I feel like the charity case.’

‘Because of how they perceive you, or how you perceive yourself?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘Remi,’ Violet looked at her, and the oak tree pinned to her chest gently rustled. ‘I don’t know if anyone has explicitly told you this before, so let me. You are not a burden to the people around you. You add as much to their lives as they do to yours. The people who are driven away by who you are, are people who were never deserving of you. Do you hear me?’ Remi nodded, feeling tears prick her eyes, and rubbed them away in embarrassment. ‘I’m not saying you have to tell anyone you don’t want to. I’m saying that perhaps people will surprise you.’

That night, Remi pulled out her journal again, an idea blossoming in her mind.

**They said I never cried. That’s not true. I cried, but I had finished crying by the time they found me. The pain was too overwhelming. I always preferred to find logic and order in chaos. I found patterns in the wallpaper, cracked and peeling from the wall. I counted to twenty, which was as high as I could count then, and then I counted to twenty until the numbers blended together. I imagined my favourite things, chocolate and my teddy bear and my mother’s singing. So I wasn’t crying by the time they found me. Everyone congratulated me on being just so brave. But no one understood the truth, which was that crying isn’t the ultimate expression of pain. True pain hollows you. Emptiness is a terror which will haunt you, stalk you, kill you. I wasn’t brave for not crying. I was brave when I was able to cry again.**

…

It was the Quidditch final, and it was against Slytherin.

The Common Room was a sea of red and gold, everyone high fiving and fist bumping Jane as she passed. 

‘You got this, Lions!’

‘We’re cheering for you, Potter!’

‘Bludger their sorry asses!’

Levi stuck next to Jane, holding her hand and giving her reassuring kisses, until she had to head down to the pitch. Her face was a blazing intensity that Remi had never seen before, and she was filled with the overwhelming need for them to win. So that Jane could rub it in Ivanov’s face and in the faces of the boys who still shot her venomous looks and whispered _man-hating bitch_ as she passed them in the corridors and made lewd comments about her ass. They needed to win.

Stella was uncharacteristically serious and quiet, and left with just a nod to the girls. Levi, Petra, Stella, Dorian, Marlon and Marco all put on the t-shirts that Dorian’s mother made them; at first glance, plain white, but when they all stood in a row a lion roared and ran from shirt to shirt, followed by seven figures on broomsticks. They got to the pitch early, the stands already half full and the atmosphere tense. Red and gold flashed against green and silver, and Remi saw with a jolt Snape scowling across at them from the Slytherin stands. She hadn’t thought about their old nemesis in a while; so many other things had taken precedence. She guessed Serena had heard about Levi and Jane from the particularly venomous look she gave him. 

‘You okay?’ Remi said to him, as the lion bounced from her shirt to his.

‘Yeah.’ He smiled at her, bittersweet and resolute. ‘She made her choice, you know?’

‘She did. It’s okay for it to still hurt though.’ Remi cringed as she realised she sounded like Violet. Levi didn’t notice, just nodded, eyes on the pitch.

‘You excited about Berlin, Evans?’

‘Oh, yeah.’ His face lit up. ‘My parents are too, they’ve never really been able to afford to take me and my brother anywhere.’

‘Same.’ They exchanged knowing looks. ‘How is your brother?’

‘Hates me,’ scoffed Levi. ‘Has a particularly dim witted girlfriend. I’m long past caring. My parents are good though. They’re really happy about Jane.’ He blushed a little. ‘They were worried all I did was study and tell off the boys.’

‘That’s not true. You told us off too.’ He laughed and Remi elbowed him gently. ‘It’s nice seeing you a bit more relaxed.’

‘Yeah, I feel more relaxed. Except for right now. Right now, if Slytherin wins, I will burn everything.’

‘Oh god, me too.’ 

Slytherin won.

It was dirty. They’d knocked out both Xanthe and Finn with well placed Bludgers within the first twenty minutes, and from there it was downhill. Madam Hooch was furious, but she couldn’t do more than give Gryffindor penalties.

After giving her team a heartfelt talk and checking on Xanthe and Finn in the Hospital Wing, Jane broke down. She ran into their dorm and sobbed into her pillow, refusing to get up or look at anyone. Stella tried to talk to her but she brushed her off.

‘I’ve let everyone down. I failed.’

Remi beckoned Stella and Petra towards her, out of Jane’s earshot.

‘Emergency Slag Club meeting, one hour.’

…

‘Hey, Slags.’ Remi cleared her throat. ‘Sorry about the late notice. Gillian, congratulations on your win, no hard feelings.’

‘I have hard feelings,’ she spat. ‘Fucking filthy play on our part. Is Jane okay?’

‘Well, no.’ Remi ignored the creeping red across her chest and up her neck. She wasn’t used to public speaking. ‘It wasn’t just about winning a match, it was about everything that happened with Ivanov, and the guys who are still harassing her, you know?’ Everyone nodded. ‘So, I have an idea. One that will, in Bala’s wise words, just be really fucking funny, and to hell with consequences. And we need to do it tonight.’

After being briefed by Remi, Levi sent notes to Jane until she agreed to move into his dorm so he could comfort her, not looking at anyone as she walked through the Common Room. Stage one was successful.

Remi grabbed the Marauder’s Map from its usual spot, under Jane’s bed, and scanned it quickly as she left the room and headed towards the next location. A quick _alohomora_ got her into the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom, and the cages were exactly where they were during the last class.

‘ _Locomotor_.’ Stage two was successful.

Larissa, Lola and Gillian were waiting for her at the end of the corridor at eleven o'clock sharp, and the cages were divided up between each girl. 

‘Do you each know the dorm rooms you're targeting?’ Remi whispered. They nodded, and did a quick fist bump before dividing up - Larissa to Hufflepuff, Lola to Ravenclaw, Gillian to Slytherin, and Remi went back to Gryffindor. Remi watched them on the Map to make sure they got back without trouble. Stage three was successful.

The Common Room was quiet and empty, save for Stella and Petra, who widened their eyes in excitement when Remi came back with the cages. They tiptoed up to the boys’ dormitories and knocked on Levi’s door, who was ready with a confused and red-eyed Jane. 

‘Hey, Prongs,’ Remi said softly. ‘We have a present for you.’ 

Eleven thirty was go time. Stella counted down and then nodded to Remi and Petra. Remi was outside Ivanov’s dorm, Petra outside a seventh year dorm that held at least three boys who were still harassing Jane.

‘Go time,’ whispered Remi. They slightly opened the doors of each dorm, then ran back to where Levi had the cages. They stood behind him as he waved his wand wordlessly, and with a sudden whoosh, dozens of tiny creatures flew out and headed straight for the open dorms.

‘Cornish Pixies,’ grinned Levi, looking at Remi with admiration. ‘Fucking genius, Lupin.’

The five of them ran back into Levi’s room and listened as all hell broke loose.

‘WHAT THE FUCK!’

‘They’ve stolen my wand!’

‘I’m in my underwear, I can’t leave--give me my pyjamas!’

‘No, put that out!’

‘WHY CAN NO ONE REMEMBER THE SPELL?’

‘Open the window!’

‘No, don’t open the window, they’re bringing in spiders!’

‘You stay the fuck away from my condoms!’

The last one broke Jane, who collapsed onto the bed, wheezing. Marco, Marlon and Dorian were sitting with their eyes pressed to their side wall, cackling. Remi smiled. It was perfect. Stage four was successful.

They were all given detention, of course, except Eliza and Gillian. Remi had convinced them to pin it on her; she didn’t want them to be hexed while they slept, and they had agreed it was probably safest. Slytherins betraying each other was not taken lightly in the House, particularly as Gillian had been a part of the winning team. 

But it was all worth it, to see the disgruntled boys the next day with torn robes and scratches, being subject to complete and utter humiliation by the rest of the school. Even Professor McGonagall, after sternly telling Remi that this was _unacceptable_ and _completely out of order as a prefect,_ sighed as she regarded Ivanov and the others.

‘Did none of you listen in second year? _Immobulus_ isn't a difficult spell, gentlemen.’ The squirmish looks on their faces made Remi snort and McGonagall shot her an exasperated look. But there was the ghost of a smirk there, too.

Jane demanded group cuddles that night, sighing happily as Petra and Stella sandwiched her, and Stella pulled Remi in front of her.

‘Thank you,’ Jane whispered.

‘Of course.’

‘Anything for you, Prongs.’

‘You just have to call me a genius for the rest of your life.’ Remi squealed as Jane reached over to tickle her. ‘Okay, okay! Just until the end of the year, then.’ 

‘Fair enough, really.’

‘I can’t believe we only have one year left,’ Stella murmured. ‘I’m going to buy us a house.’

‘A house?’

‘A huge house. In the country. It’ll be beautiful.’ Stella’s voice was sleepy but serious. ‘Levi can come too, Jane.’ Jane poked her, but spoke softly as she replied.

‘I’d like that, Padfoot.’

‘Me too,’ piped up Petra.

‘Same,’ whispered Remi, and Stella held her a bit closer. Remi closed her eyes and imagined the four of them, and Levi, perhaps Dorian and Marlon, even Marco, all living and fighting together. Her people, all close to her, safe and protected. She fought back the urge to tell Stella that she had never wanted anything so much.


	17. Summer 1977: Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stella takes the gang to Berlin for the summer, and Remi decides to take Violet's advice.
> 
> CW for drug use and drinking.

The Potters’ house was so beautiful in the summertime. Light poured in from the tall glass windows and Euphemia’s nursery was overflowing with herbs and plants. They had been here three weeks, and each day Remi woke up smiling. 

She was writing for hours each day in her journal, lying on her stomach in the backyard, watching Stella and Jane chase each other around on broomsticks. The girls were taking full advantage of their ability to now use magic and Apparate, and Remi waved over one of Euphemia’s freshly baked cookies from the kitchen window with a lazy flick of her wand, smiling as she bit down. There was some flapping at the front door, and Euphemia came into the backyard holding two envelopes.

‘Remi, it’s your--’

‘Return it, please.’

‘Okay.’ Euphemia reluctantly gave the envelope to their owl, who hooted and took off. ‘Stella! This one’s for you.’

‘Ooh.’ Stella, flushed and sweaty from flying, took it and squealed as she read it. ‘Andy’s coming!’

‘Andy?’ Remi looked up.

‘Andromeda, my cousin who was also disowned. Plus she’s bringing her husband and kid.’ Stella looked radiant as she bounced upstairs, and Remi’s eyes followed her. More and more recently, she had been suppressing sighs, holding back words, shoving down the desire to kiss her. Her love felt dangerous, poised to erupt at any moment. It was summer, it was beautiful, and happiness was creeping into Remi’s heart, along with the all-consuming fear of losing it.

The Tonks family was adorable.

‘Wait, so you were in Slytherin--’ Jane gestured to Andy ‘--and you were in Hufflepuff?’

‘Yeah,’ laughed Andy. ‘I think that’s half the reason my family couldn’t deal with it.’ Ted snorted.

‘Being a mudblood is bad enough, but the Badger thing really was the nail in the coffin.’

‘Mummy, mummy, look!’ Tiny Dora proudly showed her mum a tulip that Euphemia had picked for her, floating gently in her palm.

‘Gorgeous, darling.’ Andy wrestled the four year old onto her lap, Dora’s hair switching between shades of pink and blue and green as she looked at the flower in wonder. ‘This one’s going to be a Hufflepuff too, I can feel it.’

‘Oh yeah?’ Stella smiled and tickled Dora’s cheek, who giggled and ran away to find more flowers. Ted looked after her with dopey, fatherly love.

‘For sure,’ he said. ‘She refuses to let me throw out any of her toys, even when they’re practically rags, because she’s worried about them getting lonely without her.’

‘She’s so cute,’ Jane sighed. 

‘So, Stel.’ Andromeda looked at her cousin. They had the same grey eyes. ‘You’re all sorted with Alphard’s money?’

‘Yeah,’ Stella nodded and swallowed her mouthful of pasta. ‘It was really generous of him.’

‘He was a good man. Took care of Ted and I when we were cut off with nowhere to go. Just remember you’re always welcome with us, okay?’ Stella nodded. Remi helped Jane clear the table and they all sat around playing Gobstones with Dora until the clock struck eight.

‘Okay, we better get this munchkin to bed.’ Ted picked up his protesting, clearly exhausted daughter and Andromeda gave Stella a huge hug.

‘You’ve been so brave, love. You’re never alone, okay?’ Stella nodded, her eyes glistening, and Jane put an arm around her as they left.

‘They’re lovely, Padfoot.’

‘It’s just nice to know they’re there, you know? Like, I love Mum and Dad--’ she had been calling Euphemia and Fleamont this since Christmas, at first ironically, and now it was a habit ‘--but it’s good to know that another Black escapee is out there.’

Remi squeezed her hand. ‘You’re pack.’ Stella blinked a little at Remi’s own reference to her condition - she usually never brought it up - but then smiled.

‘Yeah. We are pack.’

…

Germany was a bit far and foreign for Apparition, so Jane, Stella and Remi met Petra and the boys at Heathrow. Jane practically flung herself into Levi’s arms, and he twirled her around a little before setting her down and landing little kisses over her forehead, nose and cheeks. Remi found herself wondering in bemusement how there had ever been a time before they were together. Looking at them now was almost enough to make Remi believe in fate.

Stella, Dorian and Remi had never been on a plane before, and Dorian looked out of his window with wide eyes as they took off.

‘Shit,’ he said. ‘This is high.’ He took Marlon’s hand and squeezed. Remi laughed at him and leant her head on Marlon’s shoulder, closing her eyes.

‘Your man has such comfortable shoulders, Meadowes.’ Dorian reached behind and slapped the back of her head.

‘Hands off, sapphic.’ 

They landed in Berlin less than two hours later, the city vibrant and buzzing. They took a bus from the airport to Friedenau, where Stella had rented them their house for the month. It was a beautiful area; the houses were squished together and covered in ivy, their thatched roofs the colour of autumn leaves, and the streets were wide and tree-lined. They found the address easily enough and were ushered in by a plump German woman.

‘It makes me sorry, my English is not so good.’

‘Kein Problem. Ich spreche Deutsch.’ Marco smiled at her. ‘Wo sind die Schlüssel?’ The woman beamed and showed him the keys, explained house rules, and happily left them. 

‘Nice one, Macdonald,’ Jane smiled.

‘What can I say, I’m a man of the world.’

‘Yeah, and also your mum is from Hamburg,’ scoffed Marlon. ‘Me and Dorian have dibs on the biggest room!’ Jane raised her eyebrows.

‘First in, first served,’ she said, abruptly taking off and racing down the corridor towards the master. 

‘Guys, this house is ridiculously big,’ Remi called after them, then looked at Stella, who just shrugged. There were five bedrooms - Levi and Jane got the master, Dorian and Marlon the next biggest, Marco took the smallest one (‘ _don’t plan on being in that much’_ , he said with a wink to Dorian, who rolled his eyes), and then Stella, Remi and Petra were left to figure out who got the solo bedroom. Before Remi or Petra said anything, Stella jumped in.

‘Pet, I love you, but you snore. You get your own room.’ Petra laughed and agreed, which left Stella and Remi together in the last room. Despite sharing beds for the better part of six years, they had never had a private room together before, and Remi’s heart raced as Stella closed the door and started unpacking.

‘You alright, Moony?’

‘Yep!’ Remi said, too brightly, and then winced at herself. ‘This room is really pretty.’

‘Yeah.’ Stella looked around in contentment. It was a beautiful room - big windows, a four poster king bed, and cupboards that stretched all the way to the high ceiling. Remi unpacked her few clothes and toiletries, and flopped on the bed. Stella joined her.

‘I really like meeting your cousin, Padfoot.’ Remi wasn’t sure what made her say it, but it felt right.

‘I’m glad.’

‘You are?’

‘Yeah.’ Stella looked at her, eyes sparkling, and her face was more open and clear than Remi had ever seen it. ‘Of course I am, Moony.’ A sudden tug in Remi’s chest made her almost do it - just lean forward and kiss her - but she held herself back, looking up at the ceiling instead.

‘We should probably find the others.’

‘Marco and Petra, maybe. I’d hazard a guess that the couples are currently busy.’

Remi snorted. ‘Thank god for _silencio.’_

They discussed their weekend itinerary over dinner.. Stella had made them muggle IDs that said they were all 23 or 24 - although Berlin’s nightlife was not exactly known for being strict. Stella declared she would rather die than risk being unable to do shots, and ordered everyone to keep their IDs close.

The next day was mostly spent in preparation; they wandered around Friedenau, stopping occasionally for cake and coffee and sandwiches that made Stella moan with pleasure, which in turn made Remi go unreasonably red. Marco charmed a few pretty girls in ripped fishnets and leather skirts, and came back to the group grinning.

‘Okay, so there’s a place we can go to tonight that sounds underground and slightly disturbing.’

‘Ooh! Stella nearly jumped with joy. ‘Where?’

‘It’s in an abandoned warehouse.’

Her eyes widened. ‘Perfect.’

Stella decided that everyone had to dress like a local for the night - _David Bowie lives here, Prongs, you need to put in some fucking effort_ \- and so the group showed up to a derelict-looking warehouse that night wearing leather jackets and tight jeans and Doc Martens. They approached a small, heavy-looking door, and a bored bouncer just waved them through. 

It was a wall of sound and people like Remi had never seen; the music was a mess of clashing guitars and voices, and there was no bar, just people holding bottles of schnapps and shot glasses. The group took a shot each, the woman waving off payment.

‘Foreigners, huh?’ She laughed and poured them each another drink. ‘On the house, babies.’ Marco grinned and said something to her German that had her laughing and handing him a full bottle.

‘God bless you and your devilish good looks, Macdonald.’ Marlon pulled him into a headlock and kissed his cheek. Remi looked around and saw with some surprise that this place seemed to be quite queer - men with men and women with women and drag queens in tall heels. She caught Dorian’s eye and a moment of understanding passed between them, then Dorian pulled his surprised boyfriend towards him by the front of his shirt and stuck a tongue down his throat. Marlon responded with equal enthusiasm and the group hollered at them, as Marco motioned for everyone to circle him, pouring straight from the bottle into their mouths. Remi giggled as Petra spluttered over the front of her shirt, and Stella grabbed the bottle and poured directly into her own mouth. 

‘Hallo, Marco!’ The punk girls who had invited them headed over, conversing in easy German with Marco. He turned to the rest of the group.

‘Wanna try some muggle magic?’

Remi had never been high before; it was _wonderful._ The music sounded better, the bodies against hers warmer, and she felt like she would never be able to stop dancing. Stella and Jane and Petra surrounded her, equally blissed out; Levi grabbed Jane’s face and kissed her intensely, and she wrapped her legs around his waist. Dorian and Marlon were pretty much dry humping about a metre away, but that was tame compared to some of the other couples around them. Marco was making out with one of the punk girls, and Stella kept swatting off guys as they approached her, Remi and Petra.

‘No fucking men!’ She laughed, loud and bright. ‘I just want to DANCE.’ Remi agreed, closing her eyes and letting the music take her over, making sure Stella and Remi stayed close. It could have been minutes or hours that passed before she was hit with a strange, warm sensation she’d never felt before. She looked around the room, and saw her.

She was small, and thin, with a dark pixie cut and wide dark eyes. She was wearing a tank top and men’s jeans. She was looking at Remi. 

She was a werewolf. Remi had never met another one, but she knew it immediately. A scent hit her; muggy and cloying and magical. Werewolf. Pack.

The woman walked over, grabbing her wrist and pulling her out the back, where groups of people were smoking and making out. Some more than making out.

‘Hello, cub.’ The woman had a sharp German accent, but her tone was warm.

‘Hi.’ Remi’s head was dizzy, and she saw with a shock that the night wasn’t as dark as it should be; it was nearly dawn. She focussed her attention on the woman in front of her. ‘I’m Remi.’

‘Eva.’ She shook her hand and lit a cigarette, offering one to Remi, who accepted with gratitude. ‘Not often I meet one of my siblings.’

‘I never have.’

‘Ah, you’re young though. From England?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Fucked up, what’s happening over there.’ Eva inhaled more smoke. ‘Are you safe?’

‘Mostly, I guess. Do you live here?’ Eva nodded.

‘I work in theatre.’

‘Really?’

‘Yeah.’

‘That seems...public.’

‘It is.’

‘Do people not notice the scars?’ Eva shrugged.

‘I can glamour myself if I need to. My boss helps.’

‘Your boss knows?’

‘Yeah.’ Eva smiled at her. ‘Couldn’t have a job in my line of work if my boss didn’t know. We’re the only non-muggle theatre around here.’ Remi nodded, soaking in the words. Eva stubbed out her smoke. ‘It’s been nice to meet you, cub.’ She went back inside, and Remi’s head was spinning.

They stumbled home mid-morning, coming down from the alcohol and coke, only stopping to buy cake and sandwiches from a small shop and then collapse into bed. They woke for a few hours in the evening, ate, and then fell asleep again.

The days that followed were filled with simplicity and happiness; wandering the perimeter of the Berlin Wall and finding graffiti, going to tiny art shows and experimental performances, and live music in the evenings. They also spent time just enjoying the peace of the house and the surrounding areas - Marlon had a talent for drawing, and Remi wrote. Marco and Dorian liked to play chess, while Levi read, Petra knitted, and Stella and Jane listened to records. The war felt like a world away.

The week before they left coincided with the full moon, and Remi had been thinking a lot about Eva. Their brief conversation ignited something hopeful and excited in her; that perhaps, instead of living as she had always expected, shrouded by secrecy and shame and unable to take any sort of normal job, she could be happy. She could do something she loved. 

On the evening of the full moon, Jane told the boys they were having a girl’s night and to not wait up, and they apparated to an area Remi had found just outside of Berlin. It was small but uninhabited, and Remi had thought it the safest choice given their limited experience in Apparition. When she woke up in the morning sunshine, she was injury free, and flashes of the night came to her with joy - running, chasing, friends, greenery, water. She didn’t feel like a dark creature.

Despite being relatively unharmed, Remi’s joints and limbs were aching as she Side-Along Apparated with the Marauders, who kept her upright as they stumbled onto the street corner, and quietly entered the house. The boys weren’t up yet, and Jane went to sleep in Petra’s room. Remi woke a little past midday to hear voices from the kitchen.

‘Where did you guys go? You must have been really late.’ Levi’s tone was curious rather than accusatory, but Jane responded with an edge in hers.

‘We got a bit carried away. I didn’t want to wake you.’ 

Remi thought about Violet’s advice and Eva’s boss and how much she loved the people in this house.

‘Oh, okay then.’ Levi’s hurt hit Remi like a punch to the chest. It was time. Remi cracked her sore joints, ate some of the chocolate Stella had left for her, and shuffled into the kitchen. Her friends were spread around the couch and living room, and Marco smiled at her as she entered.

‘Hey, sleepyhead, heard you girls got a bit wild last night.’

‘That’s one way to put it.’ Remi sighed and looked at Jane. ‘Jane, why do we call you Prongs?’

‘Um…’ Jane furrowed her brow at her. _What are you doing?_

‘It’s okay Prongs, I need to do this.’ Jane and Stella and Petra exchanged alarmed looks, and the boys looked utterly lost. ‘But maybe we should start with you three. Surely the guys have wondered - Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs. Weird nicknames. Why do we have them?’ Stella was the first to move.

‘If you say so, Moony.’ And then she was a dog; the wolf’s best friend, scraggly and black and huge. Dorian yelped and leapt into Marlon’s arms; Levi and Marco looked faint. Jane followed her, the stag beautiful and regal, with faint eyeglass marks around its eyes. It went up to Levi and nudged his cheek with an antler. Petra was the last to transform, and the rat scuttled up Dorian’s leg.

‘Get it boys? Wormtail, Padfoot, Prongs.’ Levi looked at her, eyes wide in comprehension. 

‘How did they manage it?’ The girls transformed back, and the boys went even whiter.

‘Through perseverance and sneaking into the Restricted Section.’ Jane smirked at her boyfriend’s dazed expression. 

‘But why?’ Marco looked from one girl to the next. Remi swallowed and sat down.

‘For me.’

As Violet had predicted, the boys were understanding. More than understanding; when Remi told them about Greyback, Levi started crying, and even Marco was glassy eyed. Dorian engulfed her in a hug and refused to let go, Marlon on the other side of her.

‘It makes so much sense now, you always being sick.’ Levi shook his head, and then looked at the other three girls, pulling his girlfriend into him. ‘You all did this just for her? I mean, sorry Remi, that sounded bad.’

‘No, no, it’s fine,’ Remi laughed. ‘I couldn’t believe it either.’

‘We’d do anything for her,’ Stella murmured, transforming into Padfoot and licking Remi’s cheek. 

‘Ugh, Padfoot!’ Remi laughed and Stella turned back into human form, grinning.

‘This is great, that we can transform around the boys now.’

‘I want to be an Animagus,’ moaned Marlon. ‘It’s so cool.’

‘Oh fuck, this is why you’re all so good at Transfiguration too,’ laughed Dorian. 

‘So,’ Remi swallowed and looked around the boys, ‘this doesn’t change anything, okay? I’m still me. Please don’t tell anyone.’ Marco ruffled her hair and Dorian and Marlon hugged her again, and Levi gently smiled at her.

‘We won't, Lupin. We're pack.’

…

Marco and Petra left for the last week; Petra to see her parents, who were visiting Paris, and Marco’s family wanted him home for his birthday. It left Remi with two couples and Stella. She was set to explode.

One early morning, Stella brought Remi a cup of tea as she wrote in her journal.

‘Couldn’t sleep in, Moony?’

‘Just had the urge to write, I suppose.’ Remi shrugged.

‘Can I read something?’

‘Read my journal?’

‘Well, yeah.’ Stella laughed, hair still tousled from sleep and eyes drooping. She snuggled into the armchair beside Remi. ‘I want to read something you wrote.’

‘Um, it’s really not that good.’ Remi internally swore as she thought about how many passages she’d written about Stella. So many.

‘I doubt that.’

‘Really, Stel.’

‘Hmm.’

‘How about we go for a walk?’

‘Okay,’ Stella sighed. 

The girls put on clothes and ate some toast, and then Stella turned to Remi.

‘Where should we go?’

‘Let’s go back to the forest.’

‘Really?’

‘Yeah. I want to see it in daylight.’ They held hands and Remi took them to where they’d departed the week before, a small area of land between forest and lake. It was a beautiful, clear day, and light dappled through the trees and reflected off the water. They began walking slowly, Stella sporadically turning into Padfoot to sniff trees and chase small animals. 

They climbed uphill without too much difficulty, Remi occasionally slowing when her knees and ankles ached. Stella walked patiently beside her, holding water and helping Remi forward when needed.

‘Remi?’

‘Yeah?’

‘What made you decide to tell the boys?’

Remi thought for a bit, and decided to continue her streak of honesty. 

‘I’ve, uh, been seeing a counsellor. Since Mum died. McGonagall made me, but she’s actually been really helpful.’ Stella froze.

‘You see Violet too?’

‘What?!’

‘McGonagall made me start going after last Christmas.’ Stella’s laugh was loud amongst the trees. ‘Fucking hated it, for the first six months or so. But she’s really nice.’

‘She is,’ Remi laughed and squeezed her eyes shut. ‘Fuck, I’ve talked about you so many times, and she knew exactly who you were.’

‘You’ve talked about me?’ Stella looked at her with surprise.

‘And Jane and Petra,’ Remi said hurriedly. ‘Anyway, Violet said I should open up more. Trust people.’

‘Funny.’ Stella smiled. ‘She told me the same thing.’ They walked on for a bit in silence, and then reached an opening in the trees. Remi realised with a start that they were quite high up; they had reached the top of a cliff, and the lake stretched in front of them, blue and sparkling.

‘Woah.’ Stella tugged Remi forward and they sat at the base of one of the trees, a few feet back from the edge of the cliff, taking in the scene around them. It was a dazzlingly beautiful scene, but almost unbearably so with Stella in it. Her dark hair was piled on top of her head, her face bare and flushed, her arms wrapped around her knees. She exhaled, shaky and uneven.

‘Remi?’

‘Yeah?’

‘I talked about you too.’ More silence. ‘To Violet.’

‘What did you say?’ Remi tried to say it lightly but she could hear the desperation beneath her tone, tugging and relentless.

‘That you’re, like, the smartest person I know.’ Stella turned her head so they were eye-to-eye, faces inches apart. ‘That you are so goddamn moody but so loving, and that I don’t always know what’s going on in your brain and it infuriates me.’ Her voice dropped. ‘That I don’t sleep well without you beside me.’ 

Courage lit up Remi’s heart.

‘Stella.’ Her voice was hoarse. ‘I told her that I’m in love with you.’ 

Stella’s mouth was on hers before she’d even finished the sentence.

It was like kissing the sun. It was fire and water and air and earth. It was sneaking out of their dorms late at night; it was smoke rings and the smell of ash; it was a dog and wolf sprinting through a forest until the sun came up. It was the ground shifting beneath them, the world spinning on a new axis. It was messy and beautiful and haunted and perfect and right. And every year of pain and pining and birthday wishes came up in Remi’s chest and twisted into something beautiful and joyful, because Stella was there, all grey eyes and red cheeks and lips that caught hers with urgent, furious hunger. Touching her was like ice meeting a flame, powerful and equal. When Stella pulled back, hand still on Remi’s cheek, tears were flooding her face. 

‘Remi Lupin, you have no idea how much I love you.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...it happened! I wanted to make this chapter a bit longer than usual to give my girls the space they deserved, and I hope you love it as much as I loved writing it. Now let's move onto the rest of the story - and I promise, we are nowhere near done <3


	18. Summer 1977: Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically just two girls realising how in love they are.  
> CW for implied/non-explicit underage sex.

Remi’s heart felt pulled open and raw in the best possible way. 

She brushed her fingers over Stella’s cheeks and wiped away her tears, feeling some of her own drop to the ground. Stella was looking at her like she was everything.

‘How long?’

Remi half-laughed, half-cried. ‘I’ve known since third year. When you yelled at Patrick Parkinson for teasing me about my scars.’

Stella’s eyes were wide and confused. ‘That long?’

‘But I fell in first year. I just didn’t know what it was.’

‘I knew at the end of fourth year,’ whispered Stella. ‘The look on your face when we told you we’d done it, we could be with you during full moons. I just was so scared, and fuck, I dated Marco and you had to watch and I was so stupid.’

‘Not stupid. But,’ Remi bit her lip, ‘watching you kiss him - shit, Stel, I have never felt like that.’

‘Do you remember that night in London?’ Remi nodded, blinking back tears with a laugh that sounded more like a sob. ‘You told me I was beautiful.’

‘I did?’

‘Yeah, you were absolutely wasted,’ Stella sighed. 

‘Oh god, I was so in love with you that night.’

‘Me too.’ Stella suddenly looked sheepish. ‘When I broke up with Marco, he was like, “Black, you need to be yourself now.” And I just stared at him and realised he knew, of course he knew, I barely touched him or looked at him. And then he _hugged_ me. Weirdest break up ever.’

‘Is that why…’

‘He was so shocked about you and Lola? Yeah. I had to cover my ass and call him an idiot.’

‘That poor boy.’

‘Oh my god,’ Stella hit her palm against her head. ‘Jane. Jane is going to flip.’

They Apparated back to Berlin, holding hands and kissing behind trees, each touch warm and deliberate. Between kisses they murmured _I love you_ and _you’re so beautiful_ on repeat, making up for years of swallowed words and missed opportunities. When they got back to the house, Stella gave her a last kiss and cheeky grin before opening the door. Jane, Levi, Dorian and Marlon were sitting in the lounge, and Stella marched in, Remi trailing behind, trying to bite back a smile.

‘Hey,’ Jane blinked at Stella’s blazing expression. ‘All good?’ In response, Stella grabbed Remi’s hand, pulled her in and kissed her. Jane and Dorian jumped up and spoke at the same time.

‘IT HAPPENED!’ Then they looked at each other, realisation dawning on their faces.

‘You knew?’

‘YOU knew?’

‘I knew about her,’ Dorian pointed at the very red, very smiley Remi. 

‘I only knew about her!’ Jane gestured helplessly to Stella. Then she spun to Remi. ‘You DIDN’T tell me?’

‘To be fair, he guessed,’ Remi looked pleadingly at Dorian, who just smirked.

‘Oh, I also knew about Lupin,’ Marlon said with pleasure from the couch. 

‘I didn’t know about anyone!’ Levi mock pouted. ‘Actually, that’s a lie, I totally knew from that night in the club.’

‘Yeah, that’s where I figured it out too!’ Marlon and Levi high-fived. Jane looked between Stella and Remi again, then once more, and burst into tears, throwing her arms around them.

‘Finally,’ her voice cracked and soft, then she hit them both round the back of their heads. ‘Fucking IDIOTS, so obviously obsessed with each other, we all fucking KNEW and it took you SEVEN BLOODY YEARS.’

‘It was worth it.’ Remi took Stella’s hand and Stella looked at her with an expression of such soppy love that it made everyone in the room sigh in unison. 

They had spent enough time around other people. Remi just wanted Stella to herself; she wanted to look in those grey eyes she had spent years pining over and run her fingers over Stella’s cheeks and neck and get to look at her without a time limit. They retreated to their bedroom (the one Stella had so carefully orchestrated, Remi realised with hindsight) kissing and talking and kissing more.

‘I was so jealous,’ Stella murmured, as Remi placed a gentle kiss on her neck. ‘Of Lola.’

‘Yeah?’ Remi smiled. She liked the thought of Stella being jealous.

‘I had to try so hard to be normal when you came out - as if I hadn’t been secretly wishing for it for years - and then you told us about her and I actually wanted to punch her.’

‘You shouldn’t,’ Remi laughed, ‘she’s a good egg. She was the one who called it off, actually. She knew I was in love with someone else. I felt awful.’

‘Hmph.’ Stella rolled on top of Remi, pinning her down and setting an explosion of kisses across her face. ‘God, I just - look at you.’ Remi shook her head and reached for Stella’s cheek, and Stella caught her hand, kissing it softly.

‘If you ignore the scars.’

‘I love your scars,’ Stella’s voice was a whisper, and she traced the faint white lines down Remi’s face and neck. ‘They’re beautiful. They tell your story.’

…

Remi had never let herself think about what actually being with Stella Black would be like. It had always felt too hopeful. She’d needed to protect her heart, keep it close and guarded; now, it was being held for her.

It turned out, being with Stella Black meant so many things; sleeping soundly with limbs twisted together, morning kisses over coffee, being pulled into dark corners in crowded bars, being bought books and chocolates “just for being cute”, being hugged by Euphemia and Fleamont and told that they were unconditionally accepted. It was the feelings of explosive joy and gentle calm somehow co-existing within her. It was also the feeling of fear striking her heart when she thought about the war, the prospect of ever losing Stella unbearable; and being terrified of going back to Hogwarts and having to hide themselves again.

Stella brought it up the night before they left to go back to school.

‘So, we’re back tomorrow.’

‘Yeah.’ They were in the Potter’s spare room, lying across the bed, sleepy and reluctant to move to change into pyjamas or brush their teeth. 

‘Rem, part of me just wants to scream it from the rooftops, you know?’ Stella closed her eyes, brows knitted. Remi touched her thumb between them. ‘But then I think of people like Avery and Mulciber, and the boys who catcalled Jane just because Ivanov was butt-hurt, and the way people throw around _cocksucker_ in the corridors…’

‘I know.’ Remi rested her head on her hands. ‘I don’t want to give them the chance to ruin it.’

‘Me neither.’ Stella’s eyes were sorrowful. ‘I just - I want to hold your hand everywhere, you know? I want to bring you breakfast and kiss you whenever I want. I want to fight anyone who gets in the way.’

Remi laughed and pushed her fingers into Stella’s hair. ‘Of course you do.’

‘I’m not ashamed of you.’

‘I’m not ashamed of you either, Stel. We’ll still sleep in each other’s beds, we can be ourselves around our friends, it’s not so bad.’

Stella nodded. ‘I bought a house.’ Remi shot up.

‘When?!’

‘It settled last week, but I found it at the start of the summer.’ 

‘Jesus, Padfoot, how much money did that old man give you?’

‘Enough. I want to take you and Prongs and Wormtail to see it, over Christmas.’

‘Where is it?’

‘It’s in the country.’ A happy smile played across Stella’s lips. ‘About an hour out of Godric’s Hollow. It’s a bit old, but I think we can do it up, and it has heaps of bedrooms and fireplaces and it’s so peaceful, and there’s a forest nearby.’ Remi was quiet.

‘I can’t believe you did this, for the girls and I.’

‘I want you all near,’ Stella shrugged, ‘and I can do it, so why wouldn’t I?’

‘You don’t even realise how much you give, Stella. It can be overwhelming.’

‘But it’s not a bad thing, right?’

‘No, of course not, it’s just...I don’t know how I’ll ever pay you back.’

‘Why would you need to?’

‘I don’t want to freeload off you.’

‘You won’t.’

‘I might. I might never get proper work. If Voldemort wins, I’ll have to go underground. I’m a half-breed, Stel, technically a dark creature.’

‘That’s not true.’

‘It’s just the way things are.’ Remi sighed. ‘I need to be realistic.’

‘That’s all the more reason for you to let me take care of you.’

‘I love that you want to do that.’ Remi touched her lip. ‘But what if - what if this didn’t work out?’ 

‘What makes you say that?’ Stella’s voice was tight.

‘That’s not the point.’

‘Then what is?’

‘I need to be able to take care of myself. Things don’t always work out, for so many reasons.’

‘We will.’

‘How can you be so sure?’

‘Because you’re my home.’ Remi felt tears sting her eyes, and Stella grabbed her by the shirt, fists clenched tightly around the fabric. ‘Remi, listen to me, it’s not just you - Jane and Petra and the boys are home for me too. Even if you stopped loving me, I would never stop caring about you. So can you _please_ just bloody move in next summer and not be away from me?’

Remi breathed and nodded.

‘Thank you. And don’t talk about us breaking up ever again.’

‘I never want to.’

‘Why did you bring it up, then?’ Remi looked at her narrowed eyes and set jaw, and realised with a small jolt that Stella was scared. Her heart began to devour itself. 

‘Stel, I’m so sure about you. Fuck, I’ve been in love with you since we were eleven. I’m in this for the long haul. It’s just, with what happened when my mum died - my dad and all that - I don’t know how to trust properly anymore. There’s always going to be a part of me that’s terrified. It just means that I care.’ She held Stella’s gaze, and her girlfriend finally nodded.

‘I understand that. I never want to take your independence away from you - fuck, I love that about you, it’s so hot--’ Remi blushed ‘--I just want to take care of you. Of you all. It’s who I am.’

‘I know.’ Remi grazed their lips together. ‘I actually kind of have a career plan. I think.’ She told Stella about McGonagall’s advice.

‘Rem, that would be _perfect_ for you.’

‘I think so, too.’ Remi bit her lip. ‘I, uh - do you want to read something I wrote?’ Stella lit up, and Remi grabbed her notebook and flipped to a page written lying on the Potter’s lawn, before Berlin. It was a poem.

‘It’s not edited or anything, it’s just--’

‘Remi. Read.’

**_You run away from the darkness_ **

**_holding candlelight and flames; compelled,_ **

**_you always needed light._ **

**_You don’t need girls of shadows, or_ **

**_fragile bones_ **

**_barely holding together skin and water_ **

**_but I still watch you like the sun_ **

**_rays of light that touch everywhere you go._ **

Stella looked like she’d just been gut punched.

‘You wrote that? About me?’ 

Remi nodded. ‘Before we were together.’

‘Is it really how you feel?’

‘Yeah, it is.’

‘Remi.’ Her voice was so soft, and she pulled Remi into her. ‘You’re everything, baby.’ Remi made a soft, low noise and the kissing became harder, more urgent, and she was inexplicably pulled towards every part of Stella; thighs, hips, chests, collarbones. Stella pulled back for a moment, face written with a question.

‘I want you.’ Remi’s voice was hoarse and low, and Stella practically growled as she ripped off her shirt, then pointed her wand at the door.

_‘Colloportus.’_

It was more than Remi had ever imagined sex could be. It was slow and delicate, peppered with caution and questions - _do you like this, are you okay, does it hurt -_ and then moments of fire that took her breath away. Stella traced Remi’s body with reverence and wonder, loving and patient and gentle. Remi could barely breathe at how beautiful she was.

When it was over, they fell into each other beneath the sheets, exhausted and content, and Stella stroked back Remi’s tangled hair.

‘You’re my sun.’

…

It was bittersweet, boarding the train. Going back to Hogwarts was going back to hearing about the war everyday, being closeted, hiding her scars and pains and aches after each full moon. But this year she had the girl she had been dreaming about for six years by her side, and friends that knew exactly who she was. After the conversation with Stella, she was letting herself get excited about the house, and it was easier to accept it when everyone else started talking about it too.

‘How many rooms did you say it has, Black?’ All eight of them had crammed into a carriage.

‘Um, a lot? I don’t know, at least ten bedrooms. A lot of bathrooms. Again, it’s old, but ready to be done up.’

‘And you want us all there?’ Marco raised an eyebrow and she punched his shoulder.

‘Sorry that you dated a lesbian for a year, Macdonald, but I still think you’re an alright person.’ Marco laughed and looked at Remi, his expression becoming sheepish and sincere.

‘Uh, just wanted to say sorry about all those times you caught us making out, Lupin.’

‘Aw, Marco, that's sweet of you.’ Remi grinned. ‘Don’t worry, no hard feelings. I can confirm that she is very gay.’ Stella stroked her thigh with a single finger and Remi struggled to keep a straight face.

‘You guys are so cute.’ Marlon looked at where Remi and Stella’s fingers were interlocked on the seat. Stella pinched his cheek affectionately.

‘Thanks, McKinnon.’ 

‘It’s kind of weird,’ Dorian laughed. ‘I’m used to Lupin being a mopey suck the whole time.’ Everyone laughed and Remi jabbed him in the ribs.

‘You’re still not getting out of Astronomy Tower dates. I have other things to complain about.’

‘Oh god, did you look at the Arithmancy syllabus for this year?’ 

‘I don’t know what you’re complaining about, I now have Head Girl duties,’ Jane sighed. ‘Who thought that was a good idea?’

‘Hmm, I mean, with Levi as Head Boy, there’s going to be an awful lot of _head_ between you two.’ Marlon high-fived Marco as Jane and Levi both slapped him in the stomach.

They kept chatting until Remi saw familiar figures approaching and hurriedly took her hand out of Stella’s. Stella looked up and groaned.

‘Serena, what a pleasure.’ Jane’s voice was smooth and icy as the Slytherin appeared, flanked by Avery and Mulciber. ‘Gentlemen.’ Snape’s eyes flicked to where Levi had taken a tight hold of Jane’s hand and she sneered.

‘We’re just here to see how Black’s summer was.’

‘How about you come around for tea later and I’ll let you know?’ Stella’s voice was all ice and confidence, and Remi tried hard not to find it really bloody sexy.

‘How about you invite your sister, too?’ Stella kept a blank expression but Remi felt her fingers clench slightly on the seat.

‘I think Regina is fine with you lot.’

‘Yeah, she is.’ Avery flexed his forearm, where black ink poked out from his beneath his sleeves. Everyone went silent. 

Snape dragged the boys away, looking back with pure loathing at Stella, who got up and walked out the other direction. Remi followed her into the bathroom at the end of the walkway. Stella pulled out her wand as soon as the door closed. 

‘ _Quietus.’_ And then she burst into tears, her face in Remi’s shoulder and Remi’s arms around her.

‘Sweetheart. Sweetheart, it’s okay. I’ll protect you.’

‘She’s my baby sister.’ Her voice was muffled and strangled by tears.

‘I know.’

‘I left her there.’

‘You tried to help her. She made her choice.’

‘I should have done more.’ 

‘You couldn’t have done more. She might find her way out.’

‘No, she won’t. It’s happened. She’s one of them.’ The sobs started again, and Remi held her until they stopped. She grabbed a square of toilet paper and dabbed at her girlfriend’s tear-streaked face.

‘People have to make their own choices, Stel. She made hers.’

‘Do you think she had a choice?’ Stella looked at her.

Remi thought of her father. ‘Everyone has a choice.’


	19. Seventh Year: Divides

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back at school, the war is everywhere, and a surprise confrontation doesn't end well.
> 
> CW for moderate violence/mentions of blood.

Hogwarts was different.

It looked the same, the teachers were the same (except the DADA teacher, of course), the ghosts were the same, but the atmosphere was tense and divided. About thirty students sat at the end of the Slytherin table, headed by Mulciber and Avery, and everyone else tried not to look at them. Even some of the teachers looked wary. Stella sat with her back to them, determined to avoid any glimpse of her sister.

‘This is weird.’ Marco glanced over to where Professor Sprout and Professor McGonagall were in deep conversation at the teacher’s table. ‘Even Pommy and Minnie look concerned.’

‘Of course they are, attacks increased threefold over the summer.’ Levi shook his head. ‘I felt sick leaving my family today.’ Jane squeezed his hand. Levi had never been too bothered about being muggle-born before, but the war was rattling everyone to their core.

‘Me too.’ Marco stabbed his potato. ‘I just want to go and fight.’ Everyone murmured in agreement, and Remi was struck with the absurd urge to laugh - they were just _such_ Gryffindors sometimes. She bit it down and focussed on her meal, reaching her hand under the table to touch Stella’s, who turned to look at her. 

‘You okay?’ Remi murmured.

‘I miss you.’

‘I’m right here.’

‘I know, but…’ She trailed off and Remi nodded. She knew.

Being a seventh year prefect had its advantages; she left the overly enthusiastic fifth year in charge of ushering eleven year olds and headed straight to the dorms, where Petra and Stella were on her bed, chatting. She lay down beside them, thankful for their room’s familiarity, and Stella stroked her cheek absentmindedly. 

‘Where’s Prongs?’ Petra looked at the door.

‘She’s Head Girl now, probably has to meet with the teachers.’ Stella yawned. ‘Can’t imagine how she has the energy.’

‘I know, I was up so late last night packing, I barely stayed awake on the train.’ Petra yawned and Stella gave Remi a small smirk; they had both been up late last night, too. A pang of desire flared in Remi’s stomach.

Soon enough Petra declared she was exhausted and hugged them goodnight. Stella grabbed Remi’s wrist and dragged her into her bed, charming the curtains shut, and casting a silencing charm over them.

‘I’m assuming you haven’t abducted me for quality conversation, Miss Black.’

‘You assume right. Now take that bloody shirt off.’

…

Remi had previously found the naming of Nastily Exhausting Wizarding Tests funny - it was the peak of unoriginality, and she thought the professors came up with it as a joke. Unfortunately, when she arrived in the Common Room the following night with a pile of homework that nearly came up to her chin, she realised the seventh year exams were aptly named.

‘I am going to die.’ Stella was staring at her Defence Against the Dark Arts work with wide, glassy eyes.

‘Please don’t.’ Remi sat down next to her and Stella turned to her, biting her lip with a smirk. So freaking hot. But the Common Room was packed; they couldn’t risk it, so she gave her girlfriend’s leg a light brush and turned to where Petra was lying, with her head in Dorian’s lap.

‘You okay, Wormtail?’

‘I am going to fail everything.’

‘Pet, come on, no you’re not. It just seems overwhelming right now.’ Petra whimpered and Dorian looked at Remi.

‘I have a feeling we’ll be having another year of late-night library sessions, Lupin.’

‘Stop flirting with me, Meadowes.’ Remi winked and Stella snorted. 

‘Yeah, stop flirting, you rake.’ Marlon appeared and sank down next to Dorian with his books. ‘No time for romance this year.’

‘Is that right?’

‘Of course. Why, do you have someone that you’d like to romance?’ Marlon looked at his boyfriend earnestly and Dorian sighed. Stella threw a bit of balled up parchment at them.

‘Focus up, assholes.’ But her fingers slid behind Remi and pressed into the small of her back, sending goosebumps up and down her spine. Remi tried to look normal and leant into Stella’s ear with a whisper.

‘If NEWTs don’t kill me this year, you will.’ 

The Slag Club reunion was welcome after such a dire summer for the war effort, and the Marauders were relieved to find their friends in one piece. Gillian and Eliza came straight over to them as they entered, Lola behind them. She and Remi shared a tight hug.

‘Okay summer, Prewett?’

‘Yeah.’ Lola sighed. ‘My family are all fighting the war. It was pretty stressful, to be honest.’

‘I’m sorry.’ Lola shrugged.

‘C’est la vie. I stayed with Larissa for a lot of it.’

‘Oh damn,’ Remi elbowed her. ‘How is she?’

‘Really good.’ A crinkly smile crept onto Lola’s face. ‘I really like her. Her family’s so nice, too.’

‘Do they know about you two?’ 

‘Yeah, they’re really good about it.’

‘I’m happy for you, Lola.’ Remi squeezed her arm. ‘I missed you this summer, actually.’

‘Yeah, me too. Did you have an alright break?’

‘Oh, it was alright.’ Remi laughed a little and scanned the room for Stella, who was behind them, deep in conversation with Gillian and Eliza. ‘Uh - I don’t know how to tell you this, but…’ Remi flicked her eyes over to her girlfriend, and then back to Lola, who clapped both hands over her mouth and gasped.

‘Fucking finally.’

‘You sound like Jane.’

‘It’s been such a long time coming.’

‘I know.’ Remi sighed. ‘I can’t believe she actually loves me back.’

‘Of course she does. Anyone with eyes saw how she looked at you. How she’s looking at you now.’ Stella smiled when Remi caught her eye. She looked happy, not at all jealous or insecure, but there was something content, even a little smug, about her expression. Remi motioned her over.

‘Hey, Prewett.’ 

Lola smirked. ‘So, you finally realised that she’s completely obsessed with you?’ Stella barked a laugh and looked with delight at Remi.

‘Obsessed, huh?’

‘I think that’s _strong_ phrasing,’ Remi scowled at them both. 

‘Please tell me more, Lola.’

‘Okay, I’m going to preface this by saying that I am currently in a relationship and I am really, really happy for you two. But when Remi and I were - er, whatever we were doing - there was this one time where she, I swear to god, mumbled “Padfoot”.’ Stella spun to face Remi with unabashed glee and Remi groaned, burying her face in her hands. ‘Figured out it was you after the Three Broomsticks.’

‘Lola, I am going to kill you.’

‘Don’t, it’ll make Larissa sad.’

‘Larissa?’ Stella smiled at her.

‘Yeah.’ Lola blushed. ‘She’s amazing.’

‘You’re so in love, Prewett.’ Remi raised an eyebrow at her.

‘Use your bloody inside voice, Lupin.’

‘Sap.’

‘Git. Er - this might be weird, but she doesn’t know any queers apart from Talia and I, and she’s feeling a bit isolated…’

‘We know a couple of others,’ Stella said immediately. ‘How about the seven of us meet up in Hogsmeade sometime?’

‘She would _love_ that.’ Relief broke over Lola’s face. ‘So would Talia.’

‘Great.’ Lola beamed and went off to find her girlfriend, leaving Remi and Stella alone.

‘That was really sweet of you, Stel.’

‘I thought I would be jealous.’ Stella leant into Remi a little. ‘Knowing your history. Which doesn’t make any sense, because you’re so fine with Marco. But, I don’t know, I still thought I’d be jealous - I always have been, seeing you two before - but I was just calm.’

‘That’s probably because it was a two month fling from a year ago, and there are no feelings left.’

‘Well, that. But also, you just make me feel so safe. Fuck, baby, so safe, and so loved.’ Remi inhaled sharply at _baby,_ the gentle way Stella said it, and felt her insides melt.

‘Me too, sweetheart.’ An idea struck her. ‘You know, if Talia’s out with the Slags, we probably don’t need to be shy in here…’ Stella grinned and leant into her, lips grazing in a brief, spine-tingling kiss, and then she took Remi’s hand. 

‘Good. I will die if I don’t have your constant attention.’ 

‘I know you will.’ Remi’s laugh bounced around the room. A couple of girls looked over at them and smiled, but that was it. ‘Can’t we just stay in here this year? Not deal with any idiots?’

‘I wish.’ Stella sighed as Jane started breaking up chatter and they took their places around the centre table. 

‘Hey all.’ Jane smiled at the room. ‘I hope you’ve all had good summers. Now, let me brag for a moment. I am Head Girl this year, Gryffindor Quidditch Captain, and I’m taking six NEWT subjects.’ Stella whooped.

‘Cheers, Padfoot. But that means I’m going to have to hand over the reins of organising and moderating these meetings to someone with a little more free time. I’ve asked the wonderful Talia Nolan, and she’s said yes, so she will now be in charge.’ The room burst into claps and cheers as Talia stood up, flushed pink and beaming.

‘That’s my girl!’ Larissa hollered. 

‘Thanks, everyone. And thanks, Jane. It meant a lot to be given this responsibility.’

‘You’ve earned it, Nolan.’ Everyone murmured in assent, and Talia’s blush deepened.

‘Thank you. Now, I wanted to start this off on a serious note - I know that we all know what’s going on, and how serious this war is getting. I’d like to hold a minute’s silence for everyone who lost their lives over the summer.’ The room went quiet for a while, then Talia spoke again. ‘I think we should focus our efforts on the war this year. Still reading and learning and growing in our feminist origins, but it seems like this is where our world is heading and I know that everyone in here wants to be ready.’

The next hour revolved around debating the best ways to help - it was generally agreed that they should all focus on improving their duelling and defensive skills.

‘A couple of first and second year muggle-borns have already been hexed in the hallways.’ Eliza looked furious. ‘They’re so small, and they have no way to defend themselves from people like Snape or Avery. And the teachers can’t be everywhere all the time; Death Eaters don’t care about consequences, so detention isn’t a deterrent.’

‘Maybe we should make our first priority protecting vulnerable students,’ said Olympia. ‘Like, we could each do recruitment in our Houses, and get a buddy system going for muggle-borns.’

‘That’s a really good idea, Oly.’ Talia wrote it on the blackboard behind her. ‘Who would like to take charge of that?’ Petra volunteered for Gryffindor, Olympia for Hufflepuff, Genevieve for Ravenclaw and Eliza for Slytherin.

‘Obviously, there aren’t a lot of muggle-borns in Slytherin,’ Eliza sighed, ‘but there are a lot of vulnerable kids, usually the kids who aren’t white, that get harassed.’ She looked at Gillian, who shrugged.

‘That’s always the way, isn’t it?’

...

Remi, Stella, Dorian, Marlon, Marco and Petra went to the Astronomy Tower for a smoke later that night, Levi and Jane caught up in Head duties. Marco smirked when Petra told him this, and Stella sighed.

‘The double entendre will eventually lose its entertainment value, Macdonald.’

‘Never,’ he grinned. ‘Not if you have the maturity of a twelve year old.’

‘Not a brag, mate,’ Marlon passed him a lit cigarette. ‘So, Black, Dorian and I talked, and we’re going to take you up on your offer.’

‘Me too,’ said Marco.

‘Yay!’ Stella nearly bounced off the edge of the Tower.

‘We need to fight,’ murmured Dorian, and everyone nodded. ‘It makes sense to have a base where we can all check in on each other, for however long this war takes.’

‘It’ll need to be well protected though.’ Petra looked at Stella, who gave her an affectionate smile and wrapped an arm around her.

‘It will be, Pet. I’m thinking of using a Secret Keeper to make it unplottable.’

‘Good idea,’ Dorian nodded approvingly. There was a creak as Jane and Levi appeared, both with dark circles under their eyes.

‘Ah, our glorious leaders!’

‘Sure, McKinnon,’ Jane scoffed, snuggling beside the Marauders and laying her head in Stella’s lap.

‘Alright, Prongs?’ Stella regarded her best friend with a hint of concern, stroking her hair back.

‘We just met with Dumbledore,’ Levi rubbed his eyes. ‘It’s a lot - the teachers think we have to be kept up to date with everything, as the Head students, but it’s intense. There are so many attacks at the moment, it’s difficult to keep track of them.’

‘He mentioned the Order to us, too,’ said Jane. ‘We told him we’re all planning to join. He wasn’t surprised. That man knows everything, I swear to god. He even said to congratulate you on your recent property acquisition, Padfoot.’ Stella laughed.

‘We were just talking about that.’

‘It’s really great of you, Stella.’ Levi’s voice was solemn. ‘I don’t know what I would have done otherwise, can’t stay with my parents. It’s way too dangerous for them.’

‘Yeah, same,’ murmured Marco, exhaling smoke. ‘Would much rather put all you sods in danger with my blood status.’

‘Cheers, mate.’ Dorian blew smoke in his face. ‘Although it’s probably scarier for you than us - you’ll be living with four queers, one of them a half breed, and that fucking nark over there,’ he gestured to Levi, who grinned and tackled him, and everyone laughed.

‘We gotta keep doing this, okay? Laughing and joking.’ Jane’s eyes fluttered shut, and she sounded close to sleep in Stella’s lap. ‘We can’t let it take everything out of us.’

‘’Course, Prongs.’ Levi smiled at her, and Stella looked delighted.

‘You’re using her real name!’

‘I was bullied into it. By you.’

‘I deny the false and scandalous rumours.’ Stella poked a pink tongue out at him and tickled Jane’s side. ‘Come on, mates, better get going.’

They’d just rounded the corner out of the tower when some voices came from behind them.

‘In a hurry?’ Mulciber crossed his beefy arms, leaning against one of the stone columns, and there were three figures behind him. Avery. Snape. Regina. Stella’s nostrils flared and Remi touched their fingers together.

‘Not at all,’ Dorian said. ‘You?’

‘Not at all,’ mimicked Snape. ‘Just out for a moonlit walk. Care to join us, Lupin?’ Marco and Marlon instantly formed a protective wall in front of Remi, and she felt a great swoop of love for them.

‘Now that you mention it,’ Marco said, ‘we were going off to get matching tattoos. Any recommendations from your experience?’.

‘Ask the younger Black. She’d know all about it.’ They stepped aside so everyone had a clear view of Regina, her face gaunt and expressionless, eyes on the ground.

‘Let’s go,’ Regina mumbled to Snape.

‘Nah, we’re having fun, aren’t we?’ Avery leered at the Gryffindors, hand floating threateningly inside his robes, and Stella, Marco and Marlon instinctively reached for their wands. He held up both hands and laughed.

‘Don’t tempt me. You don’t want your little mudbloods and half-breeds to get hurt.’

‘If you so much as lay a hand on any of them, I will gut you for dinner,’ Jane spat, reaching for Levi’s hand and stepping slightly in front of him. Serena leered at her.

‘I’d like to see you try, Potter.’

‘I think we know which one of us came off better last time, Snape.’ The memory hit too close to home - Serena had her wand out in an instant and pointed it at Jane’s chest.

 _‘Sectumsempra!’_ A flash of white light hit Jane’s shoulder and she started pouring blood from her arms and chest, and collapsed to the floor. Levi screamed and dropped to his girlfriend, tearing off his robes and wrapping them around her. The Slytherins had already gone. 

‘We’ll find a teacher.’ Dorian’s face was pale but firm, and he tugged Marlon and Marco to go with him, and they sprinted down the corridor. Petra and Stella were crying and helping Levi wrap up Jane as much as they could. Remi felt sick, and tried to search her brain for anything she had learned in Charms that could help.

 _‘Reparifors,’_ she pointed her wand at Jane’s wounds, the blood now forming a small stream, but the spell did nothing. _‘Reparifors!’_ She started shaking. _‘Episkey!’_ Nothing. Jane’s entire body was convulsing. Remi dropped to her and helped the others press into her wounds, Levi sobbing beside her. She heard footsteps and then Dumbledore appeared, followed by the boys and Professor McGonagall. The teenagers jumped back from Jane as Dumbledore gently picked her up, muttering and waving his wand slowly over her skin.

 _‘Vulnera sanentur, vulnera sanentur, vulnera sanentur.’_ His voice was low and soft, almost songlike as the blood flow slowed and Jane settled, tears flowing from her eyes. ‘She needs Poppy,’ he said to McGonagall, who nodded and wordlessly conjured a stretcher.

‘Mr Evans, you may accompany Professor McGonagall to the Hospital Wing with Miss Potter. The rest of you, please come with me.’


	20. Seventh Year: Trying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Headmaster asks an important question, and Remi shows her writing to someone new.

Remi had only been in Dumbledore’s office once before (when she stole that pair of woollen socks from his desk; to be fair, she had been really pissed off at the time) but that was nearly four years ago now, and there was a lot to take in. She grabbed Stella and Petra’s hands, pulling them to her as they sat down. Petra was still shaking and Remi reached up to wrap an arm around her, pulling her in. A house elf appeared, handing a tray of hot chocolates to Dumbledore, who flicked his wand and a mug floated towards each teenager. Remi just stared at hers; she still felt sick.

‘I do not doubt you are all in shock right now. Let me reassure you that Miss Potter will make a full recovery.’ They all nodded, faces still drawn. ‘But what happened tonight was very serious, and I need the full story, I’m afraid.’ There were a few moments of quiet. Petra moved in closer to Remi’s hug, sniffling. Then Stella spoke.

‘We were on the Astronomy Tower.’ She told the full story, with some help from Marco when Regina came up and she had to look away, blinking back tears. Dumbledore listened patiently, and when they finished, he looked grim.

‘I trust that you all understand the threat Voldemort poses to our world at this moment in time.’ They nodded. He continued. ‘I cannot, in good faith, expel a student vulnerable to his sway. However, I assure you that there will be other consequences for Miss Snape and her friends.’

‘Sir,’ Marlon looked at him, shocked. ‘She tried to kill her.’

‘I very much doubt the spell was intended to kill; there are much more efficient spells to use for that purpose. I do think, however, that she intended to frighten her, and frighten you.’

‘I don’t know,’ Stella said darkly. ‘Hatred can make you do unspeakable things. I should know.’ Remi looked at her with surprise. The full moon incident seemed like forever ago, but the self-loathing in Stella’s voice was raw, and Remi suddenly realised that she was still holding onto it.

Dumbledore regarded her gently. ‘Hatred is very potent, Miss Black. But sometimes we are driven to do mad things by love, too.’ He handed her a tissue and she nodded, taking it. ‘I have a very important question for you all. What are your plans once this school year ends?’

Years later, Remi would look back on that moment as pivotal. At the time, it was what they had been waiting for; they had already decided to fight, they had already accepted the potential consequences, and they said yes to their leader without question. But as an adult, Remi would think about how vulnerable the six of them were right then, and the way in which Dumbledore was gentle enough to evoke trust and yet withheld so much from them. He didn't remind them that war meant loss, or that they would be up against an enemy much older and more powerful than them, or that it would be okay if they decided to walk away. He banked on their willingness to do the right thing, and he got what he wanted. 

…

They went straight from Dumbledore’s office to the Hospital Wing. Jane was asleep, and Madam Pomfrey tutted when she saw them all.

‘She's fine. She needs to rest. You may as well go and sleep in your own beds.’ Remi looked to where Levi was seated next to Jane, holding her hand. He looked so exhausted, and so pained. She crouched next to him.

‘Hey, Evans.’

‘Hi.’ He didn’t take his eyes off Jane.

‘How are you doing?’

‘I won’t leave her.’

‘I know.’

‘I’m going to stay here.’

‘Okay.’ Remi looked back at Madam Pomfrey, relying on seven years of careful relationship building and begrudging favouritism from the Healer. ‘Poppy, please, no one else is using these beds tonight, are they?’

When Jane woke the next morning, this is what she saw: her boyfriend in the chair next to her, eyes closed, holding her hand as tightly as he was the night before; her three best friends spooning next to her, having pushed two beds up against hers to make enough room; Dorian and Marlon and Marco sprawled out on mattresses in front of her bed, because they had refused to be farther away than absolutely necessary. As Jane sat up, Remi blinked her eyes open and watched her friend’s face transform from confused to overwhelmed as she remembered the events of the previous night. 

‘Hey, Prongs.’ 

‘Moony. You’re all here.’

‘Of course.’

‘Even the boys.’

‘Especially the boys. They wanted to create some sort of guard around you, I think.’ Remi snorted a little. ‘It was quite sweet.’

‘I would have been fine on my own.’

‘We didn’t want you to feel fine, Prongs, we wanted you to feel loved.’ Jane swallowed and nodded. 

‘What happened afterwards? Last night?’

‘Levi came with you straight here. The rest of us went with Dumbledore. He’s officially asked us to join the Order of the Phoenix once the school year ends.’

‘Shit.’

‘Yeah. It feels very real.’

‘It is.’

‘It is.’ Remi nodded in agreement as Levi woke up, immediately reaching for Jane.

‘Sweetheart.’ His eyes were watery and Jane pulled him in for a kiss, both of her hands on his face. ‘I was so scared.’

‘It’s okay, love. I’m okay.’

‘I just--’ his voice cracked ‘--she did it get back at me, I know it, and I could never have lived with myself if you…’ Tears were streaming down his face and he was looking at Jane with such love and agony that it was almost unbearable for Remi to watch.

‘But I didn’t. I’m okay.’ Levi nodded and kissed her knuckles. Everyone else started to stir as Madam Pomfrey bustled in, reaching over Levi to check Jane’s injuries. Between Dumbledore’s charm and a healthy dose of dittany, Jane’s skin had knitted itself back together well.

‘I’ll be fine for Quidditch in a couple of weeks?’

‘Yes, yes.’ The Healer smiled at her. ‘You can all leave.’

Between classes during the day and prefect rounds that night, Remi didn’t get a chance to properly talk to Stella until she slid into her bed. Stella pulled her in tight, and kissing her was like being able to breathe again.

‘My love, my love, my love.’ Remi breathed out the words as Stella melted into her. When she pulled away, there were tears in her eyes.

‘It could happen so easily.’ Stella's voice was cracked and pained.

‘I know.’

‘One reckless comment, one bad spell, one Death Eater…’

‘That’s why we’ll fight this war, Stel. So it can’t ever be that easy, not ever again.’

‘It can’t happen to you, okay?’ Stella made a choking noise that pierced Remi. ‘Nothing can happen to you.’

‘Stel?’

‘Yeah?’

‘You know I’ve forgiven you, right? For fifth year? We all have.’

‘I know.’

‘Why haven’t you forgiven yourself, then?’

‘I can’t.’ Her eyes were huge and navy in the dim light. ‘I almost lost you.’

‘You were never going to lose me.’

‘I could have. Would have deserved it, too.’

‘Snape knew what she was walking into. She already knew about me. Were you stupid and wrong? Yeah. Was it unforgivable? Not by a long shot. Stel, please, don’t hold onto it.’ Stella breathed deeply, and Remi felt her girlfriend’s heart race through their clothes. 

‘Padfoot, nothing can happen to you either. You have to survive, okay?’

‘We have to survive. Together.’ Stella pressed her palm against Remi’s, interlacing their fingers and bringing them to her lips.  _ ‘Tamquam alter idem.’ _

…

Snape wasn’t a prefect anymore; Remi was at least grateful for that much, although she was still bewildered that she hadn’t been expelled. Dumbledore must have had his reasons, but even having to sit in the same classroom as her was unbearable. Although Snape and the Marauders had despised each other for a long time, it felt different now. There was an enemy, and she was a part of it. She had the Mark; they were joining the Order after school. The line was drawn and there was no going back.

Between studying for NEWTs, constantly hearing and talking about the war, recovering from her best friend’s attack, and having a very new and very consuming relationship, Remi realised that she hadn’t had five minutes alone since arriving back at Hogwarts. She took a break from studying one Sunday afternoon to go for a walk, taking her journal and her cigarettes. It was a perfect October day; crisp air, clear skies, trees the colour of sunsets. She found a spot by the lake and flipped through her writing, pausing as she remembered the idea that had blossomed weeks ago. 

**I was brave when I was able to cry again.**

She thought about the short few months that had passed since writing that - how she had grown back into her happiness at the Potter’s house, willingly told people she was a werewolf, kissed the love of her life on a cliff’s edge. She lit a fag and slowly inhaled, trying to locate the feeling those memories brought up in her. Kissing Stella was perhaps the happiest she had ever been, and now, loving Stella was the most terrified she had ever been. She thought of Levi’s face when Jane woke up in the Hospital Wing, and imagined seeing Stella like that. No. The thought was too painful.

She thought about her father. It had nearly been a year since they had spoken, and while she missed her mum, she didn’t miss him; every memory was tainted by pain and betrayal and loss. She wondered whether they would ever speak again, and grief cut through her. She picked up her fountain pen.

**Feeling is not something I am good at. I feel a lot, all the time, nonstop, but I’m not good at it. My emotions are clothes that need to be sorted and put away, and I just don’t have the closet space.**

She wrote for two hours, until her neck ached and her fingers were cramping too badly to hold the pen. Then she walked slowly back to the castle, a feeling growing in her stomach; a feeling that she had just made something good. It needed editing, and fewer cliches, and more substance, but it was good. 

She took the journal to her next appointment with VIolet.

‘Hi Remi, so lovely to see you. How was summer?’

‘Oh, wonderful, once I realised that my unrequited love, was, in fact, requited.’ Violet’s lips twitched. ‘Violet! You knew!’

‘Okay, okay, I knew.’ Violet laughed. ‘Remi, you know I can’t breach confidentiality.’

‘How did you sit there with a straight face?’ She wasn’t really annoyed, but she did want to make Violet squirm; Remi normally did all of the squirming.

‘Oh, Remi, it’s my job.’ Violet grinned. ‘I am very,  _ very,  _ happy for you though. I don’t believe in soulmates or anything like that, but I will say this: I know you quite well at this point, and I’ve spent twenty years working with people. You are someone with a fierce heart and mind, with more love to give than you know, and there are not many people in this life who will be able to match you and challenge you at the same time. But I think Stella’s one of the rare few.’ Remi was quiet; it was one of the nicest things anyone had ever said to her. ‘Also, I did  _ strongly _ recommend that you follow your heart.’

‘Ha! I knew it. You big romantic.’

‘Guilty. So it’s been a month, month and a half, at this point?’

‘Yeah.’ Remi smiled. ‘It’s so weird, you know? It’s been such a huge thing, hiding my heart for such a long time, and now I get to feel everything.’

‘It’s a beautiful thing, feeling love. It can also hurt.’ As usual, Violet had hit the nail on the head.

‘It’s painful.’

‘It is.’

‘And the war--’ Remi’s throat went dry. ‘I can’t even fathom the thought of losing her. Jane was attacked the other day, by another student, and it was just awful.’

‘I was filled in on that situation.’

‘There was so much blood,’ Remi shuddered. ‘And it was weird, because it was so visceral and so in my face, and then I thought about my mum, and she’d never felt further away.’

‘How do you mean?’

‘When I first saw her, in the casket, I remember thinking how different she looked dead than alive. Like it wasn’t even her. I wasn’t there to go through the steps of finding out how sick she was, or being able to say goodbye, or have some awful twist of fate to blame it on. She was there, and then she wasn’t.’

‘Do you think that’s why you blame your father?’

‘Well, yeah. He kept me from her.’

‘But it might be more than that. He betrayed you horribly, I don’t deny that. But perhaps he’s also become your explanation, the awful twist of fate to pin it on.’

‘Perhaps. I still don’t want to talk to him, though.’

‘You don’t have to. But I think there’s some unresolved grief there, disguised as anger. It’s easier to be angry at someone than it is to admit that sometimes awful things happen for no reason, and that we usually have very little control over them.’ Tears sprung into Remi’s eyes and Violet handed her a tissue.

‘It’s my biggest fear, you know? Doing everything perfectly and being a good person and doing the right thing and still not being able to control the outcome.’

‘Unfortunately, that’s mostly how life goes. It’s why it’s so important to take chances.’

‘Oh, speaking of.’ Remi told her about telling the boys she was a werewolf and their reactions. ‘And then, the other night, Serena - the girl who attacked Jane, she knows about me, she made this comment, and the boys stood in front of me like they were my guard or something.’

‘Sounds like they really care about you.’

‘I didn’t realise they did, really, until the summer.’

‘It’s amazing how much we learn about others when we ourselves open up.’

‘It's so much responsibility, though, knowing others care about you. I’ve never been so scared.’

‘Good. It means you're opening up, Remi.'

‘I brought something to show you.’ Remi tentatively grabbed her journal and pulled out a piece of paper she’d copied an edited version of her story onto. ‘I thought maybe you’d like to read this.’

‘Do you mind if I read it now? It doesn’t look too long.’

‘Can I face the other way so I don’t have to watch your face while you read?’

‘Sure.’

Remi turned and stared at the cracked spines on McGonagall’s bookshelves. Violet was a painfully slow reader. When she almost thought she wasn’t going to be able to take it anymore, Violet spoke.

‘Remi, this is really, really good.’

‘Thanks.’ Remi’s neck and cheeks felt like they were on fire.

‘I’m serious. I think you should show Minerva.’

‘Why?’

‘She has a friend who edits a literary journal. I think you could get published.’

‘I can’t publish that! It’s about my condition.’

‘You could easily publish under a pseudonym.’

‘But it’s so personal.’

‘That’s what makes it good.’

‘I didn’t write it to be published.’

‘I think you can go a long way with this, Remi. It can still be something you do just for yourself.’ There was a long pause. Remi knew that Violet was right, of course; it stirred up something deep in the pit of her stomach to imagine her work published, even if under a pseudonym. But another, much louder, part of her was terrified; what if it went to a professional and it was no good, and then she’d know she could never work in academia or literature because she was no good at it, and her only life plan would collapse.

‘Remi, how about I go and get Professor McGonagall, and she can tell you her opinion? Then you can decide.’

‘Okay.’ Remi bit her lip as her counsellor left and she waited for what felt like forever before they came back. ‘Hi, Professor.’

‘Miss Lupin. I just read your work.’ Remi looked at her, heart pounding. McGonagall was honest to a fault, and she braced for constructive criticism. ‘I have a friend who would be very interested in publishing this.’

'Thank you, Professor.' Remi chewed the inside of her cheek. 'I don't know whether you're saying that because it's true or because Violet told you to.'

'You doubt my honesty, Lupin?'

'No. But Violet's very persuasive and persistent.' McGonagall let out a chuckle that Remi had never heard before, and Violet shook with laughter, head in her hands.

'You are correct, Miss Lupin, but in this instance I required no convincing.' McGonagall searched her face, looking for the right thing to say. 'I think you have the potential to help many, Remi, and not just with this work.' Remi breathed slowly, and then nodded.

'Okay then.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I did make a Pynch reference because I am a ~chaotic queer~ and I also think Remi and Stella would love them.


	21. Seventh Year: Connections

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The queers get to know each other, the war takes a personal turn for Remi, and it's Stella's birthday.
> 
> CW for sexual jokes and implied sexual activity.

‘So, who are we meeting again?’ Dorian huffed. They were running late.

‘Er, some queers?’ Remi looked at him apologetically. ‘I don’t want to out them if they don’t show up.’

‘Ugh, you and your bloody moral compass.’

‘Less talking, more walking.’ Stella jumped on Marlon’s back and they charged ahead, leaving their less athletic halves behind.

‘No! Marlon! I want a piggyback!’ Remi’s joints groaned with the pulling force of the full moon approaching. Dorian sighed and knelt down.

‘You can carry me?’

‘I’m not as short as I look, Lupin.’

‘You are.’

‘I am. But I’m deceptively muscular.’ Remi snorted and got on; he valiantly took her all the way to Hogsmeade, despite her long limbs knocking him off course a couple of times.

‘You’re a true friend, Meadowes.’

‘Bloody remember that the next time I ask you for your Arithmancy notes.’

They walked into the Three Broomsticks with Marlon and Stella, and Remi saw with relief that Lola, Larissa and Talia were all there.

‘Hello.’ She and Stella slid down next to Lola, and Marlon and Dorian next to Talia, who had bought them all butterbeers. Larissa laughed as she looked at the boys.

‘I should have bloody known it, you two.’

‘Cheers.’ Dorian grinned at her. ‘Nolan, didn’t expect to see you here.’

‘Um, well, I’m not exactly...like you.’

‘Oh?’

‘I also like boys.’

‘Cool.’

‘But I’m straight.’ It took a moment to click, then Marlon widened his eyes.

_ ‘Oh. _ Right.’

‘Do you have another name you prefer?’ Dorian smiled at her.

‘Talia.’

‘Cute.’

‘I’m planning on, er, being more open, after school. Just not while I’m still here.’ 

‘Fair enough. People suck.’

‘How long have two been together?’ Larissa looked between Marlon and Dorian.

‘Oh, it’s been just over a year.’ Marlon smiled adoringly at his boyfriend. ‘Very convenient, sharing the same dorm.’

‘I’ll say.’ Stella smirked and Remi groaned.

‘Can’t take you anywhere.’

‘Nope.’

‘So...thanks for coming here.’ Larissa cleared her throat a little. ‘I just - I knew about Talia, and obviously Lola --’ she blushed as Lola raised an eyebrow at her ‘--but I don’t really know anyone else. I don’t even know what my sexuality is.’

‘Totally normal.’ Marlon drank his butterbeer. ‘I didn’t know anyone queer either, before Dor, and then I found out about Lupin. It was super confusing because I like girls too. I almost wanted to just be gay.’ Larissa nodded quickly in understanding.

‘I still don’t even know how to label myself,’ Remi joined in. ‘You don’t need to figure it out perfectly.’

‘Yeah, look, I’m super gay but also dated a man for a year to try and repress it.’ Stella sighed. ‘Figuring out who you like is weird.’

‘What about you two?’ Larissa looked at Dorian and Talia.

‘Always knew,’ they said at the same time, and everyone laughed. After that, it was a little less jilted, and Larissa looked relieved as they all shared stories and chatted. Remi noticed Talia was still a bit quiet, and jerked her head towards the door. 

‘Want a smoke, Nolan?’

‘Sure.’ Talia quickly got up and they walked outside. Remi looked at her.

‘You okay?’

‘Yeah, it’s just hard.’

‘It must be difficult, like, none of us really get what you must go through every day.’

Talia nodded. ‘It’s that. But also...I just wish I had someone.’ Remi’s heart ached. Talia’s face was pink and her eyes were bright, like she was about to cry.

‘Oh, mate.’

‘I’m lucky, you know?’ Talia leant against the brick and tried to breathe. ‘I have friends that I can be myself around, I can transition after school, I’ll get there. But it’s just harder to date, when you’re like me. I feel like a straight guy is never going to find me attractive.’

‘Okay, one, that’s just not true. And two, Talia, your worth does not depend on whether someone else finds you attractive. Especially if they’re a straight man.’

Talia laughed weakly. ‘That’s easy to say when you’ve found your person.’

‘And I’m so happy and I know I’m lucky, truly. Being with Stella makes everything else in my life better. Also, after seven years of pining, it’s nice for my heart to not constantly be in agonising pain. But it hasn’t fixed everything. I’m still dealing with my own shit.’

‘Seven years?’

‘Yeah, I know.’

‘Godric.’ Talia shook her head and looked towards the castle. ‘Still. It’d be nice to be wanted.’ Remi didn’t reply, just pulled her in for a hug. They headed back in, where Stella and Marlon were arm wrestling. Remi sighed a bit too loudly at the sight of Stella’s biceps flexing, drawing a laugh out of Talia.

‘Maybe I am lucky. Love makes you an idiot.’ Remi had to agree with that.

…

Remi woke up after the next full moon in Madam Pomfrey’s comfiest bed, with a large bar of chocolate beside her. Her muscles and joints ached, as they always did, but she couldn’t feel or see any major injuries. She was pretty sure the last night had been an extra fun one; the wolf’s memories passed her in flashbacks, as they always did;  _ running, friends, play, dog, tackle, stag, rat, chase, pack. _ She stretched out and smiled when she saw Jane, Stella, and Petra walk in, holding a newspaper. 

‘Alright, Marauders?’

‘Alright. You good, Moony?’ Jane looked at her with a smile but Remi noticed her jaw was clenched and her gaze didn’t quite meet hers. Neither did Petra’s. Stella sat down, gave her a quick forehead kiss and took her hand.

‘I’m good. What’s going on?’ Stella looked hesitantly at Jane, who passed the newspaper to Remi. Her stomach flipped.

**_WEREWOLF ATTACKS LEAVE NINE DEAD AND TWELVE INJURED_ **

‘Oh.’

‘Yeah.’ Petra bit her lip. ‘It happened in London. They suspect...they’ve heard it’s Greyback.’

‘Oh.’ Remi knew she was repeating herself, but she couldn’t bring herself to say anything else. Nine dead. Nine people. Nine lives lost. Twelve new werewolves, probably terrified and shoved into the most private area of St Mungo’s possible. Fuck. 

‘It’s - er, there are some nasty things being thrown around in the corridors. Just from idiots, you know, and nothing you haven’t heard before.’ Jane fumbled over her words. ‘I - uh, we just wanted to warn you.’

‘Thanks. Um, I don’t want to talk about it, if that’s okay. Tell me how Quidditch is going.’ Jane’s eyes lit up at the mention of her favourite subject.

‘We have it in the fucking bag this year, Moony --’ she touched the wooden bed frame to avoid a jinx and Stella rolled her eyes ‘--I swear to god, we are all on fire. So we have a new Seeker because Xanthe graduated, he’s amazing, and once Austin’s replacement gets her confidence up, she’ll be a solid third Chaser.’ Jane kept talking about tryouts and the first match and her current strategy, and Remi had never been more grateful to her. 

Madam Pomfrey came over to give Remi one last check and gave her the all clear to leave. Normally, Remi missed a couple of classes after a full moon, but she was determined not to this month - after such highly publicised attacks, it felt too risky. She was exhausted and her muscles were screaming at her as she climbed the stairs to Defence Against the Dark Arts. All four Marauders took the class, along with the boys, and it was all she could do to not fall asleep on Marlon’s shoulder while Professor Wulrich explained concealment theory. Halfway through the class, however, a Ravenclaw called Emily Nahdi put her hand up.

‘Sorry, Professor, but I was wondering if you could tell us a bit about werewolves.’ The class went quiet.

‘You covered werewolves in your third year syllabus, Miss Nahdi.’

‘Yes, sir, but it wasn’t very in depth.’ Remi willed her to stop talking. ‘My family lives near where those people were attacked, and I think a lot of us would like to know how to defend ourselves if we were ever in that situation.’ Professor Wulrich looked nervous; he was trying not to look at Remi, but he knew about her. All the teachers did. Beside her, Marlon had stiffened and was holding her forearm underneath the table, and Petra was on her other side, trying far too hard to look nonchalant.

‘Very well, Miss Nahdi. The best defence against a transformed werewolf is mainly to stay out of their way, although I understand that’s unhelpful. If you do face a werewolf, I strongly encourage you to cast a  _ protego _ or other protection spell and Disapparate. If Disapparation is unavailable, run, and charm anything that you can to block the werewolf’s path to you. I’m afraid that’s about all; not only are transformed werewolves more resistant than humans to normal defense spells, remember that they are still people, and killing should be a last resort.’

‘Why?’ Gavin McLaggen’s voice was flat. ‘They’d kill us, given the chance.’

‘Only because a transformed werewolf loses their human mind, Mr McLaggen. It is not a choice.’

‘What about Greyback? His gang? They hunt on purpose.’

‘Greyback is an unfortunate exception.’

‘Doesn’t seem like it to me.’ A few classmates murmured in agreement, and Remi was frozen in place, not daring to take her eyes off her desk.

‘Mr McLaggen, ninety five percent of werewolves that currently exist only exist because they themselves were attacked, and the other five percent are werewolves because their parents were. Nobody would choose such a life for themselves. The life span is decreased due to the stress on the body, there are at least several days of poor health every month, and one must be restrained during the transformation, meaning they will often attack and injure themselves. Many victims of werewolf bites have chosen to die rather than live their lives in such a way.’

Remi didn’t hear anything for the rest of the class. She was out of the room as soon as homework was given out, black spots appearing in her vision, her entire body wracked with pain. She didn’t even know where she was going; she just couldn’t deal with people. She found herself on the Astronomy Tower, cigarette shaking in her hand, and didn’t bother turning when she heard footsteps behind her.

‘Rem.’ Stella’s voice was like an anchor. She felt arms around her, and leaned into that familiar citrus and coffee scent. ‘Rem. Fuck them all.’

‘I was just beginning to accept it all a little more.’ Remi’s laugh was hollow and horrible. ‘I told the boys  _ willingly. _ I was beginning to be okay with the scars, and I actually was thinking that I might be able to have some sort of career and be normal.’

‘You can still have that.’

‘How?’ Remi knew her tone was too sharp, but Stella didn’t flinch. ‘How the fuck am I supposed to have that? This, this is all I’ll ever be to the world.’

‘Then fuck the world. Rem, look at me.’ Stella stepped in front of her, both hands on her shoulders. She forced herself into Remi’s eyeline. ‘Where would we be if we did what the world told us to? We wouldn’t be together, I’d still be looking for excuses to sneak into your bed, going out of my mind whenever I saw someone touch you, crying in bathroom stalls, trying to talk myself out of wanting you.’ Remi softened a little and Stella pushed on. ‘You are good and kind and you have all of us. You will never be alone, I promise you, we will never let it happen.’ There was a beat and then Remi nodded, collapsing into Stella’s arms.

‘I’m just so tired,’ she murmured into her neck.

‘Let’s get you to bed, baby. Class can wait.’

Things settled down. The news cycle moved on, and with the full moon behind her, Remi’s mood and health were a little more stable. Marco and Marlon snuck into Gavin’s dorm the next night and hexed him with bat bogeys while he was sleeping, which significantly cheered her up and made Petra laugh so hard that she fell over.

However, another issue was approaching - Stella’s birthday. Remi had no money and no idea what to get her girlfriend. It felt significant; it was the first time they would be together for one of their birthdays. Remi was also acutely aware that although they shared a bed every night, that was the extent of their alone time; there just weren’t enough hours in the day with everything else they had going on. And that's where an idea struck her.

...

Stella was in her Thursday morning Herbology lesson, and only a few minutes after class started, there was a knock on the greenhouse door.

‘Professor McGonagall.’

‘Professor Sprout. Could I please take Miss Black?’

‘Certainly.’ Stella, confused, gathered her books and walked to where McGonagall ushered her out of the door. 

‘Professor, is everything alright?’

‘Miss Lupin just came to my office, quite inconsolable.’ The professor’s face was worried. ‘She has asked for you.’ Stella’s heart started pounding, and McGonagall opened the door to her office, where a very tearful and red-eyed Remi sat. 

‘I’ll give you girls a moment.’ McGonagall closed the door, and Stella grabbed Remi’s hands.

‘Baby? What’s wrong?’ To her surprise, Remi smiled, eyes glinting, and pulled her in by her shirt collar.

‘Let’s go celebrate your birthday, Padfoot.’

…

‘I cannot believe you did that.’ Stella’s expression was somewhere between wonder and shock. Remi gave her a smirk.

‘The look on your face, Padfoot.’

‘Oh my god.’ Stella’s voice was menacing. ‘With all the shit that’s gone on this year, you cannot scare me like that.’

‘Well, that’s exactly why I figured we needed this. And I couldn’t warn you, you’re such a shit liar.’

‘That’s fair. Think McGonagall bought it?’

‘Of course. At this point she feels so sorry for me, I figured any vague reference to my estranged father or dead mother or recent werewolf attacks would work.’

'To be fair, you deserve a day off.'

'So do you.'

‘I love you so much.’

‘I love you.’ Remi grinned and pointed towards the picnic blanket she’d set up earlier in between a couple of trees near the lake, just out of sight of the castle. Stella squealed and ran towards the blanket.

‘You have cake! Tea! Chocolate Frogs!’

‘Jane made me save the Firewhiskey for tomorrow night.’ Stella practically body slammed her into the ground and kissed her, deep and slow, placing her hands behind Remi’s head and back. ‘So, you like it?’

‘Best birthday ever.’

‘Good.’ Remi kissed her again, Stella’s hands wandering down her body. ‘Padfoot, we are in  _ public.’ _

‘It’s not my fault that you’re so fucking hot when you break rules.’

‘I still cannot believe that Stella Black thinks I’m hot.’

‘Really? I thought having my head constantly between your legs would have cleared that up for you.’ 

Remi shook her head in mock exasperation. ‘Whatever am I going to do with you, hey?’

‘Oh, I have some ideas.’ Stella nuzzled her cheek. ‘Baby, thank you so much. I’ve missed you.’

‘I’ve missed you too.’ Remi reached up to tuck a strand of silky hair behind her ear. ‘NEWTs are difficult enough without a war to deal with as well.’

‘Yeah.’ Stella sighed, burying her face in Remi’s neck. ‘You smell so good. You smell like Remi.’

‘You smell like coffee and citrus.’

‘Really?’ Stella lifted her head to look at her and smiled. ‘I swear to god, every day you notice something else about me. You’re incredible like that.’

‘It’s easy to notice you. Also, the whole werewolf thing means my sense of smell is off the charts.’ Stella laughed and kissed her nose. Remi grabbed a chunk of her hair and pulled her in closer. ‘How about we eat this cake and go somewhere a bit more private, hey?’

It was wonderful, having the entire dormitory to themselves. The picnic was fun while it lasted, but afterwards they practically raced back to their dorm, undressing from the moment the door closed. 

A few hours later, Stella looked up from where she had her head resting on Remi’s chest.

‘We better get our clothes off the floor.’

‘Yeah.’ Remi sighed. ‘I can’t wait until we have our own room.’ Stella’s face lit up.

‘Really?’

‘Of course. I was always excited about the house, Stel. I just don’t like to get my hopes up for things.’

‘But now?’

‘But now…’ Remi stroked Stella’s hair, looking into her grey eyes and seeing enough love to fill oceans. ‘Now, I’m getting my hopes up.’


	22. Seventh Year: Let it Snow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Christmas with the Potters, featuring a new house tour and a surprise guest.
> 
> CW: family argument/trauma/grief.

‘Is it snowing outside?’ Stella’s voice jolted Remi awake, and she yawned as her girlfriend ran up to the window and squealed. ‘Baby, it’s snowing!’

‘Hmph.’ Remi sleepily smiled. They were in the Potter’s spare room, it was the first day of Christmas break, and Stella was in an oversized Bowie shirt and her underwear, hair tangled from sleep. Remi felt utterly blissed out. Stella jumped on her and covered her in kisses.

‘Wakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeup.’ 

‘You’re a maniac.’ Remi pulled her in and kissed her neck. Stella giggled and straddled her.

‘Play with me.’

‘Play with Prongs, I want to sleep.’

‘But it’s _snowing_ and you love me so you have to come and have a snowball fight.’

‘That’s not how love works.’

‘I’ll make you hot chocolate.’

‘Okay, it is how love works.’ Stella nuzzled into her cheek, hopping off the bed and throwing on sweatpants. She made sweatpants look so good. Remi sighed and got up to put clothes on. 

Levi and Jane were in the living room, looking just as sleepy as her. 

‘Stella made you get up too?’

‘Yep.’ Levi rubbed his eyes. ‘Although, this snow is beautiful. I guess we have to make the most of it.’ 

‘You could find the silver lining in anything, Evans.’

‘He could.’ Jane grinned and kissed his cheek. He blushed. 

‘I will have you ALL know,’ Stella’s voice rang out as three steaming mugs floated into the room, ‘that I can hear you. Now drink the hot chocolates, you ungrateful assholes.’

They all spent the morning walking around the forests, Jane and Stella transforming into Prongs and Padfoot to chase each other around, Remi and Levi watching them and talking to each other. It had been a while since they caught up properly.

‘So your parents are okay, with you being here?’

‘I mean, they’re not thrilled,’ Levi shrugged. ‘But they understand. Parker has stopped even pretending to be civil to me, now that he and Veronica are engaged.’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘Don’t be. He was always a bit of a git, and I suppose he’ll come around, in the end. Plus, I really like being here.’ He looked softly at where the stag was using its antlers to hit blankets of snow into the barking dog. 

‘The Potters love you.’

‘They’re so lovely. I was so nervous.’

‘You were _so_ nervous,’ Remi laughed. ‘These are the people that pretty much adopted Stella and I, and didn’t even blink when they found out about us being together.’

‘I know, I know, but it’s different when it’s a girl bringing a boy home. Veronica’s parents completely interrogated Parker, the first time he met them.’

‘I don’t think they have any concerns about Jane being able to take care of herself.’ The dog had now jumped up on the stag’s back, both of them falling into the snow, still tackling. ‘I think they’re more worried about you.’

Levi’s laugh echoed in the trees. ‘You know that she talks about Quidditch in her sleep? _Finnigan, stay in formation, Marino, bludger, the goal is OPEN, Maruyama take it.’_ Remi snorted with laughter, bending over to catch her breath.

‘Fuck,’ she said, wiping her eyes.

‘But, you know.’ A dopey smile crossed his face. ‘Couldn’t imagine life without her now, to be honest.’ 

‘I know that feeling.’

‘I’m really happy for you, by the way. We haven’t had a chance to chat properly, just the two of us, about it yet, have we?’

‘We haven’t. I think you forget that we were friends before you even _tolerated_ Prongs.’

‘I have not forgotten that.’ He threw an arm around her shoulders and pulled her in, and Remi reciprocated with an arm around his waist. ‘But it was different. I actually know you now. And I know why you were always a bit closed off, a bit distant.’

‘Yeah.’ Remi breathed. ‘I did the right thing, right? Telling you guys about the werewolf thing.’

‘Of course,’ Levi hugged her tighter. ‘Of course you did.’

‘It’s just, after the attacks and that class, I understand if you guys were a bit...put off me.’

‘Lupin, shut up.’

‘Okay.’ 

Levi looked at her, expression inscrutable on his normally open face. ‘You don’t get it, do you?’

‘Get what?’

‘Dorian says that you pretty much carried him through fifth year. Marlon thinks that you and your study sessions are the only reason he’s getting through NEWTs. Marco has been really taken aback by how kindly you’ve treated him and how included you make him feel, even though you’re with Stella now. And you’ve always been the main person who’s pushed me these past seven years, to be better and to also know my worth. Surely you know that it’s not just the girls who want to be there for you.’

Levi’s kindness hit Remi like a brick to the chest, and to her horror, she started crying.

‘Fuck, Lupin, I’m sorry!’ He hugged her into his chest and she muffled sobs into his chest. ‘I was just trying to reassure you that, you know, we’re your friends, we’re all going to stick with you.’

‘Wh-why are you al-always so n-nice?’ Remi pulled back, still crying, and weakly punched his shoulder. Levi sighed and hugged her again. 

‘Lupin. Just accept the love. Accept the friendship. You’re not escaping it.’ Remi laughed and her sobs quietened.

‘I’m glad you’re here with us, Evans.’

‘Me too. I think those two need balancing out.’ They couldn’t even see the stag or dog anymore, but they heard barking in the distance. ‘It’s going to be great, living together, isn’t it?’

‘Yeah.’ Remi sniffed and let out a long breath. ‘I need to be able to keep an eye on you all, otherwise I’ll go mad worrying.’

‘You need us to keep an eye on you, too.’

‘Don’t you dare make me cry again, Evans. I’ll have to kill you.’

‘You know what, I’m not willing to take that chance.’

Petra joined them on Christmas Eve to go and see Stella’s house. They Disapparated into the middle of a very pretty, snowy forest, with the tallest trees Remi had ever seen. 

‘This way, team.’ Stella was smiling but Remi could also see tension pooling in her forehead; she was nervous. She wanted them to like it. Remi took her hand and squeezed, and Stella led them towards a small opening fenced in by overgrown bush.

_‘Diffindo.’_ Branches cracked and fell, cushioned by snow, leaving an opening in the bush big enough for them to walk through. When Remi saw the house, her breath caught.

It was a Victorian era home, with a thatched roof that stood in peaks and collected mounds of snow. The brick exterior was painted white, but it looked like it needed it done again; the garden wasn’t huge but Remi could imagine how beautiful it would be in summer. A swing set was pushed against the fence, and it was easy to believe that many generations before them had lived there; the porch was wooden and worn, with chair marks and rust collecting in certain areas. Inside, it was huge; an old kitchen and butler’s pantry took up most of the first floor, along with multiple dining and living areas, and the bedrooms were upstairs.

‘You should all have a look and decide which one you like best. I’m going to show Remi something.’ Stella pulled her towards the back of the house, past at least six bedrooms and four bathrooms, all in desperate need of a clean, but gorgeous and cozy. Stella opened the last door and they stepped inside to find a tall room that was hexagonal; it was one of the side turrets. Light poured in through a large window, and the wooden floors were smooth and polished. But the room’s main drawcard was something else, something that Remi didn’t even know she wanted until she saw them. Bookshelves. Floor to ceiling bookshelves that covered every wall except for the window; gorgeous, tall, dark oak bookshelves. A few stray books had been left there by the previous tenant; Remi ran her finger over the battered spine of _Romance of the Forest_ , and inhaled the musty, wooden smell of the room.

‘Do you like it?’ Stella was standing by the door, wringing her hands.

‘Of course,’ Remi breathed. ‘It’s amazing.’

‘I thought it could be yours,’ Stella spoke quickly, breathily, as if she were nervous. She was nervous. ‘Not - not as a favour, not for you to pay me back, but I figured that if you want to be a writer and all, you need somewhere to be in peace, and no one else will really use this room the way you will, except maybe for Levi and Dorian because they’re nerds but they won’t be allowed to disturb you if you need quiet--’ Remi shut up her girlfriend with a long, fiery kiss. She felt possessed by something urgent and deep, a gnawing, insatiable sensation in her stomach, and she pushed Stella up against the door. Stella laughed and wrapped her arms around Remi’s back, pushing back with equal force, then drawing back in a gasp.

‘Fuck, Moony, if I’d known you’d react like this--’ 

‘It’s perfect.’

‘Yeah?’ Stella’s face was bright and open, and Remi was so in love it hurt. 

‘It’s - it’s everything.’ What she really wanted to say was _seeing you believe in my dreams makes me believe that they’re actually possible,_ but she was too overwhelmed, so she pressed into Stella again, trying to convey her meaning with her tongue. Jane’s voice rang through the house.

‘Moony, Padfoot! For the love of god, if you’re banging in there--’

‘Prongs!’ Petra’s voice was horrified. Stella sighed and reluctantly drew back from Remi.

‘We are having a moment, Prongs, and you are ruining it.’ 

‘They’re down the end!’ Footsteps came down the hallway and Remi opened the door, grinning.

‘We’re both still fully clothed, please calm down.’

‘I’ve found the bedroom I want!’ Jane dragged them off and Remi gave the library one last glance. They were soon in full planning mode, looking at every room and thinking about who would go in each, Levi suggesting that they make a list of jobs that needed to be done. 

‘You’re so responsible, sweetheart.’ Jane kissed her boyfriend’s cheek loudly and he laughed.

‘I don’t want us to forget our plans!’

‘So...everyone likes it?’ Stella nervously looked at them. ‘It’s not too old?’

‘Padfoot, it’s perfect.’ Petra beamed at her from the window, where she and Jane were arguing over whether the shape of the window suited Marco’s personality. Levi looked witheringly at them.

‘I’m sure the man can decide for himself. It’s not exactly like we’re going to be strapped for space - I’ve counted nine bedrooms so far.’

‘I already know that I will never be able to find my way to the correct bedroom while drunk,’ Jane said. ‘It’s my only concern.’

‘I’m fine if that’s your only concern.’ Stella squealed as Jane tackled her in a headlock.

‘It’s perfect dumbass. Stop worrying.’

Christmas with the Potters was as decadent as usual; roast lamb and potatoes, gravy, green beans, freshly baked sourdough rolls, Yorkshire puddings, and jugs of wine and beer covered the dining table.

‘Fuck, Mum.’ Stella let out a small moan as she bit into a piece of meat. ‘Amazing.’

‘It’s really good, Euphemia.’ Levi said her first name nervously - she had banned him from calling her Mrs Potter but he was so polite that it was difficult for him not to.

‘Thank you, my loves.’ 

‘Beans are a little overcooked,’ Jane joked, and Fleamont gave her an affectionate whack around the head. Jane made a noise of indignation and retaliated. Euphemia sighed.

‘You two can hush, please.’

‘I was defending my wife’s honour.’ Fleamont waggled his eyebrows at Jane and they both laughed. 

‘Oh dear god,’ muttered Levi, smiling.

‘Be warned, Levi, Jane is her father’s daughter.’ Euphemia looked in fond exasperation at them. ‘Complete maniacs, the both of them.’

‘Levi has his dark side,’ said Stella. ‘Sometimes he doesn’t thank people after they bump into him in the hallway.’

‘That was ONE time!’ Levi’s protests were drowned out by Jane and Remi’s laughter.

‘I remember that,’ wheezed Remi. ‘Even the guy who bumped into you looked confused.’

‘Don’t you pay them any mind, love,’ Euphemia patted his hand fondly. She and Fleamont had, of course, instantly fallen in love with Levi’s soft voice and sharp wit. ‘It’s not a bad thing to be kind.’ Levi blushed.

‘Okay, who wants ginger snaps?’ Euphemia started gathering up the plates but Fleamont stopped her.

‘Mimi, sit down, you’ve done enough.’ Euphemia reluctantly sat as everyone else cleared the table, and Remi started to make a pot of tea. A crack came from outside the door; she assumed it must be Petra and her parents, they’d mentioned they would stop by at some point, although they were earlier than expected. She was pouring some sugar into a small bowl when a Welsh accent hit her like a tsunami.

‘Where is she, Euphemia?’

‘Lyall, she’s not ready to see you yet.’

‘I don’t care, she’s my daughter.’ Remi heard footsteps and froze as her father appeared in the doorway. Lyall’s beard was unkempt and scruffy, there were purple bags under his eyes, and he was looking at Remi with determination. _‘Cariad.’_

Remi turned and walked out of the kitchen, and Lyall followed.

‘Remi, please.’ 

‘No.’ Remi went to walk up the stairs when Lyall grabbed her arm and pulled her back. ‘Get off me.’

‘It’s been over a year.’

‘And I have been doing fine.’ 

‘I haven’t.’ Tears started rolling down Lyall’s cheeks. ‘Remi, I lost your mother. I can’t lose you.’

‘I also lost my mother, Lyall.’ Remi looked him straight in the eye. ‘In case you forgot, it came as something of a shock, because you lied to me for _years_ about how bad it was.’

‘It was to protect you - your mother, she didn’t want you to leave school--’

‘Don’t bring her into this.’

‘It wasn’t just me!’ Lyall was yelling, his hand still gripping Remi’s arm. ‘It was what she wanted too!’

‘She never wanted to say goodbye to her only child?’

‘She did, but…’ Lyall licked his lips, which were cracked and raw. ‘We didn’t know how quick it would be, her heart just gave out so suddenly. I promise you, _cariad,_ it wasn’t meant to happen that way.’ Remi made a noise of disgust and shook him off.

‘But it did. And it can never be taken back, do you understand?’

‘I know.’ Lyall was still crying, and Remi caught a whiff of his breath. She felt eerily calm. 

‘Have you been drinking?’

‘No!’

‘I can smell it.’

‘It wasn’t - it was just one--’

‘You’re drunk. Get out, Lyall.’

‘Remi. I can’t lose you.’

Remi’s words came out in low growls. ‘If - and that’s _if_ \- I ever forgive you, it will be on _my_ terms. You will not decide when I get to forgive you. You do not get to decide anything for me anymore. Get. Out.’ Lyall stumbled back, choking down sobs, and Disapparated. Remi exhaled, walking straight out to the backyard. She took a cigarette out of her pocket and lit it, steadying herself. The door opened behind her.

‘Baby?’ Stella’s voice was low and hoarse.

‘Hi.’ Remi smiled tightly. ‘So, did everyone hear that?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Well, at least I don’t have to fill you all in, in that case.’

‘You did the right thing.’

‘I don’t know if there is a right thing.’ Remi looked up at the sky, stars blinking bright against the dark sky. ‘Nothing would have been right. But I did what I had to.’

‘You seem...too calm.’

‘Numb.’

‘Yeah.’

‘I am.’ Remi kept looking at the stars. ‘But I know that I am, if that makes sense. I know I’ll need to deal with the emotions later. But tonight, I just really want to enjoy Christmas.’

‘Okay.’ Stella took one of her hands. ‘You gotta tell Violet that whatever she’s doing with you is working.’ Remi laughed.

‘Honestly, Stel, I’m only surprised it took him this long to pull something like that. I know I’ll have to deal with it eventually. I’m just not ready yet.’ Stella nodded and Remi pulled her in for a kiss. 

‘You’re okay to go back in?’ Stella stroked her cheek.

‘Yeah, I told Petra I’d be her poker partner. Mostly because I have no money to bet, so there are no stakes.’

‘I mean, there are other things you could bet…’ Stella raised her eyebrow and tugged on one of her shirt buttons. Remi laughed.

‘Fuck, you’re so consistent.’

‘Yep.’ Stella kissed her brightly. ‘Come on.’

Later that night, as Stella gently snored beside her, Remi thought about her father. A part of her wanted to cry, and let it all out. But it didn’t feel quite like what she needed to, and instead, she pulled out her journal.

**The fairytale goes like this: the faerie told the goblin to forgive his enemy, and the goblin did. He transformed into a handsome prince, and then the girl he loved married him. Happy ending. No one ever asks whether the faerie’s intentions were good.**


	23. Seventh Year: Published

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remi gets exciting news and decides to celebrate.

‘He showed up without warning?’ Violet’s eyebrows were raised.

‘Yeah. Just Apparated outside the front door and walked in.’

‘That must have been quite a shock.’

‘It was. And he was drunk.’

‘Ah. Not exactly the measured conversation I was hoping you and your father would have one day.’

‘Not really. It was weird, I kind of checked out as soon as I saw him. I only got angry when I smelled the whiskey on his breath.’

‘Why was that?’

‘It just felt so disrespectful. He’d shown up out of nowhere and forced me to talk to him, and then I realised he was barely going to remember it in the morning.’

‘It sounds like a painful experience for both of you.’

‘Yeah. I don’t know. It felt - somehow more manageable than I expected. Still painful, but not debilitating, I guess.’

‘I have a theory on that.’

‘Yeah?’

‘When I met you, you were incredibly private and withdrawn. You’re still quite private. I expect it will always be in your nature. But back then, you had so many emotions and thoughts that never got to see the light of day. So when your emotions exploded, as they inevitably will when you hide them, it hurt much more. You know why I think that’s changed? You’ve started writing.’

‘I did journal for about four hours that night,’ Remi admitted.

‘I think it’s because it allows you to express yourself in a way that you can control and think carefully about. It can often be easier than talking, for introverts. With that said, Minerva would like a word with us both.’ Violet waved her wand to unlock the door.

‘Miss Lupin,’ McGonagall immediately entered and sat down, facing Remi. ‘I have some news.’

‘I cannot deal with any more news.’

‘It’s good news,’ McGonagall smiled, and slid over a magazine. The pages were textured and papery, and it was bound together with twine. The cover read SCRIBE in large, white lettering. Remi’s eyes went wide.

‘They published me?’

‘They published you.’ McGonagall smiled and slid across a heavy bag to her. ‘They even made it one of the featured stories, which means you earned this.’ Remi opened the bag and saw gold, and nearly dropped it.

‘Wait -  _ they  _ paid  _ me?’ _

‘Of course. You provided them with your work.’ 

‘How - how much is that?’

‘Twenty Galleons. Not a lot, but a decent starting point.’

‘Not a lot?’ Remi’s mouth dropped open. She’d never had twenty Galleons before in her life.

‘Jacoby Wright, the editor, says you have a promising future. He wants to know if you have anything more. It’s a quarterly publication, so you have about two months to write something else.’

‘Holy fuck - shit, sorry Professor --’ McGonagall’s lips twitched upwards ‘--um, yes, I can write something else. Any specifics?’ 

‘No. He just says to keep it your voice.’

‘Okay.’ Remi’s head swam as she took her money and the magazine and went back to the Common Room. Stella was sitting on the couch, Dorian draped over her, and they were both miserably looking at their Defence Against the Dark Arts essays. 

‘Hey, Moony.’ Stella looked up at her. ‘What’s up?’

‘Um. We should go somewhere private. Dorian, you come too.’

‘Okay.’ He and Stella exchanged looks. ‘We can go to the boy’s dorm, everyone’s out.’

‘Cool.’ Remi practically ran up the stairs, Stella and Dorian hurriedly following. When Dorian shut the door, she spun around to face them, and held out the magazine. ‘Um, page twenty two.’ Stella opened it and Dorian looked over her shoulder. 

‘I don’t understand--’ Dorian began, then broke off as he began reading. ‘Wait. It’s by anonymous.’ Stella clapped a hand over her mouth.

‘This is yours,’ Stella breathed.

‘Yeah.’ Remi could feel her chest and neck turning red, heat slowly creeping towards her face. ‘Um, McGonagall submitted it for me.’

‘Baby!’ Stella launched herself at her girlfriend and knocked her onto Dorian’s bed, showering her face in kisses.

‘Oi! Not on my bed. Use Marco’s.’

‘But she’s so SMART and HOT and she just got PUBLISHED.’ Stella turned her attention back to kisses, and Dorian sat down to read the story properly.

‘Holy hell, Black, come and read this.’ Stella reluctantly left Remi to do so, and when she was finished, both of them were looking at her strangely.

‘Why are you looking at me like that?’

‘Just…’ Stella glanced down to the magazine. ‘Is this what goes on in your head?’

‘Um, yeah.’

‘Because, I know you read me stuff sometimes, but it’s always been about me.’ Dorian scoffed. ‘Shut it, Meadowes, we’re cute.’

‘It’s like looking inside your brain, a bit,’ he said, sitting down next to her. ‘It’s stuff I can’t imagine you saying out loud.’

‘Definitely not,’ Remi murmured, now bright red all over. 

‘Wait, what’s in the bag?’ Dorian noticed the small purse next to Remi.

‘Er - I got paid for it. It’s not a lot, apparently, but I’ve never had that much money before. And they want something else for the next issue.’

‘Godric, baby, how do you feel?’ Stella came back to the bed and wrapped her arms around Remi, Dorian doing the same from the other side, both tackling each other for her attention.

‘I feel like you two need to get boundaries.’ Remi yelped as they jostled her, giggling.

‘Never. Answer Black’s question.’ Dorian poked his tongue out at Stella, who aimed a well timed jab at his ribs.

‘Honestly? I feel like I want to celebrate.’

‘Gentlemen, let me introduce you to the feminist icon that is Gunhilda.’ Jane gestured dramatically to the statue.

‘What a hottie.’

‘She is, Macdonald, she really is.  _ Dissendium.’  _ The boys gasped as the witch’s hump opened to reveal the slide into the tunnel, and they quickly followed each other down.

‘Fuck, that’s awesome.’ Marlon looked in awe at the passage in front of them.

‘How come you’ve kept this from the boys for so long?’ Marco pouted.

‘Except me.’ Levi grinned. ‘Prefect privileges.’ Marco swatted at him and they all set off to the Three Broomsticks, loudly jostling each other on the way. Prongs and Padfoot even made appearances, mostly so they could race with Marco and Marlon on their backs. Petra and Remi fell into easy chatter with Levi and Dorian.

‘You seeing anyone, Pettigrew?’ Dorian put an arm around Petra.

‘No, not at the moment.’

‘Maybe we should find you someone tonight.’

‘Oh god.’ Petra blushed. ‘No, I’m good.’

‘Boring. Pubs are great places to have fun.’

‘How would you know, Meadowes?’ Levi looked at him wryly.

‘Marlon would kill me if I told you.’

‘Fucking hell,’ Remi snorted. ‘And I think Stella’s bad.’

‘We should still get Pettigrew a hook up.’

‘Agreed.’

‘No!’ Petra laughed. ‘I can’t talk to strangers.’

‘We’ll talk to them for you. Marco can get you an in.’ 

‘Hush, Meadowes, let her be.’ Remi took Petra’s arm. ‘However, Wormtail, while we’re on the subject, what do you think of Max Zhang?’

‘Uh, he’s nice, I guess. We’ve never really spoken much. Why?’

‘Because...I invited Larissa and Lola tonight and they’re bringing him and Ta--Nolan.’ Remi didn’t want to out Talia to Levi, but felt uncomfortable using her birth name. 

‘Ooh.’ Marlon looked excited. ‘Zhang’s very cute.’ Petra blushed almost impossibly pink and Remi was glad she was getting some attention. Her quietest friend could slip under the radar at the easiest of times; now that Remi was with Stella, and Jane with Levi, she was a bit worried about Petra feeling left out. 

‘How are they getting there?’ Marlon asked Remi.

‘Lola knows about the passage too.’

‘How?’

‘Er. We made out here once.’

‘It’s so weird that you two still hang out so much.’ Petra’s tone wasn’t malicious, just curious, but Remi didn’t really know what to say back to it. She and Lola had never been that serious, and they still liked each other as friends. There wasn’t that much more to it. Thankfully, Marlon jumped in.

‘Oh, Pettigrew, this is where you need to be educated in lesbian culture. They all stay friends with their exes.’ Petra laughed and Remi felt her flare of annoyance dissipate.

‘Lola and I weren’t that serious, Pet. It was mostly me trying to forget Padfoot.’

‘Okay,’ Petra smiled. ‘It’s good, she’s really nice.’

‘So’s Max Zhang.’ Marlon tickled her and she yelped. 

‘Oh, rack off, the lot of you.’ But she was smiling.

The others were already there when they arrived, and there was a weird moment of worlds colliding as she saw Marco and Levi chatting with Talia and Larissa. She went to order a round of drinks for everyone, and it felt good, being able to easily hand over the money and not just choose the cheapest thing. She came back with a tray of spiced apple rum and Firewhiskey shots. Lola had not-so-subtly moved so that Petra and Max were sitting next to each other, and Remi smirked. It wasn’t that she and Lola had planned to set them up,  _ per se _ \- they just thought it convenient that they both had shy, awkward friends who were single. Lola winked at her and Jane hollered as Remi placed down the drinks.

‘Oh Moony, you beautiful bastard.’

‘Drink up, pals.’

The group whooped and each took a shot glass.

‘What are we drinking to?’ Lola asked.

‘Um - surviving NEWTs.’ Stella and Dorian exchanged knowing smiles.

‘Here’s to survival!’ 

Half an hour later, they were all pleasantly tipsy, and Remi gave a couple of Galleons to the bar to keep the drinks coming. 

‘Ooh, mead.’ Jane grabbed a glass and turned back to where she was chatting with Larissa. ‘So, as I was saying, if I went professional I’d want to go with the Harpies or Cannons, of course, but I doubt that’ll happen for a while.’

‘Why?’

‘Well, I want to join the war effort.’ The table quietened a bit and Jane awkwardly laughed. ‘Yeah, not exactly cheerful, sorry.’

‘Nah, it’s okay.’ Lola smiled, and Remi could see her fingers were interlaced with Larissa’s beneath the table. ‘So do we.’

‘What are your plans for next year, then?’

‘Join the Order, first thing. I’m hoping to get an apprenticeship in the law enforcement office, too, I figure I can do some good from there.’ Lola sighed. ‘It’s just hard, thinking ahead of the war to anything.’

‘Yeah.’ Max nodded in agreement. He and Petra were sitting  _ very _ close and Remi disguised her smirk with a sip of her drink. ‘I have no idea what I’ll do after. My only plan is to join the Order.’

‘Same.’ Petra smiled at him, her cheeks rosy. 

‘I can’t believe we’re going to graduate and still have to take orders from Dumbledore,’ Marlon sighed. ‘It’ll be just like school.’

‘Not  _ just like _ school,’ laughed Levi, flicking him. ‘Probably a little riskier.’

‘Nah. This school is fucking insane, man.’ 

‘Made all the more insane by us,’ snorted Stella. ‘Come on, let’s move on the topic, you drink to  _ escape _ reality.’

‘Very wise, Black.’ Marco clinked his glass with hers and Remi noticed Talia was a little flushed when he turned back to her and said, ‘Sorry, Nolan, where were we?’

‘Er, I was complaining about being stuck here for another year.’

‘That’s a shame,’ Marco chugged back his mead. ‘But you’ll join us in the Order after, yeah?’ Remi watched with fond exasperation as Talia stuttered a ‘yes’; it wasn’t Marco’s fault that he was Gryffindor’s resident heartthrob, or that he always came across as flirty, but Talia looked a little taken aback with the attention.  _ Be careful, Macdonald,  _ Remi thought.

It was past eleven and they were definitely all drunk. Stella was playing poker with Talia, Marlon and Larissa; Marco and Dorian were arguing with Levi about whether they should get a pet at the new house; Max and Petra had been in the bathroom for half an hour; and Jane, Remi and Lola were trying to brainstorm ideas for Slag Club.

‘We haven’t done a prank in  _ so _ long,’ Jane pouted.

‘That’s because you’re Head Girl now, Prongs, you have to play by the rules.’ 

‘Are you kidding, Lupin? She pretty much makes the rules,’ Lola laughed. ‘Not that I’m bitter.’

‘To be honest, you would have been a far more sensible option than me, Prewett. Have I ever told you about how I stole all the Gryffindor boys’ underwear in third year and then hid them in Slughorn’s office?’

‘What the fuck.’ Lola started laughing, loud and drunk.

‘She got two months of detention, Prewett, it was not done with stealth.’

‘Don’t rat me out like that.’ Jane shoved Remi with a grin. ‘It was worth it to know that every single boy was uncomfortable and underwear-less for at least two days.’

‘It was NOT worth it!’ Levi called from the end of the table. ‘We were literally freezing our bollocks off.’

‘Oh yeah, forgot I did it in January. Whoops.’ Jane poked her tongue out at her boyfriend, who sent her a very withering look. She turned back to Lola. ‘He loves me.’

‘He definitely does. He follows you around like a puppy dog.’ Lola shrieked as Levi flicked some beer at her. 

‘Okay, that’s my cue to go get more drinks.’

‘I can get a round, Lupin.’

‘No, Prewett. Tonight’s my treat.’ Remi hummed happily to herself as she went to the bar and ordered honey vodka. As she was waiting, a tall, lanky guy appeared next to her.

‘Hey.’

‘Hi.’ Remi gave him a slight smile and turned back to wait for her drinks.

‘I’m with the group over there, and they bet me three Galleons that I couldn’t get your name.’ He gestured towards where a group of guys were looking at them, jeering.

‘Ah.’ Remi laughed. ‘I’m sorry, I’m taken.’

‘That’s okay, can I at least get a fake name? I don’t have three Galleons.’ Remi laughed and held out her hand with mock exaggeration.

‘Tell them my name’s Georgia, okay? Don’t want anyone losing money over me.’ His face broke with relief.

‘I owe you one, not-Georgia.’

‘Sure, mate.’ Remi shook her head as the bartender handed her the tray of shots and she went back to her table, seeing the guy’s friends groan as he came back, pushing over money. 

‘What was that all about?’ Jane looked at her, and Remi realised the whole group was staring at her. 

‘Oh, nothing.’ She told the story and everyone laughed, except Stella, who just gave her a half-smile and focussed unusually hard on shuffling cards.

She kept chatting with Jane and Lola, occasionally trying to catch Stella’s eye, but couldn’t. Her drunk mind was easily distracted by everything going on and she’d pretty much forgotten about it as they got up to leave. The lanky guy was still there with his friends, and waved at her.

‘Bye, Georgia.’

‘Bye.’ She bit down a giggle and when they got outside, everyone burst out laughing.

‘Fuck, Lupin.’ Marco got her into a headlock. ‘Poor sod.’

‘She just can’t help but draw them in with her extensive sweater collection,’ Dorian grinned, and Remi aimed a kick at him but missed.

‘You’re so mean,’ she whined. ‘Stel, help me.’ 

‘Nah. You can deal with it, I’m sure.’ Stella’s tone was ice cold. She lit a cigarette and walked off, leaving an awkward silence behind her. Remi was pretty sure her heart had never beat so fast. Stella never walked away from her, even as a joke. Marco released Remi from the headlock and looked at Max and Petra instead.

‘Did you two have fun tonight?’ They both blushed and the conversation was quickly steered on. Remi inwardly thanked a higher power for Marco Macdonald’s social skills and jogged ahead to catch up with Stella.

‘Hey, Padfoot.’

‘Hi.’ Stella’s voice was tight.

‘What’s wrong?’

‘Nothing.’

‘Something is clearly wrong.’

‘Maybe I just want to walk by myself.’

‘Fine.’ Remi sighed and dropped back, which made Stella more annoyed.

‘Fine. Just go back and walk with the rest of the group, then.’

‘Padfoot, what do you want from me?’

‘Maybe I just don’t like seeing you get hit on by random men, alright?’ Stella was angry, and drunk. Remi didn’t have the brain space.

‘It’s not my fault! It wasn’t even really being hit on, it was for a bet.’

Stella snorted as they rounded the corner to Honeydukes and she furiously opened the door, not bothering to be quiet as she headed straight for the passageway.

‘It’s not even just that. You were so happy to hang out with your ex for hours and barely look at me the entire time.’ Remi looked at Stella incredulously.

‘You can’t be fucking serious, Black, your ex is literally moving in with us next year.’

‘I’m a bloody lesbian, it’s not like you have to worry about him.’

‘So it’s because I’m not one hundred percent gay? You don’t trust me?’

‘I can trust you and still feel weird when other people practically launch themselves at you and I have to sit there and just pretend it’s so fucking funny.’   
‘You didn’t exactly do a good job of pretending, did you? You embarrassed me in front of all of our friends.’

‘I did not!’ Stella was yelling now, and Remi was yelling, and they were both drunk and furious. 

‘You did! Everyone was laughing and it was fine and then you just had to have a tantrum because, god forbid, the attention wasn’t on you for five fucking minutes.’ 

‘I’m sleeping in my own bed tonight.’ Stella transformed into Padfoot and sprinted off.

‘Fine!’ Remi called after her, barely registering the sound of voices as the others entered the tunnel. She was so dizzy and so drunk, and had to beg a piggyback off Marlon to manage the rest of the way back. When she got back to the dorm, Stella's curtains were shut tight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all knew that Jealous Stella had to make an appearance at some point.


	24. Intermission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This story was published in the 1978 Spring publication of 'Scribe', the most prestigious literary journal in the British wizarding world.

**Patterns**

_By Anonymous_

They said I never cried. That’s not true.

I cried, but I had finished crying by the time they found me. The pain was too overwhelming. I have always preferred to find logic and order in chaos. Lying there, underneath flickering lights and with blood pouring out of me, I found patterns in the wallpaper, cracked and peeling from the wall. I counted to twenty, which was as high as I could count then, and then I counted to twenty over and over again until the numbers blended together. I imagined my favourite things, chocolate and my teddy bear and my mother’s singing.

So, no, I wasn’t crying by the time they found me. Everyone congratulated me on being so brave, so stoic, so resilient. But no one understood the truth, which is that crying isn’t the ultimate expression of pain. True pain hollows you. Emptiness is a terror which will haunt you, stalk you, kill you. I wasn’t brave for not crying. 

I was brave when I was able to cry again.

Feeling is not something I have ever been good at. I feel a lot, all the time, endlessly, but I’m not good at it. My emotions are clothes that need to be sorted and put away, and I just don’t have the closet space. Instead, they are shoved under the bed and forgotten.

When I had my first transformation, I wanted chocolate. I was small enough to be restrained, back then, and I only had a few cuts the morning after. My mother tried to keep me in bed, fussing over my minor wounds, making me drink lemon tea, until I screamed.

‘I WANT CHOCOLATE!’

And then I started crying, not because I was scared or lonely, but because I really wanted chocolate. I was bitten, I was damaged, I was forever changed, but I was still a five year old kid. Years later, I realise that the look that passed through my mother’s eyes in that moment was relief. I was still her daughter. Her daughter loved chocolate.

My father was drunk. He sobbed beside me as I broke pieces off a Honeydukes bar, letting each bite melt in my mouth. I found patterns. It took longer for the chocolate to melt if I resisted the urge to press it to the top of my mouth. It was easier to ignore my father if I counted how many breaths he took between each sob. When he finally quietened, I held out the bar, and he took a piece.

Brave, they said. My parents and the doctors. She’s so brave. Brave. Brave even though she doesn’t have a choice about this and has to live with it, or die trying.

If just existing makes you brave, then bravery is not special.

As I grew, I learned that some people hated me, and I didn’t know why. I learned that the green rolling hills that kept the world away also kept me away from the world. I learned to trust like I learned to ride a bike; slowly, slowly, slowly, then all at once. 

I learned that some people deserve a different kind of trust, but that came much later. 

See, it all comes back to that night, you see. Wallpaper, count to twenty, favourite things. Wallpaper, count to twenty, favourite things. Wallpaper, count to twenty, don’t break the cycle unless you want to lose. Don’t feel any of it, unless you want to die.

A wise person once told me that people could surprise me. As I finish writing this, someone is calling me from the kitchen, asking me if I would like tea or coffee. I told him that I was a werewolf twenty minutes ago, and now he’s asking me if I would like shortbread with my drink. The wise person was right.

Not crying when my parents found me wasn’t brave. It was survival, and for a long time, that felt like enough. But now, now I am ready to live.


	25. Seventh Year: Wins and Losses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remi and Stella talk, and the Quidditch Finals bring up some mixed emotions in the group.

When Remi woke the next morning, Stella and Jane were already at Quidditch practice, and she and Petra stumbled into the Great Hall to quell their vicious hangovers with grease and caffeine.

‘Have fun last night, Wormtail?’

‘Yeah.’ Petra’s face was dopey and exhausted. ‘You bloody matchmaker.’

‘I have no idea what you’re talking about.’ Remi bit into a bacon sandwich and tomato sauce spilled out onto her lap. ‘Fuck!’

‘That’s what you get for being a liar.’ Petra threw a napkin at her, grinning.

‘Look, Pet, I just - I know that the rest of us are in relationships and it’s not easy.’

‘No, I’m so happy for you all--’

‘I know you are. You’re by far the nicest one out of all of us. But it’s still not easy, and McLaggen was so unbelievably shit to you and Max is so sweet, I figured it was worth at least inviting him along. Do you actually like him though?’

‘I do.’ Petra blushed. ‘He’s, er, asked to go for a walk together later.’

‘Fucking _yes,_ that’s so cute.’

‘Shut up.’ Petra turned pinker, and sighed. ‘It is really cute, hey?’

They walked back to the Common Room, feeling much better after piles of sausages and toast, and they spread out on the corner table to study. Remi tried very hard not to think about the fight the night before; it was hazy in her memory, and all she wanted to do was find Stella and make things alright. Her brain was not making it easy on her. 

_It’ll be okay, don’t stress. But what if she decides that she hates you now? She probably won’t. But she could. You weren’t very nice to her. She’ll probably break up with you. But she might not. But she might._

The very annoying, very persistent voice continued until the Gryffindor Quidditch team filed into the Common Room, red and sweaty from hours of practice. Jane fell down dramatically in front of Remi and Petra, groaning.

‘If either of you have sugar of any kind, I will kiss you.’

‘Here.’ Petra chucked a Chocolate Frog at her head. ‘It’s your fault for ordering us all those Dragon Flame thingies last night. What was in them?’

‘No clue. But whatever it was is now my worst enemy.’ Remi looked over to the side of the room where Stella and Alessia were talking. Stella caught her eye, then said something to Alessia and motioned Remi into the staircase. She was flushed and unfairly gorgeous considering how much they had drank the night before - her skin was clear, her hair perfectly messy on top of her head, and her training gear clung to her body in truly devastating ways. They got to their dorm and Stella closed the door; Remi sat on the edge of her bed. 

‘So.’ Stella came to sit next to her.

‘So.’

‘Our first fight, huh? I can’t believe we had our first fight in the bloody Honeydukes tunnel.’ 

Remi choked out a laugh. ‘Unbearably cliched.’ 

‘Agreed.’ Stella took her hand. ‘I’m sorry, love. I was drunk and jealous and completely unfair.’

Remi breathed out in relief. ‘I just, I don’t know why you were jealous. You’ve never been jealous of Lola while we’ve been together, you certainly have never been jealous of random men. You said I make you feel safe, remember?’

‘I know. I meant that.’

‘Then why did it make you so upset?’ She tried to not sound accusatory; she just wanted to understand.

‘Oh Moony, do you really not know?’ Remi shook her head. ‘Rem, if I were a guy, I wouldn’t have had to watch another guy hit on you without being able to say something. I could have danced with you when Elton John started playing. I could have held your hand the entire night and kissed you when I wanted to.’

‘Baby.’ 

‘I’m just so sick of it all.’ Stella’s voice was a harsh whisper, and tears pooled in the corners of her eyes. ‘I’m sick of hiding.’

‘It won’t be forever.’ Remi exhaled and pressed their foreheads together.

‘It feels like it.’

‘I know.’

…

More werewolf attacks covered the front pages of the Daily Prophet after the next full moon. It wasn’t as devastating as the October attacks, but still - eight people injured. Remi forced her tired body to her first period Ancient Runes class, much to Madam Pomfrey’s disapproval, but she didn’t care. Fear gave her enough energy to at least sit in the classroom and pretend to listen.

Defence Against the Dark Arts was next, and Professor Wulrich collected their homework before leaning against his desk and regarding the class.

‘In light of events that occurred last night, and our previous discussions, I have something for you all to read.’ Remi’s stomach dropped as she saw him hold up a copy of Scribe. ‘This magazine recently published a story written by a werewolf.’ A pile of papers floated off his desk and between the desks, sending off a copy to each person. Remi didn’t quite know what to think as she stared down at her own words. She looked across to where Stella and Dorian were sitting, murmuring to each other. She hadn’t told anyone from the rest of the group - not on purpose, she just hadn’t really had a moment, and it felt too close to bragging to make any sort of announcement. The class went quiet reading, and Remi snuck a glance at her professor. She didn’t know whether McGonagall would have told him who wrote it - on one hand, she respected Remi’s privacy; on the other, she did love to boast about Gryffindor students. Wulrich’s face was impassive.

Beside her, she felt a hand on her leg, palm up. She took it and Levi squeezed, passing her a note.

**I’m so proud to be your best friend (don’t tell Jane or Dorian).**

Remi smiled, and slightly leaned into Levi. When he looked at her, his face was full of warmth and love, and he gestured to where Jane was sitting, furiously looking at her friend. Remi grinned sheepishly and then Professor Wulrich spoke.

‘Would anyone care to share some thoughts?’

‘Well, it’s certainly different than I expected.’ Emily Nahdi stared at the piece of paper.

‘How so, Miss Nahdi?’

‘It’s very human.’

‘It is. Please remember that werewolves are also humans, despite whatever classification system we may have for them.’

‘But that’s scary, in some ways.’ Remi froze - it was Eliza speaking. ‘Like, you could just meet a werewolf and not know it?’

‘Of course,’ Wulrich said. ‘In fact, I’d say it’s likely - most werewolves are not going to advertise their condition. You can probably understand why.’

‘I guess.’ Eliza’s voice was flat and Remi felt - she didn’t know. Eliza was a good person. She and Remi were solid friends. She cared about helping the marginalised. And yet, she was prejudiced. Of course, Remi knew that not everyone was going to be as unconditionally accepting as her own friends, but it was still disappointing. The problem was, she couldn’t even really blame Eliza. The attacks were terrifying.

‘I have to disagree with you, Hornby.’ Stella’s voice rang out. ‘I don’t think it’s that scary, unless you meet them on a full moon. The rest of the time, they’re probably the scared ones. You’d have to hide who you were all the time.’ Eliza didn’t say anything. ‘And hiding can really damage people.’ 

‘That it can, Miss Black, very well said.’ Wulrich smiled at her and Remi had the sudden urge to rip her girlfriend’s clothes off as Stella caught her eye and winked. 

‘What Black said,’ Marco called out. ‘Also, this story is like, really fucking sad, I don’t know how you couldn’t feel at little sorry for whoever wrote it.’ Remi bit down a laugh.

‘Language, Mr Macdonald.’ But Wulrich was smiling. The class murmured in discussion and Remi shot a withering look at Marco, who gave her his best grin, and she shook her head and leaned into Levi.

‘Is it that obvious I wrote it?’

‘Only because we know about you,’ he whispered back. ‘And also because we just know you. It’s got Moody Remi stamped all over it.’ She snorted and had to disguise it with a cough as a couple of people looked at her. 

‘Hmm.’

Jane practically jumped on her as soon as they left.

‘Why didn’t you tell us?’

‘It just didn’t come up!’

‘Bullshit.’ Jane poked her ribs and Remi stumbled to the side, laughing. Stella came up beside them and slung her arm around Remi, like she would with Petra or Stella, but her fingers pressed in tightly to her shoulder.

‘I’m so proud of you,’ Stella whispered.

‘You should defend my honour all the time,’ Remi cocked her eyebrow. ‘I’m exhausted, in pain, will need to sleep for at least twelve hours tonight, and you _still_ turned me on back there.’ Stella let out an impossibly high pitched noise and looked helplessly at Remi. ‘Give me a couple of days, Black, and then I’ll thank you properly.’ Stella was very distracted for the rest of the day. 

…

Slag Club was getting increasingly rowdy as the Quidditch Final approached. It was Gryffindor and Slytherin yet again, and since Gillian was the Captain this year, it was going to be a fair fight. She and Jane were constantly threatening to hex the other, but Remi liked their rivalry. There was some sort of understanding behind it that no one else got - it was a dedication to the game.

‘You don’t fool me, Bala,’ Jane grinned and leaned across the table. ‘That cockiness is masking knowledge of who the superior team is.’

Gillian scoffed. ‘It’s _confidence_ Potter, because I’m confident that you will be crying at the end of the game.’

‘Yes. With tears of joy.’ Eliza sighed and Talia spoke.

‘Hey, everyone, we better get started.’ Gillian and Jane grinned at each other and turned their attention to the front. ‘So, Oly, update on how the buddy system is working?’

‘Really well, I think,’ smiled Olympia. ‘At least in Hufflepuff. The younger ones definitely seem less skittish than they were.’

‘In Ravenclaw, too,’ said Genevieve, and Eliza and Petra nodded in agreement.

‘Excellent. Now, we have been talking about pulling off something big before the year ends, but I haven’t had many ideas yet. Anyone got something?’

‘Yeah.’ Everyone looked at Petra in surprise, and she blushed. ‘Um, I was talking to...someone...yesterday--’ Lola and Remi exchanged meaningful looks ‘--who said there are no memorials yet for those killed by You-Know-Who, and it gave me the idea that perhaps we could make our own?’

‘Oh my god, yes.’ Talia looked around the room, a sea of approving faces. ‘Where?’

‘I’m not sure,’ Petra said, ‘I haven’t really figured more than that out yet.’

‘We could do the Great Hall,’ Eliza leaned forward, thoughtful. ‘We’d need some sort of sticking or engraving charm, and we’d all have to pitch in, but we could try and cover the walls. Not just names, but newspaper articles, pictures, anything that remembers them, you know?’ Talia nodded and started furiously scribbling on the blackboard, and the room erupted in discussions. Everyone had a different idea, potential spells that would help them, ways to compile the names, how they could pull it off without being stopped. 

‘Good job, Wormtail.’ Jane elbowed Petra, grinning, and Petra looked about to explode with delight.

…

On the day of the Quidditch Final, Remi was wracked with nerves. She remembered how desperately Jane had wanted to win last year and hadn’t, and how miserable she was afterwards. This year, Remi and Levi had made shirts that read _Potter & Black Moral Support Squad _, which prompted ridiculous squealing from their significant others, and Petra and the boys had created a huge banner that flashed red and gold.

‘You okay, Prongs?’ Remi looked at Jane over their coffee and Jane nodded. The Great Hall was buzzing.

‘It’s less emotional than last year.’

‘Yeah.’

‘There’s going to be a scout from the Harpies.’

‘What? You didn’t tell me that.’

Jane shrugged. ‘I’ll have to turn down anything I get offered, anyway. I can’t play professionally and fight in the war at the same time.’ Remi didn’t push it. She was also going to postpone her dreams to fight in the war - she had received a letter from Oxford last night saying her application to their literature program was successful. McGonagall had apparently written her a glowing recommendation. Guilt had eaten her up as she considered taking it, then promptly stuffed the letter in her bedside table. McGonagall had said she could defer it and come back later, but with the war, there was no telling how much later that would be. She had shown Stella though, who, as a pure-blood, didn’t really understand what a big deal Oxford was, but was very proud of her nonetheless. She looked at Stella’s flushed face across the table, and when they made eye contact, Stella raised her eyebrows.

‘Hey, Prongs, give me ten?’

‘Sure.’ Stella got up and Remi followed, until they were in a side corridor. Stella took her and slammed her behind a column, lips grazing her neck hungrily.

‘Fuck, Padfoot.’ Remi gasped as Stella’s teeth bit down her beneath her shirt. 

‘Pre-game jitters, need to get them out.’

‘Right here?’

‘Right here. I love this shirt, you know.’ Stella’s voice was deep and muffled.

‘I’ll have to wear it more often, then.’ 

‘You absolutely will.’

‘You need to get back to your team.’

‘In a minute. I just needed you first.’

‘This isn’t fair, you have to go play in a Final--’ Remi gulped as Stella’s hands pulled her hips towards hers ‘--you cannot _turn me on_ in a hallway.’

‘It’s a late birthday present.’

‘You already gave me a birthday present!’ It had been perfect, too; five of her favourite classics, all first editions - _Jane Eyre, Middlemarch, Persuasion, The Importance of Being Earnest, Songs of Innocence and of Experience._

‘I want to give you another present.’

‘Stella Black.’

‘Remi Lupin.’ Stella put on her most innocent expression, keeping her hands low on Remi’s hips, and Remi groaned.

‘You’re a lunatic.’

‘You love me.’

‘You’re killing me, Black. Now go and fucking win.’

The Slytherin team was much less dangerous and much more sportsmanlike with Gillian as Captain. Gillian and Jane shook hands, murmuring to each other, and then the game started. Gryffindor got possession of the Quaffle almost straight away, and Gillian was right on Jane’s tail, blocking her ability to pass to anyone, which forced her to do a complicated flip to get rid of her opponent so she could shoot. It was incredible to watch them. They were so evenly matched; Gillian intimidating and fierce where Jane was fast and agile, and both sides of the stands were going insane whenever one of them took possession of the Quaffle. Stella stuck close to Jane, as she usually did, her powerful arms hitting the Bludger into oblivion. After their pre-game make out, Remi could barely look at her girlfriend, her insides burning with need. Levi was looking at Jane in an almost identical way.

‘We’re pathetic,’ he murmured. 

‘Completely,’ she agreed, as Finn scored and Gryffindor exploded into cheers. She caught a glimpse of a woman in the teacher’s stand - older, slicked back hair, expensive robes. The Harpies recruiter. Levi seemed to read her mind.

‘I wish she could do it.’

‘Me too. She’s fucking born to play Quidditch.’

‘She says she will, one day.’

‘She better,’ Remi muttered as Jane back-looped around the Slytherin Beater and shot another goal. ‘She’s too good.’

‘I know.’

‘What about you, Evans?’

‘What about me?’

‘What’s your dream?’ 

Levi looked thoughtful. ‘I don’t know. Maybe some sort of justice-based thing, maybe getting a Ministry job after the war and trying to make change. Or maybe take a potions apprenticeship, Slughorn has suggested a few avenues. But...don’t laugh.’

‘What?’

‘I really want a family.’

‘Why would I laugh at that?’

‘It’s a bit weird, isn’t it? For an eighteen year old guy to want that.’ Remi put an arm around him.

‘I don’t know. Kind of suits you.’ 

‘Sometimes--’ he blushed and smiled as Gryffindor took possession of the Quaffle again ‘--sometimes I imagine this being our life, you know? Taking her to and from practice, our kids cheering on the sidelines, them growing up with a dad who’s always there.’ He sighed. ‘Pretty much the opposite of what I had.’

‘Levi, that sounds amazing.’

‘I think so.’ He smiled at his girlfriend’s zooming figure. ‘This just all has to be worth fighting for, you know? We all have to have lives on the other end, otherwise what’s the point?’ Remi leant her head on his shoulder and sighed.

‘Levi?’

‘Yeah?’

‘I’m proud to be your best friend, too. No telling Dorian or the girls.’

He laughed and squeezed her a little tighter. ‘If you promise to keep it secret, so will I.’

‘Deal.’

When they won, there was nothing but noise. The Gryffindors were screaming and they flooded onto the pitch to surround their team, Jane holding the trophy with Stella and both of them crying. Levi pushed towards Jane, and when she saw him, she launched herself into his arms with a new set of sobs, and he was holding her tightly, whispering _I’m so proud of you_ over and over. Remi stood and looked at Stella, who handed the trophy to Alessia and walked straight into her girlfriend’s arms.

‘You did it, baby.’

‘Yeah.’ Stella sniffled. ‘We did.’ Remi pulled her in closer, imagining that everyone else wasn’t there, that it was just them and the trophy and their friends and they could draw together in a long, fierce kiss. But instead, they just held each other, as normal female friends might, before Stella moved on to hug Petra and the boys. Remi bundled a teary Jane into her arms.

‘You absolute legend, Prongs.’

‘I can’t believe it.’

‘You deserve it.’

‘We fucking won.’ She started crying again. ‘I don’t want it to be over, Moony.’

‘I know.’ 

That night, after Jane had spoken to the recruiter and turned down her offer of first-string Chaser, she collapsed between Petra and Remi on her bed, pulling Stella on top for a hug. The four of them lay in silence for a few moments, and then Jane spoke.

‘We better win this fucking war, girls.’


	26. Seventh Year: The Finale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As school wraps up, Slag Club plans to go out with a bang.

It felt very strange, sitting down with Violet for the last time.

‘How are you feeling, Remi?’

‘Okay, I think. Just have to get through NEWTs next week.’

‘You’re going to do well.’

‘I hope so.’

‘And even if you don’t, it probably won’t matter that much, if what Minerva has told me is true.’

‘It is.’

‘Congratulations, Remi, that’s wonderful.’

‘I mean, Professor McGonagall did have to fake my A-levels--’

‘--that she based off your grades here. Remi, just be proud of yourself.’

‘Okay,’ Remi exhaled. ‘It’s just, I’m not even going to be able to go.’

‘You will, one day.’

‘Maybe. Maybe not. I doubt I’ll be able to do anything at all if You-Know-Who wins.’

‘Best not to jump ahead, Remi.’

‘I can’t help it.’

‘Nor can any of us,’ Violet sighed. ‘The world is terrifying at the moment.’

‘I have to fight it.’

‘I know,’ Violet smiled at her. “You’re that type of person.’

‘A Gryffindor?’

‘Well, yes,’ Violet laughed. 

‘What House were you in here?’

‘Which one do you think?’

‘Hufflepuff.’

‘Clever girl. Tell me how Stella’s going.’

‘We actually had our first fight.’

‘And how did that go?’

‘Well, we were both drunk, so that was a bad start. And she got jealous and I got annoyed and it was a mess. But then we talked about it and it was fine.’

‘You sound very calm about it.’

‘Is it weird…’ Remi tried to think of what she wanted to articulate, but it was difficult. ‘I’m not glad we fought, it was stressful and I had a mini freak out and convinced myself she was going to leave me, but when we made up, I don’t know, it made me even more sure that it’s right? I’ve always had this anger that makes me really hollow, and sad, and distant, but the anger I felt with Stella was so different.’

‘Sometimes,’ Violet said gently, ‘we need to know that the people we love aren’t going to leave us, especially if we have a history of abandonment or betrayal. Sometimes we need to fight, we need to mess up, we need to say things we regret, because when the other person is still there and you can apologise and work through it in a healthy way, you develop trust.’

‘That’s funny,’ Remi remembered sitting in the same office two years before, ‘McGonagall said something very similar once.’

‘Minnie has always been clever about things like that.’

‘Yeah.’ To her surprise, Remi felt tears sting her eyes. ‘Fuck, I just realised I’m not going to see her or you that much anymore.’

‘Oh, Remi.’ Violet smiled and fondly patted her hand. ‘You can still see me if you want, you know?’

‘Really?’

‘Just book an appointment through Minerva - it’s probably safest considering you’ll be in what the Ministry considers an outlaw organisation. And as for Minnie - although she won’t be your teacher anymore, she rarely leaves behind her students. She didn’t leave me behind. And you’ll always know where to find her. That woman will be buried in this office.’ Remi laughed and nodded, and Violet passed her a tissue.

‘It’s just, so much is changing.’

‘If we’re lucky, things will always keep changing.’

‘Thanks, Violet. For everything.’

‘You’re very welcome.’

…

Remi wasn’t quite sure where time went between seeing Violet and finishing NEWTs. She knew that she spent most of her time in the library, falling asleep over her notes and waking with ink imprints on her cheek; she knew that found time to eat and sleep; she knew that Stella dragged her away for an impromptu makeout session at some point. Other than that, it was all a blur until she put down her quill at the end of the History of Magic exam, and realised she was done.

Of course, to celebrate, the Gryffindors threw a huge party and invited every seventh year (except Death Eaters). Remi let Petra put some mascara and blush on her, and threw on a Joni Mitchell shirt with jeans - she just wanted to feel like herself, rather than dress up. Still, Stella looked at her with wide eyes when she saw her.

‘Fuck, you’re hot.’ Stella pulled her in by her belt loops. 

‘I’ve put in the very lowest amount of effort possible.’

‘Yet, you’re still so hot. It’s not fair.’

‘You scrub up alright yourself.’ Stella was wearing her Doc Martens, a tight black dress and her leather jacket, and had a cigarette dangling from her fingers, which she took and pressed to Remi’s lips. This was an entirely unfair turn on, and she looked at Stella with pleading eyes.

‘Later,’ her girlfriend grinned. ‘I do have something I want to show you, though. Are Wormtail and Prongs already downstairs?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Okay.’ Stella walked over to her bedside table and pulled out a familiar pouch.

‘Is that…’

‘What you got me for my sixteenth birthday? Yes.’

‘Oh my god, I completely forgot about it.’ Stella slid out the plain stone and clutched it tightly, smiling. 

‘I first held the stone the night you gave it to me. It was the last time I was really happy for weeks, and it got me through that Christmas.’ Remi shuddered at the memory and took Stella’s hand. ‘I held it again when you forgave me that summer, and then the night after we went to that nightclub and I could still feel your hands on mine and you telling me I was beautiful. It was only after we got together that I realised the only times I was able to imprint any kind of powerful happiness on the stone was because of you. So every inch of happiness this stone has held onto is because of you, okay?’ Stella slid it into Remi’s palm. ‘This is how much I love you.’

An immediate and powerful whoosh of warmth spread through Remi, head to toe. The stone seemed to almost buzz, sending vibrations through her entire body of love, joy, relief, a million other emotions she couldn’t name. Flashes of memories began to roll through her, and Remi saw herself as Stella saw her; her studying, nose almost pressed to parchment, biting her lip and furiously writing; her smoking on the windowsill, staring at the night sky; her, naked, head on Stella’s chest, Stella’s hand tracing her scars. Memory and emotion intermingled, then burst and multiplied into a million possibilities, a million ways of being loved, and it was somehow like drowning and breathing all at once. It was so unmistakably Stella - everything she felt was so front and centre, all-consuming and fierce. Remi looked up at her after what felt like a very long time.

‘Baby.’ Her voice was a breathless whisper, and Stella took her face and kissed her, long and slow and deliberate.

‘I don’t know what’s going to happen after we leave this place, with the Order and the war and the future. But I need you there with me to get through it.’

‘I need you, too.’ Remi pressed her face into Stella’s stomach as she took the stone back, currents of love still pulsing through her. She heard footsteps coming towards their dorm and then Jane’s voice.

‘If you two assholes aren’t drunk with me in twenty minutes I will tell McGonagall about Stella’s birthday, and that’s a fucking promise.’ Remi laughed and Stella looked down at her, pushing her hair back. Neither of them spoke; they didn’t need to. Stella pulled Remi up into a long kiss, and they held hands until they reached the bottom of the staircase. 

‘Please, tonight, remember how much I love you, okay?’ Remi murmured, planting one last kiss on her cheek.

‘I will.’ Stella closed her eyes and leant into it, reluctantly moving back as Remi pulled her into the Common Room. Petra bounced up to them with a bottle of Firewhiskey, Max trailing slightly behind her. 

‘You’re a hero, Wormtail.’ Stella’s face was set back into that signature grin, mischievous and flirty, ready to charm and dazzle. She drank directly out of the bottle, then poured it into Remi’s mouth, and then the boys surrounded them.

‘FUCK YES, LUPIN!’ Remi squealed as Marlon picked her up and spun her round, his red and gold tie around his head. Marco now had the Firewhiskey bottle and was sculling it like water, passing it to Levi who sighed and reluctantly took a sip. 

‘Evans,’ Remi laughed, breathless as Marlon put her down. ‘Come on, we don’t have to study, get as drunk as the rest of us tonight.’

‘I don’t like--’ Levi was cut off as Marco tilted the bottle up to his lips at a high angle, nearly choking him. ‘Fuck, Macdonald!’ Levi spluttered. Jane appeared, throwing her arms around her boyfriend.

‘Stop harassing him. It’s not his fault that he’s a total square.’ She grinned and kissed his cheek, and he practically melted into her touch.

‘You’re the one dating me, you loser.’

‘Get a room.’ Stella winked at Remi and took another drink. Dorian stumbled over from the drinks table and Remi laughed as he threw his arms around her.

‘Lupin, my angel, my guardian, my saviour, my best friend until the end of time--’

‘She’s MY best friend.’ Levi stepped forward and punched him.

‘WHAT?’

‘Levi, you said you wouldn’t tell!’

‘Remi,’ Dorian looked mortally wounded, ‘are you telling me you’ve been cheating on me?’

‘Godric, there’s enough room in my heart for both of you.’ Remi grabbed a cup of punch and felt a sudden, tipsy surge of love towards her misfit boys. ‘Plus, you have to contend with the Marauders in the best friend stakes, and you don’t want to go there, since to my knowledge neither of you are illegal Animagi.’

‘One day.’ Levi laughed and the three of them clinked glasses. ‘For real, you two are the only reason I survived this year. I don’t know what I’m going to do now.’

‘We will be living in the same house, Evans.’

‘I don’t know, will we even be friends if ninety percent of our discussions don’t revolve around study?’ Dorian poked his tongue out as Remi swatted at him. 

‘Don’t joke, Meadowes, otherwise we will do book club without you.’

‘We’re creating a book club?’ Dorian’s eyes lit up, then he swore as he realised Remi was joking. ‘You’re so mean.’

‘But you love me?’

‘I love you.’

‘Good. I tolerate you.’ She yelped as Dorian flicked some whiskey at her.

‘Are you three drinking?’ Jane appeared next to Remi, glaring at them accusingly. They all held up their drinks and she narrowed her eyes, then laughing in delight as Levi downed his one go.

‘Still a square, Potter?’

‘You’ll always be a square. My square.’ Dorian and Remi made retching noises as they kissed and then Stella was there, forcing more shots into everyone’s hands, and Max and Petra were making out against the wall, and then Queen was playing, and they were dancing, and there were more drinks, and then it got a little hazy.

…

There was one final thing left to do before they left Hogwarts, and the Slag Club decided it should wait til the very last day of term - one, for dramatic effect, and two, because none of them felt like spending their last few weeks in detention. The seventh years - Lola, Larissa, Gillian, Eliza, and the Marauders - all led the project, focussing Slag Club meetings on charmwork. They decided it would be easiest to have the basic materials for the mural ready to go, to ensure that the Hall was decorated to full effect. They worked the entire day before in solemn silence, each cutting out newspaper articles and recording the names of the dead. There were so many. Remi was struck with a sudden pride that she was joining the Order, that she would be a part of the solution to this reign of terror, as much as she could be. 

That night, when the castle was quiet and the summer sky had finally set, the Slags met outside the Great Hall, each holding stacks of paper. They rotated a watch person every ten minutes, to stand guard as the rest of them covered the walls in names and faces. Hundreds of pieces of paper flew to the walls, arranging themselves so every name and face was visible. The Hall was filled with quiet murmuring as each Slag cast the sticking and protection spells they’d practiced, and then they turned their attention to decoration.

Gillian inked ‘BLACK POWER, WOMEN’S POWER, DIRTY BLOOD POWER’ above the entrance, and Talia had a photo of Marsha P. Johnson that she was putting up behind the teacher’s table. Remi found the Marauders and they wandered aimlessly around, trying to soak in every last moment.

‘Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs.’ Jane’s voice was wistful, and Remi leant into her shoulder.

‘That’s us.’

‘I know we’ll be living together next year, but…’

‘It’ll be different,’ Stella finished for her.

‘We’ll all have our own bedrooms,’ Petra laughed. ‘That’ll be weird.’

‘And we’ll be fighting a war,’ said Remi. ‘Even weirder.’

‘What do you reckon we’ll be doing, when we join the Order?’

‘Dunno, Wormtail.’ Jane sighed. ‘No idea.’

‘We must be completely mad,’ Stella murmured. They took each other’s hands as the crescent moon shone in through the huge windows.

‘Fuck.’ A thought struck Remi.

‘What’s wrong, Moony?’ Jane looked at her with concern.

‘We’re going to have to learn to cook.’ 

‘Oh shit.’ Stella barked a laugh, and Petra started giggling.

‘We’re going to starve,’ Jane said, and squeezed their hands. ‘But at least we’ll starve together.’

They arrived at the Great Hall the next morning to a very mixed reaction. Snape and Avery and Mulciber were sitting in their usual spots, glowering. Lots of students were wandering around and looking at the names and slogans, and others cried softly as they paused over particular faces or names. The teachers were murmuring amongst each other, and when Remi caught Professor McGonagall’s eye, a wry smile was on her lips. The Marauders sat down to their last meal, and Remi took in their handiwork in the light of day. It was beautiful. A particular drawing stood out behind the Gryffindor table; it was a print of the night sky, torn out and circled by words.

_ I would give her the moon. _

Remi’s breath caught and she looked at Stella, who was nervously pushing food around her plate.

‘I didn’t want to be too obvious, but I also wanted something here for you, just for you. Do you...is it okay?’ Remi tried to speak but her throat closed up, and she just nodded. She looked at the picture again and her heart almost burst out of her chest. She looked at the girl beside her, the girl who she had loved for so long, and gripped her hand so tightly their knuckles went white. She tried to find something that could adequately express what she felt right then.

‘Violet once told me there was no such thing as soulmates, you know.’ Remi focussed on her girlfriend’s grey eyes and tried to breathe. ‘But you come pretty close.’

Stella shook her head. ‘Fuck Violet. I can call you my soulmate if I want.’ It was such a quintessentially Stella Black thing to say, and Remi laughed. A sound came from the front of the Hall; Dumbledore was getting up to speak. 

‘As you can see, there has clearly been some overnight activity in the Great Hall. As it is our last meal, and you will all be soon on the train back home, we do not see the point in finding out who did it.’ He paused, and Remi saw Professor McGonagall and Professor Sprout nodding behind him. ‘But, whoever it was - I thank you.’ A muttering spread around the Hall. ‘We currently face a threat to our world, the likes of which we have never seen. As you move forward - particularly to those who leave Hogwarts forever today - remember that this fight is about so much more than us. It’s about generations past and future. It’s about --’ he looked at the faces covering the wall behind him ‘--so much more than we could possibly understand right now. Remember the sacrifices, remember those who have left us, and then move forward.’ He paused, then went back to his seat. The Hall was quiet, and then murmurs started again.

‘Well. I guess that’s it then.’ Jane turned back to her toast. Stella snorted.

‘Prongs, are you actually disappointed that we didn’t get in trouble?’

‘Well…’ Jane looked intensely at her plate. ‘It would have been nice if they had one more trick up their sleeve, you know?’ The Marauders all started laughing. ‘I’m just saying! We put a lot of work in! We deserve the credit!’

‘Aw, Prongs.’ Remi patted her friend’s hand. ‘If it makes you feel better, I am positive that at least McGonagall knows it’s us.’

‘Yeah?’ Jane perked up a little.

‘Absolutely. She’s giving us the side-eye right now. And if she knows, so will Dumbledore.’

‘Okay. I believe you.’ Jane huffed. ‘Hopefully the rumours spread.’

‘You’re incorrigible.’

‘Well I won’t get to be  _ incorrigible _ as an adult. I’ll have to be responsible.’

‘Doubt it.’ Petra poked her side. 

As Remi left the castle, she was filled with a feeling she’d never had before. It was happy, sad, relieved and bittersweet all at once. Only as an adult would she recognise it for it was, a feeling of leaving childhood completely behind, knowing that everything would change and there was no going back; it was nostalgia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> School may be over, but there's a lot more of this story to come; hello First War years, let's go.


	27. The First War: Induction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang moves into Stella's new house and attend their first Order of the Phoenix meeting.
> 
> CW for light sex scene (non-explicit).

Euphemia and Fleamont were very insistent that they didn’t have to move into Stella’s new house  _ too _ quickly. Remi spent most of her first few weeks of proper adulthood lying in the sunshine in their backyard, reading and writing, with Stella and Jane and Levi beside her. Occasionally Petra would visit, although her parents were forcing her to spend time with her sister and sister’s now-fiance before she moved out. She sent them multiple hilarious updates about how awful the fiance’s family was. Marco was also holidaying with his family, but Marlon was at Dorian’s house, so they got to see them fairly regularly and plan the move. Remi had written a few times back and forth with Lola, who was straight into preparing to join the Order, and Jane was in regular contact with Gillian, so they got updates about her and Eliza. Remi always looked forward to any letters or updates; it made leaving school seem like less of a big deal, and the war less terrifying. She felt like she wasn’t going to breathe properly until all the Marauders and the boys were back together again. It was a wolfish instinct, she realised, to want your pack together.

She threw herself into house preparations and writing; her second piece of work, a long poem, was published by Scribe and she received thirty Galleons this time. Minerva sent the money and magazine to her with a note.

_ I hope this is one you stick to the walls. - MM _

Remi showed the note to Jane, who was instantly thrilled that McGonagall had confirmed her knowledge of their last-day activities, and then proceeded to fly down the stairs with the magazine to show her parents, much to Remi’s protests. Euphemia and Fleamont were ecstatic, of course, and Fleamont raised a toast to Remi over dinner that night.

‘To our budding creative - keep writing magic.’ Remi blushed a very deep red and Stella kissed her cheek.

‘You’re nothing but magic,’ she whispered, so only Remi could hear. Her heart raced. This was the other excellent thing about finishing school; she and Stella actually got time together, and could be a normal couple - at least for the few weeks before their first Order meeting. They held hands and made coffee together in the mornings and went for long walks in the forest. And then, at night, they took their time, leaning into each other with slow movements and deep, bruising kisses; a far cry from the sleepy, rushed sex that became necessary during NEWTs. Remi had already written about a hundred terrible love poems about Stella’s lips and hair and curves. She couldn’t help herself; it felt like she had to collect those memories and keep them safe, locked in lines of cliches that no one but her would ever read.

They all received their NEWT results a few weeks into July; Remi and Levi both received Outstandings for all of their subjects, and Jane and Stella got a couple of Outstandings and the rest Exceeds Expectations. It was almost depressing to have done so well; they looked at each other as if to say,  _ what now? _ Years of intense study and late nights and stress, and all of them were going to work full time as volunteers for the Order. Petra sent a letter that came later that day - at Dumbledore’s urging, she had used her father’s connections to get a Ministry position in Public Information Services, where she would be able to gather information for the Order. It would be very useful, but part of Remi was resentful - that was Petra’s role sorted. The rest of them had to wait.

They finally moved into the house at the end of July. It had been repainted, the bathrooms all updated and connected to running water, and Stella had already bought a few key pieces - a huge U-shaped sofa for the living area, a thrifted dining table that Remi had spotted on a trip to London, and kitchen and laundry appliances. Euphemia was a godsend during this period -  _ you’ll need a fridge, dear, too much magic to keep things cold otherwise; you don’t need a dryer, there’s a spell for that; trust me, buy the hand soap and laundry powder in bulk. _ Fleamont connected their main fireplace to the Floo network, and sorted out the garden gnomes. Even Andromeda, Ted and Dora showed up with a housewarming gift; a small, Snitch-like device for sending messages within the house.

‘Trust me, owls get messy quickly,’ said Ted, shuddering slightly. Remi looked at him with amusement. ‘You really don’t want to know that story.’

Stella was thrilled to see her cousin, of course, and made a vague gesture towards Remi as they were talking. Andromeda’s face lit up and she beamed at Remi, who went over blushing.

‘Oh, I’m so happy for you two!’ Andromeda gave them each a hug. ‘I know it’s been - wow, almost a year now - but Godric, we all need a little more love in the world, especially at the moment.’

‘We do.’ Stella took Remi’s hand as Dora bounced in, nearly sending several antiques on Euphemia’s side table flying.

‘Mummy! Look what I found!’ A black house spider looked pleadingly at them between Dora’s fingers.

‘Fu--Fudge, Dora, remember what we said about stealing insects?’

‘No.’ Dora’s tone was final, and Remi and Stella burst out laughing as Andromeda shot them a withering look. 

As they got into bed that night, Stella looked thoughtful.

‘Dora’s a great kid.’

‘Yeah, she is.’

‘I wouldn’t mind a kid if she were that great.’ Stella’s tone was almost wistful, and Remi turned to her with raised eyebrows.

‘You wanna knock me up, Black?’

‘No!’ Stella barked a laugh. ‘Godric, at least not for a very long time.’

‘I don’t know, it’s never something I’ve thought about,’ Remi closed her eyes. ‘I would never want to pass what I have onto someone else. And I don’t think I’d make a great mother, with all the being sick and disappearing every month.’

‘I’d disagree with that.’ Stella took a lock of her hair between her fingers and exhaled. ‘Maybe one day, after the war, when we’re old and boring…’

‘As fucking if,’ Remi laughed and pressed a kiss into her neck, hooking her knees over Stella’s waist in a straddle. ‘I can’t even imagine a boring Stella Black.’ She pressed a little back into Stella’s hips, and her girlfriend moaned, immediately distracted.

‘I’m so glad I’m not a guy,’ Stella hurriedly unbuttoned Remi’s shirt, ‘I’d walk around with a constant boner, having to watch you all day--’

‘--I’m hardly strutting around in my underwear--’

‘--which makes it even better,’ Stella planted soft kisses on the inside of Remi’s wrists, ‘because I have to use my imagination. Never as good as the real thing though. For fuck’s sake, stop  _ blushing, _ Moony, we’ve been together for a year, surely I can call you hot by now?’

‘If you’re into the whole lanky, scarred, nerdy kind of thing.’

‘I am. I’m into whatever you are, although I’d rephrase it as a thing for tall, academic, mysterious types.’ She hitched a knee between Remi’s legs and her breath caught. ‘Girls who seem really nice and by-the-book, but will break the rules for a good cause, and who bite their lips when they concentrate, and who have really pretty amber eyes and long eyelashes and a Welsh accent that’s only noticeable when they’re tired.’

‘That’s a very specific type.’ Stella flipped Remi onto her back and started trailing kisses along her collarbone and arms, burning and insistent. 

‘It is. I’ve only found one person who fits the criteria, funnily enough. And I’m going to need her to shut up about whether she’s attractive or not.’

‘You don’t make it easy to shut up--’

‘Lupin. Shut up.’

‘Bloody hell. I love it when you’re bossy.’ Remi groaned into her hand as Stella moved kisses down to her stomach and hips. She reached up and pulled off Stella’s t-shirt, unbuttoning her jeans, kissing up into her chest and neck. She was consumed with the familiar, urgent need to touch every part of her, to make her gasp and moan and swear. She unhooked Stella’s bra, trailed her mouth down to her chest, and Stella’s head fell back, mouth parted. She lifted Remi’s fingers between her lips and gently sucked, and tremors took over her body.

‘You’re so damn responsive,’ Stella murmured, fingers drifting along Remi’s thighs, which was too much for her already burning skin, and she pushed Stella’s head down. Stella kissed around her hip bones and inner thighs, and Remi felt like she was about to explode.

‘For fuck’s sake, Stella,  _ please.’  _ Stella smiled, bit her lip, and gave in. Something about her in that position, grey eyes looking up behind long, dark eyelashes, never failed to send Remi over the edge into a frenzy, and she came biting down on her own palm, shuddering and convulsing. Stella grinned and crawled slowly back up, kissing every inch of her on the way.

‘Don’t ever question how beautiful you are again, okay?’

‘Will you do that to me again if I do?’

‘Probably.’

‘I’ll never stop.’

…

Levi was in charge of the move. He stayed at the new house for the entire day with a clipboard and map, barking out orders and chastising Stella whenever she got distracted.

‘Focus up, Black, we can unpack those later.’

‘But--’ Stella looked at her box of Quidditch supplies ‘--if we want to go for a fly later…’

‘Later!’

‘Okay, okay.’ Stella pouted and Disapparated back to the Potter’s house to bring back more. Remi grinned from the corner of the room, where she was levitating boxes into neat rows, and Jane appeared.

‘Have you been terrorising Padfoot?’

‘I have been trying to keep this operation moving  _ smoothly,  _ Potter.’ Levi looked at the clipboard. ‘Have you brought our clothes over yet?’

‘No.’

‘You’re behind schedule.’ He pointed meaningfully to his notes. 

‘You heard the man, Prongs, we better get moving.’ Remi grabbed Jane before she could further annoy an already very stressed out Levi.

Marlon and Dorian arrived with their scarce possessions later in the day, and Stella showed them their room.

‘So this a queen, but if you need a bigger one--’

‘You already bought us a bed?’ Dorian looked at her. Stella shrugged.

‘It’s my house, I’ll furnish it.’ Stella moved the subject on and Remi watched, smiling. She knew for a fact that Stella had bought a bed for them before they could object to it - neither of them had much money. It was the type of thing Stella did for people just because she could, and wanted no recognition from it. Remi loved her so much.

Over the next few days, Marco and Petra arrived, and the gang organised the house as best they could - they drew up cooking and cleaning rosters, did grocery trips, panic-Flooed to the Potters more than once to ask questions.

Only when they were all sitting around the dining table for their first home cooked meal - Jane had made them dal baati choorma, rice and naan bread, after getting the recipes in painstaking detail from Euphemia - that Remi’s wolf stopped whimpering.  _ Pack together. _ She exhaled and looked at Petra.

‘So glad you’re here, Wormtail. Finally.’

‘I know.’ Petra shook her head and grains of rice fell onto her lap. ‘It was honestly torturous, being there.’

‘Fuck!’ Marco started wheezing as he took a mouthful of the curry, and grabbed his water. ‘This is so spicy.’

‘Come on, white boy, this is nothing.’ Jane smirked at him and nonchalantly took a bite of hers. He scowled at her.

‘Play nice, you two.’ Levi smiled. ‘So, the first meeting is next week.’ The conversation quickly turned to their plans; Petra was at the Ministry, Dorian was taking a part time job at Flourish and Blotts, Marco and Marlon were bartending at the Leaky Cauldron, Remi was planning on stretching her writing wage, Levi and Jane were being supported by her parents at Dumbledore’s request, and Stella didn’t have to worry. 

‘Dumbledore got us the jobs,’ Marco said, grinning at Marlon. ‘Said it would be a useful place to overhear information for the Order, but he knows we’re both broke too.’

‘Plus, we get to work together!’ Marlon whooped and he and Marco high fived. 

‘God help your patrons.’ Jane laughed. 

‘Not all of us can have your luck, Potter.’ Marlon’s voice was light and teasing. ‘Your parents are absolute dreams.’

‘They are,’ Jane agreed. ‘We’re lucky. But Dumbledore also asked us to remain jobless.’

‘You must be doing Order stuff full time, then?’ Marco looked quizzically at her.

‘Don’t know,’ Jane sighed. ‘Guess we’ll find out next week. Lola told me that when her family joined, they started them pretty light, mainly doing Auror-based training and stuff, and then sent them into the field.’

‘The war’s picked up a bit since then.’ Stella’s brows knitted together. ‘They may just throw us in.’

‘Gosh, I hope not.’ Petra looked worried and Remi patted her arm.

‘Don’t worry, Pet, you’ll be mainly at the Ministry anyway, so don’t worry too much.’

‘It’s me who’s got to worry,’ Marlon shook his head. ‘How the hell do you pour a beer?’ 

…

The first Order meeting was at the Longbottom’s house. Remi vaguely remembered them from school; Frank and Alice had been in their last year when the Marauders had been in their first, and Frank laughed when he saw them.

‘Here comes trouble.’

‘How is that our reputation  _ already?’  _ Remi looked at Jane in astonishment.

‘I was the one who had to wrangle you four after you tried to hunt that Niffler.’

‘Oh god,’ Remi put her head in her hands as Stella and Jane burst out laughing.

‘It’s nice to meet you all again.’ Frank grinned and shook their hands properly, the boys introducing themselves, and he pointed them towards the living room. About twenty others were there, including a scarred wizard Remi recognised immediately.

‘Alastor Moody,’ breathed Marlon. ‘My future best friend.’ Remi hid a snort with a cough and Marlon grinned at her. Moody was the best Auror in the Ministry, and one of Dumbledore’s closest friends. Remi grinned as a familiar set of arms threw themselves around her.

‘Fucking hell, Prewett, gentle.’ Remi squeezed her tight. Lola had cut her hair shorter, and it was tied back in a loose ponytail. She was wearing muggle clothes, more flexible and practical than robes, and there was a faint purple tinge under her eyes. She already looked like a soldier.

‘I’ve been training with my family most days,’ Lola said in response to Remi’s silent question. ‘It’s been pretty intense.’

‘Sounds it. I’ve spent a month relaxing. Feels kind of silly, hey?’

‘Nah. We all need to relax. My family is just paranoid after what happened to Gid and Fab.’

‘Understandable. Is Larissa here?’ Lola nodded and gestured towards the sofa, where her girlfriend was chatting to an older guy. ‘That’s her brother Edgar. The Bones family are all getting involved in the Order or spying in the Ministry. Amelia’s amazing.’

‘So I’ve heard. Do you know what you’ll be doing yet?’

Lola shook her head. ‘Generic spying stuff, I guess, at least to begin with. I don’t have a job, I’m still living with Mum and Dad, so I’m useful.’

‘Same. Except I’m living with the group in Stella’s house.’

‘That must be fun.’ Lola looked a little sad.

‘It is - we’re having a housewarming party next week, Jane is giving out invites today, you should come. You look like you need a break and we haven’t even started fighting yet.’

‘Yeah, touche.’ 

The room went quiet as Moody cleared his throat and stood up.

‘First off, I’d like to welcome our new recruits. Takes a lot of courage, considering we’ll probably all be dead soon.’ Remi and Jane exchanged  _ what the fuck  _ looks, but a few of the older members laughed. ‘Here’s how this will work; you’ll have two weeks of intensive training with myself and Kingsley.’ A large black man on Moody’s right hand side nodded. ‘Then we’ll give you assignments. If it’s going to be too hard, walk out now. If you want to live a normal life, walk out now. If you want to live more than you want to defeat these fuckers, walk out now. No one’ll blame you.’ Moody looked around, then shrugged. ‘Good job. You’re stuck with us now.’

‘Well, that was cheery,’ Remi raised her eyebrows and turned to Lola, who grinned.

‘Ah, Moody. Been a family friend for a while. He’s actually a big softie, once you get to know him.’ 

‘Hmm.’ Remi wasn’t convinced. They joined the Marauders by the back of the room, as the senior Order members started reading out agenda items. It was surprisingly boring - they were mainly arguing about timetabling issues. At the end of the meeting, Moody waved over the new members.

‘So,’ he said gruffly, ‘I want to see you here bright and early tomorrow morning, then we have eleven days of training planned for the next two weeks. Any issues?’ They all shook their heads a little too enthusiastically and Moody’s mangled lips twitched upwards. ‘Okay then. Go get a good sleep. You’re going to need it.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so excited to be starting the war years. Just a reminder that this is a canon divergent story and it will not go where you expect, so stay tuned.
> 
> I would also appreciate any and all feedback on smut/how much of it you want/whether you want it at all. I want to rep WLW relationships in all their beautiful aspects but also don't want to make anyone uncomfortable <3


	28. The First War: Preparation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The new Order members begin training, Remi is forced to have a difficult conversation, and there's a housewarming.
> 
> CW for description of panic attack/anxiety

Training was hard. Moody was relentless -  _ constant vigilance, Lupin! _ \- and the magic they were learning was at advanced Auror levels. The first thing Moody and Shacklebolt made them do was produce Patronuses, preferably corporeal, so that they could communicate using the spell Dumbledore had invented the year before. Jane and Levi, unsurprisingly, nailed it immediately, both producing stag Patronuses, which earned them a round of cooing from the others. Lola could do it immediately too; her Patronus was a fox, and it nearly knocked Marlon off his feet running around. Dorian got it next, producing a swan. Gillian, who had missed the first meeting but surprised them at training, pulled off a polar bear. Marco, Marlon, Petra, Remi, Larissa and Stella were the ones left struggling. 

The problem was that Remi actually knew she could do it. Hers was a wolf, and she was terrified of outing herself to the Order. Moody wasn’t stupid, and he pulled her aside after the second day.

‘Lupin, if you haven’t figured it out by now, we’re going to be sending you on werewolf-specific missions.’ Remi’s heart sank, although she knew it was inevitable; the werewolves were huge players in Voldemort’s mobilisation of dark creatures. Still, she had held onto some sort of hope that she would be tagging along with everyone else, or have some sort of partner to do it with.

‘Yeah, I figured as much,’ she muttered, trying to not sound too disappointed.

‘And you know that the Order will need to know where you are?’  _ Oh. _ In all her worrying, she had assumed Moody and Dumbledore could know and that would be enough. How stupid of her.

‘Right.’ Her mouth was dry.

‘Which means that you need to give this training everything you’ve got, Lupin, and not be a coward.’ Remi flinched; she had never been called that before, but she supposed he was right. The real problem for her was telling Lola - they had been so close for two years and she hadn’t been brave enough to tell her. And although Eliza wasn’t in the Order, Gillian was, and Remi still remembered that DADA class. Moody sighed at her despondent expression and put a gruff hand on her shoulder. ‘I’m sorry, Lupin, but those are my orders.’

Remi huffed and pointed out her wand, imagining Stella’s body on top of hers, and as soon as she muttered  _ expecto patronum _ her wolf shot out, snout up to the sky, ready to howl. Moody made an approving noise.

‘Minerva wasn’t joking about you, was she?’

‘What?’

‘Said you were her best student. Minnie doesn’t casually hand out compliments like that. Bloody powerful witch, you are.’

‘Thank you.’ Remi flushed and drew back her wand.

‘You still have to tell everyone.’

‘Yeah, alright.’ 

‘And tell Black to stop holding back, too. No one cares that you two are together.’ 

‘Righto.’ Remi lightly snorted and pressed a hand against her forehead. No secrets in the Order. ‘It’s really all-for-one, one-for-all in here, isn’t it? And what do you mean she’s holding back?’

Moody slapped her on the shoulder. ‘You’ll figure it out, kiddo.’

As Remi’s wolf ran around the training space the next day, the room erupted into applause. Moody looked at her pointedly.

‘Prewett! Bala! Bones! Please go have a word with Lupin. If any one of you has a problem after, you can bring it up with me.’ Lola, Gillian and Larissa all looked confused and Remi felt knots of nerves build up in her as they followed her out of the room.

‘What’s up?’ Lola smiled at her reassuringly and guilt gnawed at Remi.

‘Um, I don’t know how to say this.’ She looked at the girls. ‘Fuck it. I’m a werewolf.’ Silence.

‘Oh.’ Larissa looked at Lola with raised eyebrows. Lola looked a bit blank.

‘Moody’s made me tell everyone in the Order, because that’s what I’ll be doing, werewolf missions, and you all need to know where I’ll be.’

‘All good, Lupin, I don’t care.’ Gillian patted her shoulder and Larissa smiled at her.

‘Me neither.’

‘Can you give us a moment?’ Lola’s voice was flat. Gillian and Larissa warily left them, and then Lola closed the door behind them.

‘What the fuck, Lupin?’

‘Lola...’

‘Did you think I would care?’

‘No, but--’

‘But? You know everything about me. You were my first kiss, the first person I told about Gid and Fab and the Order, I thought we were  _ good friends.’ _

‘We are, Lola, fuck. We are.’

‘Then why didn’t you tell me?’

‘It’s not exactly something I like to bring up in conversation.’

‘Then how do they all know?’ She gestured to the other Marauders and their male counterparts in the next room. 

‘The girls figured it out. I told the boys when our lives became too enmeshed for pretending to make sense.’

‘Didn’t you trust me?’ 

‘Lola, it has nothing to do with you. It’s my thing to tell. It’s not like I lied to you--’

‘No. You just kept me far enough away that I didn’t have to know.’

‘I do it with everyone, Prewett, it’s how I was raised.’

‘Not with them, though.’ 

‘Well, they’ve been my best friends since I was eleven, so no, not with them. Why are you being so fucked up over this?’

‘You know what, forget it.’ Lola ran an exasperated hand through her hair. ‘I don’t give a shit that you’re a werewolf, Remi, I just wish I didn’t have to find out with your other acquaintances.’ Remi took a tentative step towards her.

‘Lola, you know you’re not an acquaintance. Neither are Larissa and Gillian, for that matter.’

‘Whatever. Let’s get back.’ Lola went back into the training room and didn’t meet Remi’s eyes for the rest of the day.

Remi tried not to think too much about Lola; there was nothing she could do to change it now, and the more she thought about it - particularly as the full moon approached - the more annoyed she got. It was precisely why she usually didn’t tell people about her condition. No one was entitled to anything about her. She had gone her entire life dealing with her shit by herself, and now, an entire organisation wanted to be let in on it.

The day before the full moon, they were practicing advanced Shield charms, and Remi was so on edge that she knocked everyone off their feet trying to cast protection around the room. 

‘Fucking hell, Lupin,’ Moody grumbled. ‘A little restraint, please.’

‘Sorry.’ Remi huffed and headed for the door. ‘I need a minute.’ She went into the backyard, quickly pulling out her cigarettes and letting the smoke settle in her lungs. She heard footsteps, and bracing herself for Moody, turned around. It was Alice.

‘Mind if I steal one of those?’

‘Not at all.’ Remi passed her one. Alice lit up and inhaled deeply.

‘Fuck. Been too long since I’ve had one of these.’ Remi didn’t say anything, just smiled and kept the smoke between her lips. ‘You know, my uncle was a werewolf.’

‘Really?’ Remi turned to her and Alice nodded.

‘He was my favourite person. Looked after me a lot when I was younger, my parents were pretty absent. He died a few years ago.’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘So am I.’ Alice looked up. ‘He would have been proud of me.’

‘My mum died. Nearly two years ago. She would have been shitting herself if she knew where I was.’

Alice laughed. ‘That’s the way mums are, I guess. Or at least how they’re meant to be. Look, I just wanted to say that if you ever need to chat, I have half an idea about werewolves. I still track lunar cycles. I still carry chocolate with me everywhere.’ That made Remi smile.

‘Thanks, Alice.’

‘No problem.’

‘Will you be coming to our housewarming next week?’

‘Absolutely. It’s been way too long since any of us have had any fun.’ She smiled at Remi, stubbed out her cigarette and went back in. Remi decided she liked Alice.

That transformation was more intense than usual. Remi was full of pent up emotion and the wolf felt it, sprinting through the forest so fast that the dog and stag could barely keep up, the rat holding onto the stag’s antlers for dear life. When Remi woke up, she was uninjured but exhausted, her muscles even limper than usual, and her lungs parched. The Marauders left her to sleep while they trained, and she dozed all day, only waking for chocolate and water. When Stella came back that night, Remi snuggled into her chest, appreciating more than ever her girlfriend’s warm-blooded body and strong, secure arms that seemed to lock her in.

‘You feeling a bit better?’ Stella kissed her forehead.

‘Yeah.’ Remi sighed. ‘It’s just all a bit of an adjustment.’

‘I’ll say. Moody and Shacklebolt ran us ragged with duelling today.’

‘They’re maniacs.’

‘Absolutely. Lola asked how you were, today.’

‘Good to know.’

‘Rem.’

‘Sorry.’

‘She does really care about you.’

‘I know.’

‘I think she’s jealous.’

‘What?’

‘Not of you and I,’ Stella added quickly, ‘but of all of us - Marauders and boy Marauders, for lack of a better word, sharing this place together. I think Ravenclaws weren’t as chummy with each other as we were, and most of the Prewett family was in Gryffindor, so Lola missed out on that.’ Stella patted her hair. ‘I’m not trying to defend her. I just think that you’re one of the only people Lola feels properly close to.’

‘Since when have you understood Lola Prewett?’ 

Stella laughed. ‘I like her. She’s interesting. Plus, she’s obsessed with Larissa, so I don’t have to get jealous.’

‘You never have to get jealous.’ Remi grinned. ‘I kind of like it, though.’

‘Oh yeah?’

‘I like watching you get riled up over me.’

‘I am  _ constantly _ riled up over you.’ Remi smiled and Stella hugged her tighter, kneading out a knot in her neck, and Remi let herself relax into it.

‘I had a chat with Alice, the other day.’

‘She’s lovely.’

‘She is. Told me her uncle was a werewolf, practically raised her.’

‘Wow.’

‘Yeah. She said she still carries chocolate everywhere with her. I realised that you’ve started doing that, too.’ Stella barked a laugh.

‘I really have. It’s not half bad for me, either.’

‘Stella?’

‘Yeah?’

‘I don’t want to do these werewolf missions.’

‘I can’t even think about it.’ Stella twirled a strand of her hair, focussing intently. ‘If anything happens to you, I will rain hell on them. I’d blow up the entire fucking Order. Then I’d go to Azkaban and blow that up, too. Then I’d burn the world.’

‘I know.’

‘Good.’ Stella kissed her head. ‘Stay alive.’

…

After two weeks of training, the housewarming party was a welcome distraction for everyone. Remi had taken extra sessions with Shacklebolt to make up for the ones she missed around the full moon, and her brain was on the verge of exploding with information and strain. She focussed on music selection while everyone else ran around decorating and buying alcohol and snack food. She sniggered when she heard Levi yelling at Marco.

‘Who the FUCK needs two hundred breadsticks when we have NOTHING TO EAT THEM WITH? Go and buy some bloody dips, Macdonald.’

Dorian came and sat next to Remi, picking up her chosen records.

‘Anything fun on here tonight?’

‘Of course.’ She handed him her latest prized possession, the only thing she had bought so far with her income from Scribe apart from groceries. 

‘Holy shit, yes.’ Dorian grinned - it was The Clash’s latest album.

‘I’m sure everyone will want ABBA later on, but we get to have fun first.’ 

‘Too fucking right. I’m so glad you’re in charge of music.’

‘Me too. How was your first day at work?’

‘Good,’ he smiled. ‘I mean, it’s a bookstore, so I’m obviously in heaven.’

‘Of course.’

‘But it’s also a good place to hear things. People seem to think that nerdy types aren’t listening to their conversations. Little do they know we’re nosy bitches.’ Remi snorted.

‘Speak for yourself, Meadowes.’

‘You aren’t above me,’ he grinned. ‘You were the one who started this friendship by telling me you knew my darkest secret.’

‘It wasn’t that fucking hard, you were practically drooling whenever he was around.’

‘Look at you two.’ Levi sank next to them. ‘What’s up?’

‘I was telling Meadowes that he’s a ridiculous simp.’

‘True.’ Levi got slapped for that one.

‘Hey, I don’t blame you. Have you seen Marlon’s abs, Lupin?’

‘Oh my god, yes. How does he get that V-shape thingy?’

‘Lots of bicycle crunches,’ Dorian grinned.

‘Hot.’ 

‘You have no idea.’

‘I do. How did we all fall for jocks?’

‘I don’t know, opposites attract or something like that.’ Levi shrugged. ‘Not complaining.’

‘Not at all.’ Marlon was on the other side of the room wrestling decorations away from Jane and Stella. Remi really  _ really _ liked Stella’s biceps when she flexed.

‘We need to focus,’ she murmured to the boys, who made small noises of agreement. None of them moved.

Having a house party was very different to having a Common Room party; more space meant more conversations, less dancing, perhaps fewer shots and more beers, but Remi enjoyed it. Most of the Order was there, at least the younger ones, as well as Eliza, Talia, Max, Slag Club members and some other school friends that Marco and Marlon mostly invited. Remi gave Talia a huge hug when she saw her.

‘So glad you could make it, Nolan.’ 

‘Me too.’ Talia had put on a little eyeliner and some fitted jeans, and it suited her. ‘Needed something fun before school goes back.’ 

‘I’m not going to lie to you, I don’t even know how I survived last year.’

‘I don’t know how you did either. I feel like I never saw you outside the library.’

‘Just you wait.’ They chatted a little longer, then Marco came over.

‘You came!’ He gave Talia a bone-crushing hug and she flushed a little.

‘Yep. Nice to see you Macdonald.’ Marco was in a loose button down and tight pants, and Remi felt really sorry for all the girls who were going to get their hearts broken that night.

‘Come on, Nolan, Jane was looking for you.’ He steered her off and Talia shot Remi a helpless look over her shoulder. Remi bit down a smile and went to find Stella, who was playing poker with Benjy, Emmeline, and Frank, Alice watching them all with a smirk.

‘She’s going to flog them, isn’t she?’

‘Yeah. Sorry in advance for the money your husband is about to lose.’

‘Not my problem girl, I keep our assets separate.’ Remi felt her admiration for this woman just about quadruple. Alice held up her beer to clink with Remi’s. ‘Cheers, rookie.’

‘Cheers.’ Remi was about to ask her how she was finding the party when she saw Lola talking with Eliza out of the corner of her eye. They were whispering, close together, and her stomach dropped. The part of her that had been trained to never trust anyone started chanting,  _ she’ll tell she’ll tell she’ll tell,  _ and a wave of nausea suddenly hit. 

‘’Scuse me Alice, just need to find someone…’ She trailed off mumbling and headed straight outside, the fresh air hitting her like a wall. She bent over and tried to catch her breath, but another wave of nausea made it difficult to breathe in too much, and her muscles were tight and everything seemed to compress in on her.  _ Stupid, stupid, stupid. _ She gasped in lungfuls of air, trying to regulate herself.  _ If you want to fight in a war, you have to make sacrifices. _ She tried to steady herself; patterns, patterns...light. The light came in through the windows and was split up into evenly divided portions by the fence, and Remi counted each slat until she had stopped shaking enough to light a cigarette.  _ You knew what this would be. _ The door opened behind her and she heard a familiar clunk as Moody walked out.

‘Alright, Lupin?’

‘Alright, boss. Didn’t know you’d be here tonight.’

‘Just dropped by to see you, actually.’ 

‘Oh yeah?’

‘We’ve got your first assignment.’ Remi almost laughed at Moody’s timing; of course she would be assigned her first job midway through a panic attack. ‘There’s a group of teenagers and young adults squatting in Edinburgh. We have a tip off that they’re werewolves. And Greyback has been chasing them.’ He looked sideways at Remi. ‘You need to convince them not to choose him.’

The implication hung heavy in the air. This would be a long mission. Trust wasn’t built overnight.

‘When do I leave?’

‘Tomorrow.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I know 'simp' is not proper 70s jargon, but it just fits Dorian so well.


	29. The First War: Infiltration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remi goes out on her first mission and meets the pack.
> 
> CW for a child being exposed to sexual activity (non-graphic, they're not assaulted/attacked)

Remi couldn’t bring herself to look at Stella as she packed. She glanced around their room, only just decorated; Polaroids of them and the Marauders stuck to the walls, posters of Bowie and Freddie Mercury, their new blue and gold bedspread rumpled from goodbye sex. Stella sat and watched her, silence hanging in the air between them like a weight.

Moody had told Remi to pack light; she needed to seem as broke as the rest of them, so she only filled up a backpack, putting on her thickest pair of jeans and the battered black hiking boots that she’d had since fourth year. She took her wand, but she wasn’t allowed to take one of Jane and Stella’s mirrors or an owl or any other form of communication. She wasn’t completely clear on the details, but her impression was that she would have to be perceived as an outcast. When she was ready, she took Stella’s hand and they went downstairs. Everyone was there to say goodbye, hungover and solemn. She went round and gave each of them a hug: Marco ruffled her hair; Marlon squeezed her tight and lifted her off the ground; Petra whispered  _ be safe _ in a shaky voice; Dorian and Levi hugged her simultaneously, muttering something about nerd power; Jane clutched each side of her face and told her to not die; and when it was Stella’s turn, she slid her the stone pouch.

‘Please come back soon.’ Stella’s voice was pleading and hoarse.

‘I will.’ Remi stroked back her hair and they kissed, long and slow and intense. When she pulled back, Stella was crying, and Jane wrapped her arms around her to pull her in as Remi hopped into the fireplace.

‘Alastor Moody’s house!’ And then she was gone.

Moody was waiting for her with Dumbledore as she stepped out of the fireplace.

‘Moody, Professor.’ She shook each of their hands and Dumbledore smiled.

‘You are not my student, anymore, Miss Lupin. Albus would be fine.’

Moody chuckled at Remi’s uncertain expression. ‘I still call him Dumbledore, don’t worry Lupin.’

‘Alright.’ She sat down, Stella’s tear-soaked face filling up every corner of her mind. She forced a neutral expression as Moody started talking.

‘So, Lupin, we’ve put together some information for you.’ He slid across a pile of papers. ‘It’s a brief overview of everything we know about werewolves in Britain right now - packs, names, photos. It seems like there’s an even split between those wanting to join Voldemort, believing they would be better off under his rule, and those who don’t. The balance seems to be tipping in his favour.’ 

‘How many are in this pack you’re sending me to?’

‘About fifteen to twenty. All under thirty, some magical, some muggles.’ 

Dumbledore regarded her. ‘I understand that this is not exactly how an eighteen year old hopes to start adulthood, Remi. I know that you have just moved in with your friends. But I hope you know that what you are doing will make a huge difference in this fight.’ Remi exhaled, slowly, and nodded.

‘I know. I know what I signed up for.’ 

‘You’ll be fine, Lupin.’ Moody looked at her. ‘If there’s an emergency, send a message with your Patronus. Your endgame is to convince them to join the Order as well. When the timing is right, you can tell them that you were approached by me and have been recruited. Before then, not a word, which means zero contact with home, you understand?’ Remi squeezed her eyes shut and imagined Stella beside her.

‘I understand.’

Dumbledore gave her shoulder an affectionate pat as he left, and once she’d read and memorised his notes, Moody ushered her outside. She took his arm and they Apparated into a pebbly side alley, the chilly freshness unmistakably Scottish and sending a pang of longing for Hogwarts through her. 

‘Alright, Lupin, you know the game plan. Your hostel’s that way.’ He gestured loosely to his left and then looked at her with a funny expression. ‘Godric, you’re so young.’ Remi didn’t know what to say, just shrugging and giving him a wry smile.

‘Can’t help that, can I?’

He laughed gruffly. ‘No. I suppose not.’

‘I better get going.’ Remi sensed Moody’s reluctance to let her go, and remembered how Lola had told her he was a big softie. ‘I’ll be fine, boss. I’m tougher than these scrawny limbs would have you believe.’

‘Yeah, yeah.’ He smiled and clapped a hand on her arm. ‘You’re a brave soul. Remember, one Patronus and I’ll be here.’

‘Got it.’ He stepped back, gave her a small, semi-ironic salute, and then he was gone.

For the first time in her short life, Remi was completely alone.

…

Moody had booked her into a cheap hostel just down the road. It was central Edinburgh after dark and students flooded the streets to get to Happy Hour on time. Remi found her hostel and checked in. The pierced punk girl at the front desk gave her a key and a once-over glance, eyes lingering on her scars.

‘Toilet’s to the right. Your bag, your problem. We don’t have insurance.’ Remi faintly smiled and headed out again, this time towards the bar Moody had told her about. It was a ten minute walk and although she was lonely and terrified and possibly about to have another panic attack, she tried to take in her surroundings enough to find her way back later. She found the pub tucked away behind a tattoo parlour. It looked dingy and rundown, but even from the street she could smell it; the cloying, muggy scent of a wolf. They were here.

Remi entered the dimly-lit bar and immediately ordered a beer, looking around as subtly as possible. Her subtlety wasn’t necessary. A group of ragged, underfed-looking young people were staring at her with wide eyes, and the scent of wolf hit her like a brick. She took her beer and sat down in the opposite corner with a book. She had a strategy to play. She purposefully didn’t look at them as she read, although she could hear whispers between them. Eventually, a broad guy in tattered jeans and sneakers came over to her. He looked like he was in mid-twenties, but his hair was streaked with grey and his face was badly scarred.

‘Cub.’

‘Hello.’ Remi kept her tone cool.

‘My siblings and I haven’t seen you before.’

‘Just arrived from London.’

‘I see.’ He flicked his eyes over her body and she fought the urge to shiver. ‘I’m Felix.’

‘Remi.’

‘Do you always talk so much, Remi?’ He gave her a sarcastic smile and sat down.

‘Only when the conversation is this enthralling.’

‘Do we not enthral you?’

‘I’ve met others before,’ Remi replied vaguely. ‘I prefer to be alone.’

‘Even on a beautiful night such as this one?’ 

‘Especially then.’

He chuckled. ‘You’re a feisty one, aren’t you?’  _ Gross.  _ She gave him her best death glare and it only seemed to rile him up more, and he gestured the others over. Three girls and two boys, none of whom could have been older than twenty five.

‘Everyone, meet Remi,’ Felix purred. ‘She’s from London.’ One of the girls looked at her over an upturned nose. She had black hair that hadn’t been washed in too long, and Remi thought of Snape in a moment of near-humour.

‘Charming.’ The girl glowered at Remi. ‘She’ll be one of  _ his, _ Felix, leave her alone.’

‘Yes, please leave me alone.’ Remi turned back to her book, heart racing; this was the defining moment, whether she could straddle interested and disinterested well enough to make them like her and also not suspect she had sought them out. Luckily, a couple of the group laughed.

‘She’s funny.’

‘She is.’ Felix turned to Remi with an appraising look. ‘And I doubt that she’s one of his, Cassie, she’s nowhere near as charming.’

‘I just came here for a beer,’ Remi sighed and finished her drink. ‘I had hoped that others like I would understand the need for privacy.’

‘Those like us are not meant to be alone.’

‘I am.’ Remi put her glass down and got up. ‘Goodnight.’ As she walked out, she felt Felix’s eyes on her back.

‘I want her.’

For the next two weeks, Remi stayed in the area around her hostel, frequenting coffee shops and cheap bars. She could smell Felix wherever she went; his scent was distinct, dirt and cannabis and wolf, but he didn’t show himself. When Remi started to pick up a couple of additional scents - grass and pine and a citrus smell that sent a pang of longing for Stella through her - she knew he’d brought others. In a twisted way, Remi enjoyed the hide and seek they were playing. It brought out a side of her that she didn’t even know she was normally repressing - the thrill of being watched, hunted, hiding. Her wolf had always loved to play, and now it was embroiled in the biggest game it had ever been in.

Felix got impatient. Remi was nursing a bowl of pretzels and a whiskey at a shabby pub when he entered, flanked by the dark haired girl called Cassie and another boy from that night. When Remi locked eyes with them, Felix smirked.

‘Hello again.’

‘Hello.’ Remi raised her eyebrows. ‘Come to finally kidnap me?’

‘We won’t need to.’ Cassie sat down and looked at her. ‘We are nearly at the end of the cycle. You need us.’

‘I’ve gotten by fine alone.’

‘Maybe. But you’ve enjoyed our attention, I know you have.’ Cassie reached out and tilted Remi’s chin up, her hands rough and her nails long. Her eyes were as dark as her hair, and with a start Remi realised that although Felix looked like he was in control, she was the alpha. She pulled the strings. ‘Have you ever run with a pack on a full moon, cub?’

‘No.’  _ Of sorts. _

‘Then you don’t know. What it feels like. It will change you.’ Cassie leaned forward. ‘Why are you still here, cub? Why have you not run from us?’

‘Why should I?’ Remi met her eyes. ‘I don’t fear you. Also, I seem to recall you thought me a spy for someone.’

‘I haven’t ruled that out.’ Cassie tapped her nails against the table. ‘But I don’t think so. You’re too...civilised, for him.’

‘For who?’

‘Greyback.’ Remi inwardly thanked the years she had spent masking her emotions as she kept a neutral expression and stared at the three of them.

‘Heard of him,’ she shrugged. The boy sitting next to them flinched. Remi kept steady eye contact with Cassie. ‘So answer my question. Why are you still here?’ 

‘I…’ Remi pretended to trail off and sigh. ‘I have needed to observe you as much as you me.’

‘Prove it.’ Cassie’s already dark eyes turned blacker as her pupils widened. ‘Run with us next week.’

The days leading up to the full moon were filled with a kind of anticipation Remi hadn’t experienced before. Cassie and Felix kept watching her, and she kept watching them. They didn’t speak. The days flew by, as the moon pulled her joints and muscles into preparation. Every night, she curled into her hard hostel mattress and held Stella’s stone and imagined her soft hands and bright eyes and the way she whispered Remi’s name in her sleep. But she didn’t cry; she didn’t let herself think anything other than that this was a dream she would soon wake up from.

The afternoon of the full moon, Felix found Remi in one of her usual hangouts; a small cafe that served terrible coffee and even worse food, which meant it was always empty. He slid into the booth across from her and she finished her coffee, wincing at the bitterness.

‘No Cassie today?’

‘Cassie is preparing the other cubs.’

‘I’m not a cub.’

‘We all are.’ 

Remi snorted and got up. Felix gripped her arm as they walked out, his hands calloused and grimy. She let him pull her into a side alley and they Disapparated almost instantly, appearing in front of a small, derelict warehouse, surrounded by thick woods that stretched as far as she could see. Inside, a concrete floor was littered with mattresses and sleeping bags; a table in the corner was piled with canned vegetables and bread; and the air was heavy with the smell of sweat and wolf. Felix led through a door into a second area, where a room of twitchy, moon-crazed eyes turned to look at her. Cassie grinned.

‘Our newest cub, everyone. Remi from London.’

‘I’m just here for tonight,’ she said quietly, more to Felix than anyone else.

‘You won’t be leaving.’ Anxiety twisted in Remi’s stomach and she pushed it down.

‘I’ll do whatever I want.’

‘I’m telling you what you’ll want.’ His hand rested on her lower back and she fought the urge to knock him out. The room kept buzzing with chatter, and Cassie made her way towards them.

‘You came.’ Her grin was overly done and sharp; Remi got the impression she wasn’t used to smiling. ‘Go and meet your siblings.’ Remi was pushed forward into the group by Greyback, and the boy from the other day smiled at her. 

‘Remi, right?’ He had a thick Irish accent and bronzed hair that flopped over his eyes. He couldn’t have been older than sixteen, and something about his mostly unscarred face and arms suggested to Remi that he hadn’t been turned for long. She wondered how on earth he’d ended up here.

‘Right. You?’

‘Jamie.’

‘Nice to meet you.’ Remi scanned the room. ‘This is weird. Like a convention or something.’ Jamie laughed, high and sweet. 

‘That’s what I thought too, at first, but you get used to it.’

‘How long have you been here?’

‘Nine months. Since I was scratched. Cassie took me in almost immediately, my family couldn’t handle it.’ Remi wanted to ask more but also didn’t want to look too keen. She settled for a nod.

‘You like it here?’

‘Well enough,’ he shrugged. ‘Not many other options for us, are there?’ 

‘No, I guess not. Are you magical?’

‘Yeah. My mum’s French, I went to Beauxbatons.’

‘Do you miss it?’

‘Yeah.’ His voice dropped. ‘Too risky to go back, after the attack. Are you magical?’

‘Yeah,’ she said. ‘Hogwarts.’ 

‘So,’ he hesitated slightly, ‘you’re not Greyback’s spy?’

‘No,’ Remi shook her head. ‘Hate him.’

‘Me too.’ Their eyes met and understanding passed between them.

‘What do you do in between cycles? Do any of you have jobs?’

‘Not really. We mostly steal food and stuff, those of us who are magic.’

‘Okay.’

‘Do you have a job?’

‘Nah. I get some bits of work here and there.’ Technically, not a lie. ‘It’s hard, when you’re like us.’ He nodded sadly.

‘I wanted to be a teacher. That definitely won’t happen now.’ Remi’s heart just about broke in half.

‘We’ll stick together, yeah?’ She smiled at him. ‘I’ll need help getting used to all of this if I stay.’

‘I hope you do.’ His face brightened. ‘At least for a while.’

_ The wolf tore out of her and howled. It looked around and found unfamiliar faces that were familiar in their sameness. The alpha started running and they followed. Run, run, run, chase, tackle, play. On and on and on, better even than with the stag and dog and rat, energy limitless, moving as one, their thoughts enmeshing together, and power like the wolf had never known radiated out of it. It was free. _

When Remi came to, she was lying in the clearing they had transformed in, naked and tingling. Around her, the others were waking up, grappling to find their clothes in the cold air. Remi pulled on her jumper and pants and laid down again, utterly exhausted. She felt Cassie and Felix approach, their scents intermingled and heightened after the night, and Cassie reached out and stroked Remi’s cheek with a ragged fingernail.

‘Did you enjoy the pack, cub?’ she breathed. Remi looked over at her wryly.

‘You know I did.’

‘Sometimes it’s better than being alone.’ She ran her nose over Remi’s cheek and jaw and Remi tried not to jerk away, thinking of all the times Stella had done the same thing with her tongue. Cassie drew back a little. ‘You were beautiful, cub. Powerful. Stay.’ 

The werewolves slept for the rest of the day, waking for food and water. In the evening, Remi heard moaning and turned to find Cassie writhing on top of Felix, her head thrown back in pure animal pleasure. Another guy was kissing up the length of her back, and then she realised that many people had grouped up. She turned to Jamie with wide eyes. 

‘They don’t make you join, don’t worry,’ he whispered. ‘But it’s like this most nights, particularly after the full moon.’ The awful thing was that Remi got it; when the shackles were lifted and her wolf could run free, she was still exhausted and aching but also filled with adrenaline from the moon and the chase and the power of transformation. She tried not to imagine what Stella’s body would be like on top of hers at that moment, and her stomach seemed to burst into flames. 

‘You can, though.’ Jamie looked remorseful.

‘I can what?’

‘Join them, I won’t mind.’

‘Oh, no, Jamie - I’ve got someone.’

‘You have?’

‘Yeah. But don’t tell anyone, okay? I don’t want them to know.’

‘Of course.’ He nodded earnestly.

‘Hey Jamie?’

‘Yeah?’

‘How old are you?’

‘I turned fourteen in July.’ Fuck. Even younger than she’d thought. ‘How about you?’

‘I’ll be nineteen in March.’

‘Cool.’ He moved his sleeping bag a little closer to hers, and she noticed how he tugged it over his ears. She pulled out her wand.

_ ‘Sonorus Quietus.’ _ A bubble of silence enveloped the both of them, and she gave Jamie a small smile as she put her wand away. He was looking at her with a curious expression.

‘Did Hogwarts care? About you?’

‘Dumbledore made accommodations for my condition.’ 

‘Wow.’ His face was unbearably sad. ‘Lucky.’ She watched him as he drifted off to sleep, his eyes moving quickly behind his lids and his mouth twitching.  _ Even if nothing else good comes of this mission, I can rescue him. _ That thought was the only thing that let her sleep that night.


	30. The First War: Risks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remi hatches a dangerous plan to get the werewolves into the Order.
> 
> CW for mild descriptions of violence and injury.

Jamie wasn’t the only one who needed saving. Over the next few days, Remi saw the realities of living in a pack. There was no heating, dinner was usually cold and prepackaged, and the muggle werewolves - although there were only a few of them - never got to leave the building, being unable to Disapparate and being considered generally useless by Cassie. She only took others with her into Edinburgh if she needed help carrying groceries or wanted company. Otherwise, wanting to go out wasn’t really considered a good enough reason. If Felix wasn’t with Cassie, he was watching the others and listening in to conversations, unless one of the girls wanted to fuck. From there, the warehouse would usually devolve into an orgy, and Remi and Jamie would go outside. Jamie was very bright and talked a lot about school; he wanted to know everything about Hogwarts, the classes and curriculum and teachers. He was fascinated by the House system.

‘So you were in Gryffindor?’

‘Yeah.’ Remi smiled.  _ ‘Where dwell the brave at heart.  _ Which actually means we were all just ridiculous show offs and constantly in trouble.’ Jamie laughed.

‘Sounds fun. Would I be in Gryffindor?’

‘You’re certainly brave enough to be, but I actually think you’d be a Hufflepuff.’

‘Which one is that?’

‘Hard-working and loyal.’ He flushed. ‘And just as brave as Gryffindors, to be honest, but less concerned with proving it. Also, their Common Room is next to the kitchens.’ She raised her eyebrows at his mouthful of chocolate and he snorted a little, taking another bite.

‘Izjussogodanihongy.’

‘Come again?’

‘It’s so good,’ he swallowed, ‘and I’m so hungry. The food here is a bit difficult to adjust to, after Beauxbatons.’

‘Yeah, it’s not exactly gourmet.’ 

‘I’d give anything for a proper roast chicken,’ he sighed. ‘My ma made the best roast.’

‘You sound like you miss her.’ 

‘Yeah, well, she doesn’t miss me.’ He glowered a little and nibbled more chocolate. ‘My family couldn’t even look at me, after the attack.’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘It’s fine. Cassie takes care of me well enough.’  _ No she doesn’t, love.  _ Remi willed her mouth to stay shut. The door opened and Felix stood there, sweaty and hair ruffled.

‘You can come back in, we’re done.’

‘Okay.’ Jamie walked back in and Remi tried to follow, but was stopped by Felix.

‘You should join us sometime,’ he murmured. ‘If you think running with the pack was good…’

‘I’m good, thanks.’ She tried to push past him and sighed. ‘Felix, please.’

‘You know we don’t force anyone to participate.’ His voice was quiet now. ‘But I know you better than you know yourself, cub, and eventually you’ll crack. They all do. Pleasure beyond what you can dream right now.’ Remi had the bizarre urge to laugh as she thought of Stella’s forearms and tongue. Men really did think so highly of themselves. Cassie appeared next to Felix and gave Remi an intrigued look.

‘Felix, let us have a moment.’ He went straight back inside and she looked at Remi. ‘You’ve gotten close to my youngest cub, Remi from London.’ Remi looked at her with raised eyebrows, as if to say  _ and? _ Cassie ran a finger down her cheek.

‘Be careful.’

‘I’m just being friendly, Cassie.’

‘He belongs to me.’

Remi felt a sinking feeling in her stomach, and realised she had to back herself out of this for the plan to work.

‘I know. He is yours.’ She leaned in closer, her breath hot on Cassie’s cheek. ‘I don’t want to  _ take _ anything from you.’ 

‘What do you want?’

‘I want to be close to you.’

‘Then be close,’ Cassie growled and fisted Remi’s shirt, pulling her in. Remi felt bile rising in her throat and pushed it down.

‘Not yet.’ She placed a hand over Cassie’s and smiled coolly. ‘Remember how I said I needed to observe you as much as you me? I still need that.’

‘How do you want to observe me?’

‘Let me come with you, tomorrow, when you leave us. I want to prove to you that I have your back.’ Cassie looked at her, expression inscrutable.

‘Don’t talk to Jamie. For a week. Then I’ll see.’ It was a challenge. Remi had to learn her place.

‘Fine.’ Remi kept her expression blank. Cassie smiled and dropped her shirt.

When they got back inside, Remi gathered her things and moved them next to Cassie’s mattress. Jamie was looking at her with a hopeful expression and with a slight shake of her head, she looked from him to Cassie pointedly. His face dropped and she saw his eyes go glassy. This wasn’t the first time this had happened to him. Every protective instinct in her wanted to go and grab him and Disapparate them both somewhere far, far away, but she forced herself to think of these fifteen werewolves in Greyback’s clutches, and focussed back on the mission. Felix gave her an approving smile as she set down her bag next to his. Two others slept there as well, a girl and a boy, both of whom had been at the bar Remi had gone to that first night in Edinburgh. Zac and Piper, their names were. They practically drooled whenever Cassie came close to them. 

That night, as they ate peanut butter sandwiches and canned tuna, Remi turned to Piper.

‘I like your tattoos, cub.’ The use of the nickname earned her an approving squeeze from Cassie.

‘Thank you,’ Piper smiled, her teeth yellow and her lips pale and cracked. ‘I just Confund the guy at the parlour and he gives me whatever I want.’ Everyone cackled. Remi took the opportunity.

‘You must be pretty good, at magic.’ 

‘I get by. Thanks to her.’ She looked adoringly at Cassie.

‘I take care of my cubs.’ 

‘I like that.’ Remi tried not to be disgusted with herself.  _ There’s a war. You have to do things you don’t want to. _ ‘You take care of them.’

Cassie turned and stroked back Remi’s now-overgrown fringe, smiling. ‘Of all of you.’

That night, Remi zipped her sleeping bag up to her chin and tried to breathe as she heard the four of them moaning and thrusting behind her. She felt Cassie’s nails run along the back of her sleeping bag and shivered. She closed her eyes and thought of the war, of Jamie, of Stella. It would be over soon.

Remi made an effort over the next week to get to know Zac and Piper, but they weren’t really all that interesting. They’d both been bitten as children. Their families didn’t want them going to Hogwarts and had homeschooled them instead. Then they ran away with Cassie. This seemed to be a common story amongst the magical werewolves. Remi wondered what it was about her that made Dumbledore show up on her door all those years ago, insisting that he would make school accessible for her, going out of his way to convince Lyall and Hope. Either her parents were just extra gullible or he hadn’t done the same for the others. She didn’t like to think which it was.

Cassie held up her end of the deal, and after a week of avoiding eye contact with Jamie and being consumed by guilt, Remi finally got to leave the warehouse. She, Cassie, and Zac Disapparated into a side alley and headed off in search of food. Cassie also wanted to check out a possible werewolf scent Felix had detected the day before. They were in a different area to the one Remi’s hostel had been in; it was busier, with taller buildings and people in suits who gave the three of them dirty looks. Remi couldn’t imagine how bad she smelled after weeks of only being able to use the outside tap to rinse herself off. Cassie looked unperturbed, leading them through a park and stopping suddenly. Remi smelled it too; wolf but not like them - a different pack. Cassie started following her nose, Remi and Zac following, but it didn’t lead anywhere. 

‘They smell like Greyback’s lot.’ Cassie was frustrated. ‘We told them this was our territory.’

‘Why would they be here?’ Remi tried to sound surprised.

‘Recruitment for You-Know-Who.’ Cassie growled slightly. ‘As if. We aren’t pets.’ It was the first piece of useful information Remi had gotten since she arrived; they wouldn’t join his side. Now she just had to make them join hers. And she had an idea of how to do that.

Moody met her in the forest behind the warehouse. Remi didn’t realise how excited she would be to see him, but for the first time in almost two months she was seeing someone from her old life - her real life. He had the decency to not look too shocked at her appearance, and instead cast a  _ quietus _ charm around them and got right down to business.

‘Good to see you Lupin. What do you need to talk about?’

‘They don’t want to join You-Know-Who.’

‘Good.’

‘But, they aren’t going to work for us without some sort of reward.’

‘What kind of reward?’

‘They currently sleep on a concrete floor in sleeping bags. They’re cut off from civilization unless the alpha permits them to leave. They have to steal food with levitation charms to eat. It’s fucking miserable.’ 

Moody understood. ‘We need to offer them a better deal.’

‘It’ll be hard,’ Remi said quickly. ‘They need Cassie, the alpha, to permit this to happen. They’re too attached to her. And I know how to persuade her, but it’ll be dangerous.’

‘How dangerous?’

‘We need Greyback to find out where they live. And then you need to be there when he tries to force them out. They don’t respond to pity, they respond to strength.’

‘Okay.’ Moody exhaled and nodded, looking thoughtful. ‘I think we can tip Greyback off through a couple of backchannels. He really wants them, huh?’

‘Yeah, and they’re terrified of him. But he won’t kill them or anything. He’d consider it a waste, I think - he wants them for the pack.’

‘Okay then. You’ve done a good job, Lupin.’ Something about the sincerity in his tone took Remi aback, and she swallowed down a sob.

‘How’s...how’s everyone else?’

‘Safe. Still alive.’ 

She let out a long exhale. ‘Good.’

‘I told Black I was coming to see you today. She threatened to use an Unforgivable on me if I didn’t bring her.’ He shook his head in exasperation and Remi snorted, tears springing to her eyes.

‘Yeah, that sounds about right.’

‘We’ll have this done as quickly as possible, alright Lupin?’

‘Alright.’ Moody reached into his pocket and pulled out a Chocolate Frog.

‘Should have brought deodorant instead, but I thought this would cheer you up.’ Remi burst out laughing and in a rush of strange affection, squeezed his shoulder.

‘Thanks, boss.’

‘See you soon.’

Moody told her he would send her a signal when Greyback was about to move, but until then, all Remi could do was wait and try to stay in Cassie’s good books. She and Felix were getting frustrated with Remi’s lack of libido and their stares were making her increasingly uncomfortable, but she couldn’t fathom the thought of giving in. It wasn’t just Stella - it was her own sense of self-worth. She knew it was a war, and that she was a soldier. But it seemed like a step too far to ask of herself, too big of a sacrifice - when this war was over, she still wanted to feel like she had her dignity. So she kept Cassie and Felix waiting, ignoring them beside her, and instead spent her sleepless nights planning what she was going to do when Greyback showed up. He’d recognise her, no doubt, and Jamie too. Jamie. She watched him sleep, fitfully and restlessly, his face contorted with nightmares. She would make it up to him, this past week. She was going to make sure that boy became a teacher if it was the last thing she did. 

Moody’s signal came a few days later. Remi almost laughed when she saw it; a deodorant tube, levitated in through a crack in the front doors and stopped just in front of her. She slipped it into her jacket and went to get her wand, taking note of where everyone was; Cassie and Felix sat with a group of about eight, talking and sharing a plate of sandwiches; another couple of groups were against the back wall; and Jamie was hugging his knees and staring at some rats towards the back corner. That was good. He was out of the way. Remi went to sit next to Cassie, who stroked her cheek absentmindedly. 

They all smelled them at the same time. Cassie’s head jerked up and her eyes widened, and she looked at Felix, who went pale. Cassie immediately went and grabbed the other groups and Jamie, gesturing to those who could to pull out their wands, and pushing the muggle werewolves behind them. A voice rang in through the front door.

‘Knew we’d fucking hunt you down eventually, didn’t you, Oliphant?’ Cassie’s eyes narrowed and her stance became full wolf; crouched, teeth bared, arms flexed. The group went silent as the door was pushed back and Fenrir Greyback appeared, disfigured and menacing. He was flanked by about ten equally hideous cronies, their wands all out. Cassie growled.

‘How the fuck did you find us?’ Remi felt her eyes flick to her.

‘Just a good hunch,’ he sneered. ‘A highly developed nose.’ Felix turned and roughly grabbed Remi, his face pure malice.

‘Was this the hunch?’ He pushed Remi out and Greyback laughed.

‘Miniature Lupin. Haven’t seen you in a while. How’s Daddy?’ Remi tried to stay calm and Greyback turned to Felix. ‘Not her.’ Felix let Remi go and she assumed her position again.

‘Answer my fucking question, Fenrir.’ Cassie slowly approached him. ‘How?’

‘You know that we all leave traces, Oliphant. Apparently you just weren’t careful enough, because there were a few bartenders in the city that were more than happy to give us some of your leftover cups and dishes from your visits.’ DNA. It was so easy for werewolves to find each other when they had that, as opposed to scent alone. It was like a compass.  _ Bless you and your huge brain, Alastor Moody.  _ ‘Should have kept moving, just like I taught you.’ Remi’s blood froze. Cassie raised her wand, but Greyback’s group moved first. Suddenly, there was a wall of red and green and white lights hitting each other, and Remi jumped right in, casting a Shield charm around the terrified group of muggles. Jamie had run forward, brandishing his wand, and Remi was just about to stop him when Moody burst through the door with Alice, Frank, Emmeline and Benjy, well and truly outnumbering Greyback’s crew. Unfortunately, the appearance of the Order had confused Cassie and the other werewolves long enough for Greyback to get an advantage, and he grabbed the alpha around her throat, his cronies following and grabbing others, making it difficult for the Aurors to land spells safely. Without thinking, Remi sprinted for Jamie, and grabbed his hand, pulling him towards the exit. 

‘We have to go,’ she hissed. He resisted, and then another hand was on his other arm. She pulled out her wand, wordlessly shooting a stunning charm and missing Greyback by inches. He swung around, leveraging Jamie between them, and Remi saw red. She shoved herself between them, pushing Jamie back with a  _ protego _ and letting Greyback grab her instead. His filthy nails dug into her skin and he reached for her neck, but Remi shoved her knee upwards and into his crotch, pushing him back and shooting another stunning charm as she ran towards Jamie. She grabbed his hand and began to Disapparate when she felt the hand grab her again, but it was too late; she was already going, and searing pain shot through her as Greyback let go, taking half her shoulder with him.

All Remi could feel was scorching pain, the certainty that she was going to die, and then she heard Jamie’s voice screaming. She managed to make out the outline of a house; she’d brought them here. She closed her eyes and drifted into the pain, and she could feel her body convulsing, but it felt far away, as if she weren’t in control of it. Voices intermingled in her brain - familiar but getting more and more distant as the pain took over. She thought about the others in that warehouse, and hoped they were okay. Then, a new pain shot through her; one she knew well, the sting and smoke of dittany. Someone was healing her. Grey eyes blinked above her before her body stopped shaking, and then she passed out.

When Remi woke, she could make out faces around her, and both her hands were being held. As her eyes blinked open, a cry came from beside her, and arms flung around her. 

‘She’s awake,’ Jamie sobbed. He drew back as the face she had dreamed about for two months appeared in front of hers, like a goddamn angel.

‘Moony.’

‘Padfoot.’ Stella’s lips met hers and they were so soft, so familiar. She tasted salty tears as Stella drew back. ‘Don’t you ever fucking scare me like that again, dickhead.’

‘Don’t talk to the love of your life like that.’ Jane pushed Stella out of the way and threw her arms around Remi. ‘Moony, she’s right though.’ 

‘She is.’ More arms and Levi’s voice. ‘I swear to god, Lupin.’

‘Wormtail and the boys are at work, but they’ll be back later.’ Jane drew back to let Stella climb in beside Remi. She still smelled like coffee and citrus, and she also now carried the scent of the house - musty wood and smoke. It was heavenly. Another voice rang out.

‘I’m here too, thanks very much.’ Red curls brushed against Remi’s face as Lola bent down and stroked her cheek. ‘So glad you’re alive, Lupin. I couldn’t have lived with myself if the last time I had seen you I’d been a massive fucking asshole.’ Remi laughed, hoarse and quiet.

‘Apology accepted, Prewett.’

They helped Remi sit up, as her arm was heavily bandaged, but no longer painful. Remi’s eyes focussed as she looked at her friends, and then at Jamie, who despite still being quite pale, was otherwise unharmed. She exhaled and tugged him in beside her, and he rested his head on her good shoulder. Stella was on her other side, and when Remi turned to look at her, she was quite sure she had never seen anything so beautiful. 

‘So.’ Remi breathed and let Levi feed her some chocolate. ‘What happened?’

‘Madam Pomfrey was here,’ Jane explained. ‘Levi Flooed to McGonagall’s office to fetch her as soon as we saw you. She said your arm will be okay but it’ll take a while to heal, at least six weeks. And she ordered us to give you this. She said you’d know what it was.’ Jane handed Stella a goblet, and Remi gave them a weak smile. It was Pomfrey’s signature healing potion, and the familiarity was wonderful. Her head instantly cleared more and she exhaled.

‘Is everyone at the warehouse okay?’

‘Yeah,’ Jane nodded. ‘You were out for about six hours, so they’ve already taken them to a new, safe place. Greyback got away, but they did get one of his guys.’ Remi nodded and gave Jamie a look.

‘How much do you know?’

‘Um, Levi’s been filling me in.’ 

‘On a first name basis already?’

‘He’s a good kid.’ Levi grinned and gave Jamie a friendly slap on the back. Jamie looked thrilled. ‘We’ve been getting to know each other.’

‘Sorry I lied to you,’ Remi said.

‘It’s okay,’ Jamie shook his head. ‘It makes sense now. Anyway, it’s to defeat You-Know-Who, right?’

‘Right,’ Remi nodded. ‘But that’s not a blanket excuse. I really am sorry.’

‘Lupin, shut up, you were very noble and brave.’ Jane punched her good shoulder. ‘There was never a chance of anyone getting seriously hurt, they were too outnumbered. Moody would never risk lives like that.’

‘I know,’ sighed Remi. Jamie gave her a smile, his exhausted, sweet face seeming about five years younger out of that warehouse, and she knew exactly what she had to do next. ‘When’s Dumbledore got a spare ten minutes?’


	31. The First War: Returning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remi tries to settle back into her old life in the aftermath of the werewolf mission.
> 
> CW for homophobic slur.

Dumbledore came to see Remi immediately, and although she was exhausted and all she wanted to do was curl up with Stella and never leave her again, she needed to sort out the boy who was clinging to her like a lifeboat. Jamie’s eyes widened as he saw Dumbledore.

‘Mr Nolan.’ Dumbledore reached out a hand.

‘Nolan?’ Jane looked at Jamie. ‘Do we know a relative of yours?’

‘Oh, do you know Todd?’ Remi tried not to cringe at Talia’s dead name, but supposed Jamie couldn’t be expected to know. ‘He’s my cousin.’

‘Yeah, we do.’ Jane smiled.

‘An excellent student,’ Dumbledore said. ‘And I hear you are the same.’ Jamie blushed.

‘Do my parents know I’m here?’

‘I did send an owl, yes.’ Dumbledore’s face was hesitant.

‘They still…’

‘Mr Nolan, sometimes family can be complicated. It is nothing to do with you and much more to do with their own fears.’ Jamie nodded and gazed at his lap. ‘However, that does make you technically a ward of the state, and as Chief Mugwump of the Wizengamot I have the authority to assign you a new guardian.’

‘Who?’

‘My parents,’ Jane said. ‘They’re happy to have you.’

‘It’ll be much safer there than here, but I’ll come to see you all the time,’ Remi said to him. Jamie started sobbing and hugged into her closer. Jane and Stella looked on the verge of tears, and Levi was already crying. 

‘If you would like, Mr Nolan, you can start next week. As I assume Miss Lupin has already told you, we are equipped to deal with your condition safely.’

‘What about…’ Jamie’s face clouded with worry. ‘What about Cassie?’

‘We’ll deal with her,’ Remi said to him. More specifically, Moody would deal with her. ‘You just focus on getting ready for school, hm?’ He nodded but still looked worried.

‘Euphemia and Fleamont are here to see you if you would like to meet them, Mr Nolan.’ Dumbledore gently cracked open the door with his wand. Jamie nodded and got up, Levi walking out with him. Dumbledore turned to Remi.

‘That is a very kind thing you’ve done for that boy.’

‘It’s the least I could do.’ Remi swallowed. ‘I put his life in danger. All of their lives.’

‘No, you didn’t.’ Dumbledore looked firm. ‘Moody has been doing this for a very long time. He thought it was safe enough. But it is a war, Remi, there will always be danger. Thanks to you, half of that group has already agreed to talk to us about their knowledge of Greyback, and we expect some of them will continue to work for us. This is a huge win for the war effort.’ Remi swallowed and nodded, feeling sick. ‘For the moment, Miss Lupin, Madam Pomfrey has strict orders for you to rest for at least six weeks, and Miss Black will be staying here to take care of you.’ His eyes twinkled slightly at that and Remi let herself smile, pulling in her girlfriend to her.

‘Did she threaten you in any way, sir, to make that happen?’

‘I am sworn to secrecy on that one.’

‘Aha.’ Remi looked at Stella, who grinned at her. Jane laughed.

‘Thank god you’re back, Moony, she’s been unbearable.’

‘I have.’ Stella nodded seriously. Dumbledore smiled and stood up.

‘I leave you in very capable hands, Miss Lupin.’

When Dumbledore left, Stella and Jane jumped on the bed either side of Remi, showering her in kisses.

‘I need to know what’s been going on here,’ Remi said eventually. Jane settled in next to her and sighed. Stella flopped dramatically over their legs, resting her chin on Remi’s stomach. 

‘A lot and not much at the same time, to be honest.’ Jane shrugged. ‘We’re doing spy work, Padfoot and Levi and I, which is less cool than it sounds.’

‘Yeah,’ Stella snorted. ‘We mostly hang out in creepy bars and listen in on conversations. But it has resulted in some good information, including unearthing a couple of Death Eaters in the Ministry.’

‘Wow, that’s great.’ 

‘It’s no super-secret-two-month-undercover-werewolf mission,’ Jane nudged her, ‘but at least we’re doing something.’

‘You’re doing lots. And trust me, I’m in no rush to do anything that long again.’

‘Yeah?’ Stella looked up at her.

‘Yeah.’ She stroked Stella’s hair back. ‘I mostly ate peanut butter sandwiches and got way too attached to that heartbreaking fucking kid.’

‘Oh my god.’ Jane shook her head. ‘I’ve only known him for - what, eight hours? - and I love him.’

‘Kind of disappointed the eight of us can’t adopt him,’ Stella pouted. ‘Guess what we’re doing is a bit dangerous and all.’

‘Just a bit, love.’ Remi squeezed her hand and Stella melted.

‘I’m going to leave you two for a bit, ok?’ Jane got up. ‘By a bit I mean, like fifteen minutes, I fucking missed her too and once everyone gets home you will never get peace again.’

‘Fine by me.’ Remi tugged Stella up as Jane closed the door. ‘Hi.’

‘Hi.’ Stella leaned in and kissed her properly, deep and slow, nibbling her lips and neck and ears. Remi let out a sound that was perhaps a little  _ too _ high pitched.

‘Fuck, baby, I’ve missed you.’ Stella groaned and put her forehead on Remi’s.

‘You have no idea how much I’ve missed you.’ Remi breathed in deeply and put her hand on Stella’s cheek. 

‘Was it…’ Stella looked pensive. ‘Was it okay? As much as it could be?’

‘Yeah.’ Remi thought of the full moon. ‘Parts of it were actually...good. Being around others like me. Transforming was easier. Other things were tolerable, like the lack of showers and the terrible food. Other things were really difficult.’

‘Like what?’

‘I don’t know if you’ll want to hear it, love.’

‘I do.’ Stella’s eyes were wide and earnest.

‘At points, everyone in the room would be having sex except Jamie and I. Like, they had no shame about fucking in front of a fourteen year old. And for a week I had to sleep inches away from people doing it, just because the alpha told me to.’ Stella’s breath sucked in.

‘They didn’t...make you, did they?’

‘No,’ Remi said quickly. ‘They’re not bad people. But I did have to flirt or do things I was uncomfortable with sometimes, to get information or trust.’

‘I see.’

‘I hated it.’

‘I know. I’m not mad or anything.’ Stella looked at her seriously. ‘I’m really proud of you.’

‘I don’t know if you should be. I don’t know if what I did was a good thing.’

‘Of course it was.’

‘It’s hard.’ Remi looked at her shoulder, where Greyback had splinched her. ‘I know that it will help the war effort. I know that they’ll have better living conditions. But I still went in and manipulated their fears. I made them trust me and then I put them in danger. I can’t just look at the bigger picture, like Dumbledore or Moody do.’

‘Maybe that’s a good thing. Keeps you human.’

‘Yeah. I don’t know. I don’t know if I’d want to do that again.’

‘Of course you wouldn’t  _ want _ to. War is...different. Different rules apply.’ Remi didn’t respond, just nuzzled into Stella’s neck and inhaled. ‘You’ve been so brave, baby. Let me take care of you for a while, okay?’

‘Okay.’

Remi moved downstairs to be around everyone. Euphemia was cooking in the kitchen; Fleamont, Levi, and Jamie were playing Gobstones; and Stella and Jane stuck to her sides like glue, recounting anecdotes from the past two months. Lola walked in from upstairs and something struck Remi.

‘Wait, Prewett, why are you still here?’

‘Keen to get rid of me already?’ Lola grinned and sat down in front of the couch with her knitting.

‘No, of course not.’ Remi rolled her eyes. ‘But you normally...you’re such a homebody.’ Lola, Stella and Jane exchanged looks. ‘Wait, what do I not know?’

Jane started giggling. ‘Told you we should have let her know straight up.’

‘Know what?’

‘Okay, so first off,’ Stella turned to Remi, voice getting weirdly loud, ‘you need to know the  _ context, _ this depressing git right here got dumped by her girlfriend and was just so sad--’

‘Wait, you and Larissa broke up?’ Remi widened her eyes at Lola.

‘Yeah, about a month ago, she said she just didn’t feel the same anymore.’

‘Fuck. I’m so sorry.’

‘Me too.’

‘--as I was saying, she was so depressing on missions, just like, crying ALL the time--’

‘--Black!’

‘--okay, not all the time, but I just felt really sorry for her and then her family was being super crazy--’

‘--my sister got pregnant--’

‘--very crazy! Very intense!’ Stella looked at Remi sheepishly. ‘Lola’s moved in.’ Remi was quiet for a moment, then burst out laughing.

‘You invited my ex to move in?’

‘Hey!’ Lola threw an Every-Flavour Bean at her. ‘Friends first, exes second, thank you very much.’

‘Look at her!’ Stella gestured to where the redhead was knitting. ‘She’s so damn pitiful, you’ll see the next time she and Larissa are in the same room--’ Stella yelped as Lola hit her with a Bat-Bogey Hex.

‘Oh my god, you two are like, proper friends now.’ Remi snorted as Stella retaliated with a teeth-growing jinx.

‘They actually are,’ Jane was stifling a laugh. ‘I’ve been replaced as Padfoot’s main playmate.’

‘No! It’s all out of pity!’ Stella threw a cushion at Lola. Remi and Jane exchanged amused looks, and then Remi turned to Lola.

‘Well, Prewett, I’m really glad you’re here.’

‘Me too,’ she smiled. ‘It’s a lot better than dealing with my family every day - they’re just a lot, you know, and my sister’s pregnant and Molly’s pregnant again and my Mum is crazy, there’s no sugar or alcohol within a hundred miles of the house because we have to stay in “top fighting condition”.’ She grimaced and poured more jellybeans into her mouth.

‘Horrific.’

‘Truly.’ Lola grinned as Stella poked her tongue out at her. ‘Nah, we all just need space at some point, hey?’

‘Yeah. But not too much.’ Stella made a show of sidling up to Remi and placing a sloppy kiss on her cheek. 

‘Ugh, Padfoot.’

‘Honestly,’ Lola shook her head, ‘my decision to move in was also based on pity, because this girl has been close to unbearable without you around.’

‘Yep.’ Stella smiled happily at Remi.

‘She woke me and Levi up every day for cuddles, Moony.’ Jane was shaking her head. ‘Literally just walked in and sandwiched herself between us. Our sex life has gone to shit.’

‘That’s the biggest lie you’ve ever told - or do you not remember the bathroom incident?’ Stella waggled her eyebrows and Jane went to punch her, then remembered that Remi was between them with her arm in a sling, so just gave her an exceptionally nasty look instead. The three of them kept bickering and laughing and a bittersweet happiness grew in Remi’s chest; she had missed out on this while she was away, them all growing and depending on each other and forging friendships away from school. But it was also so familiar, and she remembered that for a while, at least, this would be their normal; doing missions during the day and coming to a familiar place at night, or vice versa. That sounded more like something Remi could cope with.

Dorian screamed when he walked through the door and saw Remi, pushing the girls aside so that he could fully wrap her in a hug.

‘She’s back!’ He planted an explosion of kisses on her cheek. Petra followed soon after, letting out an adorable high pitched squeal and nearly bowling Remi over with a hug, and when the Double Ms - as they had now been dubbed by their boss at The Leaky Cauldron - came back, they actually picked her up and tossed her in the air, provoking well-aimed Jelly-Legs Jinxes from Jane.

‘She  _ got splinched today, _ you absolute lunatics.’ 

‘It’s okay,’ Remi grinned, as Marlon blew her a kiss. ‘I’ve missed this.’

…

The only thing that stopped the next few days being absolutely perfect (Stella bringing her endless cups of tea, Jamie sitting next to her bed with his new textbooks, Petra’s endless supply of Honeydukes) was the lingering anxiety around the pack. They must have realised, by this point, who she was, and she hadn’t heard anything from Dumbledore or Moody. Her anxiety was getting on top of her until, on her fourth day of bedrest and overthinking, Moody appeared outside her door.

‘Lupin.’ He came over and awkwardly patted her good shoulder. ‘How are you feeling?’

‘Fine.’

‘Good. I have news.’

‘You bloody better.’ 

‘So first off, as I’m sure you’ve heard, it was a largely successful operation. No one was hurt, and after you left, Greyback and his cronies Disapparated. We did manage to catch one of them, so there’s that.’

‘Okay.’

‘We took the group to a safe house Dumbledore put together for them. It took a couple of days for the shock to wear off and for them to start talking to us. Obviously, they had a lot of questions, particularly about you. I told them you were splinched and have been at St Mungo’s, and that as Jamie is underaged we have had to put him into state care. That scary fucker Cassie was not pleased about that.’

‘No, she wouldn’t be.’ Remi thought of her whispering  _ ‘he’s mine’  _ in her ear and shuddered.

‘To throw them off your scent, I told them the fellow of Greyback’s that we captured is actually our spy, which is why--’

‘--you knew when the attack was going to happen. Good one, boss.’

‘Thanks, kid.’ He looked gruffly pleased. ‘After a few days, they’ve all come around a bit. It’s a nice house, good food, safe place to transform, all that. I think it has convinced a lot of them that we may be worth sticking with.’ Remi’s insides squirmed a bit at that; obviously the Order would only house and feed them if they got something in return, it was a volunteer organisation, but still. Moody seemed to read her mind. ‘It’s war, Lupin, we have to get help however we can.’

‘Yeah, I know.’ 

‘We’ve told them we’ve hidden you with friends as Greyback is targeting you - they’re not pleased with that, but you were never officially inducted into the pack, so it’s not too bad. Jamie, on the other hand, we need to keep an eye on.’

‘Yeah.’ Remi bit her lip anxiously.

‘He’ll be safe at Hogwarts, and we’ve set up protections at both the Potters’ and here, so you and him should be fine. I just have to be honest with you.’

‘I appreciate that.’

‘Good.’ Moody looked hesitant. ‘There’s something else.’

‘What?’

‘Greyback.’

‘What about him?’

‘According to one of inside contacts, he told the Death Eaters about the attack and about you. You have to understand, Lupin, you’re an exceptionally talented witch as well as a werewolf, a rare combination. You would be a prize catch for You-Know-Who.’ Remi’s blood ran cold. ‘We’re not planning on using this at the moment; we believe enough of Cassie’s pack will offer to be spies. But when you heal and you’re out doing rounds, you need to stay vigilant. And there may come a time when you need to...use it.’ The implication lay heavy in the air and Remi just nodded, air barely filling her lungs.

‘I see.’

‘You’re safe here, at the very least.’ Moody paused. ‘I, er, do not normally say things like this, alright? But you’ve risked a lot these past few months. And--’ he looked at her and sighed ‘--I want you to know that I won’t let those fuckers touch you, okay? At least not before you’re ready.’ Remi was a bit taken aback by the sincerity of his tone, the weight of the promise, so she just nodded and he clapped her on the shoulder again.

‘Enjoy your month off, Lupin.’

The best thing about being back was being back in time for Halloween and Stella’s birthday. Jane had planned a surprise party for her (of course) and Stella already knew about it (of course). Though Stella hated her birthday, she did love people and alcohol, and begrudgingly permitted the party to move forward. Remi took her out to London for the day while Jane decorated and made a cake; unfortunately, since her chat with Moody, Remi wasn’t allowed to go anywhere without an Auror, so Alice joined them. Again, Remi was continually surprised by how much she liked Alice - whip smart, fiercely independent, and sensitive, both sides of the soft and strong dichotomy. She tried to keep watch from a distance, giving the girls space, but this was soon put to bed when Stella asked her what music she liked.

‘So The Ramones are becoming a little commercial for me, but…’

‘Longbottom! The Ramones, commercial?’ Stella looked deeply offended.

‘You compare them to The Clash or Buzzcocks and it’s like chalk and cheese, Black.’

‘Preposterous.’

‘Don’t wind her up too much, this is the stuff that haunts her nightmares,’ grinned Remi. 

Alice laughed. ‘We all have our niches, hey? Ooh, who wants ice cream?’ They stopped outside Florean Fortescue’s and Stella yelped, practically bouncing inside.

‘She’s like having a big dog.’ Alice shook her head and Remi tried not to snort at the irony.

‘You have no idea.’ They were perusing the flavours when a familiar voice sent ice through Remi’s veins.

‘Well, well, well. What a cozy event this is.’ Serena Snape was every bit as greasy and sallow as she had been in school, only now she was dressed in an all-black ensemble; black robes, black boots, high black collar. A familiar older, blond boy stood beside her - Lucius Malfoy. He was married to Stella’s cousin, Narcissa, and had a screwed up expression like he’d just smelled something particularly bad. 

‘Snape!’ Stella subtly moved in front of Remi, who was still vulnerable with her arm in a sling. ‘Fancy seeing you here. Why don’t we sit down and rehash our best memories?’

‘Haven’t changed a bit then, have you, Black?’ Snape sneered.

‘Thankfully not. Neither, it seems, have you.’ Stella made an exaggerated gesture towards her own silky, voluminous, grease-free hair. 

‘Your humour is as high brow as ever, cousin.’ Lucius curled his lip at her and Stella barked a laugh.

‘Who’s your cousin? Certainly not me.’

‘Not if I had it my way, you disgusting blood-traitor.’ Lucius spat the last phrase and Stella cocked an eyebrow.

‘See, that’s a fundamental difference of opinion, as I consider my blood treachery one of my better qualities.’ Alice laughed behind her and Snape’s lips thinned. ‘Where are you two nowadays anyway?’ She looked pointedly at their forearms but Malfoy tugged his sleeve down and raised an eyebrow.

‘Some of us don’t have the need to work, Black,’ he said.

‘Not for pay, at least.’

‘I could say the same about you. We all know where that old queer’s money went when he carked it.’ He’d gone slightly pink about the cheeks and Stella just shrugged, gently pulling Remi towards the front door, Alice trailing them. 

‘Say hi to your wife for me, Lucius. Serena, say hi to…’ Stella pretended to think. ‘Fuck, you don’t have anyone, do you? My mistake.’ Snape looked close to exploding as they left the shop and headed towards the Leaky Cauldron. 

‘You’ve got a mouth on you, hey?’ Alice elbowed Stella, who shook her head and gripped tighter onto Remi’s arm.

‘Can’t fucking stand them,’ she said darkly. ‘I don’t let things like that slide.’

‘Just be careful, okay?’ Alice held the door open for them and they slid through to the pub, where Marlon and Marco were cheerily polishing glasses and chatting to a group of girls. ‘For fuck’s sake, those flirts have driven sales through the roof here.’

‘No one’s safe,’ smirked Stella. Remi gave her a look and she sighed. ‘Okay, okay. Longbottom, I’ll be careful.’

‘Good.’ Alice ordered them three butterbeers and kept an eye on the door they’d come through.

‘She’s never careful, but she will  _ try,  _ won’t you, Pads?’ Remi poked her girlfriend's ribs.

‘I said yes!’ Stella through a straw at her. ‘As long as they don’t start it.’ Remi and Alice both sighed in unison, but Remi felt surprisingly okay. Seeing Snape and Malfoy had strengthened her resolve somewhat, after the werewolf mission and how conflicted it had made her moral compass. She needed to push through, keep fighting, keep recovering. Snape and Malfoy were awful, but they weren’t even Voldemort’s most trusted or most dangerous. She thought of the intel the Order had been receiving about people like Bellatrix Lestrange and Antonin Dolohov, and felt her stomach turn slightly. They had to be beaten. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had a really rough week with anxiety and honestly, writing this fic is one of the only things keeping me above water. Thank you for the kudos and comments - they mean more than you can imagine <3


	32. The First War: Endings and Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The war brings tragedy that sends ripples through the Order, and Jane and Levi take a huge step forward into adulthood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW for minor character death, and sexual content later in the chapter (mature but not explicit).

_Six months later_

Remi struggled to see Levi in the thick crowds at Diagon Alley. It was a Saturday and the street was crowded with people desperate to make the most of the spring afternoon. She and Levi were both in casual muggle clothes, which was more the fashion nowadays with younger wizards and witches, and their primary purpose today was to blend in. However, that purpose was now proving a problem as every damn person seemed to be wearing a similar double denim combination to Levi. Remi spotted a familiar head of red hair over towards Ollivander’s and pushed her way there, sighing in relief as her friend turned to face her.

‘Lupin!’

‘Evans, thank god. I’ve been looking for you for half an hour.’

‘It’s insane, hey?’ Levi shook his head. ‘I think our tip was off though, I haven’t seen anything strange going on.’

‘Neither.’ Remi nodded in agreement. ‘Let’s get Padfoot and Prongs here, and then we can swing past headquarters before home.’ Levi pulled out Jane’s mirror and started tapping it, and Stella’s face popped up. 

‘Evans! How are things on your end?’

‘Normal. Where are you and Potter?’

‘Knockturn. It’s no creepier than usual.’

‘Good to hear. Can you come to Ollivander’s?’ 

‘Be there in ten, we just need to do a final sweep.’

‘Cool.’ Levi put the mirror away just as a scream came up the road. Instinctively, he and Remi started sprinting towards the sound, both pulling out their wands as they did. People started running in the opposite direction and Remi had to cast a repellant charm around herself to keep moving forward against the bodies, and stopped dead when she saw them. Three Death Eaters, with ghoulish masks and dark robes, dangling a squirming and terrified-looking woman above them. They hadn’t seen Levi and Remi when Levi wordlessly cast a petrifying spell on the nearest one, instantly knocking them out, and Remi followed a split second later with a stunning spell. It met its target, and the final Death Eater let the woman drop, focussing his attention on the teenagers, as two more Death Eaters Apparated behind him. Remi cast a _protego,_ buying them a split second to wordlessly plan their next move with a quick hand signal. The protection broke with a particularly vicious slashing spell from one of the Death Eaters, and Remi and Levi instantly backed into each other as they were surrounded. 

_‘Impedimenta!’_ Remi yelled as Levi took the offensive, hitting one of the Death Eaters with a Binding charm that he quickly broke, retaliating with wand arrows, which Remi transfigured to rain drops. She and Levi worked seamlessly like this; her blocking spells, him casting them, each somehow knowing which spell the other was going to use before it was delivered. Remi breathed a sigh of relief as Benjy, Emmeline and Frank Apparated - someone must have called the Auror’s office. Emmeline immediately hit the closest Death Eater with a freezing charm and forced the other two to back away from the limp woman on the ground between them. Red and green lights met each other as Remi and Levi ran to the woman, casting a stretcher. 

‘Get her out of here,’ hissed Remi. ‘I’ll go help the others.’ Levi nodded and was getting up when a strange silence fell behind them. They turned around to see the Death Eaters Disapparating, and it was a moment before Remi registered the lifeless body on the ground, Benjy’s dark hair spread out on the ground where he had fallen, his eyes still open. Emmeline screamed and collapsed beside him, gripping both his shoulders and shaking.

‘BENJY! BEN!’ She looked with wide, pleading eyes at Frank, who was pale and teary. He just shook his head and Emmeline started sobbing as Stella and Jane arrived, freezing as they comprehended the scene. Frank turned to Levi and Remi.

‘Evans, Lupin, take the woman to St Mungo’s. Black, Potter, get Moody.’ Remi barely had time to look at her girlfriend’s terrified eyes as Stella Disapparated with Jane, and she and Levi levitated the stretcher towards the Leaky Cauldron. Marlon’s eyes widened as he saw them, immediately grabbing Floo Powder. They kept talking to the woman and checking her heartbeat as they approached the fireplace, then Flooed through and exited at the Emergency Department of St Mungo’s. It was only when the doctors had taken the woman, and Remi and Levi had both collapsed into the waiting room chairs, that Remi leant into his chest and let her tears fall.

‘Benjy. Fuck.’

‘I can’t--’ Levi shook his head and gripped Remi tighter. ‘He was an Auror. It shouldn’t have been that easy.’

‘They must have used the Unforgivable,’ murmured Remi, and she felt him nod. Over the past few months, Remi had been fairly proud of how resilient they’d all become; the daily horrors on the front page of the Prophet, the rapidly rising death toll, the general hopelessness; it all only fuelled their fire to win. But Benjy. She didn’t even know him that well - he was an older member of the Order, an Auror, he was always happy to help them practice. He was a comrade. And he died so easily. 

They sat in silence, Levi’s arm wrapped tightly around Remi, across the shoulder that had healed months ago now, until a Healer came out to them. 

‘She’ll be fine.’ Remi exhaled and put her head in her hands. So it hadn’t all been for nothing.

‘Do you know who she is?’ Levi asked, voice shaking.

‘Marella Huntington. Muggleborn.’ Levi nodded and looked at Remi.

‘We should report this,’ she quietly said, and they both got up, thanking the Healer as they left and Disapparated to the Longbottom’s house, now the unofficial headquarters of the Order. Moody was waiting for them with Stella and Jane, who launched themselves at their significant others. Remi inhaled Stella’s scent and felt her girlfriend’s heartbeat steady as she held on.

‘You okay?’ Stella whispered. Remi nodded into her shoulder.

‘Her name was Marella Huntington. Muggleborn.’ Levi answered Moody’s silent question, and the Auror immediately wrote it down in a small notebook. 

‘She’s still at St Mungo’s?’

‘Yep.’ Levi looked solemn as Alice entered the room, eyes rimmed in red, and Remi immediately went over to give her a hug.

‘I’m sorry, Ali.’ Alice nodded and then started crying again into Remi’s shoulder. She and Benjy had been particularly close - he’d been her mentor when she began Auror training. Remi rubbed her friend’s back as Moody talked to Caradoc in a low, serious voice. Jane and Stella were holding each other’s hands and Jane leant into Levi on her other side. 

‘Will Frank be home tonight?’ Remi asked, in a low voice. ‘Because Stel and I can stay over here if you need company.’

‘It’s okay, he should be back soon.’ Alice squeezed her hand. ‘Always looking out for me, aren’t you, chickadee?’

‘’Course.’ Remi smiled at her as Moody gestured towards her and the Marauders. 

‘You lot can go home. Big day.’ He sounded gruff but Remi suspected it was holding back a fair bit of emotion. She squeezed Alice’s hand as she headed back towards the fireplace, linking her fingers with Stella’s as they Flooed home. Dorian, Lola and Petra were waiting for them.

‘Is it true?’ Lola’s voice broke as she asked the question; the answer was written all over their faces. 

They spent the night playing Gobstones and chess and anything that required some measure of focus. Petra had made them all pasta, and Jane suggested a sleepover night. It was becoming a weekly occurrence; mattresses levitated to cover the living room floor, sheets hung up to create a sort of fort around them, and the nine of them would stay up late and only talk about non-war related things and listen to Remi and Stella’s record collection. Tonight was definitely a sleepover kind of night. 

As her friends collected snacks and pillows and blankets, Remi snuck away to do something she had been thinking about for a while. She pulled out a piece of parchment and a quill, looking at the empty page and realising she didn’t quite know what to say. She stuck to the basics.

**Lyall,**

**I wanted to let you know that I’m okay. I can’t tell you where I am, but you can communicate with me through Dumbledore if you need to.**

**Maybe when this war is over, we can see each other again. I hope you’re safe.**

**Remi**

Remi couldn’t pinpoint the moment where her absolute fury at her father turned to a simmering rage, then to pity, then dissipated into a bittersweet mix of anger and remorse and guilt and love. But she did know that she didn’t want to die tomorrow without him knowing that she still cared. That there was hope for them.

She gave the sealed letter to Dorothy, Petra’s tiny black owl, and felt a little weight off her chest as the owl flew off. She jolted as she felt Stella’s arms wrap around her from behind. 

‘I thought you might be doing that.’

‘You always know, don’t you?’

‘Mhmm.’ Remi felt Stella’s cheek lay against her head and she took in the room that Stella had once gifted her, empty bookshelves now at least half-full, and Remi’s parchment and quills scattered across the desk. It was her favourite room of the house, and the only place she felt completely at ease. She pulled Stella around so that she straddled her lap, and their noses touched. 

‘Thanks for staying alive,’ Stella murmured.

‘Ditto.’ 

‘What do you want to do once this ends?’ Remi smiled. Stella asked this question at least twice a week, and Remi always gave a different answer.

‘Learn to play the violin.’

‘Ooh, good one.’

‘What about you?’

‘Gatecrash Jamie’s graduation.’ 

Remi laughed. ‘Bloody git is already McGonagall’s favourite.’

‘Still think he should have been Gryffindor.’

‘Nah, I called him as Hufflepuff ages ago.’ Remi kissed the corner of her girlfriend’s mouth. ‘Not enough of a twat to be a Lion.’ Stella tickled her and they descended into giggles, until a voice came from downstairs.

‘Moony! Padfoot! Sleepover night is not couples night!’

…

They went to Benjy’s funeral, they kept doing their missions, Moody kept pushing them in duelling practice. As with every tragedy nowadays, they used it to propel themselves forward; and as it always does after tragedy, life continued. Such was war.

They finally got a Saturday night off - all nine of them - and despite the urge to go out dancing somewhere, they agreed staying at home would be safer. Levi and Marlon did the cooking, Marco and Stella set up a mini-bar and started mixing cocktails, and Remi was flicking through the record collection. Petra was with Max, who had come over for the occasion, and the two of them still looked very cute and in love. Lola came over to Remi.

‘Fleetwood Mac?’

‘Not very punk,’ Remi conceded, ‘but Jane has asked me to play it, and this is a democracy, so…’

‘Nah, I love them. Particularly Stevie, absolute goddess,’ she sighed. 

‘Prewett, we need to get you laid.’

‘I’m doing fine.’ Lola punched her shoulder. ‘I don’t even cry when Larissa walks into the room anymore.’

Remi snorted. ‘As reassuring as that is, Stella claimed you nearly threw off their last mission when a pretty girl asked you for directions and you told her “I am the direction”.’ Lola groaned and dramatically fell backwards onto the couch. ‘You were so good at flirting in high school, Prewett, what’s happened?’

‘War. I’ve just lost my game.’

‘Hmm.’

‘It’s true! It’s not like I can go out and practice.’

‘Rubbish, you never come out with us when we ask.’

‘Because I get tired.’

‘Lola.’ Remi raised an eyebrow at her. ‘You’re avoiding moving on.’

‘Don’t bloody psychoanalyse me.’ Lola hit her with a tickling charm and Remi screeched out an apology, but they were abruptly stopped by a yell from the backyard. Panicking, the room emptied out, drawing their wands, only to find lights hovering and surrounding Jane and Levi. 

Levi was on one knee, and Jane was sobbing, choking out a ‘yes’ as he slid a ring onto her finger. She drew him up and they kissed, and then Stella reacted with a scream.

‘HOLY FUCK YOU TWO!’ The porch erupted into cheers as Levi and Jane drew together for another kiss, her arms wrapped tight around him. Remi felt a choking sob rise in her chest as she looked at her two friends, both grinning like maniacs and flushed as they turned to face everyone.

‘SHE SAID YES!’ Levi yelled, more animated than Remi had ever seen him, and Jane laughed.

‘I was going to ask you, you absolute tosser!’ She was crying slightly but smiling. ‘I was going to fucking ask you and subvert gender stereotypes!’ Levi laughed and wrapped her up again, the floating lights around them twinkling and spinning. Marlon had summoned his camera and was taking photos. Remi felt an arm slip around her waist and turned to face her beaming girlfriend, and drew her in for a long kiss. 

‘This is so good,’ Remi murmured. ‘We all needed this.’

‘I know.’ Stella kissed her again. Jane and Levi broke out of their bubble a little and moved slightly towards the porch - a massive mistake as Marlon and Marco body slammed Levi into the ground with a hug and Dorian piled on top, and the girls surrounded Jane in a group hug.

‘Fuck, Prongs, you’re going to get married.’ Petra stared at her ring, a simple gold band with a blue gemstone, and Jane looked at them, slightly dazed.

‘I know,’ she whispered. ‘I’ve been in love with him for eight years and we’re getting married.’

Remi grabbed her cheek and kissed it, the other girls following, and they broke to go and swarm Levi. Remi got there first, wrapping both arms around his waist and shaking her head as she looked at him.

‘How times change, Evans.’

‘She’s still an idiot.’ He reached for Jane, looking with delight at her left hand. ‘But I just really bloody love her.’

‘I love you so much.’ She pulled him in for a kiss.

That night was one of the most joyful ones they’d had for a very long time. Stella sent a quick Patronus message to Gillian, Eliza, and Talia, as well as the Order, telling them the news, so they had guests in and out all night. Euphemia and Fleamont turned up almost immediately, tearful and completely overwhelmed, showering them both with kisses and telling anyone who would listen how happy they were to be able to call Levi their son. They played _Somebody to Love_ about twenty times and Marco made everyone cocktails. Dorian and Marlon were huddled together in an armchair in the corner, murmuring and noses touching, while Petra and Max awkwardly grinned at each other and held hands. Remi and Stella were too busy chatting to people and keeping Jane somewhat calm to spend much time together, but that night, Stella closed the door to their bedroom and immediately pinned Remi down on their bed.

‘Oh, hi.’ Remi smiled as Stella tugged her sweater off and started planting fiery kisses around her collarbone and neck. ‘We haven’t done this in a while.’

‘War is _such_ a bloody cockblock.’ Stella tutted. 

‘I’ll say.’ 

‘I’m so happy for them.’ Stella was deftly unbuttoning Remi’s shirt and Remi felt hot and hungry, overwhelmed with desire and love. She pulled Stella in.

‘Me too.’ She tugged off her girlfriend’s jeans, pushing a knee in between her legs and enjoyed the raspy, needy gasp that escaped Stella. Stella went straight for Remi’s skirt, pulling it off and unclasping her bra, nipping her skin as her mouth moved from jaw to chest. It set off fires in the pit of her stomach and she flipped Stella over, letting an animal sound escape her as she clamped on to her neck and Stella groaned.

‘Fuck, baby, you’re so good.’ She watched Remi behind half closed lids and long, dark eyelashes and it was so unbelievably sexy that Remi wondered how they ever did anything else. She trailed her tongue, slowly and deliberately, down to Stella’s chest, Stella grabbing a fistful of her hair and arching her back in response. Remi stayed there a minute or two longer, until it was too much for Stella and she hitched her knee between Remi, pulling her to eye level.

‘Please.’ She moved their hands together between her legs, and Remi nearly buckled as Stella’s breaths became more and more shallow.

‘Remi, honey, oh my god, yes, right there, _fuck.’_ Stella gripped the bedsheets and started shaking, tightening her grip in Remi’s hair. Remi felt her own insides burning up as Stella let out a string of obscenities as she came in giant shudders, letting out a small moan as she pulled Remi back up to her and immediately flipped her over.

‘You’re so good.’ Stella kissed her cheeks, her forehead, her shoulders, careful and deliberate. ‘You’re just so good, you care about everyone so much, you’re so kind.’ She pressed her sweaty, fatigued limbs against Remi’s, as if trying to melt into every inch of her, and Remi was so senselessly and completely turned on that she couldn’t move. Stella worked her lips around her face and neck and chest, pausing every so often to look in her eyes and stroke her cheek, until Remi growled in frustration and Stella grabbed a long piece of rubber they had Transfigured a while back, and all the air seemed to escape her lungs. Stella wrapped her arms around her waist and pulled Remi into her lap, and Remi gripped both sides of Stella’s face as she rocked back and forth, feeling a love so powerful and overwhelming that it threatened to drown her.

‘IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou.’ Remi’s whispers were quiet and hoarse, and Stella held her tighter. She pulled whimpers out of Remi with careful kisses, each one like fire on her already-sensitive skin.

‘Fuck, Stel, _fuck.’_ Remi had to close her eyes as dizziness set down on her, and Stella pushed her onto her back, a new set of shockwaves bouncing through Remi as she gripped onto the sheets for dear life.

‘You’re so good, Rem.’ Stella’s voice was low and raspy. ‘You deserve everything. Let me give it to you. Let me.’ Remi shoved her face into a pillow and bit down as she screamed, pleasure flooding every inch of her, her body convulsing and shuddering as Stella crawled back up beside her and kissed her neck. Their bodies were sweaty and exhausted and completely blissed out. Remi took Stella’s fingers and interlaced them with her own, kissing her wrist lightly and then her lips.

‘Baby.’ Stella’s eyes were sparkling even in the dim light, her cheeks and lips red and warm. Remi looked at her and suddenly saw everything; the entire universe, reduced to a single person, life and pain and joy and love reflected back at her through those eyes. She had loved Stella before she even knew what love was. She thought about Jane and Levi and the wedding, and how right it was, and her heart ached with longing. Longing for Stella to be safe, for them to survive, for a future free of tyranny and chaos. Longing to be able to express that love in the same way their friends could. Stella placed a hand on her cheek, reading her thoughts.

‘If we could…’

‘If we could.’ Remi touched the tip of her nose to hers, and breathed in and out slightly. ‘No matter what, you’re my forever, Stella Black.’

‘You’re mine.’ Stella nuzzled against her and they stayed there, eyes locked, silent vows threading them together. _One day._


	33. The First War: The Evans-Potters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for a wedding!

Jane Potter had always been somewhere between hopelessly romantic and utterly realistic. She knew that a war wasn’t a very practical setting for a wedding, and she also knew that it was probably precisely why it was needed. Hope was fickle and fleeting these days, and she wanted to gift it to the people around her. Remi had always been in awe of Jane’s generosity, but this was generous in an entirely different way; she invited people into her happiness, her glow, and held them there. It was beautiful to watch.

It was a July wedding, and Remi, Stella and Petra had spent the three weeks leading up to it in frantic preparations. Even though it was being held in the Potters’ backyard, and Jane insisted that she didn’t want a big fuss made over it, Stella was determined to make sure her best friend got the wedding of her dreams. She must have contacted every florist within a two hundred mile radius to get the amount of peonies she did, and Petra spent every spare moment she had testing out cake recipes. Jane and Levi had decided not to do a bridal party, but Jane had asked Stella to be her witness and Levi had asked Remi. 

‘Me?’

‘Yes, you, Lupin.’

‘But what about Meadowes, or McKinnon…’

‘The boys won’t care. But also,’ he took her hand, ‘you’re just about the most consistent person in my life. I think I need some of that going into marriage, don’t you?’

‘Yeah, alright.’ She’d squeezed his hand and tried to not tear up. When she told Stella that night, she just received a deadpan expression in return.

‘Moony, that boy trusts you more than anyone except Jane. That’s why Moody always puts you together for missions. Surely you know that?’

‘Yeah, but…’ Remi trailed off, remembering that last Quidditch match at Hogwarts. ‘He told me I was his best friend, once, but it was kind of joke-y.’

‘Not a joke. He once told Prongs that you were his Stella.’

‘Oh.’ Remi flushed a little as Stella laughed and kissed her cheek. 

‘My love, I think you forget sometimes that you are just as important to the people around you as they are to you.’ 

‘Do you think Petra will mind?’ Remi bit her lip. ‘We both have a sort of role.’

‘Nah.’ Stella waved her hand. ‘It’s minor, and she’s probably relieved to not have another responsibility. She’s already stressed out enough as is with that damn cake.’

‘Okay.’ But Remi still tried to make Petra feel as included as possible with decisions over the next few weeks.

…

Remi had been trying not to think about how wonderful running with the pack was during the full moon. When Moody had to escort her to the secure location and her friends discreetly followed, their expressions the usual mix of pity and fear, she thought about how freeing it had been. She wondered where the pack was now; whether they were all working for the Order; whether Cassie and Felix were still in charge. She wasn’t allowed contact with them, not yet at least, but a part of her missed them. She’d never felt really understood before, and though she still seethed with anger over their treatment of Jamie, she also longed for that connection again - she hadn’t had to explain away her bad moods or sore joints, she hadn’t been regarded as the outsider, she had been allowed to feel and exist exactly as she was.

When the school year had wrapped up, Remi took a trip to the Potters’ house to see Jamie. 

‘Hey, kiddo.’ She wrapped him in a tight hug as Fleamont made them tea. ‘Tell me everything.’ Jamie was flushed and happy, already poring over his summer homework, and he had made approximately ten million friends in his short time at Hogwarts.

‘And even though next year is OWLs, I think I’m going to try out for Quidditch, I’m not amazing or anything but Hufflepuff needs a new Keeper.’ He beamed as Fleamont set down their tea and some fresh-baked cherry scones. ‘Thank you, Fleamont.’

‘Of course.’ Fleamont ruffled his hair a little bit. ‘This young man topped his year level, even with a nine-month hiatus. Amazing.’ Jamie blushed at the compliment and took another cherry scone, and then Remi heard a voice calling from the hallway. Talia walked in and they both squealed as they saw each other.

‘Nolan!’ Remi gave her a huge hug and grin. ‘It’s so nice to see you, love.’ Talia’s hair was longer, she had done her makeup, and she was wearing a dress and sandals. Remi raised an eyebrow. ‘You look lovely.’

‘It was so good to get out of there,’ Talia breathed. ‘I feel like I can be myself now.’ She flopped down on the couch next to her cousin and put an arm around him. 

‘It must be nice for you two to be together now, hey?’ Remi groaned as she took a bite of the scone. ‘Euphemia, you absolute legend.’

‘It’s really nice.’ Talia smiled at Jamie, but her expression was complicated. ‘Didn’t know where you were for almost a year, did we?’

‘Mum and Dad wanted it that way,’ he shrugged.

‘Fuck them.’ Talia’s tone was eerily calm.

‘That’s the spirit,’ Remi added. ‘Um, Jamie, how were...transformations? At Hogwarts?’

‘Fine.’ He avoided her eyes. ‘Not like…’

‘No. I know.’

‘But I don’t miss it,’ he hastened to add. ‘I only miss that part.’

‘Me too. I thought maybe we could transform together, these next couple of full moons?’ Remi caught Talia’s expression. ‘Oh, fuck, sorry Nolan, I thought you’d know by now.’

‘That makes so much sense.’ Talia palmed her forehead and Jamie looked sheepish.

‘I didn’t want to out her!’ 

‘No, no, that’s really good of you,’ Talia smiled at him, ‘it just all makes more sense now.’

‘I’d really like to do the full moons together.’ Jamie looked at Remi and his eyes were slightly glassy. ‘It can get lonely, you know?’

‘Yeah, absolutely. I’ll come grab you for the next one, okay?’ He nodded and Remi turned the conversation back to school and Talia’s plans -  _ to join the Order, obviously, Lupin. _

‘Will you guys be at the wedding?’

‘Duh.’ Jamie beamed. ‘Levi has already come by to give us the invites.’

‘Of course he has. You coming, Talia?’

‘Yeah.’ A small blush crept into her cheeks. ‘Already have a dress and everything.’

‘Sweet. See you then. I’ll see you next week,’ she addressed Jamie, ‘just be ready to go before nightfall okay?’

‘’Course.’ 

It was wonderful being with Jamie again for the full moon. The Marauders decided to only show up in their animal forms after transformation, so Jamie wouldn’t recognise them, but they needn’t have bothered; the two wolves were more than enough for each other, tackling and playing until the early hours of the morning. When she stirred awake, Remi was met with a funny look from Stella as she helped her tug her clothes back on and Apparate back to the house.

‘What’s going on?’ Remi looked at her as she was lowered into bed.

‘Nothing.’

‘Bullshit, you’re looking at me funny.’

‘It’s really nothing. You just seemed...happy, last night.’

‘Am I not normally?’

‘I guess.’ Stella bit her lip. ‘Just wish we could match you the way another wolf could.’

‘It really doesn’t matter.’ Remi yawned and reached for chocolate. ‘I love running with you guys.’

‘I know.’ Stella kissed her forehead. ‘It’s all good, baby.’

…

The day of the wedding was mania, mostly for the Marauders, who were trying to wrangle a nervous Jane into her dress and makeup while making sure the boys didn’t ruin anything.

‘MARCO MACDONALD.’ A furious Stella, in her robe and hair rollers, faced down her ex-boyfriend with the wrath of god. ‘YOU PUT THAT PYGMY PUFF ANYWHERE - I MEAN ANYWHERE - NEAR A GUEST AND I WILL END YOU.’ Marco quickly stepped away from the small, blinking creature and Stella hustled it into its cage with a scowl.

‘Thanks, Black.’ Levi grinned at her, the only really calm one in the house. Remi took his arm and pulled him aside, straightening his bow tie for him.

‘Alright, Evans?’

‘Alright, Lupin.’

‘Why are none of these boys able to tie a goddamn bow tie?’ Remi shook her head in exasperation and he smiled.

‘Too busy trying to give Stella an aneurysm.’ 

‘They’re close to succeeding.’ At that precise moment, Stella hit Marlon with a Jelly-Legs Jinx to stop him pranking Marco, Dorian crying with laughter in the background. ‘You seem very calm for a husband-to-be.’

‘Why would I be nervous?’

‘That’s my boy.’ Remi smiled wryly. ‘Love you, Evans.’

‘Love you too.’

‘Got get ‘em.’

Jane’s dress was very simple and very Jane; a snug, V-neck silk piece with thin straps and sandals, perfect for the warm July weather. She had her hair somehow slicked back into a low bun, and her dark eyes and skin were set off with gold and pink tones. Her glasses somehow completed the look, reminded everyone that it was still her beneath the dress. Petra was applying her final touch ups when Dorian knocked on the door.

‘They’re all ready.’

Stella handed Jane her bouquet, muttering something that they both laughed at. Remi wanted to hug her but Petra had put far too much effort into her makeup to risk it. They walked her down to the French doors that opened onto Euphemia and Fleamont’s backyard, now adorned with floating lights and flower petals that looked ethereal against the setting sun. Levi was standing at the end of the aisle, content and smiley, hands clasped in front of him. His parents and sour-looking brother were sitting at the front, the boys behind them. 

‘Good luck, Prongs.’ Remi squeezed her friend’s hand, Petra brushed a couple of tears away, and Stella just gave her a knowing smirk.

‘Don’t fuck it up, Potter.’ Jane snorted a little and the three of them left her to go and sit down, as Euphemia and Fleamont took Jane’s elbows and the music began. Remi would remember that ceremony for the rest of her life, but particularly one moment; when Levi saw Jane floating down the aisle, and his smile widened and tears fell onto his collar, and Remi recognised the look from that first night the two of them had kissed. He looked at her like she was the sun.

It was a party to end all parties; even Moody was getting in the spirit, pulling his hip flask out and entertaining non-Order members with grizzly Auror stories. Lola, Gillian and Eliza were spearheading a conga line, Remi and Dorian wrapped around each other laughing as Marlon and Marco tried to salsa together, and Stella and Petra were handing out shots to anyone who would take them. Levi and Jane were being swamped by relatives but the Marauders kept sneaking bites of food and drink refills to them; even Levi was starting to look overwhelmed with all the attention. Remi spotted Jamie and Talia and waved them over to the central table.

‘Hey, loves.’

‘Hi!’ Jamie was wearing his usual easy grin and a very cute green suit. Talia was in a yellow sundress and slight heels, her long hair curled and bouncy, and her makeup was bright and colourful. Marco’s eyes widened as he saw her.

‘Nolan?’ He looked slightly confused but as cheery as ever, giving Talia a hug.

‘Hi.’ Talia blushed. ‘Um, I go by Talia now, as my first name.’

‘Oh, cool. Sweet.’ Marco ran his hand through his hair, clearly at a bit of a loss. Remi jumped in.

‘Hey, Macdonald, I need your help getting more drinks out of the kitchen. Needs two wands.’ He nodded and Remi grabbed his arm, pulling him into the corridor.

‘Get it together, mate.’

‘Sorry!’ He looked flustered. ‘I just didn’t expect…’

‘I know, but this is a big deal for her, okay?’

‘You knew?’

‘I’ve known for ages.’ Remi waved a hand. ‘She was waiting til after school to come out. And I think she’s got a crush on you and has for a while so you have to be nice.’ Marco’s mouth opened a bit.

‘It’s not - Godric, Lupin, you  _ know _ me, I’d never be nasty.’

‘Perhaps not, but you have to be sensitive.’

‘It’s not…’ He trailed off. ‘I’ve always liked her as a person, is the thing, and tonight she looks really pretty and I’m a bit confused, okay?’ Remi didn’t expect that. She blinked.

‘Why would you be confused then?’

‘I just…’

‘For fuck’s sake Macdonald, she’s gorgeous and smart and joining the Order and has a crush on you. Liking a trans girl doesn’t make you any less straight.’

‘Yeah.’ He nodded. ‘Okay, yeah, you’re right.’ Remi held out her fist and he gently bumped it.

‘Go get her, tiger.’

At about midnight, the party looked like this: Jamie fast asleep on the living room couch, curled up next to Euphemia, who was also asleep; Dorian and Marco slow dancing to Kate Bush on the makeshift dance floor; Talia and Marco mysteriously disappeared somewhere upstairs; Petra and Max shoving their tongues down each other’s throats; Lola, Gillian and Eliza sipping beers on the lawn; Remi and Stella sharing a piece of cake and smearing buttercream across each other’s noses; and Levi and Jane finally by themselves for the first time that night, drinking straight from a bottle of wine and looking at each other with wide, disbelieving eyes.

‘I can’t believe I can’t call Levi “Evans” anymore.’ Stella sighed.

‘You totally can, don’t be dramatic.’

‘“Oi, Evans-Potter” is just too much of a mouthful.’

‘He’ll always be Evans.’

‘He will.’ Stella agreed and licked some buttercream off Remi’s cheek. ‘If we could ever do this - not holding my breath - I’d drop Black in a heartbeat.’

‘I know you would.’ Remi looked at the cake. ‘Stella Lupin has a nice ring to it.’

‘It does.’ There was a beat of silence and then a squeal from the living room.

‘So where have YOU two been?’ Eliza’s voice was muffled by giggles.

‘Odds that Nolan and Macdonald have returned?’ Remi looked at Stella.

‘Oh, almost certainly.’

Stella did everything in her power to stop Jane and Levi moving out, which is to say, she lay on the floor and held onto Jane’s legs with an iron grip.

‘Padfoot.’ Jane sighed and looked down at her. 

‘You can’t leave me!’

‘I just got married!’

‘I know! That was traumatic enough!’ Levi and Remi watched this unfold from the kitchen, smirking.

‘So, Mr Evans-Potter, are you excited for your new abode?’

‘Very excited.’ Levi’s eyes twinkled at his new last name. ‘Going to miss you all, though.’ 

‘We’ll see you all the time.’ Remi tried to keep her tone cool but she was worried. It was war and she was a wolf and her pack was leaving her. ‘I think you’ll see a lot of Stella, actually.’ They looked to where she had wrangled Jane onto the floor with her, and they were now engaged in a vicious wrestling match.

‘Hmmm.’ Levi smiled. ‘I might have to block off our Floo network outside business hours.’ Remi snorted and Stella looked up with horror.

‘I  _ heard _ that, Evans, don’t you bloody  _ dare.’ _

‘You can still Apparate, Black.’

‘Hmph.’ Stella crossed her arms and pouted as Jane got up and kept levitating her boxes to the fireplace, one hand gently resting on Stella’s head.

‘Padfoot, one day you’ll understand.’

‘Not sure she will,’ piped up Remi. ‘I think we’ll be living with friends or people that she’s bribed until we’re about eighty.’

‘Not true!’ Stella’s pout deepened. Jane pulled her up and into a hug. 

‘You’ll still see us all the time, Pads.’ 

To a certain extent, that was true. Jane and Levi were over almost every evening, and they were still paired together with Stella and Remi (respectively) for missions. But the house was a bit quieter, especially as everyone in it except Stella and Remi had jobs. Even Lola had started official Auror training. Stella was running out of playmates and it was driving Remi up the wall. They had their first argument in a while when Stella started complaining about Levi and Jane’s new apartment.

‘And it’s not even that nice, the kitchen isn’t as big as here, and mould’s growing in the shower.’

‘They can easily fix that.’ Remi was focussing on her latest article for  _ Scribe, _ due in two days. ‘Cleaning spells aren’t that hard.’

‘I just don’t know why Jane would even want to move there.’ Stella was pacing around the office, spontaneously transforming into Padfoot and back. Remi tried to concentrate on her work. She'd split a preposition and was rewriting the sentence.

‘It’s exciting, love, it’s their first apartment together as a couple.’

‘But I don’t get  _ why _ they need to do that yet.’

‘They’re married, Stel, they need their own space.’

‘They have their own space here!’

‘It’s different.’

‘We don’t need our own space.’

‘Really?’ Something in Remi snapped and she looked up from her work. ‘Because I would fucking  _ love _ my own space right about now.’ Stella’s eyes narrowed.

‘Oh, sorry then, for taking up your time.’

‘You cannot seriously think it’s about that.’

‘Then what? I just need you to listen to me!’

‘I’m always listening to you.’ The full moon, only two days away, seemed to be pulling Remi in and she suddenly felt aflame with irritation. ‘I am  _ always _ bloody listening to you. I just don’t want to shit on our best friends and their happiness, if that’s okay by you?’ Stella wordlessly left, slamming the door, and Remi turned back to her work, still annoyed. In a sudden moment of clarity, she realised that this was what war did. She pulled out a fresh bit of parchment, addressing it to Professor McGonagall. It was time to see Violet again.


	34. The First War: Returning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remi tries to grapple with her heart and her head as she returns to the pack.

The fight blew over quickly, like all of their fights did, but Stella at least seemed to take some of it on. She had taken to actively seeking out Lola and Petra to take up some of her previously designated-Jane time, and she was more enthusiastic about her best friend’s move, even going through the contents of the house and picking out some bits and pieces to gift them. Levi had started, at Dumbledore and Slughorn’s suggestion, a Potions apprenticeship with a Healer at St Mungo’s, and Jane was being sent more and more into the field by Moody. Stella often joined her, while Remi was put on more administrative and tactical work. It began to feel something like normal, if that was even possible.

Dorian and Remi were sharing a cigarette one night, chatting as they watched Stella and Lola duel.

‘Anything good at the bookstore recently?’

‘Nah.’ Dorian took a long inhale and passed it back to Remi. ‘It’s quite boring at the moment, to be honest. Conversations seem to be happening in more private places now.’

‘Do you think you’ll go full time with the Order?’

‘Maybe. I like the money, and being independent. But Marls earns enough for both of us, so I guess I’m just being a coward.’

‘Not a chance.’

‘I feel like…’ Dorian smiled a little as Stella blocked a spell and it rebounded into Lola, sending her backwards. ‘I don’t want to change things, you know? I feel like everything is so fragile at the moment, and one change could knock it all over.’

‘I know what you mean.’ Remi looked to where Stella and Lola were laughing and hitting each other with as many ridiculous hexes as they could, their teeth and hair growing at alarming rates. She snorted. ‘I wish we could just stay here forever and not leave, you know? I know we have to finish this war, but god, it’s exhausting. It doesn’t make you a coward to want out of it. I think that’s pretty normal.’

'Maybe.' Dorian closed his eyes. ‘I’ll quit the bookstore next week. There’s no point me being there anymore.’ Remi just nodded and stubbed out the cigarette. 

‘Maybe they’ll get you to go work somewhere else.’

‘Maybe. Wouldn’t mind doing an apprenticeship like Levi. What about you?’

‘What about me?’

‘What’s your next move?’ Remi felt a pang in her stomach as she thought of Oxford, and how far away that dream felt now.

‘Just fighting, I suppose. I make enough to get by with my articles.’ 

‘Hmm.’

‘I’ll think about it after the war.’ She levelled a gaze at Dorian and he didn’t look convinced, but he did let the subject drop. 

...

Remi supposed she’d been expecting to go back to the pack for a while when Moody asked her. 

‘It’s not long-term, not like last time. We just need you to boost morale. Cassie and Felix have left.’ Remi widened her eyes.

‘What? When?’

‘A couple of months ago.’ Moody looked annoyed. ‘Didn’t like their lack of control over the situation, I suppose.’

‘Fuck, boss. You should have let me go back.’

‘It happened suddenly.’

‘This stuff doesn’t happen suddenly.’

‘It seemed sudden.’ Remi let out an exasperated huff and ran a hand through her hair. 

‘Who’s alpha now?’

‘Not sure.’

‘Okay, so you’re keeping a bunch of werewolves locked up together and no one knows the situation and you’re surprised the leaders left?’

Moody shot her a withering glare. ‘We should have asked you for help sooner, I know. But we really need you now.’

‘Alright.’ Remi nodded. ‘But you have to be the one to tell Stella.’ If she didn’t know him better, she could have sworn that Alastor Moody paled a bit.

It was less gut-wrenching than last time, at least. Stella couldn’t visit but they could write to each other, and Moody promised she’d be back within a few weeks.

‘Just long enough to get a handle on the situation.’

When Remi arrived, she knew that a few weeks wasn’t going to cover it. The pack was being housed by the Order in a rundown cottage a few hours out of London, sealed in by protective spells and paddocks. It was at least better than the Scottish warehouse, with carpets and fireplaces, and a steady supply of food. But she could sense the frustration almost as soon as she walked in, the pent up anger and the claustrophobia. The pack had been put here to keep them safe, but also to stop them from joining Greyback, and they weren’t stupid. A couple of them widened their eyes as Remi walked into the living room, but only Piper acknowledged her.

‘Well, long time, no see.’ Piper’s voice was gruff; she was holding a beer, and she had a black eye. Remi decided not to ask.

‘Yeah. The Order wanted to use me as a spy.’ It made sense as a cover story; she’d made such a dramatic exit at the warehouse, and they all knew she’d completed NEWTs. Werewolves with advanced magical abilities were few and far between. ‘How are you?’

Piper scoffed. ‘Bloody brilliant. Not good enough to be a sodding spy, let me put it that way.’ Her tone made Remi uncomfortable.

‘Then what have you guys been doing?’

‘Mostly the same as what we did at the warehouse, except in a nicer castle.’ A young guy with dark hair and skin came to sit next to them.

‘It is nicer,’ he said, then looked at Remi. ‘You again.’

‘Yeah. Casey, right?’

‘Right.’ He looked at her with a raised eyebrow. ‘Brave of you, to come back here.’

‘Didn’t have much of a choice.’ It wasn’t a lie.

‘I see.’ He tapped the side of his beer. ‘You going to convince them to stop keeping us on tight leashes?’

‘I’ll do my best.’ Remi’s brows furrowed as she looked around. ‘Though I doubt I have much influence.’

‘Sure, cub.’ He took a swig of his beer. ‘You still too good for us?’

‘I was never too good for you.’

‘Could have fooled us,’ muttered Piper. ‘Posh accent, posh schooling, couldn’t even look at us last time, could you?’ Remi’s insides twisted and she forced a neutral expression; they were absolutely right, of course, but that made it worse. 

‘I’m just shy.’

‘Don’t be.’ Casey held out his beer, a challenge. ‘Prove you’re one of us.’ Remi held his gaze and finished the beer. He and Piper exchanged smirks.

‘There’s a reason why Felix and Cassie always liked her.’ Piper talked as if Remi weren’t there. ‘Ballsy.’

‘Fiesty.’ Casey handed Remi another beer. She looked between them, and something clicked inside her; these people needed something more given to them. They needed more than the bare necessities of survival.

‘You’re both magical, yeah?’

‘Yeah.’ Casey slumped back onto the couch. ‘Homeschooled though, so absolute shit.’

‘I’ll teach you stuff.’ Remi took another drink. ‘If you know how to at least defend yourself, the Order will send you out. I don’t know why they haven’t been using you so far.’

‘Lack of manpower, they keep saying. We’re too much effort to train.’

‘I’ll train you.’ 

‘You serious, cub?’ Piper looked surprised.

‘I came back, didn’t I? Not that different from any of you, really. I’ll train whoever wants to learn.’ Remi felt a flicker of purpose light up in her. She couldn’t persuade the Order to suddenly give a shit about these people. But maybe they’d care if they were useful. Disgust rose up in her; no one had taken the time, in nine months, to do anything other than get information out of the pack and leave them to fester. Suddenly, she couldn’t blame Cassie and Felix for leaving; they, at least, knew how to take care of themselves out in the world. The others didn’t. Remi could at least give them that.

Everyone wanted to learn. They somewhat trusted Remi again, perhaps just grateful to have a teacher. Zac had taken over as the alpha, mostly due to his magical ability, but even he didn’t know how to stun properly or cast a protection charm. The muggle werewolves gathered round to watch them; Remi guessed it probably wasn’t completely within the rules of the Statute of Secrecy, but no one cared that much about half-breeds. She’d use that to her advantage.

A few of the homeschooled werewolves knew basics like disarming and levitation, but Remi quickly gathered that their education hadn’t been the top priority of most of their families. She still couldn’t figure out why Dumbledore hadn’t intervened. One day, she’d ask that man what the hell he’d been doing with his time.

‘So, if you come up against an enemy, you need two basic spells in your arsenal:  _ expelliarmus _ and  _ protego. _ Then you can at least hold them off long enough to Disapparate or find another escape route.’ They got it quickly; within a day, they were onto stunning, which took a bit longer. But the werewolves were eager to learn - they had been cooped up for so long, first by Cassie and then by the Order, that magic was practically pouring out of them. Remi surprised herself by how much she enjoyed teaching, and how much better it was to live in the pack this time around without Cassie or Felix. She had been so focussed on Jamie last time that she hadn’t realised how desperate the others had been, too. After a long day of transfiguring objects into water - something Remi insisted would be more useful than they realised - Zac invited her into his room after dinner. She was nervous until she saw a few others - including Casey and Piper - sitting in a circle, holding playing cards.

‘Poker?’

‘Ooh, yes please.’ She sat down and let them finish their game, and was dealt in for the next one.

‘Fuck, Lupin, how are you good at this too?’ Piper furrowed her brow as Remi blasted them all for the third time in a row.

‘Been playing it since school. Someone taught me all the tricks.’

‘Who?’ Zac looked at her and she decided honesty was the best policy. 

‘My girlfriend.’

‘You have a girlfriend?’ Piper looked at her curiously.

‘Yeah. Since school.’

‘That’s why you never participated.’ Zac’s tone was understanding rather than accusatory. ‘With Cassie and Felix and all of us.’

‘I didn’t want to outwardly reject them, so I just tried to avoid it.’ She tried to keep her tone level as she dealt another round, and decided to test their allegiances. ‘Didn’t feel that safe, to be honest.’

‘Yeah.’ Piper collected her hand. ‘I don’t think any of us truly did. It is better now, without them.’ Remi tried to not let her face move too much. This was a huge step forward in trust, and she had to be delicate.

‘So, have you stayed with your girlfriend? This past year?’ Casey looked at her.

‘For some of it. I asked the Order to let me stay with her.’ Partial truth, partial lie.

‘Wow, they’re so lenient with you.’ Casey shook his head. ‘Like, no offence, it’s cool you’re teaching us this stuff and all, but you’re a real lucky motherfucker.’

‘Yeah.’ She felt a little sick. ‘I am lucky. It’s not fair.’

‘That’s war, I guess.’ Piper took a drink of her beer. ‘Priorities.’ Remi had never felt so guilty in her life.

She had to hold back the urge to punch Moody when he next visited. 

‘They’re bored and cooped up. You need to start sending them out.’

‘It’s complicated, Lupin.’

‘Why? I’ve taught them a decent amount of stuff in just a couple of weeks, and you need spies for Greyback. They’re willing to do that.’

‘They know a lot about us, though, we need to be careful how far we let them roam. Dumbledore’s not convinced--’

‘--I will speak to him if I need to.’ Remi surprised herself with her own ferocity. ‘You can’t lock them up indefinitely.’

‘They’re hardly locked up, Lupin, it’s protection.’

‘Yeah, protection for the Order.’ Her voice was hard and small. ‘You all accepted me so easily, didn’t you? Because I went to Hogwarts and had respectable friends and a nice family. That’s bullshit.’

‘It’s war. Different rules apply.’

‘If I hear that goddamn excuse one more time, I will lose it. These are  _ people, _ they aren’t fucking animals, no matter what the Prophet tells you.’ She tried to rein in her anger and found she couldn’t. ‘You’re better than this, Moody - what’s this talk about letting them “roam”? Why have they been here for nine months with no support when you told me that they were going to work? Is it any fucking wonder that their leaders left? Am I just the tame version of them to you?’

Moody looked at her, expression inscrutable. ‘You’ve grown a lot this past year, Lupin.’

‘I’d bloody well hope so.’

‘I’ll speak to Dumbledore.’

‘Good.’

‘How much longer will you need here?’

‘Honestly? However long it takes for the Order to pull its shit together.’

‘Fair enough.’ He touched her shoulder. ‘I’m sorry.’

Stella was sending Remi notes and letters every day, mostly with funny anecdotes and occasionally some coded information from missions, but it was still difficult. Two weeks and Remi missed her like a lung. She missed Jane and Levi nearly as much. But she also couldn’t leave the pack yet, not without fixing the mess she had created. And as she became more invested in the people there, she found that she didn’t want to leave them - at least not permanently. She could have made excuses to go and visit her friends, but it felt wrong when the pack wasn’t granted the same come-and-go privileges. Her heart was tugging in about ten different directions and she didn’t know where to follow it, and the approaching full moon didn’t help. She could have kissed the letter that arrived via the Aurors from Minerva McGonagall telling her that Violet was permitted to visit.

‘It’s been a while, hasn’t it?’ Violet looked exactly the same as she had a year before; twinkly eyes and cat brooch and fluffy cardigan. They were in Remi’s tiny room in the attic.

‘It’s good to see you, Violet.’

‘You too, Remi. What made you decide to reach out?’

‘Well, uh, as you can probably gather…’ She gestured to the house around them and Violet nodded.

‘Tell me about it.’ So Remi did, and it was like a waterfall spilling out of her; the first mission, how awful it was, how terrible she felt afterwards, how everyone justified it to her, how the pack had been abandoned. How she still felt like she was using them and she wasn’t even sure why. How awful it is to love someone when you’re both fighting a war, and how Remi had never said sorry about snapping at Stella during their fight, and how she had never felt farther away but Remi didn’t want to compromise the trust she was building back up with the pack to leave. She talked and talked until she felt the knot that she had gotten used to carrying in her chest loosen, and Violet regarded her with her warm eyes and gentle smile.

‘That’s a lot, Remi.’

‘Yeah.’

‘I think you’re essentially torn between being a soldier and being a person.’ Violet took her glasses off and rubbed her nose. ‘You’re still only nineteen, Remi, it’s okay to feel all of these things. In a fair world, you would be at Oxford and going out to pub nights with your friends and dealing with normal relationship things, not the type of relationship things that come from being constantly terrified the other is about to die. You do know that it’s completely normal to fight?’

‘I know.’ Remi sighed. ‘I just freak out when we do, like, what if the last time we ever spoke was in a fight?’

‘I think there’s enough trust between you two to know that you’re pretty unconditionally loved.’

‘Yeah, it’s just…I worry. All the time. Not just about her.’

‘Of course you do.’

‘What should I do, Violet?’ Remi felt a weariness spread through to her bones. ‘I just don’t know what to do.’

‘I can’t tell you exactly, love.’ Violet reached forward and held her hand loosely. ‘But I do think you need to be a person first. You can’t lose yourself in this. Otherwise, what are you fighting for?’ Violet leant back and exhaled. ‘I’m going to talk to Dumbledore. Give some professional advice about this situation. For all of your sakes.’

‘I could bloody kiss you, Vi.’

‘There are some things that are right and some things that are wrong. No one is above losing sight of that.’

The next day Moody showed up to let the pack know that they were going to start doing work for the Order, and were going to be allowed in and out of the house so long as they passed a defensive test based on the skills Remi had taught them. They also had to sign a magically binding document to protect the Order. It was almost too straightforward. Remi would have given anything to witness what her mild-mannered therapist must have said to the legendary Albus Dumbledore to make this happen. She was going to send Violet a hundred cat brooches.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So - holy shit, thank you SO MUCH to @eveldavidson on TikTok who made this fic a shout out video? I just? I can't. I was so overwhelmed that I'm pretty sure I didn't process anything for at least four hours after. I started writing this fic to create representation that I personally wanted and I'm so, so happy that others feel the same. Thank you so much for every single comment and kudos and just for reading this - I love y'all <3


	35. The First War: Harry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jane and Levi have yet another big announcement.

It had only been two and a half weeks, but seeing Stella was like rain after a drought. 

‘Baby.’ Stella’s arms were around her as soon as she stepped through the front door.

‘My love.’ Remi breathed in her scent and the world seemed to right itself again. She pulled back and studied her girlfriend. She’d lost a little weight, and her face was gaunt and hallowed in an anxious, underslept way that made Remi want to never let her out of sight again.

‘I’m fine,’ Stella said quickly. ‘At least we could write this time, right?’

‘Yeah.’ Remi linked their fingers. ‘Still was hard though.’

‘It was.’ Stella brushed a few tears away and leant in for another kiss. ‘But you’re back now.’

They didn’t get much time alone together, as Moody came by for a quick debrief, then their housemates arrived together with a cake for Remi. Jane and Levi popped by to say hi, as well as Max and Talia. Marco’s face softened as Talia walked in wearing high waisted jeans and a slouchy sweater, somehow looking casual and put together all at once. Remi smiled as she heard Marco whisper  _ hey, you _ and saw Talia blush in response. A part of her felt nostalgic for those honeymoon period butterflies, the anticipation of every touch, the disbelief that this person was actually into you. But then Stella slid her arms around her waist and it felt like home, like a lighthouse in a storm, like an anchor, and she thought that it was even better than the butterflies. She pulled Stella in for a long, deep kiss, trying to focus on everything she had missed; how soft her lips were, how she always smiled afterwards, how her hands settled gently around Remi’s back. 

‘I love you.’ Remi bit her lip.

‘I know.’

‘But - I really do.’

‘I love you too.’ Stella’s grey eyes searched hers. ‘So much.’

‘Even when I’m moody and grumpy?’

‘Especially then. Do you love me when I’m a twat?’

‘Mostly.’ Stella poked her ribs and Remi yelped as Petra cleared her throat from the end of the kitchen island.

‘Hey, everyone.’ She looked nervous and Stella and Jane exchanged quizzical looks. ‘Um, I have something to tell you.’

‘Oh no, not you two as well.’ Marco looked between her and Max with a smirk.

‘Oh! No, not that.’ Petra blushed as Max coughed. ‘It’s, er, my parents, they’re not doing too well and want me to move home with them.’ There was a beat of silence and Jane squeezed Petra’s arm.

‘I’m sorry to hear that, Wormtail.’

Petra shrugged. ‘It is what it is. I just wanted to let you all know.’

‘When are you leaving, Pet?’ Stella moved to wrap her arms around her and Petra smiled at her.

‘Day after your birthday. Had to stay here for the Halloween party, hey?’

‘Damn right.’ Stella looked fine, but Remi could almost hear her thoughts. They’d be the only two Marauders left in the house. With a start, she realised the four of them would never live together again. She didn’t know why that was only hitting her now, but it felt significant. Everyone else kept chatting while Remi, Stella and Jane crowded Petra with a hug.

‘We should do a regular Friday catch up, okay?’ Remi didn’t know where it came from, but it felt right. ‘Just Marauders. Drinks or something.’

‘Yeah!’ Stella’s face brightened. ‘We can rotate houses, starting with Prongs this week?’

‘That’d be really nice.’ Petra’s cheeks were pink and her eyes were bright, and something about her expression made Remi crush her into a hug and hold her there for a moment.

‘Marauders are forever, Wormtail.’

‘Yeah.’ Petra sniffed a little. ‘I’ll miss it here.’

‘We’ll miss you. At least you weren’t the first to go.’ Stella looked pointedly at Jane, who rolled her eyes.

‘Drama queen.’

‘Snake.’

‘Take that back!’ Jane pushed her into the bench and they started tackling, and Remi quickly levitated a bottle of mead out of the way.

‘Can you two at least  _ try  _ to act like humans?’ Remi sighed as Petra snorted and leant into her shoulder. Remi looked over to where Levi was watching Jane strangely. Not worried, but something close to it. He caught her eye, and Jane disentangled herself from Stella to go and whisper something in his ear. Stella didn’t notice that much, laughing as Marlon and Lola said something and pulled her into their conversation. But Jane and Levi were still looking at each other, expressions somewhere between worried and ecstatic, and Remi didn’t know what to make of it.

Between visiting the pack most days, to keep their skills sharp and confidence up, and also doing her regular rounds for the Order again, Remi found that November and December passed in a blur. She and Stella found pockets of time together between missions and at night, but in some ways it felt like NEWTs again; they were just waiting for this to be over so they could go back to normal. Moody had forbid anyone but Remi to visit the pack, which she secretly thought was a good thing; it was far better that as few people as possible got entangled in the web of comradery and weird trust that she was building with them. They’d started doing work for the Order, a few of them already getting close to Greyback, so even within the pack, secrets had to kept from each other. No one wanted to think about what could happen if one of them said too much, so Moody had committed them all to a strict, binding contract of secrecy. Moody hadn’t said what would happen if someone broke it, but hinted something about instant Disapparation. Remi didn’t even know if that was possible, but no one was about to test it.

It was difficult, having to be so vague with Stella about her work. It was even more difficult as Remi was transforming with the pack instead of the Marauders, to maintain trust and also - she felt incredibly guilty about this - it was just  _ better _ being with other werewolves. It was less emotionally taxing and left her buzzing the mornings after, full of adrenaline and nerve. Stella didn’t mind that part too much; Remi would come home and practically drag her to their bed, then sleep for hours, limbs twisted and bodies pressed together. The hard part was that Stella had never been good at sharing. The thought of other people understanding a part of Remi better than she did seemed to unsettle her, and Remi couldn't do anything to fix it.

…

Christmas was quieter than usual. Euphemia and Fleamont were visiting family in Spain, and Petra was with her sister. The Order was taking a three-day break, and Jane and Levi had insisted on Remi and Stella staying at their apartment over the holiday, which was admittedly warmer and more private than the house. The guest bed was like sleeping on a cloud. Remi slept for twelve hours and woke up on Christmas Eve to the smell of burnt toast and coffee, the sound of Stella’s laugh ringing through the hall. Remi wrapped a fluffy robe around herself and wandered out to the kitchen, where Jane and Stella were trying - and failing - to cook a full English breakfast together, and Levi was on the couch, smiling softly at them. Remi sat down next to him and his smile turned to her, even brighter than usual. She tilted her head.

‘Alright, Evans?’

‘Of course.’

‘You just seem...I don’t know. Different. Prongs is treating you alright?’ Levi laughed and Jane looked over.

‘What’s going on?’

‘Lupin’s too observant for her own good.’ Jane sighed and Levi spread his hands helplessly at her. Stella looked between them all in utter confusion. 

‘Let us finish breakfast, okay?’ Jane bustled around the kitchen and started setting up the table, Levi excusing himself to fetch something from the bedroom. When they all sat down, both Jane and Levi were pale. 

‘What’s wrong?’ Stella looked concerned. ‘Is someone sick?’

‘No.’ Jane gripped Levi’s hand and he passed Remi and Stella a card. ‘We were going to surprise you tomorrow morning, it being Christmas and all, but…’ Stella opened the card and propped it in front of her and Remi. It hit them at the same time. Inside was a drawing of a smiling baby, waving at them.

**Will you be my godmothers?**

Stella instantly burst into tears and Remi stared at her friends, then back to the card, then back to them.

‘You’re pregnant?’ Jane nodded and Remi nearly knocked her chair over in her haste to hug her. Stella followed, still a sobbing mess. Levi was also crying, and Remi held onto him as tight as she could.

‘Fuck, Evans. You’re going to be a dad.’

‘You’re going to be a mum.’ Stella looked at Jane in bewilderment, and put her hand on her stomach. ‘There’s a baby in there.’

‘Yeah.’ Jane hiccoughed a little and wiped some snot away from her nose. ‘I’m only a couple of months along, but…’ She started crying again and Levi wrapped her up into his arms, his smile glowing beneath the tears. Remi wrapped an arm around Stella’s waist and then the four of them retreated to the couch.

‘How?’ Stella’s eyes were wide and glassy. Jane snorted.

‘Well, Padfoot, I know you’re not so acquainted with the opposite sex, but when…’ Stella barked a laugh.

‘No, but like--’

‘Unplanned.’ Levi quickly said. ‘But very wanted.’

‘Shit timing,’ Jane conceded. ‘But maybe - maybe this is the perfect timing because of that, you know?’

‘I think so.’ Remi felt her heart push against her chest, like it was inflating. ‘You two were born to be parents.’

‘I hope so,’ Jane whispered, interlacing her fingers with Levi’s. ‘I think it’s a boy.’

‘But we’ll keep it a surprise.’ Levi looked at his wife with complete adoration. ‘I don’t care, either way.’

They spent Christmas talking about nothing else. Jane and Levi had already planned out the nursery, they’d already bought a crib, they had a list of potential names that covered the floor.

‘No weird names.’ Jane said firmly. ‘Not Euphemia or Fleamont.’ Remi snorted.

‘Please. Something normal. I should know.’

‘Remi is a nice name!’ Levi looked at her.

‘That’s because my parents thought they were having a boy and only had one name picked out.’

‘What was it?’

‘Remus.’ Remi clicked her tongue as everyone else burst out laughing. ‘It literally means wolf. And then they panicked at the hospital when I came out a girl and slightly changed it to get my name. Thank  _ fuck _ or I would basically be Wolfy McMoonface.’ That sent Stella and Jane over the edge into hysterics, and even Levi was speechless.

‘Fuck.’ Jane wiped a couple of tears away. ‘Okay. No weird names, no weird meanings, got it.’

‘Have you told your parents?’

‘Not yet.’ Jane sighed a little. ‘I want to do it in person.’

‘Fair.’ Remi flopped onto the couch. ‘Are you still going to do missions?’

‘For a little while longer.’ Jane looked resolute, while Levi stared at the floor.

‘I don’t think it’s a good idea, but--’

‘--but I will be  _ fine.’ _ Jane patted his knee. ‘I’m pregnant, not on my deathbed. I don’t even get morning sickness.’

‘I’d believe that, you lucky bastard.’ Stella poked her tongue out. ‘You don’t even get hangovers.’

‘Not for the next seven months, at least.’ Jane sighed dramatically and Stella perked up.

‘Ooh, we’re going to have to learn to be responsible too, aren’t we Moony?’

‘One of us is.’ Remi elbowed her and she got a tickle in response.

‘Seriously. Should we read a parenting book? I know nothing about babies. How young is too young for Quidditch?’ Stella was genuinely concerned and it was very endearing.

‘Christ.’ Remi sighed. ‘This poor kid. They’re going to have more love than they can handle.’

‘Yeah.’ Levi’s voice was soft and his eyes were on Jane’s stomach. ‘I hope so.’

That night, Stella cuddled into Remi and linked their fingers together.

‘Prongs is having a baby.’

‘Yeah. A whole tiny human.’

‘I already love them.’ Stella’s voice was so absolute that it made Remi laugh.

‘I know you do. You love so much.’

‘Sometimes I feel like it’s too much.’

‘It’s not.’

‘I’m sorry I haven’t been the best about the whole pack-thing.’

‘You’ve been fine.’ Remi looked over at her. ‘Why do you say that?’

‘Moony. You know.’

Remi shrugged. ‘You’re allowed to have feelings about it.  _ I  _ have feelings about it. It’s hard, keeping so much from you.’

‘But it’s the way it should be.’ Stella breathed out. ‘War, and all.’

‘War.’ Remi gripped her tighter, and Stella’s eyes found hers. Grey and bright and filled with something bittersweet.

‘Just want all of you, I s’pose.’

‘You have all of me. Even when I’m somewhere else.’

They fell asleep with their fingers still interlaced.

_ 31 July 1980 _

‘It’s happening now?!’ Remi checked her watch. It was three in the morning.

‘Yes yes yes!’ Stella was running around their room in a panic. ‘Levi’s Patronus woke me up. Do you have the bag we prepared?’

‘Yes!’ Remi cast a quick  _ accio  _ and the bag of spare clothes, chocolate, and baby presents flew into her hand. They’d packed it a few weeks before, both deeply unsure what a newborn baby or new parents would need, but Remi figured it was the thought that counted. She tugged on some jeans and a loose top, while Stella frantically looked through the bag one last time.

‘Alright, alright, let’s go!’ Remi grabbed her hand and tugged her to the fireplace, where they tumbled out into Euphemia and Fleamont’s living room. Fleamont had a crazed look in his eye as a blood-curdling scream came from upstairs.

‘The Healer’s only allowed Mimi and Levi in there,’ he said instantly. ‘But the baby’s coming any minute.’

‘Okay.’ Remi took a deep breath and Stella settled on the couch. Petra arrived a few minutes later and snuggled beside them.

‘Any news?’

‘She’s close.’ They all winced as another scream came through the house. 

‘Tea, anyone?’ Fleamont hurried out to the kitchen and the girls held each other’s hands.

‘Boy or girl?’ Stella looked between them.

‘Girl,’ said Petra, somewhat hopefully.

‘Boy.’ Remi mostly said it to keep it interesting. The screams picked up and Petra squeezed their hands.

‘It’s happening.’ A few minutes passed - Fleamont had clearly forgotten about the tea, and they didn’t really want any, anyway - and then footsteps came from the staircase. Euphemia was beaming.`

‘It’s a boy.’ Fleamont and the girls started screaming and scrambled their way upstairs; Fleamont went in first, then the Healer let the girls in. Jane smiled wearily at them as a very tear-stained Levi turned around, his tiny son clutched to his chest.

‘Meet Harry.’

Harry Levi Evans-Potter was the cutest baby in the entire world. He was Jane’s spitting image; dark skin and messy black hair, but he had Levi’s eyes - green and alert, taking in his new surroundings carefully and openly. Petra had to leave for work early the next morning, but Stella and Remi stayed with the new family, mostly bringing Jane and Levi food and tea as they got to know the human they’d just created. 

Remi instantly loved Harry, but Stella was  _ smitten. _ She sat by his crib and stared adoringly at him for hours while he slept, occasionally muttering  _ ‘he’s so cute’  _ or  _ ‘I think he’s got a Beater’s build’, _ Jane shaking her head in exasperation and Levi being able to do very little more than nod and say  _ ‘yeah, totally’. _ After a couple of days, they went back to the apartment, and Remi and Stella took the guest bedroom. They had offered to give the new family space, but Jane had just given them a murderous look.

‘I need sleep and food and to not move. Do not  _ dare _ leave me.’ That was settled, then. Stella and Remi did all of the grocery shopping, wrangled visitors, and comforted a very overwhelmed Levi who started crying every time he held his son. They were just starting to get into some sort of routine when Albus Dumbledore showed up, and ruined everything.


	36. The First War: Sacrifice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jane and Levi learn about the prophecy, and Greyback comes back into Remi's life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW for violence and death.  
> This is a heavier chapter, so please make sure you are in a good mental space to read it.

Remi felt hollow as she and Stella watched their godson in the living room, while his parents talked in the kitchen with Dumbledore and Moody. They could hear everything.

‘But it could be him or Alice and Frank’s…’ Levi’s voice was shaky.

‘I have a source, I’m afraid, that tells me Voldemort is convinced it’s Harry.’ Jane let out a noise that Remi had never heard from her before, a half-scream, half-sob that sent goosebumps up her spine. Stella scooped Harry up from his crib and clutched him to her chest. 

‘We can protect you.’ Dumbledore’s voice was firm. ‘Alastor and I will create a plan. But here is no longer safe.’

‘He can’t know we’re here, can he?’

‘Well.’ Moody’s voice was a tone Remi had become accustomed to - gruff and sincere and apologetic, all at once. ‘We have known for a while that our organisation is not entirely impenetrable.’ There was a weird, breathy silence and Remi reached instinctively for Stella, who pressed their foreheads together, Harry snuggled between them. 

‘My source informs me that Voldemort is aware of both Harry and Neville’s births.’ Dumbledore’s voice was gentle. ‘They haven’t yet been publicly announced, which means someone in the Order told him.’ Jane scream-cried again, and Stella started silently sobbing. Remi took Harry from her and looked at her tiny godson, quiet but awake, his green eyes open and so innocent that it made her want to cry. She didn’t, though. She pressed his forehead to her lips and made a silent promise to protect the newest member of her pack, whatever it took. Moody’s head appeared around the doorframe.

‘Black, Lupin, you better join us for this part.’ Remi gave Harry to Jane, who held him tight to her chest, tears still streaming down her face. Levi was pale as he stroked his week-old son’s hair and held his wife to him.

‘Miss Lupin, Miss Black, as Harry’s godparents I am sure you are also extremely worried about the prophecy and Voldemort’s plans.’ Dumbledore paused. ‘The family will have to go into hiding. I think the safest thing would be to use the Fidelius Charm and assign a Secret Keeper to protect their whereabouts.’ Remi gripped Stella’s hand and they looked at each other, understanding passing between them.

‘I’ll do it,’ Stella said immediately. Remi felt her heart stop.

‘No.’ Everyone looked at Remi. ‘It’s too obvious. He’ll know it’s you. Your family will have told him where you moved after being kicked out.’

‘I don’t care.’ Stella was resolute. ‘I’ll go into hiding as well, I’ll do whatever, I’ll take the risk to keep them safe.’

‘She’s right, Black.’ Moody looked up. ‘Lupin, you’re too obvious as well. We’ve paired you and Levi together on every mission possible, and too many Death Eaters have seen you together.’

‘Who else do you trust?’ Jane, Stella and Remi looked between each other.

‘A Marauder.’

Petra was nervous about the responsibility she was being given, but Dumbledore was insistent that it wouldn’t place her in too much danger. Due to her position within the Ministry, Petra wasn’t a known member of the Order, and had flown under the radar since graduation. Jane and Levi bought a cottage in Godric’s Hollow, and the Fidelius Charm was immediately performed. Petra gave the address, at Dumbledore’s request, to Stella, Remi, Moody, Euphemia and Fleamont. Levi said goodbye to Dorian, Marco and Marlon at Stella’s house, holding back tears.

‘We’ll see you soon, mate.’ Marlon gripped his arm. ‘Focus on your family.’

‘It won’t be forever,’ Dorian added. ‘Just stay alive, okay?’

‘Yeah.’ Levi sniffed. ‘We plan to.’ Marco smiled and ruffled his hair.

‘You will. Just don’t let Potter boss you around, okay?’

‘She’s my wife and she’s just given birth to our child, Macdonald, she can do whatever she wants.’

‘Fair.’ Marco grinned but his eyes were glassy.

‘I can take letters between you all,’ Remi said from the couch. ‘And it won’t be long, Dumbledore has promised.’

Levi smiled at his best mates. ‘I’ll see you all so soon.’

That night, Stella and Remi were unpacking groceries and crockery into Jane and Levi’s kitchen while the new parents slept, when a loud crack made them look out the window.

Remi ran to the door and peered through the peephole.

‘What item did Alastor Moody give me on the last day of my first mission?’

‘Deodorant, and you bloody well needed it.’ Remi chuckled and opened the door.

‘Boss.’

‘Lupin. Is everyone settling in alright here?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Good, good.’ Moody clapped his hands together and averted her gaze. 

‘What’s wrong, Moody?’

‘I think you better sit down, Lupin.’ Remi showed Moody to the couches, only just settled in the living room, and Stella appeared in the doorframe. ‘You too, Black.’

‘Please don’t take her.’ Stella’s voice was small and helpless in a way Remi had never heard it before. ‘Not again. We need her here.’

‘I’m sorry.’ Moody was uncharacteristically gentle. ‘But - it’s Jamie.’ Remi felt her heart drop to her stomach. ‘Greyback - Greyback got Cassie, who got him Jamie. He was taken from the Potters’ house yesterday.’

Remi couldn’t breathe, she couldn’t think; she could only picture Jamie’s face when he had told her he was going to try out for Quidditch, and how happy he had been, and how school was going to start in five days and how Jamie would rather die than miss it. 

‘But.’ Moody exhaled. ‘He’s prepared to give him back. In exchange.’

‘For what?’ Stella’s voice was tight. Moody looked at Remi. Remi understood. Stella’s breathing shallowed. ‘No--no, there must be another way--’

‘He says it’s just a talk. We’ve requested that another Order member be able to join her. Greyback has permitted it so long as he can also bring one of his.’

‘I’ll go.’

‘No, Black.’

‘Why?’ Remi had never seen Stella look so crazed before.

‘Because you have zero ability to control your emotions, and she seems to be your trigger.’ Moody was right, of course - anyone could see that Stella would do anything for Remi. Greyback would exploit that. 

‘He’s right, Stel.’ Remi put her hand over Stella’s but she jerked away, shaking her head.

‘No, I can’t let you go alone, not without--’

‘She won’t be alone, Black, as I said - another Order member will go. Meadowes has already volunteered.’ Of course Dorian had. Remi squeezed her eyes shut and tried to push down Jamie’s face. She couldn’t. Cassie would have known that, of course. _He belongs to me._ Remi looked at Moody.

‘When do I go?’

‘First thing tomorrow.’ 

‘Okay.’ She looked at Stella. ‘I can’t leave him with them.’

‘I know.’ 

The next morning, Remi only took her wand. She hugged Jane and Levi, kissed Harry goodbye, and turned to her girlfriend.

‘I’ll be back for dinner.’ Stella nodded and tried to say something, but choked slightly, and pressed their lips together. ‘I’ll be okay.’

They were meeting at a secluded spot just out of Manchester, but Remi and Dorian had arrived early to scope it out.

‘You do a sweep towards the sheds over there, and I’ll take the edges of the forests,’ he said. ‘Send sparks if something happens.’ 

‘Got it.’ Remi crept towards the sheds - they were old cattle ones, wooden and musty, lined with hay. _Homenum revelio_ didn’t turn anyone up, and she breathed a little easier, scoping out the landscape. It was open paddocks, hills slightly rolling. It reminded her a little too much of Wales. She pushed that thought out of her mind and sent a Patronus to Dorian, giving him the all clear. They met back at the designated spot just in time to hear a familiar voice ring through the wind.

‘Well, well, well, if it’s not my fiercest cub.’ Cassie looked awful; her face was waxy and her teeth were yellowed, her fingernails even longer than the last time Remi had seen her. Greyback appeared beside her, tightly holding Jamie to him. Remi noted with relief that apart from a few scratches, he seemed relatively uninjured.

‘We held up our end of the bargain, Fenrir,’ spat Dorian. ‘Let him go.’

‘Not so quickly,’ Greyback sneered. ‘In the sheds. I don’t want her leaving as quickly as last time.’ His gaze settled on Remi, hungry and determined. She immediately turned and led them to the nearest one, and to test it out, pushed a little on it. Nothing. Fenrir had circled it in an Anti-Disapparition charm. She inwardly cursed as Cassie pushed Dorian in and stood in the doorway. 

‘Alright, cub, you can leave.’ Greyback snarled at Jamie, who shook his head from behind Cassie, trying to push to get in.

‘I’m not leaving them--’

‘Jamie. Leave.’ Remi put on her best older-sister voice. ‘You know where the Portkey is.’

‘But--’

‘One more word and they’re dead, cub.’ Cassie’s voice was ice and Jamie gave Remi one last, desperate look before he left. Greyback stood up and wandered forward, placing a filthy, clawed hand either side of her face. 

‘Remi Lupin.’ Menacing black eyes searched her face. ‘I’ve been waiting a long time to see you again.’

‘Fenrir.’

‘You can call me Father.’

‘I don’t think so.’ 

‘I think so.’ Fenrir dug in his nails to her skin and she bit her tongue to hold back a yelp. Dorian looked helpless behind him, the situation still too delicate for him to step in. ‘See, my daughter over there was like you too. She didn’t want to admit she needed me.’

‘But I do.’ Cassie’s voice was lifeless and Remi tried to catch her eyes.

‘Cassie. Please. You hate him.’

‘I thought I did.’ Cassie moved forward a little, the exit still blocked off by her figure. ‘Then I was kept like a fucking dog in that house for seven months and you know what I realised? They’re all the same, cub. Even the good guys. They will always see you as an animal. So why not give them what they want?’

‘Good girl.’ Fenrir’s eyes were still on Remi, his breath unbearable. ‘How would it feel to never be owned by anyone again, Remi?’

‘You’re a hypocrite,’ she snarled. ‘As if you don’t own them all.’

‘I don’t have to own them.’ His voice reduced to a whisper. ‘I give them everything I am, and they follow me in return. Like a pack does. You know what freedom a pack is, cub.’ Remi didn’t say anything, keeping her gaze fixed on his, alpha to alpha. 

‘I have a pack.’

‘You have people who pity you, who will never understand you.’

‘They’re called friends.’

‘Same difference.’ Cassie’s voice was a purr. ‘Who needs friends when you can have family?’

‘I don’t like your idea of family.’

‘Or perhaps, any family. How’s your father, Remi? How’s your mother?’ That was more than enough to send a shot of adrenaline through Remi, and she roughly pushed Greyback’s arms back, her teeth baring slightly. Greyback pushed on, undeterred. ‘Maybe you could just save us a whole lot of trouble and tell us about another family instead. I’ve heard your new godson is very cute.’ All reason crumbled in Remi and she screamed, pulling out her wand and forcing Dorian behind her.

‘DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE.’ She’d never felt so much like a wolf. ‘You people will get Harry over my dead body, do you hear me?’ Suddenly, she imagined her childhood bedroom, the night the man in front of her had attacked her and changed her life forever. But instead of her bleeding out, it was a boy with dark hair and green eyes. An urge emerged within her that she had never experienced before; the urge to kill. Greyback grinned.

‘That’s it, cub. You wanna fight? Be my guest.’ He pulled out his own wand and Cassie did the same. Dorian nudged Remi twice - asking for a code. But her mind was a mess of rage and horror, and she suddenly forgot everything Moody had ever taught her. She shot a silent spell at the roof and it caved in, forcing Greyback and Cassie to dive out of the way, clearing a path out for her and Dorian. She tugged his hand and tried to go towards the door, but Greyback was already up and on them, and Remi flew a piece of metal into his side. She pushed Dorian out of the shed as Greyback sent a rope towards her, twisting around her ankles, but Dorian easily transfigured it into water and Remi scrambled towards him.

‘Lupin, we need a plan.’ Dorian sounded panicked.

‘Um.’ Remi tried to clear her head. ‘Grindylow. Code Grindylow.’ 

‘Okay.’ He shot a Stunning spell at Cassie, who had finally managed to get off the floor, and she narrowly dodged it as Remi hit her square in the chest with a defensive block. Greyback roared and lunged towards them, grabbing Remi’s leg and digging in his nails. Dorian Petrified a feebly stirring Cassie to keep her out of the way, while Remi and Greyback grappled with each other. Remi wasn’t aware of anything except her overwhelming desire to destroy this man, each tear that he made in her skin only spurring her onwards. They were too entangled for Dorian to land any sort of spell safely, and Remi knew this wasn’t in Grindylow - disable each opponent cleanly, leave them alive, Disapparate - but she had never felt like this before. She wanted to tear Greyback limb from limb, wanted to watch him bleed dry, wanted to spit in his grave. _You destroyed my life, you filthy son of a bitch._ The thought made her roar and she wrapped her hands around his throat, throwing him onto his back and pushing a knee into his stomach. Greyback’s eyes glinted with hunger and amusement.

‘You’re not going to kill your own father, cub?’

‘Watch me.’ She pushed her fingernails into his neck and felt a rush of pleasure as skin broke--just a little more pressure and--

‘REMI.’ Dorian’s voice cut through the air, and she realised what she was doing. She nodded and moved her body aside, giving Dorian space to Petrify Greyback, and she stood up, shaking. 

‘Lupin?’

‘I-I can’t talk right now.’ Remi felt a metallic taste in her mouth and spat out a mouthful of blood, her nails crusted with red and grime. She couldn’t turn to look at Greyback; she couldn’t trust herself to not finish the job. She just ran out of the shed, throwing up as soon as the fresh air hit her, and she felt Dorian’s hand on her back. 

‘Remi. You’re okay. It’s okay.’ Remi just shook her head, nausea overwhelming her.

‘We need to get out of here.’ She tried to stand up but couldn’t, and Dorian gently lowered her back down.

‘We can sit for a moment.’

‘They’ll wake up sooner than humans will.’

‘Lupin, please, give yourself a minute.’

‘I can’t--’ a noise came from the shed beside them and Dorian was on his feet, wand drawn.

‘Who’s there?’

‘Sense of smell a bit damaged, cub?’ Felix stepped out from behind the wood, and Remi sprung up, placing herself between him and Dorian. ‘There’s always back up. First rule of pack.’

‘Get out of here, Felix,’ Remi spat droplets of blood and saliva as she talked. ‘You’re outnumbered.’

‘Not for long.’ He twirled his wand and grinned at Dorian. ‘Handsome fella, aren’t you?’

‘Don’t talk to him.’

‘Ooh, touched a nerve there?’ He looked back to Dorian. ‘She must really like you. Not everyone gets her loyalty, do they?’

‘Only those who deserve it,’ Dorian said calmly, wand pointed. Remi’s heart dropped as she heard voices from the shed. Cassie and Greyback would be out any moment. Felix grinned, awful and twisted, and Remi gave three taps to Dorian. She sent out a Stunning spell immediately followed by a _protego_ from him, and it confused Felix just long enough for them to grab each other’s hands and start to Disapparate, except something was wrong. A scream pierced the air. Oh. _Jamie._ He was supposed to get to the Portkey, but then Remi realised, if Felix had been here all along...she detached herself from Dorian and sprinted behind the shed, where the teenager had been tied up. She heard Dorian and Felix shooting curses at each other, and she quickly dissolved Jamie’s binds, tugging him up and back towards Dorian just as Cassie and Greyback emerged from the shed. She shot Felix with a curse from behind, and he crumpled to the ground. Cassie looked venomous and Greyback was rearing to go, so Remi dragged Jamie over to Dorian and threw up a quick _protego._

‘Get him out of here.’ She pushed their hands together.

‘No.’ Dorian’s voice was firm. Greyback hit the shield with a slashing charm.

‘He needs to be safe--’

‘I can help!’

‘Jamie, no.’ It was a split second too long; Greyback’s hands encircled Remi’s throat and he tugged her back, but Jamie threw himself between them, kicking and scratching the huge werewolf as Remi struggled to disentangle herself. She pointed her wand at Jamie and sent him flying backwards, as Cassie and Dorian duelled in front of them. She kicked out at Greyback’s head and made contact; he swore and she used the opportunity to clamber away. She used a levitation charm to fling the Portkey - a copy of _Jane Eyre_ \- into Jamie, who instantly disappeared. She breathed in relief and turned back to Dorian, who had knocked out Cassie again, and his eyes widened as Greyback leapt towards him, wand out. 

From there, it all happened too fast.

The werewolf’s lips had barely gotten out _avada_ as Remi cut her wand up and a huge gash appeared in Greyback’s throat; he started choking and Dorian ran towards Remi. 

He was fast; he’d always been fast. He was fast enough to throw himself between Remi and the flash of green light that would be Greyback’s last curse.

Years later, Remi would remember Dorian like this; gash in his lip, curls pouring over his forehead, eyes wide and alive. She would remember those fifth year nights in the Astronomy Tower, when they knew something about each other that no one else did. She would remember the way he studied until he fell asleep and drooled on top of his notes. She would remember the way his eyes crinkled when Marlon kissed him and the way he lit up a room with his warm, gentle presence. 

And she would remember the way that her heart ripped open and the world became nothing but pain as Dorian Meadowes died the way he had lived; with unflappable courage and endless love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was by far the hardest chapter I've written so far. I've cried a lot today, but it is a war, and Dorian died to save our girl. I love him so much.
> 
> Please know that happier times are ahead <3


	37. The First War: Rebuilding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group tries to recover from tragedy.

‘Greyback is dead?’ Fudge looked from Remi to Moody, his face alive with delight. ‘Why, this is wonderful news!’ 

Remi hadn’t slept. She hadn’t showered. She still had Greyback’s blood under her fingernails and Dorian’s lifeless face flashing across her vision. She had taken his body back to Moody, screaming and sobbing, and she had refused to let him go until Dumbledore had arrived, gently lifting her elbows and taking her to the couch. 

‘And Fenrir?’ Dumbledore had asked Moody, in hushed tones.

‘Caradoc and Emmeline just took him to the Auror’s office. Dead.’

‘They both must have fought valiantly.’

‘They did.’

Remi had wanted to rip their throats out. Not as much as she currently wanted to rip out Fudge’s.

‘On behalf of the Ministry, Miss Lupin, we would like to offer you compensation for your efforts.’

‘What?’ It was the first word she’d spoken in two hours.

‘Compensation, for such bravery.’ He smiled warmly. ‘The family of Mr Meadowes will also receive compensation.’ Remi gagged at the mention of Dorian, and Moody immediately handed her a bowl. She threw up whatever fluids were left in her stomach, Fudge watching her with an alarmed expression.

‘Give the girl a minute, Fudge.’ Moody put his hand on Remi’s back, gently patting her as she wiped her mouth and set down the bowl, which he quickly Vanished.

‘You should be very proud, Miss Lupin. Today you vanquished a very dangerous enemy--’

‘I killed him.’ Remi met the Minister for Magic’s eyes. He didn’t flinch. ‘I killed someone.’

‘In self-defence.’

‘I still killed him.’ 

‘This is war, Miss Lupin, and you were trying to protect your friend.’

‘And I did a fucking great job at that, didn’t I?’ Remi stood up, and looked to where Dumbledore was standing, watching her intently. ‘Give my money to Dorian’s mother. I don’t want it.’ She walked out and heard Fudge tutting behind her.

‘Awful about the boy, of course, such a waste--’

‘Tactful, Fudge,’ Moody growled. Remi let Dumbledore take her arm and walk her out the front of Moody’s heavily guarded house, and he turned to face her.

‘I have already spoken to Mr McKinnon.’ Remi nodded tightly; she couldn’t even think of Marlon right now. ‘Miss Black is waiting for you at the Evans-Potters’ house, if you would like to leave.’ 

‘Yeah.’ Dumbledore nodded and stepped back, and Remi used whatever strength was left in her to picture Godric’s Hollow. She managed to land a few houses down from Jane and Levi’s cottage, and somehow pulled herself towards the front door. When she opened it, they were all waiting for her. Stella’s arms were around her as she hit the floor, and the sobs started again, and Remi was sure she was going to die from the pain.

Levi had a healthy supply of Calming and Sleeping Draught on hand, which was the only reason Remi slept that night. She woke up before daybreak, and thought about Dorian, and she was shaking and hyperventilating almost immediately. Somewhere in between gasps, Stella gently held her and they Flooed back to the house, leaving Euphemia and Fleamont to take care of Jane, Levi and Harry.

Remi only remembered scrambling into her own bed and being fed more Draught before passing out again. She woke up to a familiar scent.

‘Professor?’ Minerva McGonagall had not changed a bit. She was in her travelling cloak, sitting next to Remi’s bed with a cup of tea and a concerned expression.

‘Oh, Miss Lupin.’ She put down her mug and clutched Remi’s hands. ‘He was the very best sort of person, wasn’t he?’ 

‘I wish he hadn’t saved me.’ Remi’s voice was hoarse and Minerva held her hands tighter. ‘He should be here, not me.’

‘You should both be here,’ Minerva said simply. ‘Violet’s on her way.’ Stella walked in with a cup of tea and sat beside Remi, stroking back her hair.

‘Thanks for coming, Minnie.’ McGonagall’s lips twitched at her nickname but she patted Stella’s knee fondly.

‘Of course, Miss Black.’ Remi sunk deeper in the mattress, and looked warily at Stella.

‘Marlon?’

‘Marco and Talia are looking after him,’ Stella said softly. ‘Dorian’s mother is here too. They all want to see you, when you’re ready.’

‘I can’t--’ Remi looked pleadingly at McGonagall, who sighed and impatiently brushed back a couple of wayward tears.

‘You can see Violet first, of course, Miss Lupin. But they need closure.’ A faint crack came from the front door and Violet’s voice carried through the house. She appeared at the bedroom door with Talia, who came over to kiss Remi’s forehead before leaving. Remi’s insides squirmed. She didn’t deserve it.

‘Can I see Remi alone, please?’ Stella and McGonagall reluctantly got up to leave with Talia, and Violet shut the door with a  _ colloportus,  _ then gently adjusted Remi’s pillows so she was sitting upright. Then her arms were around Remi, gripping her tight, and Remi just wanted to melt into them; with a gasp, she realised how much she needed her mother. Violet stroked her hair.

‘You couldn’t have saved him.’

‘He died--for me--’

‘It was his choice.’ Violet pulled back. ‘And your mother’s choice was hers.’ Violet pulled her back into a hug and Remi let her tears fall for what felt like a very long time.

‘Thanks, Vi.’

‘I don’t normally do affection with clients, but you’re special.’ Violet smiled gently and handed her a handkerchief.

‘He was special.’ Remi looked at her hands, still bloodstained and grimy, and suddenly wished she had showered before Violet had arrived. ‘He was so, so special.’

‘You’ll feel guilty for a long time.’ Violet laid a hand on her shoulder and firmly placed her gaze on hers. ‘Not for any good reason, mind you. But you will. It’s part of surviving.’ Remi nodded. ‘Formally speaking, I’m here to assess you. Now that Greyback’s dead, a huge amount of change will happen within the werewolf community; some good, some bad. Ideally, the Order would like to have you on the field to monitor things.’ Violet paused and considered Remi. ‘I don’t think that’s a good idea.’

‘I don’t know if I’m strong enough,’ murmured Remi.

‘You’re beyond strong, Remi. I just think you need a break.’

‘It’s war. I suppose I don’t have a choice.’

‘There are other werewolves working for the Order, Dumbledore has informed me. None as talented or trusted as you, but they’re there.’

‘I can’t be a coward.’

‘You’re the furthest thing imaginable from a coward.’

‘I could do it.’ Remi inhaled deeply. ‘Just give me a few days, and I can go back out. People are dying every day, I know that--’

‘Not everyone has had a best friend die for them.’

‘I tried to stop him!’ Anger scorched through Remi as she thought of the sheds and the paddocks and the whole hopeless situation. ‘I told him to leave with Jamie. He didn’t. He  _ didn’t listen.’ _

‘He didn’t want to leave you.’

‘Why?’ Remi dug her nails into the bed. ‘Why couldn’t he just fucking  _ listen _ and leave and not be noble?’ She knew the answer, but Violet reminded her anyway.

‘Because he loved you.’ Remi felt her heart break all over again.

Dorian’s funeral was small and quiet, heavily guarded by Aurors. His mother was the only relative in attendance, clutching onto Marlon’s arm for support as her son was lowered into the ground. Marlon was stony faced, and unreadable. He had spoken to Remi once, to thank her for bringing the body back, and he had been silent to everyone since then. Funny, extroverted, loud Marlon McKinnon was gone, and a shell replaced him. 

Levi and Jane weren’t allowed to come, but Petra and Stella were, as well as Marco, Talia and Max, and some Order members. Dumbledore stood in the back and spoke in soft whispers to Dorian's mother after the formalities, and gave some sort of inspiring eulogy that completely went over Remi’s head. She didn’t want inspiration. She wanted her friend back.

Afterwards, Remi excused herself to go and have a smoke. Leaning against the church walls, covered in moss and grime, she filled up her lungs and imagined Dorian was next to her.  _ Astronomy Tower, Lupin? You look like you need a walk.  _ She almost responded out loud that they weren’t at Hogwarts anymore when Marlon appeared next to her, holding out his hand. She passed him a cigarette and quietly lit it for him, and they both stared into the distance.

‘I wish it was me.’ Remi exhaled. ‘I told him to leave.’

‘I wish he’d listened.’ 

‘Me too.’ 

‘I’m going to move to a place in London.’ Marlon’s voice was toneless. ‘Can’t stay in the house anymore.’

‘By yourself?’

‘Yeah.’ Remi didn’t say anything, just nodded, and stubbed out her smoke.

‘Bullshit, isn’t it?’ Remi smiled at the brick, seeing exactly where Dorian would be standing right now if he were there. ‘He was the best person by a fucking mile, out of all of us.’

‘He was.’ Marlon’s lips lifted slightly upwards, but didn’t connect to his eyes. ‘Never deserved him.’

‘No one did.’ Remi looked into Marlon’s empty eyes and felt some sort of understanding pass between them. At least one other person in the world felt as guilty as she did, and for no good reason. Like Violet said.

‘Take care, okay, McKinnon?’ He nodded and Remi touched his shoulder briefly, then left to go back inside. 

…

In the end, it was Harry who saved her.

Remi had offered to go back into the field. But a letter came through from Dumbledore, explaining that he would prefer it if she and Stella could stay close to the Evans-Potters. Remi had written back that he didn’t have to listen to Violet and that she wasn’t afraid to go back into the field. He told her that his word was final. She suspected it was actually Violet’s word that was final.

Remi and Stella had barely spoken since Dorian’s death, Stella understanding Remi’s need to withdraw and Remi just needing her girlfriend close. No one else got her the same way, and she was too exhausted to come up with words. Stella sat by her side for two weeks, letting her read or write or stare into the distance while the war went on and more people died. Remi would have swapped them all for Dorian.

On a clear September morning, Remi and Stella Apparated to Godric’s Hollow to begin the routine of observation and guarding that they had been assigned. Jane and Levi were delighted to see them, but looked utterly wrecked, the bags under their eyes black and their faces pale from the lack of sunlight.

‘Padfoot.’ Jane wrapped her arms tightly around Stella, and they stayed like that for a while. Levi looked at Remi for a moment before they hugged, and she inhaled his scent, which was now also a new baby and breastmilk and spit up smell. He looked at her.

‘I fucking miss him.’

‘Me too.’ 

‘I’m so, so glad you’re here.’ He led her inside and let Jane smother her in a bone-crushing hug.

‘Moony.’

‘Prongs.’ 

‘I know that you’ve had a rough few weeks, but let me tell you about  _ motherhood.’ _ Stella started laughing and even Remi cracked a smile, and they heard a small cry from the next room.

‘He’s up!’ Levi half-jogged into the room to pick up his son, and the girls followed, Jane shaking her head.

‘He’s always like this. Can’t wait for our little one to wake up. Sometimes he just watches him sleep.’

‘He’s so perfect,’ Stella murmured, taking Harry into her arms and giving him a tickle. ‘Hey, Harry. We’ve missed you.’ Harry turned his green eyes to Remi, and reached out a pudgy hand. Stella passed him to her, and he curled both fists in Remi’s lank, unwashed hair, searching her face. He recognised her. She held his weight close to her chest and closed her eyes, and remembered why everything that had happened, had happened. She remembered Fenrir’s threats and the homicidal rage it brought out in her, she remembered Jane’s screams when Dumbledore told her that her son was in danger, she remembered Levi’s admission to her in their last year of school that this - a child, a family - was all he wanted. She remembered kissing Harry’s head and making him pack. Her heart swelled with love as he tugged on her hair and she met his eyes, and felt a little shock as he  _ floated  _ into her neck.

‘Magic? Already?’ She looked in shock to Jane and Levi, who were both beaming.

‘Yep.’ Levi looked about to burst with pride. Remi met Stella’s eyes and bewilderment passed between them. Remi looked back to her godson.

‘He’s amazing.’

‘He is.’ Jane leant on the doorframe. Remi squeezed Harry tight into her neck and let his soft, even breathing stitch her heart together a little bit. She would protect him, like she protected Jamie. They would make it through. Dorian would not have died for nothing.

Like it had with her mother, life moved on after Dorian. Like Violet said she would, she often felt guilty, especially when something made her laugh or smile. Like her heart had healed before, it healed once again. 

As they entered winter, Remi and Stella had settled into their lives of protecting their friends, and something new and precious emerged between them. Despite the war, and despite the constant fear, Remi found her love for her girlfriend deepening to a place she didn’t know was possible. Stella had grown up over the past year. She was committed to Harry beyond anything else. She looked at Remi with eyes that were no longer hungry, but completely and utterly  _ hers, _ settled and sure in their choice. One morning, as they did their routine check of the protective charms surrounding Jane and Levi’s cottage, Stella laughed out loud and Remi looked at her in amusement.

‘What?’

‘I just remembered fifth year.’

‘What about it?’

‘When you found me and Marco in that empty room, smoking. I knew it was on your rounds and I was trying to make you jealous.’

‘You absolute git.’ Remi gasped and hit her with a Jelly-Legs Jinx and Stella descended into hysteria. ‘You fucking sod, that was so awful.’

‘I didn’t mean for it to lead to a relationship, but it just sort of did.’

‘Poor Marco.’

‘Eh. He’s fine now.’ Stella un-jinxed herself and pulled Remi on top of her, kissing her forehead. ‘I just thought about it and it feels so unbelievably far away now, you know?’

‘Imagine trying to make me jealous now,’ Remi grinned. ‘I’d actually laugh at you.’

‘We’re so stuck with each other, aren’t we?’ Stella smiled gently and Remi felt a sudden rush of love, like her heart was trying to remind her how lucky she was. 

‘Yeah, baby, we’re stuck with each other. Come on, let’s go see Harry.’

…

‘Heard from Marlon at all?’ Remi had just gotten back to the house, where Talia and Marco had made them dinner, and she ate without tasting it, absolutely starving after a long day of wandering Godric’s Hollow. Stella was doing rounds in Diagon Alley tonight with Moody.

‘No.’ Marco furrowed his brow, and shrugged. ‘He needs space, I suppose. But I miss him.’ Talia laid a gentle hand on his shoulder and he clasped it, bringing her knuckles to his lips. Lola wandered into the kitchen.

‘Hey, Prewett.’ Remi smiled at her friend as Lola heated a kettle for tea.

‘Heya.’ Lola looked exhausted; she’d been spending a lot of time spying recently, mostly following Death Eaters, and she’d had a few close calls. Moody had given her a couple of days off. ‘Ooh, is that spaghetti bolognese?’

‘Yes!’ Marco grinned and quickly threw a bowl together for her. ‘I have learned to cook, you see.’

‘To impress me,’ Talia added.

‘Can’t a man just want to do things to  _ improve  _ himself?’ All three girls looked at him disparagingly. ‘Yeah, alright, it was to impress Nolan, and it bloody worked.’ Lola and Remi snorted with laughter and Talia rolled her eyes. 

‘I can’t believe you two have already made it a year.’

‘Well past a year,’ grinned Marco. ‘And this one’s not a lesbian - I don’t think - so I’d say that’s a win.’ Remi laughed again and thought about what Dorian would say if he were here.  _ Take your wins where you can, Macdonald. _ It made her smile slightly, which she had been doing more when thinking of Dorian recently. Violet was quite insistent that the dead never really left, and Remi was starting to agree; sometimes, if she was worried or anxious, she’d feel a warm, gentle thrum through her veins, and she could swear that he was there. She hoped Marlon felt something like it too, wherever he was.

‘Has anyone seen Petra recently?’ Lola said absentmindedly. ‘I had a book I wanted to lend her.’

‘Not for a week or so,’ Remi said. ‘I saw her at Levi and Jane’s for tea, but she’s been busy with work.’

‘Shame. Miss that munchkin.’ Lola blew on her tea and took a sip. At that moment, a sound came from the living room, and Stella walked out of the fireplace. She came straight to the kitchen and gave Remi a quick kiss before immediately going for the bolognese.

‘I am SO hungry.’ She ate standing up, her long hair tangled and her cheeks flushed. ‘Moody is a fucking maniac. We couldn’t even stop for a chocolate pick up.’

‘I ordered us some more Honeydukes,’ Remi said, smiling at her ravenous girlfriend. ‘It’s upstairs when you’re done.’

‘I love you so bloody much. Alright, I’m going to take a shower.’ She put the empty bowl down and Marco’s eyes widened.

‘Did you even taste that as you inhaled it?’

‘Yeah. It was good.’ Stella poked her tongue out and ran upstairs. Remi felt a warmth spread across her chest, and she held onto it.  _ Love you too, Meadowes. _

Hundreds of miles away, in an abandoned house in a town called Little Hangleton, Tom Riddle was preparing to kill Harry Evans-Potter.


	38. The First War: Tom and Petra

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The First War comes to an end as Petra Pettigrew makes her choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW for talk about sexual assault (not graphic), violence, and character death.

The story really began with Petra Pettigrew, the girl who had never known why she was a Gryffindor.

Petra remembered the first time she saw Jane. They were six, and their parents were having dinner. Petra was small and chubby and had blonde pigtails, and Jane was already so confident and bubbly, her glasses slipping down her nose as she climbed the trees in Petra’s backyard.

When Jane not only wanted to stay friends at Hogwarts, but included her in the group, made her a Marauder, Petra had been overwhelmed. Each girl seemed to have a role, except for her. Jane was the brave, charismatic leader with a heart of gold that overflowed with mischief. Cool, beautiful Stella captivated everyone around her, and gave love away like she had an endless supply. And then there was Remi, quiet but confident, intelligent beyond her years, kind in a way Petra never knew was possible. Petra loved them so entirely that it scared her sometimes. They were the threads around which she wrapped her identity, and although she faded into the background, she didn’t mind. She was still more visible than she would have been without them.

Perhaps, in a different world, Petra would have loved her friends less. 

The story also began with Tom Riddle, the man who never understood what it was to be human.

Tom sniffed out weakness like a werewolf sniffs out human blood. He was made of ambition and desire, intertwined so entirely that nothing separated his  _ wants _ from his  _ needs.  _ When Rosier brought in a lowly Ministry graduate that he had placed under the Imperius Curse, Tom recognised weakness. The girl struggled so little against the charm that he wondered if she really  _ wanted _ to resist at all.

‘Her friends call her Wormtail,’ Rosier had snorted.

‘How interesting.’ Lord Voldemort didn’t care about details like that. He cared about secrets and blood. ‘She’ll be useful.’

Tom thought that Petra Pettigrew was weak to her core. He never realised that she had been the Secret Keeper for months before she told him where the Evans-Potters were. If he had, perhaps he would have judged his actions differently.

Perhaps, in a different world, Lord Voldemort would have understood loyalty a little more.

Petra hadn’t wanted to tell him the secret. She had been under the Imperius curse for so long that she didn’t know where her wants ended and his began. But she had managed to keep this one secret - because no one had ever asked the right question.

He eventually did, of course.

‘Do you have any useful information for me, Wormtail?’ Under  _ imperio, _ that was enough. Somewhere in the back of Petra’s possessed mind, a small voice cried out  _ no. _ If Tom Riddle had been paying attention, he may have noticed it flicker behind her eyes. He didn’t. 

Perhaps, in a different world, Petra was never strong enough to say no.

Rosier was meant to keep an eye on her.

‘Keep the girl here,’ Voldemort had said to him in a high, cold voice. ‘I’ll be back soon.’

‘She’s easy,’ laughed the Death Eater, as if Petra wasn’t even in the room with them. When his master left, he started talking to Dolohov, both of them leaning back in their chairs and keeping Petra tightly Imperiused in the corner. 

‘It’s a shame that the Black girl decided to join them. Apparently she’s  _ well-endowed.’ _ Rosier waggled his eyebrows at Dolohov, who snorted.

‘I met her, a couple of months back. Bloody filthy mouth on her too. Made a comment to her about that kid and she wasn’t happy.’

‘’Course not, fucking blood traitor.’ Rosier spat onto the wooden floor beside him, where Tom Riddle had once killed his father. ‘And then her sister went missing - all my fun was gone.’

‘You could never just focus on your wife, could you?’ Dolohov elbowed his friend and then jerked his head towards Petra. ‘She’s alright, if you’re desperate.’

The scream inside Petra became louder. She thought of Max, and how they’d only really just started to get comfortable with each other before these people ruined it all and she’d had to break things off with him. She’d never told the Marauders about that.

‘Maybe. She’s lost weight over the last year.’

‘Later.’ Rosier smirked at Petra and then Dolohov looked at the clock. ‘It’s almost time. He said he’ll enter at midnight. You know, for  _ good luck.’ _

‘Hopefully that half blood werewolf and the blood traitor are there too. I’d pay good money to see them bleed out.’

Suddenly, the distant voice in Petra pushed to the front of her mind. The coil connecting her to the curse snapped and it was like she could breathe again.  **No,** screamed her mind,  **no, you can’t have them.**

She had her wand out and was slicing upwards on each man’s throat before they realised the curse had broken.

She was going to save her friends.

Petra Apparated just outside of Godric’s Hollow and ran to the house. She didn’t have a plan, she didn’t have any rational thoughts, but she knew she had to save them. She checked her watch. It was 11.58pm. She ran faster.

Inside their cottage, Jane had gotten up to nurse Harry. Levi was making them both tea. 

‘You can sleep, you know,’ she’d said.

‘That wouldn’t be fair,’ he’d replied. ‘And you need to eat something.’ Jane had lost some of her muscle from the stress of the past few months, and her normally energetic demeanour was tired and resigned. Levi worried about his wife and the toll hiding would take on her mental health. He was fine on minimal sleep, with just Jane and Harry for company most of the time. But Jane needed so much more. He tried not to feel guilty that he couldn’t give it to her. He couldn’t even promise their son’s safety. Failure and anger coarsed through him and he stubbornly poured boiling water over the tea leaves. He grabbed a plate of cottage pie to reheat for Jane, and she looked at him like he was her saviour as he brought it into her, Harry still clamped on and feeding happily.

‘I love you so much,’ she moaned through a mouthful of mince and potatoes. ‘Dinner was way too long ago.’

‘Of course.’ Levi stroked back her hair and took Harry over one shoulder, gently burping him. Jane smiled at them both, her tired eyes still unbelievably full of love.

‘Living room? I need to pump a bit.’ Levi nodded and they moved onto their couch, and he picked up a book to read to Harry. Jane listened contentedly, curling beside him once she was done, and Harry was nearly asleep when they heard a soft thump hit their front door.

Petra got there just in time, as the terrifying figure in black turned onto the street. She plastered her arms across the front door, stumbling back and hitting the wood slightly, and she could hear Levi and Jane stirring from the living room.  _ Don’t come down,  _ she silently begged.  _ Don’t come down. _ It was too late to get them outside the house to Apparate, they didn’t have their invisibility cloak, Voldemort was going to kill them. And it was all her fault.

‘Wormtail.’ Voldemort regarded her with the same expression with which you might regard a house spider, or cockroach. Inconvenienced, but mostly unbothered.

‘You can’t go in.’ At that exact moment, she heard a scream from upstairs, and it was all over. Her heart turned to ice. ‘I’m not going to let you.’ She shakily pulled out her wand and Voldemort laughed.

‘Out of the way, Pettigrew. You could be someone, you know. We could make a good team. Just step aside, and I’ll make you very powerful and very  _ wanted  _ on the other side of this.’ 

Wanted. 

She remembered with a pang what Gavin had said when she broke up with him.  _ No one will want you, Petra, no one will the way I do. _ She had believed that for a long time. She had bit down the jealousy and anger when her friends had paired off, when she wasn’t a godparent, when she was pushed into the Ministry and everyone else got to go have adventures. But then an image came to the forefront of her mind.

_ Marauders are forever, Wormtail. _

We all make decisions that define us. Sometimes, it’s the decisions we don’t make that define us. Voldemort gave her the option; run, or stay. Petra chose to stay, but it didn’t feel like a choice. It felt like nothing else was possible.

When the flash of green light hit her, Petra Pettigrew finally felt like a Gryffindor.

...

The story really began when Tom Riddle stepped over the body of Petra Pettigrew and into the house. Tom didn’t understand his mousy little servant. He didn’t understand why she hadn’t just left. He didn’t understand how she had managed to break  _ imperio. _ Maybe she was stronger than he’d given her credit for. Maybe, maybe, maybe. 

The family cowered in the topmost bedroom, trying desperately to hide their son. As Voldemort blew open the door, the blast knocked Levi and Jane Evans-Potter unconscious, but not Harry, who was inside the closet. A feeble attempt at protection. It almost made Tom laugh. Almost.

Perhaps, in a different world, Harry would have died, without his parents there to fling themselves in front of him. But as the cloaked man raised his wand and yelled strange words, the infant felt a warmth spread throughout him, not unlike the way it felt to be held by his mother or father. He wouldn’t remember that, of course. He would never know that somewhere up above, a girl with a lion’s heart screamed in victory as she watched the consequences of her sacrifice unfold.

Here’s the thing: no matter which world they were in, Tom Riddle would never understand the meaning of love. 

  
When Jane and Levi stirred awake in their bed, this is what they saw: Euphemia and Fleamont sobbing tears of relief beside them as they woke; Dumbledore and Moody in quiet, joyful conversation with McGonagall; Talia, Marco and Lola on the floor beside them, reading  _ The Daily Prophet _ ; and Harry being held upright at the foot of the bed by his adoring godmothers, the lightning-shaped scar on his forehead already healed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaand - it's still not over! We've got a journey ahead of us as the group has to figure out how to protect Harry and defeat Voldemort for good. It will be lighter stuff though - expect Quidditch, university, and romance.
> 
> On Peter Pettigrew - I have always hated him, of course. He's the villain! But I never understood exactly why he betrayed his friends. What was the reason? What made him do it? Why did the Sorting Hat choose him for Gryffindor when he was eleven, and why did the Marauders trust him? Petra Pettigrew is very different to her male counterpart - a braver, kinder, more loving version - but I hope choosing this version of events for her makes a little more sense than Peter's actions did. And, of course, her actions not only protected Harry, but Levi and Jane as well. Decisions, hey?
> 
> I will be posting a little less frequently as I've just started Honours, but it will be at least 2-3x a week and more if I can find time. I love these characters so much and want to give them the endings they deserve.
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading this and I hope you still want to keep going with me <3


	39. The Post War Years: A Start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Petra's death, the group has to rebuild themselves.  
> But in an unexpected twist of fate, Remi and Stella are given a choice - and a new story begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW for grief.

The war was over.

It didn’t feel real, not yet. Voldemort was gone, there was little doubt about that, although he was bound to come back. Death Eaters were still being tracked down and sent to Azkaban. The wizarding community was still fluctuating between overwhelming joy at the triumph, and absolute fear at it being taken away.

Remi lived between one of the two states, most days. She would wake up next to Stella, her girlfriend safe and well beside her, her godson and best friends only a few rooms away, and her heart would be overflowing with gratitude. And then she would remember.

_ Petra. _

_ Dorian. _

Their losses cut through her like a knife.

The Aurors had taken Petra’s body away before any of them could see it, but Remi could picture it so clearly that it almost didn’t matter. Petra’s wand had still been clutched in her hand.  _ Oh Pet. _ Guilt consumed all three Marauders, the silent question passed between them -  _ how did we not realise? _

Jane was asked to give the eulogy at the funeral, but Remi ended up writing most of it for her.

‘A funeral is for the living, not the dead,’ she reminded her. ‘You just need to say what her parents and family want to hear. How brave she was, what she was like when she was younger, how we’ll always remember her.’

‘But that doesn’t even come close to it.’ Jane closed her eyes and tears fell onto the table, splashing against the wood. Remi stroked her back. ‘Nothing will ever be right about this.’

‘No, it won’t.’ Stella appeared in the doorway, bouncing Harry on one hip. ‘But we knew her. We know how to remember her.’ She turned to her godson, who laughed as she clipped his chin softly. ‘We were lucky to have had her.’

‘We were,’ murmured Remi, and she felt that familiar mix of love and pain and guilt swell up in her heart. Dorian’s voice rang through her thoughts.  _ I’ll look after her, Lupin. _ ‘We were lucky to have had both of them.’

‘We’re lucky to still have each other.’ Jane held her arms out for her son and smiled through more tears as her gaze landed on his scar. ‘Do you think Dumbledore’s right? About why we survived?’

‘I think so.’ Remi looked between her and Harry. ‘I don’t know if she knew what she was doing, or why she was doing it. I don’t know if we’ll ever get the full story. But I think it’s the only explanation.’

‘I would have done the same, for him,’ Jane cradled Harry’s head and stroked a hand through his black hair. ‘I would have died a million times over.’

Remi didn’t remember much of the funeral. Jane’s eulogy seemed to go over well, producing a few laughs and a lot of tears. Gillian, Eliza and Jamie were flanking a very shaky-looking Max, and Marco was holding Talia’s hand, both of them ghostly pale. Dumbledore spoke as well, about the amazing sacrifice Petra had made for her friends and how her love had defeated Voldemort. Remi felt a coil of annoyance tighten in her stomach as she looked at her former Headmaster. What had he sacrificed, for this war? Which friends had he lost? It was all very well to go along with the greater good when you don’t have anything to lose. She felt sick as she remembered the night he had asked them all to join the Order. They’d been willing, they’d been adults - technically - but something about it didn’t sit right with her anymore. He hadn’t warned them that this was what it would mean. Suddenly, Remi felt as though they had never stood a chance. The feeling only increased when Jamie told her at the wake that  _ Professor Snape _ had taken over from Slughorn.

‘What?’ Remi was sure she must have misheard.

‘Yeah, she’s a bit weird but she knows her stuff.’

‘Serena Snape?’

‘Yeah.’ 

Remi’s mouth went dry. ‘She’s a Death Eater.’

‘Apparently she turned spy for Dumbledore, about a year ago.’ Jamie bit his lip. ‘He testified at her trial.’

‘Oh.’ Remi pictured Jane’s convulsing, bleeding body at the start of their seventh year and resisted the urge to vomit. ‘Be right back, love.’ She backed away from Jamie and ran out of Petra’s parents’ living room, down the hallway and into the nearest bathroom. She was splashing cold water on her face when she heard a knock and Stella was there.

‘I overheard.’

‘What the bloody hell is he playing it?’

‘Yeah.’ Stella wrapped her arms around Remi, standing on her toes to reach up and over her shoulders. ‘Fucked up.’

‘Petra deserved that kind of protection.’ Remi’s voice cracked. ‘Dorian did. Not her.’

‘We all needed that kind of protection.’ 

‘I’m so angry.’

‘Me too. But…’

‘But?’

Stella kissed her cheek. ‘But it’s over. We get to move on, and we have our whole lives ahead of us. Let's focus on the future, my love.’

_ 1 August 1981 _

__

‘Come ON, we’re going to be late!’ Remi was impatiently waiting by the fireplace as Stella, Lola, Marco and Talia ran down the stairs, pulling on their shoes and jerseys. ‘Why can no one else be ready on time?’

‘I’m ready!’ Lola grinned at her as she ran into the living room, backpack over her shoulder.

‘Me too!’ Stella’s arms were entirely taken up by the massive sign she had spent all night making.

‘It’s her FIRST GAME, come on lovebirds!’ Marco and Talia had barely entered when Remi pushed Lola into the fireplace, the others quickly following.

The arena was even more amazing in person. The Ministry had it built after the war, in a desperate bid to get people out of their homes and back into the Quidditch stands. The Floo channels stretched all around the perimeter, and Remi tumbled out into Stella. The crowd was already thick and buzzing, everyone excited for the first game of the season. Stella grabbed her hand, grey eyes bright, and she tugged her towards the entrance. When they found their seats, Levi and Harry were already there, and Stella squealed as she took her godson into her arms.

‘You’d think you hadn’t seen him in  _ weeks.’ _ Remi sat down next to Levi, who was laughing.

‘Yesterday is practically weeks.’ Stella touched her nose to Harry’s. He looked extremely cute, in a dark green and gold jersey that had EVANS-POTTER printed across the back. ‘Does he like the broom?’

‘What do you think, Pads?’ Levi grinned and shook his head. ‘He’s already taking after his mother.’ Lola, Marco and Talia appeared beside them, arms full with snacks and beers, Eliza and Max in tow.

‘Bless you all.’ Stella grabbed a drink with her free hand and sat down next to Remi, propping Harry up on her knee, and Levi groaned as he bit into a pumpkin pasty.

‘Can’t remember the last time I had one of these.’ He bumped his shoulder against Remi’s, and lowered his voice. ‘Prongs has banned sweets in the house. I’m dying.’

‘I’m so glad Stel decided her jock days were behind her.’ Remi practically inhaled a Chocolate Frog and Levi snorted. Lola sat down behind them and leaned forward.

‘Evans, has Lupin told you yet?’

‘Told me what?’

‘That we’re going to be at Oxford together.’

‘Wait.’ Levi straightened. ‘You’re going too?’

‘Yeah. Political science, not literature with this one, but still.’ Lola beamed. ‘I can’t wait.’

‘You can’t wait for cute university girls.’ Remi quirked her lips and Lola raised an eyebrow.

‘I can be excited about more than one thing.’ Her head turned a little as a very pretty brunette walked past.

‘Not fighting in a war has certainly brought your  _ flair  _ back, Prewett.’ Levi groaned as she punched his shoulder.

‘You’re talking to a lady, Evans.’ Remi snorted at that and Lola narrowed her eyes. ‘Thin ice, Lupin, thin ice.’

‘Shhh.’ Stella hushed them as the stadium lights dimmed. ‘It’s starting.’ She held Harry up a little so he could see the pitch as a voice boomed out.

‘LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO THE FIRST GAME OF THE BRITISH AND IRISH QUIDDITCH LEAGUE, SEASON NINETEEN EIGHTY ONE TO EIGHTY TWO.’ Remi and Levi gripped hands as he continued. ‘PLEASE WELCOME YOUR HOLYHEAD HARPIES.’ All six of them went wild as the women flew out.

‘CAPTAIN GALEA BRENNAN, LEADING HER TEAM OUT WITH FELLOW BEATER SARAH FRIEDMAN, FOLLOWED BY KEEPER ALESSIA MARINO, SEEKER HAYLEY MARUYAMA, AND OUR CHASERS--’ the crowd cheered even louder ‘--DESDEMONA WELLBELOVE, GILLIAN BALA AND JANE EVANS-POTTER!’

Stella and Remi screamed as the cameras zoomed in on Jane, her messy black hair instantly identifiable, and Eliza whooped as she and Gillian bumped fists. Gillian’s hair was braided back and her eyes were outlined in dark green to match their uniforms. The Harpies formed a circle and the crowd started chanting.

‘HAR-PIES, HAR-PIES, HAR-PIES!’ Stella held Harry up and bopped him along, a few people around them turning with wide eyes when they noticed his scar, but otherwise leaving him alone. Remi let Harry curl a chubby fist around her pinky and he giggled as his mother zoomed by, his green eyes alive and in wonder of the world around him. He clambered back across to his father as the Falmouth Falcons took their spots and the two teams faced each other. There was silence as the referee held up the Snitch, and the camera zoomed in on Jane’s determined face.

‘Mama!” Harry’s sweet voice carried through the stadium and people around them started laughing. Levi’s shoulders were shaking as he gave Harry a cuddle.

‘Yeah, that’s your mama, kiddo.’

The Harpies won by two hundred and twenty points, and Levi, Harry, Remi and Stella all waited for an hour afterwards while Jane batted off reporters - she’d scored nine goals, unheard of for a rookie, but there were still outlets that only care about her son’s brush with death.

‘Old news at this point, Skeeter.’ Jane’s lips thinned at the nosy blonde woman, and she swung an arm around Gillian. ‘Bala, on the other hand, either scored or set up every single goal out there. That’s surely more interesting than a kid who tried to eat cat litter last night.’ Gillian grinned and shook out her braids.

‘You two certainly have amazing chemistry.’ A portly, older man with a bowler hat and a notepad pushed Rita Skeeter aside and eagerly looked at the two women. ‘What was it like going from rivals to teammates?’

‘We were always friends.’ Gillian looked fiercely at the man. ‘Just outside the Quidditch pitch. Now, we get to be teammates as well.’ 

‘I’m lucky to play with someone who knows me so well,’ Jane smiled. ‘And Brennan is an amazing captain who knows how to play to our strengths.’

The interview went on and Harry got bored, eventually bursting into tears as yet another reporter took his mother’s attention away from him. Jane sighed and Levi handed Harry over, and she turned back to her interview.

‘Sorry, what were you saying?’

‘You’re set to be one of Quidditch’s next stars.’ The reporter, a tall, thin man with an unpleasant voice, looked at Harry. ‘And yet you have a young family. Will they get in the way of your career?’ Jane looked bemused.

‘Are you asking me if I regret having my son?’ Harry blinked at the man and gripped onto Jane’s hair.

‘Of course not, just it must be  _ challenging--’ _

‘I am lucky to have a supportive husband who looks after our son full time.’ Jane’s tone was tense. ‘He is my number one fan and tells me how proud he is of me every day. Would you ask a man with a wife and child whether they’d get in the way of  _ his _ career?’ The man stuttered out some sort of blithering response and slunk away. Jane and Gillian exchanged amused looks and Gillian gently stroked Harry’s arm.

‘You better take this cutie to bed,’ she said with a grin. ‘I’m going out with Friedman and Maruyama for a little post game boogie.’ 

‘God, what’s it like to have pre-kid energy levels?’ Jane shook her head. ‘Great game, Bala.’

‘You too babe. What a team, huh?’ The front page of the Daily Prophet the next day was a photo taken just that moment, Gillian and Jane grinning at each other in their team tracksuits, Harry curled into Jane’s neck. Above them, the headline read  _ UNSTOPPABLE: Dynamic Duo Bala and Evans-Potter Dominate the Game. _

…

‘You ready for tomorrow, love?’ Stella was already in bed, sipping hot chocolate and reading the newspaper. Remi was deciding on her outfit for her first day of university. Pants or skirt? Boots or Converse? Sweater or no sweater?

‘Will I look like too much of a try hard if I wear the matching cardigan and skirt?’

‘I love that combo on you.’

‘You love  _ everything _ on me.’

‘Off you, too.’

‘You are no help.’

‘It’s not my fault you look cute in everything.’ Remi sighed and decided on jeans and a sweater. Keep it simple. She crawled into bed and Stella tugged her in by the waist, pressing their lips together. She tasted like chocolate and Remi made a small sound of approval as she straddled Stella’s hips.

‘You’re going to impress everyone tomorrow, you know that?’ Stella tugged down the neckline of Remi’s Bowie shirt and started laying kisses across her collarbone. ‘Everyone will be like, who’s that super cute, super smart girl who knows everything about Emily Bronte? And you’ll get to tell them that you are  _ taken _ and they can  _ join the queue  _ and--’ Remi broke off the rant with a kiss and grinned as Stella happily snuggled into her. 

‘I thought you didn’t get jealous anymore.’

‘I don’t.’ Stella tightened her grip around Remi’s waist. ‘I just like people to know that we’re together.’

‘You’re a menace.’

‘Always have been.’

‘Always will be.’ Remi nuzzled her cheek. ‘Any ideas on the job front yet?’ Stella didn’t need to work, from a financial perspective, but she was getting bored staying at home, especially as Remi had been getting more writing work and preparing for uni. It was at that precise moment that they heard a knock on the door.

‘Weird.’ They both got up and went downstairs, flicking on the light in the foyer. Dumbledore stood with an older, severe-looking woman in a gigantic stuffed-eagle hat and snakeskin bag. In his arms was a round-faced baby, around Harry’s age. 

‘Neville?’ Remi had only met Alice and Frank’s son a couple of times.

‘Miss Lupin, Miss Black. Can we take a few moments of your time?’

Sometimes, life intervenes in a way that can only be called fate.

‘Alice and Frank?’ Remi looked with horror at Stella, who was pale. ‘No, it’s been months--’

‘Bellatrix is unyielding.’ Dumbledore shook his head. ‘She was stopping at nothing to find him. The Aurors have all been targeted over the past few months, but Alice and Frank were exceptionally unlucky.’

‘I’m so sorry.’ Stella looked at Frank’s mother - Augusta, her name was. ‘Truly.’

‘Thank you, dear.’ Augusta looked down at her lap. 

‘Alice and Frank didn’t leave a formal will, but they did entrust me with finding appropriate care for their son in the event that something happened to them during the war.’ Dumbledore considered them. ‘Augusta has been taking care of Neville for the past few weeks, but--’

‘But I’m an old woman.’ Augusta adjusted her hat. ‘My grandson needs a little more...youth.’

‘Alice trusted you both immensely.’ Dumbledore looked expectantly at them both and it hit Remi before Stella.

‘Wait--’ Remi held her arms out and Dumbledore placed the boy in her arms. She remembered how the Prophecy could have been about him, and that he could be the one with the scar, and her heart swelled a little bit. Neville reached out a small hand and grabbed onto a chunk of her hair. Stella was still looking a little blank.

‘Of course, I would provide financially, and I would expect at least a weekly family dinner - he has aunts and uncles who love him, but like me, are not placed to take care of a child.’ Augusta raised her eyebrows.

Stella breathed in sharply. ‘You’re asking us - you want us to raise him?’

‘It is a huge decision.’ Dumbledore looked between them. ‘I know you are about to start university, Miss Lupin, but I am also aware that Miss Black has no need or desire for work, and I have been hugely impressed by your commitment to your godson.’

‘And I would like him raised close to me,’ added Augusta. 

Remi looked down at the baby in her arms, his round face so like Alice’s, his eyes the spitting image of Frank, his brown hair soft and curled back. She looked at Stella, mouth agape.

‘Are we--are we ready for this?’ 

‘I don’t know.’ Stella gently took Neville and stroked one of his cheeks, and he let out a giggle. An expression usually reserved for Harry crossed her face, and Remi’s breath caught.

‘Can we have a moment, please?’

‘Of course. We didn’t expect any sort of answer tonight.’ Dumbledore took Neville back and Augusta smiled tightly at them. She was nervous, Remi realised. She was banking on them. She and Stella walked slowly into the kitchen and Remi cast a  _ quietus  _ around them. They spoke at the same time.

‘Pads, I don’t--’

‘Moony, if--’ They both laughed and Stella squeezed Remi’s hand. 

‘A child is a huge commitment.’

‘Most people have nine months,’ quipped Remi, ‘not a matter of moments.’

‘No.’ Stella’s eyes were wide and sparkling and  _ want  _ was written over her face. ‘But, you know...you could still study, neither of us have to work, Harry could grow up with a best friend.’

‘We’d get to have a child,’ Remi said quietly. It had felt so impossible before that she’d never let it cross her mind, but she knew Stella wanted kids. It was a problem she’d thought they’d address in ten years. They were still stitching themselves together after the war. She didn’t even know if she’d make a good mother - she was an ex-soldier werewolf with severe trust issues. Not exactly stable foundations for a child.

But then she imagined coming home to Stella every night, a bouncing toddler on her leg, taking Neville to play groups and having what Jane and Levi had. She thought of Alice’s face when she told Remi that she’d been raised by a werewolf, and she thought of the sacrifices Dorian and Petra had made so that they could live. So that they could have lives rather than existences.

A familiar warmth spread throughout her chest, only it was doubled, and familiar whispers echoed in her mind.

_ Don’t be a coward now, Lupin. _

_ Oh Moony, you will be fine, I promise. _

She took those voices and held them close as she looked at her girlfriend.

‘If we do this--’ Remi’s voice was hoarse and Stella sharply inhaled ‘--we need a better house. In Godric’s Hollow, perhaps, so Neville could be close to other kids. We would need about a million parenting courses and we’d have to regularly see Violet. You would be a full time mum. This - us - would be forever.’

‘We’re already forever.’ Stella’s answer was so simple, so straightforward, that it made Remi dizzy. ‘We could have a small ceremony, you know. We could formalise some paperwork, make each other next of kin, pretty much get all the same rights as straight couples. Neville could grow up like any other kid.’

‘Was that a proposal?’ Remi almost laughed, then she saw the completely serious look on Stella’s face. ‘Wait, really?’

‘Yeah, alright.’ Stella got down on one knee and cleared her throat. ‘Remi Juliet Lupin, will you marry me? And will you raise a kid with me?’

Decisions, she realised. Fork-in-the-road moments. And this one was almost too easy to make.

‘Okay. Let’s do it.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just when you thought the twists had stopped, hey?   
> When I started writing this, I always knew it was heading here. Is this now turning into a Raising Neville fic? Maybe. Still many other adventures to come.


End file.
